"Boy Meets Girl" show, and actors

I’ve been watching this BBC comedy series, "Boy Meets Girl", initially from curiosity, then almost from a feeling of duty, but after episode 4 I really love it. A straightforward sitcom about a boy and a girl dating, and their weird families. Except she is transsexual, which creates a different tension. Not the most sophisticated comedy or insights, but very sweet, and informative for those who know little about trans life. The comedy characters are the grotesque parents and siblings, not the two lovers. There are some good laughs in each episode. Sitcom stalwarts like Janine Duvitsi and Denise Welch give it quality. But the dad’s relationship with his sons is beautifully and movingly portrayed and the last episode had me in tears. I don’t know if this show will have long-term mileage with the general viewing public but I think it should be seen for its humane and genuine look at the sort of things we face.

Catch up with it on BBC iPlayer: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer

There's a good review here: http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/tvandradioblog/2015/sep/24/boy-meets-girl-a-transgender-comedy-full-of-sitcom-warmth

It is one of the shows which has a genuine transgender actress (Rebecca Root) in a lead role. I often hear rants and whines in the trans community that transgender characters on screen are often played by non-transgender actors and that this is wrong. Without going into depth about the purposes, methods and history of dramatic representation, I think this demand is daft. An actor is judged on their performance as a character. Is Felicity Huffman (female) any good as a pre-op transsexual in Transamerica? Definitely. Is Jared Leto (male) any good as the same in Dallas Buyers Club? Not bad at all. What will Eddie Redmayne be like in The Danish Girl? Let’s wait and see. You don’t need an actor who’s old/young, white/black, big/small, tall/short, male/female to play a role that is supposed to be a specific thing. Judge them on how well they act the part. Is Rebecca Root any good acting the role of a post-op TS who’s dating? I’ll reserve judgment on her performance till the end of the series.

A different presentation

Since I’m here, I thought I’d add a link to this article on one Alex Drummond, who lives as a woman but has a beard. Food for thought for me at least

http://ourqueerstories.com/this-trans-woman-kept-her-beard-and-couldnt-be-happier/

Sue x

Tidying drawers

I’ve been spending a few spare moments this week rearranging my drawers. (That’s not a saucy seaside postcard gag, by the way, fnarr fnarr!) I’m getting rid of more stuff that’s out of date or worn out or doesn’t fit, like my shoe clearout a while back. But I was a bit shocked to find I have about 300 pairs of tights and stockings (I lost count) and 26 pairs of leggings and jeggings (even skeggings! – combined skirt and leggings in one, not a style that ever took off). I’m not sure of the point where footless tights become leggings – packet labelling can be a bit misleading. …Yes, I really, really like my legwear. As for skirts, tops, dresses, jeans, etc. I really wasn’t going to count. (As for my underwear drawers – well, they are none of your business!)

You see, it’s nearly 20 years since I stopped purging my clothes collections and fully accepted my trans side and I guess this is what accumulates. I have been swapping items with other girls over the years, giving things away and occasionally making trips to the charity shop but I think it’s time for a big clearout. Not, this time, in the hope of removing this trans element from me, but to make way for better, nicer stuff.

Sue x

Happy birthday, blog!

My blog is a romping little toddler of four now and hasn’t thrown too many tantrums or dropped its dinner on the floor too often. Maybe the demands for princess dresses and rainbow ponies are becoming irritating, but on the whole I think we have something to make me feel motherhood is worthwhile. 

As ever, the main point of my blog is to share my experiences in the hope that other TGirls (and TBoys, too) will know that you can live a trans life if you have the will.

I used to think that the statistics that Blogger provides were very much a boy thing and I took little account of them at first. But actually they can throw up some interesting points and help me keep posts relevant to what people like to read. I find that big, exhilarating events are most popular, and bad disasters! In fact, the five most popular reads are these:-

(1) My first trip to the Nottingham Invasion (Jan 2012), which has always been the most popular post ever:

http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/nottingham-invasion.html

(2) Closely followed by the second TGirl Bar in autumn 2013:

http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/tgirl-bar.html

(3) Then, some way behind, are my Nostalgia Trip to Pink Punters (Dec 2012):

http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/nostalgia-trip-to-pink-punters.html

(4) and Nottingham Invaded again in March 2012 (see, that city is not just about Robin Hood and his men in tights):

http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/nottingham-invaded-again.html

and (5) When Surgery Goes Wrong (Again) and When Trans Life Goes Right, a post of mixed cautions and celebrations from April this year:

http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/when-surgery-goes-wrong-again-and-when.html

Thanks to all of you who read. Officially 45 of you had signed up on anniversary day, including Aimee TG, Jack Molay, Abigale Stuart, Joyful Girl, Francine and Jenna Powell in the last year (and hello to Susie Jay who signed up a couple of days ago). Thanks to TCentral for featuring me twice this year.

