Disappearing memories

 This week my walkman broke.

Younger readers will wonder what I am going on about. Maybe a walkman is like a walking frame for oldies like me?

Kids, a walkman is - or was - a device very popular in the Eighties for playing audio cassettes. 

 - Playing what?

Well, a cassette was a plastic rectangular box containing two spools of magnetic tape with sound recorded on it. You could even record things yourself. It outperformed the 8-track, anyway. (Sorry, best not confuse things further.)

- And a walkman played these things? Like an app?

Well, no, you carried this machine around in your hand or clipped it to the belt over your aerobics leotard. 

- What the what?

Well, it wouldn't really clip to your legwarmers, would it? 

- What? ...Grown-ups are weird. (Those of you more down with the kids than me might want to insert the current word for idiot. In my day it was wally.)

Anyway, the guy in my local electrical repair shop told me he wasn't interested. Hell, what happens now if my phonograph breaks?

I exaggerate. But I have some rare music cassettes that, yes, I guess could and should be transferred to more modern media now since the studios haven't done so. And when those are out of date, further transfers can be made to whatever new technology has replaced them. And so on until the quality turns to mush.

This is a preamble to the real problem. I have realised that ALL the photos I have of me as a trans woman are in digital format. In the old days, kids, photos were printed on glossy paper and the chemist (yes) gave you the negatives back, which were on the actual slip of film the pic had been recorded on, and you could print further copies from those. No "uploading". Manipulation took skill - just ask Comrade Stalin. And you posed your photo carefully to get it right first time as the film and its development cost money. None of this "best of the set" and enhancement at the click of a button (not that that's not a great improvement - I just want to let the kids know that we had to suffer for our art!)

I think I will get my 200 or so favourite pictures printed properly and stuck in a photo album, if those still exist. Then they'll not be subject to the vagaries of digital media.

A photo album? That, kids, was a book ... oh, forget it!

My worries have been reinforced by an article this week by a concerned journalist who fears that if journalism is "the first draft of history" then 21st century history is going to be very hard for future historians or archaeologists to fathom since there is little material record of our era to go on. Everything is recorded in ephemeral formats using technology that gets outdated ever more rapidly. What will there be to confirm history? 

My walkman was over 30 years old. My smartphone is just four years old but that has developed a problem this week, and not the first of its problems either.

I say this so that you can consider whether you want to back up whatever you have that's significant to you in ways that are less ephemeral than digital. It's why I still buy books rather than get a Kindle or app, and still buy music/films on discs from a shop. 

 

Doomed by fading technology 

 

OK, grandma will shut up now and bake some apple pie. (With her digitalised induction cooker.) 

 

The food blog 

Actually, my cavewoman instincts kicked in this week with a nice wood and charcoal barbecue on which, among other things, I grilled some green and red peppers. They were dreamily tasty - crunchy on the outside with a nice smokey flavour, but juicy and tender on the inside. Must do that again soon. There's nothing like real fire to cook with.

 

My travels continued - trains, food, and trans fashion

So last month I spent a fortnight travelling through France and Great Britain. So far my record of that trip has been a bit random to date ...but so what? 

I prefer to ride trains than take a plane. It's much more comfortable, you can walk about, have all your bags with you, and get plenty of reading, work or that all-important online stuff done, or just look at the countryside whizz past. Making the journey part of the holiday experience tends to reduce stress over delays and cancellations, you see stuff that a plane just flies over and you can try the local delicacies along the way. Incredibly, all of my long-distance trains were on time. Let's make a habit of this.

My first stop from home was in Nice, which I've described many times. Here's a photo I took of the Bay of Angels still in warm summer sunshine. 

 

The train journey along the corniches is beautiful, if not often reliable. In Nice I chose a Vietnamese restaurant and enjoyed vegetable nems (like spring rolls, only smaller and crispier) followed by roast pork with noodles and beansprouts. I like the way Vietnamese dishes are normally served with a big sprig or two of mint. I must find out what the dark variety was as it was really delicious. 

