It is often hard to describe feelings and emotions, but I shall try to explain what goes through my head and heart when I see an attractive woman.
The male inclination in me wants to talk to her, maybe ask her out, wonder what she's like to hold, kiss, make love to ... So far, so typically male. But the female side of me is also working furiously and wants to know where she got her clothes, is her makeup working, whether she'd make a good friend ... And then there's the transgender wonderings: what is it like to be her? how I could become like her?
The feelings don't compete, but in a way compliment each other. Yet the ache that these feelings cause, particularly the strong ache that makes me wish to be accepted as a woman like her, can be truly terrible, distressing my mind and searing my chest.
Being transgendered is very bittersweet.