And now stats for the boys: As of the 4th anniversary last week the blog had had 52,959 page views, the most in one month being 2,657 (April 2015). The problem I identified last year, of the stats expanding to include two years before I started this blog, has righted itself so I think that’s now accurate. Two fifths of readers come from the United Kingdom but most of you come from other countries, especially the USA, but also Russia, Germany, France and Canada in particular. It’s good to see so many from other countries.

So although I am struggling to maintain a visible trans life at present for health reasons that I’ve explained over the last 18 months, I still plan to continue writing. I must tell you about the latest Sparkle and my closet adventures afterwards, as well as a few thoughts about trans life and community.

Thanks for reading.

Sue x

I've lost my soul

Today is the fourth anniversary of my starting writing this blog and I have always put a post up about it on the anniversary. I will, however, leave blogging about blogging for now as I want to report back on an interview with my doctor this morning that has left me feeling hopeless.

I went to have a really serious talk with my doctor (General Practitioner - GP), a woman I find it easy to talk to, as I must find better care or cure for the eczema and inflammation that has destroyed my femme life because this condition means I cannot wear makeup or use any product on my face without experiencing a severe flareup. Last week, for instance, after a day in a standard non-hypoallergenic, non-cosmetic foundation (which was Kryolan TV greasepaint suitable for all skin types, and even for kids, and which I have used regularly since 2008 with no problems) my facial skin blistered, wept and cracked and then fell off three days later and my eyelids swelled up till they looked like lychees and my neck puffed up red, pimpled and sore. It took a week to get back to merely being flaky and itchy. Other factors may have played a role: a new sleeping bag probably still with manufacturer's chemicals in it, the friend I stayed with having bad psoriasis, a different environment... I wish I could pin it down to one cause, one thing to be avoided.

The discussion with my GP this morning left me hopeless. She confirmed her colleague's views last year that there has been no progress worth speaking of in this field since I went to see the consultants 30 years ago. Indeed, she said that NHS consultant dermatologists now won't normally see any new eczema cases as this chronic condition has defied cure. This situation is a step backwards from 30 years ago. However, she will still refer me. If they turn me down then she and I will have a further discussion on what to do, including the trans factor which, in the end, I barely touched on as I felt that the reason why I would particularly want a cure makes no difference to facts: there is no certain cause and no known cure. To be fair, the Eczema Society, dermatologists, and other relevant persons have always emphasised that different things trigger it for different people (e.g. it's stress for some, but it's contact with certain things for people like me), that the condition takes different forms and intensities, and that different remedies work for different people. Like we are finding with cancer or diabetes, it might actually be a collection of similar diseases labelled under one umbrella.

I want to think about how to deal with this. Growing a beard and leaving my skin totally alone is the best remedy I have ever found and it did a lot of good but it didn't cure it off my face completely. Do I grow another beard for 1 or 2 or 3 or more years till it's all gone off my face? or try to get some femme time each month but possibly put up with inflammation and flareups for ever because it can never heal properly?

I feel really devastated as well as poxy. Without my femme life I have lost my very soul.

Sue x

Health progress

Hello Little Blog, Mamma's left you ever so long because she's been a busy lady. A very big job to do in July, but also a trip to Sparkle and a trip to the Peak District last weekend. More about Sparkle in another post very soon.

My face is not that happy, truth be told. This eczema seems neverending. I survived two days in makeup at Sparkle although my skin suffered. I managed only one day in makeup this weekend past and it's only just settling back down after reacting badly. Whilst I suspect that I will be able to manage a day out a month from now on, a voice in my head tells me that that isn't a good idea until this problem is solved once and for all.