The TGV, France's very fast train network, now 45 years old, is still a pleasure to ride from Nice to Paris, past the turquoise waters of the Côte d'Azur, through the red Martian landscape of the Esterel and up the wide, snaking River Rhone. 300 kmh is my kind of speed! 

Paris's suburban subway system, the RER, is a slow, cramped contrast. Thankfully, it's only two stops from Gare de Lyon to Gare du Nord for the fast Eurostar train to London via the Channel Tunnel. They've got the security system down pat at Eurostar in Paris, taking just a few minutes, in contrast to London's agonising organised chaos that took an hour to get through on the way back.

I mentioned train travel up and down the East Coast of Britain before. But I had the privilege of seeing not only that other trans women were travelling long-distance despite the anti-trans atmosphere in Britain these days but that there seems to be a fashion among them for long, brightly coloured, flaring skirts and dresses. I tend to dress to blend in; these ladies like to stand out. Good for them. 

More on my adventures another time, including eel pies, big guns, playing at Lady Macbeth, and spotting eccentric and whimsical stuff.

Sue x

Two girls in the Far North

 I'm back home now after a trip to Britain via France. The highlight was a weekend with Roz who lives in the Scottish Highlands. Two years ago (Movements: Scotland, part 1) we did a monster tour of Loch Ness and surrounding valleys, and visited places connected with the 17th-Century civil wars and 18th-Century Jacobite rebellions. 

This time I wanted to tick some items off my bucket list and visit the North Coast. It’s renowned for its wind and unpredictable weather so I selected a long skirt, a thick coat and good boots (well, I thought they were good …)

On the way, we passed places we'd seen last time: Tain, Dornoch, Loch Fleet, Dunrobin Castle (Movements: Scotland, conclusion). This time we carried on all the way to the town of Wick where the world’s shortest street is to be found. Ebenezer Place seems to be just a sign on a road junction! But if it’s official, then I guess I really was there.

The only address in Ebenezer Place is the No 1 Bistro behind me and we decided that was a good place to have lunch. My beef casserole was not bad and the gooey brownie was memorable.

Then off to Duncansby Head where the East Coast turns the corner and becomes the North Coast. There lies the small settlement of John O’Groats that I have been meaning to visit for 40 years, ever since I went to Land’s End at the very opposite, i.e. south-western, end of the island of Great Britain. The idea is that you’re supposed to walk or drive or cycle or pogo-stick from one to the other but I’ve kind of overlooked the middle bit. Anyway, that omission aside, I still wanted to go to John O'Groats where the island also ends.

 

Strangely, my boots gave out here, by which I mean one heel block came off. This is odd as they're decent leather one that I’ve had without trouble for 30 years and even wore them out this spring (Girls day out in London). But I come prepared and carry emergency shoes in my handbag. 

John O’Groats may be the north-eastermost settlement in Britain but it’s not the northernmost point, which is nearby Dunnet Head. The beautiful Orkney Islands a few miles offshore, where I stayed with Roz ten years ago (Andro in Orkney), were clearly visible, separated by the treacherous waters of the Pentland Firth with their tidal races, whirlpools, rocks and other hazards. I don't know if the whitecaps you can clearly see towards the right of this photo are the Merry Men of Mey, or the Swelkie. I think the former, Roz the latter. The Swelkie is the whirlpool of Norse legend that was said to be the grindstone that ground all the salt of the ocean. 

The view of the cliffs of the island of Hoy glowing in the afternoon sunlight was beautiful. 

Luggy the Crab who accompanies me these days to approve and promote LGBT culture, obviously enjoyed his day by the sea and the company of two transwomen living their best lives out in public.

Below, Luggy with the Dunnet Head lighthouse and the beautiful island of Hoy in the Orkneys behind. If you enlarge Luggy's photo below by clicking on it and look very closely towards the far left end of the island, you will see a little spike rising higher than the rest of the cliff. This is the famous Old Man of Hoy, a huge detached sea stack. 

We went on to the town of Thurso which has Britain’s northernmost railway station. Even so, it’s not far north enough because if you live all the way out in the Shetland Islands your nearest station is in Norway!

Nearby is Dounreay, which was one of the first civil and military nuclear development sites, from the 1950s. It is now decommissioned and being dismantled … in ways that the visitor guide boards didn’t reassure us. Basically, they are learning how to dispose of tons of hazardous waste on the job! 

 

What, me worry?

Radiant!

Enriched by a new-found glow, we drove home back down the beautiful east coast road. 

A long day but very memorable. And I got to fulfil several lifelong wishes. And it's always a joy to be out as a woman.

Pity about the boots (you can see my spare ballet flats above) but we fixed the heel block with glue once home and they should hold for a bit. But I'd best get a cobbler to deal with them properly. Believe it or not, there were more issues with boots before the weekend was out ... but that tale will wait till next time.

Sue x

A postcard from windy places

 Hello. I am still on my travels and blogging using a phone is never very satisfactory, hence these quick postcards. I’ll be back home in a few days.

My tour of Scotland en femme with my good friend Roz was a delight and I will write about that properly in due course. Scotland is famous for its wind and taking my brand new wig there was a bad idea! It needs serious care after being turned inside out. 

I take Luggy the lugubrious LGBT Crab and Lizzy the Lesbian Lobster on my travels to spot any LGBT news. There was little to report, though. Luggy feels at home by the sea and sends greetings to all LGBT readers and allies.

I had forgotten how interesting the rail journey up the East Coast of Britain is, through beautiful cities: Peterborough and its Norman cathedral, Newark and its castle over the Trent, old York redolent with history, Newcastle and its spectacular collection of bridges, fortified Berwick and its mighty Royal Border Bridge, magnificent Edinburgh …

The Royal Border Bridge over the river Tweed at Berwick, with train. When completed in 1850 this was the largest bridge in the world and still carries the railway between England and Scotland.

I get as many comments on this blog about the food I’ve been eating as about the frocks I’ve been wearing, so recent meals have included classic staples like fish and chips (not bad, but we had to have haddock since cod is overfished) and that uniquely Scottish dish, haggis, with roast parsnips and mashed potato (what, no neeps?). I would like to single out the excellent and generous portion of shoulder of lamb with assorted roast vegetables in Berwick, just back across the border in England. That was a treat and genuinely local.

I hope to post properly again this weekend.

Sue x

A quick postcard from Scotland

     Quick greetings from Central Scotland where I have just spent the day in Perth. A pleasant town with a significant art gallery, a well-stocked local museum that houses the coronation stone (last used in 2023), a very Victorian cathedral, even an old house said to have been that of Walter Scott’s Fair Maid of Perth. She was fictitious but the Royal Scottish Geographical Society who now occupy the building are very real and very friendly and even showed me their rather cosy library with fire in the grate where polar explorer Ernest Shackleton once used to preside over meetings. 

    I’m off to Inverness this evening, capital of the Highlands.

    I did come here via London but having to deal with an insurance matter deleted my opportunity for a Sue day out shopping there. This is really annoying as that was one of the original reasons for planning this trip but I am getting quite a lot of financial compensation so that should enable me to book another trip soon. But there will be girly time in the Highlands over the weekend. It’s never possible to be sure what the weather will be like here in September so I have everything from a light skirt to a heavy coat ...and two suitcases to carry it all in!

From my last trip to Scotland, spring 2024

    It’s been a trip full of interesting food, too. Last night’s dinner of local Scottish dishes was one to remember: warm, home-made Scotch egg, beautifully tender venison with black pudding dumplings, and the most amazing chocolate mousse with honeycomb crunch, lemon balm and steeped amarena cherries. To finish, a foaming parma violet cocktail that was super delicious. 

    More when I have a quiet time to write. Have a nice weekend.