I have decided to grab the doctor by the throat this time as I cannot believe that there has been no progress at all in this field of medicine. The prescription I got last year was identical to the one I was given thirty years ago. Well, not quite identical: the packaging is prettier these days. And I suspect I will have to explain to the doctor why it is so important that this affliction be cured: because I am a TGirl and losing my girl face has meant reverting to male mode and thus losing my very soul. I'm not sure how the conversation will progress from there but if you aren't interested in gender surgery it's not like there's a lot for trans people in the way of assistance from the medical profession.

I'll report back in due course.

Sue x

Hot wax

I have quiet a few female features - physical ones I mean, not just psychological ones - but one decidedly masculine one is my hair: not enough on top, and way too much everywhere else. So for years now I have been epilating or shaving all of the latter. But I can't reach my back so I go to my local beauty salon to have that waxed.

Earlier this week I went to a different local beautician who does nothing but waxing and had the whole lot done. It's taken a couple of days for any residual sensitivity and rash to subside but I am now really lovely and smooth, ready for Sparkle. I am particularly pleased with my legs and chest.

As for the process, well, it's not especially painful. A little surprising perhaps because it makes you feel like one piece of Velcro being ripped from another, with a similar sound! All of me took three hours, but I was in need of it after some weeks without removing my hair myself. Above all it was nice to have a chance to natter about all sorts of things with the therapist who had plenty to say for herself.

All in all, a good experience and something that may be worth doing regularly.

Rrripppp!

Sue x

Andro week

I’ve been taking a week largely away from work just to relax and do things I don’t get to do so much these days. And I’m spending it in androgynous clothing – women’s trousers, tshirts and plimsolls, which hasn’t caused any comments from passers by, although a till assistant in Marks & Spencer did take my payment for a pack of pop sox and offer me a money-off voucher for the menswear department with the comment “if it interests you as well”. By the way, I have such tiny feet (UK size 5½, European size 38) that I’ve often had no choice but to buy women’s shoes anyway, though obviously not with high heels if I’ve been presenting in male mode!

So this week I’ve started walking the Capital Ring, a route around London that links so many unknown places via canal footpaths, parks and open spaces. Who would have guessed that so much quiet open space exists within a few hundred yards of motorways, railways, flight paths, industry and endless housing? I’ve also been visiting art exhibitions in the local area and in central London and spending some time cooking. Here are some of the things I’ve discovered or made so far.

Beautiful wildflower meadow at Syon Park, still the estate of the Dukes of Northumberland

The Great Conservatory at Syon Park (1827) which was to inspire the Palm House at Kew and the Crystal Palace

The Duke of Northumberland's cat!

The Grand Union Canal from Birmingham meets the River Brent at Osterley

Millennium Maze at Hanwell, planted with 2000 yew trees. It took ages to get to the middle (only cheats go straight through the gate)! There's a really nice little zoo next to it. Both are free to go in.

Isambard Kingdom Brunel's Wharncliffe Viaduct (1838) that carries the Great Western Railway across the Brent Valley. You don't appreciate the massive size of it until you are underneath it.

Bitterns' Field, a beautiful, wild, quiet hay meadow ... that was made on an old Ealing Council refuse tip.

Piano in the woods, Twickenham. This will be here in the open for anyone to play till January. I'm not sure what state it will be in by then but, according to the label, seasonal changes in timbre are part of the act!

Old next to new, City of London

Authentic home made pesto sauce for spaghetti: basil, pine nuts, garlic, pecorino cheese, olive oil, salt and pepper. Yum.

More interesting discoveries as the summer goes on.

My waxing is booked for the 7th and Sparkle is on the 10-12th. I’ve been sorting out my wardrobe as my problem skin may let me do only one day of Sparkle, so I intend to make it fabulous.

Sue x

Countdown to Sparkle

I've booked a hotel for Sparkle, the annual national transgender celebration, next month.

http://www.sparkle.org.uk/

I am working on the assumption that I should go as it's become my tradition. But I am doubtful about it.

To recap, I have such a bad rash of eczema on my face and neck that I haven't been able to shave for a year so I am all hairy and can't go out in female mode at all. My skin is reacting badly to any products put on it, medicine hasn't advanced in this area since I was little and so the best policy is to leave my skin strictly alone. At least the complaint seems to have gone from the top half of my head but it will be a while yet before it all clears. I have lived with this problem all my life, but when it is on my face it is worse than anywhere else. What keeps me going is the knowledge that it settles somewhere only temporarily, although it's anguishing not being able to go out as I would like and be treated as a woman.