Sue xx

Joy in picking clothes for the season

 Blogger (run by Google) is going through one of its clunky phases and the blogrolls are not updating properly so I've no idea if readers will see that there's a new post here. So if you're reading this, thanks for making the effort drop by. 

The problem seems to be improving little by little. Google and all its services also seem to be going rapidly to pot these days, like all the other online stuff that was once worthwhile has already done (I'm looking at you Facebook, Twitter, and more). As for Google's AI on their search engine, it is so atrocious it should be banned.

In the interests of Posiblogging™, though, let's talk about better stuff. 

The weather where I am is wonderful. It's what the summer should have been - warm but not oppressive, sunny but not scalding, dry but not arid. 

I'm packing a suitcase to travel to the British Isles for the next two weeks where the weather in September could be almost anything. So although light summer dresses and strappy sandals are lovely, there's something satisfying about getting ready for autumn with its need for more clothing. We TGirls rely on our clothing to emphasise who we are so, in some respects, more clothes = clearer feminine intent. 

I'll be going to Scotland for several days and, actually, although I love the feel of hot sun on my bare skin, after this long summer I'm now also looking forward to changing into a longer skirt, a good pair of smart boots and a pretty sweater. I'll be glad to suffer a lot less perspiration, too.

Whether I get any shopping time in London as part of the same trip really depends on circumstances. I've lost a lot of property in a flood in June and dealing with the insurance has taken a lot of my time recently. But it also means I'll almost certainly go back to London again before the end of the year to finalise things. London in the run-up to Christmas has always been impressive with its lit-up shops, illuminations and huge Christmas trees. 

So it's fun to plan my outdoor outfits for the coming seasons. Autumn colours and motifs, smart skirts and coats, robust footwear, warm soft hosiery... As I implied above, clothes are more significant as a trans woman than a cis woman and need more planning and preparation. In some ways that's a pest; in another, it's one of the joys of being trans. 

 

Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

Have a nice weekend, and thanks for making it through Blogger's broken update system. 

Sue x

My littlest black dress

 It's been longer than usual since I last wrote anything. Have I nothing to say?

Well, truth be told, these last two weeks have been taken up by some very difficult problems. 

So I was glad when my next door neighbour invited me to lunch last week as I thought it would make a nice break from insurance claims, tax calculations, family issues and other troubles ... but then he had a meltdown about geopolitics. He is terrified of nuclear war and the Ukraine situation, not assisted by online algorithms' plugging him with stuff that he "might also like", i.e. reinforcing his outlook of fear and hopelessness. 

I and my family for generations have worked in international affairs and I have more sang froid about the current situation, but the fake news, prejudice and propaganda reinforcer that is the modern internet has got him rattled, despite his good educational and professional background. It's more than high time for governments and rational people to get to grips with the chaos of AI fakes, the jungle of junk you find online, and deal with populist grifters, too.

So when a TGirl is frustrated or stressed or upset, what does she do? 

She gets frocked up, of course! 

I hear that Princess Diana's "revenge dress" is up for auction. So as I've recently been reunitied with my littlest little black dress, I thought it was time to try it on again. Thanks to my slimming regime this year, it fits me again. So here's one trans woman's defiance of all the stupidity, violence and malignancy out there. I am trans and I am cute and the world is better with trans cuties in it.

I managed an outdoor shot before sunset, too. 

 

You can see I've developed quite a tan in this boiling hot summer. 

It's so good to be a girl. Everything seems much calmer and less worrisome when you have a dress, heels and makeup on.

Sue x 

TGirls and their endless photos!

 I thought it was about time I updated the picture gallery here (one of the tabs at the top). Rather than a few photos in date order I've now arranged things by themed blocks, which I think is more coherent. There are a lot more photos there now and it's easier to add more. A lot of them have never been posted here before. 

I'm always interested to hear if you think the new arrangement works well.

I can't believe how many photos I have - thousands over many memory cards - and I know I have many more elsewhere that I haven't managed to assimilate into the main collection yet. 