I'm seeing my TGirlfriends these days anyway as I don't want to lose friends through neglect. I am also arranging to have a good all-over wax soon with a local beautician. I normally shave or epilate all of me that I can reach and then go to my local beauty salon to do my back but I'd like to see what my legs, arms and chest feel like when all smooth. I'm told waxed legs feel awesome.

And I was pleased to lose 9 pounds weight in January but then the weight loss stopped during several weeks of near freezing weather when stodgier food was needed. Now that warmer weather is here I can get back to losing more as, frankly, I'm not going to get in to my summer dresses with a big tum!

Fingers crossed that I can shave fully, put on makeup and do at least one day at Sparkle and that my face doesn't fall off like last year. I'm even hoping that I can manage two days, but I don't propose to push my luck given the agonies of last year.

Sue x

There's silly, and then there's silly!

Once in a while I take a day off and wander without any plan. I love doing this as it's amazing what you discover completely by chance.

Despite having lived in London all my life I'd never visited Battersea Park before so I happened to wander that way and by total coincidence came across a huge bunch of people in the middle doing co-ordinated dance routines all in high heels. And when I say people, I mean girls and boys equally.

I'd inadvertently stumbled across the warm-up of Hope in Heels, a charity run in high heels for children affected by AIDS. If only I had known I'd have taken part, especially as I enjoyed the Great Drag Race five years ago (that was an event for prostate cancer). There's always next year.

http://www.hopeinheels.co.uk/

From the Hope in Heels website

From the Hope in Heels website

It's funny how the men all seemed to choose sparkly silver heels!

It's silly, but it's a worthwhile event (and has the added benefit of teaching people to run in high heels, a useful skill for those of us who need to catch buses and trains).

And there's another type of silly. Like the cleric in Pakistan who has blamed earthquakes and inflation on "jeans-wearing women". OK, he's made himself a laughing stock, but it does show the sort of nasty rubbish freer people, and women especially, are constantly up against. This is not some isolated nutcase, you know; the religious family I come from are equally anti-jeans, anti-women, anti any deviation from religious dogma and their own arbitrary views. To them, transgender people don't actually exist: they are just perverts and/or people seeking to provoke, or mere mental cases behaving in a deranged way.

I love my jeans and leggings: not only do they mark me out as just an ordinary woman in the street like millions of others but I'm secretly glad to wear them in defiance of this nastiness and as a mark of freedom just to be.

Being irresponsible and evil

Sue x

Still need to see my girlfriends

My doctor sent me to have a blood test the other day. Given that I look like a werewolf at the moment, it seemed appropriate that the phlebotomist should introduce herself as "Hi, I'm the vampire". Appropriate, but hardly reassuring!

As mentioned in other posts recently, I've made so many friends in this trans world of ours that I cannot just lose them through neglect. In ones and twos I'm beginning to catch up with them. Real friends are real friends no matter what one wears.

So recently, although in boy mode, I have still had the pleasure of meeting Rachel Bull and Pippa Bunce in Covent Garden for lunch. Pippa's gone all mumsy and had floral dress and sensible shoes - not the perpetual party girl look. But this is because she tells me that she can go to work in a city bank presenting how she likes, boy or girl as she fancies, under their strong diversity initiative. I find this hard to believe from the aggressive macho world of international finance, but she insists it's true. I hope to update you on this incredible development in due course.

Last weekend I met up with the Brick Lane girls, Linda, Helen and Rachel Cole, and Stevie who was also being a boy. After a drink at our old watering hole, Verge, we took a cab to our favourite party restaurant, Sarastro's, for a hearty lunch. I'm pretty sure the girls enjoyed it.

And yesterday I met Rachel B again for lunch and then a shopping trip to Camden markets and the massive Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd's Bush which, surprisingly, I haven't been to before. It was lovely to be wandering in the boutiques and women's departments again. I think I may be getting my mojo back. Let's see what the doctor suggests, but I really cannot bear to be left out of female life much longer. I have booked for this year's Sparkle and will do as much of that as can be managed without damaging my face but maybe I could also try getting out once a month as Sue. It's too agonising seeing women going about their business and feeling so left out. I definitely cannot pull off the Conchita Wurst look - I'd probably end up looking like Red Riding Hood's granny! As well as being self-conscious.

Thanks to all my friends for meeting me in my werewolf transformation. I hope to see more and more girls again over the summer. Howwwlll!!!

Sue x