The fact is, we TGirls make a lot of effort with our appearance to combat the less feminine features nature gives us and so recording our successes is part of the deal. And so much of our social life is an event that that needs recording, too. 

I need to update the tired old jokes page, too. (...What do you mean that's the same as the photo page! Cheeky!)

I'll get round to it. Like my decorator always says. He's a bit of a joker, too. 

 

A visit to Epping Forest

The holidaymakers here on the coast have been packing up this weekend as school and work start again over the next week. I don't mind the visitors as it livens the place up.

But it has been a horrifically hot summer, not so much temperature-wise here but in terms of the temperature never having changed day or night for two months. 

I was also amazed to see how burnt the grass was in England this year, as that's a country famous for its rain. I'd gone there last month to stay with friends who live on the London/Essex border in order to seek a bit of greenery.

I took Luggy the LGBT Crab with me on my travels, as I always do now, and he enjoyed a bit of tree climbing in Epping Forest near London.

 

A detached part of the forest forms the rather nice Wanstead Park with its lakes, woods and lawns. 

 

You can see how burnt the grassland is, though.

We also visited Valentines Park, which is not so well known, but is deemed one of London's ten most beautiful parks, with a rather nice bee garden, boating lake and other ponds, and interesting water birds.

As for food, in this part of the world the locals are happy to join long queues for traditional delicacies such as jellied eels, whelks and, of course, fish and chips. I took my friends for a traditional Sunday roast at a pub, which was not bad although pubs have become pricey. There was a tasty sticky fig pudding with ice cream to end the meal. 

 

I'll be back in London at the end of September and then I'll be going to Scotland to see my friend Roz. More girly photos will doubtless be added to the collection.

Sue x

Dolly Parton & Tim Curry, allies

 I am in little doubt that the world of entertainment can write better tributes than I can - presentation is their job, after all - but I confess to being very sad that two great performers, Dolly Parton and Tim Curry, both passed away yesterday. They were both steadfast and ferocious allies to the trans and gay communities, despite neither being LGBT+ themselves, and their advocacy was special and precious. Heck, Dolly was even a Christian, which in the USA seems to mean you are required to hate trans and gay people with pathological ferocity. But it was the opposite with her.

My condolences to their families and close friends.

Obviously, Tim Curry's best known performance was as Dr Frank N Furter from Transsexual Transylvania in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which for decades now has had cult following, and then some. My trans life was already established by the time I first saw it, yet it has always been firmly among my favourite movies for its refreshing zaniness and the unequivocal message of "Don't dream it, be it." I took that to heart and it helped me push myself to get out in the world as myself. Not your words, Tim, I know, but it was your delivery that helped me. As well as your constant advocacy and support for trans people in so many subsequent interviews, even when you were disabled in a wheelchair after your stroke. Thank you. Rest in peace, you old devil.

I confess I know less of the flamboyant yet evidently honest Dolly Parton but I was certainly well aware of her uncompromising support for LGBT+ people. Years ago I heard of how, for fun, she entered a Dolly Parton lookalike contest and only came runner-up to the drag queen who won. Far from being offended, this only seemed to cement her connection with our whole vast community. 

We lost two formidable allies yesterday, ones so much in the public eye that I worry how such people can be replaced. Then I remember that a new generation of cis / straight performers is growing up who are open allies, too. Just a few evenings ago in my new location in Italy, pop singer Dittonellapiaga, who won the Queer Prize at this year's massive national Sanremo Music Festival, was back performing outdoors to the public for free. 

Queer people have always existed and always will. I'm sorry, though, that we still need the support of cis/straight people to speak to other cis/straight people about us, but we do have them.

Rest in peace, both. 

(I'd like to put their photos up but they're all ferociously protected by copyright. This is the trouble with celebrities. Their image is public, but not once printed! So here instead is the trans flag that they helped us fly, with thanks.)

 

Sue x 

Rain goddess, wig choice, eclipse dysphoria

 It's been raining. The first time anything resembling proper rain has fallen for three months. I went out to grab my washing off the line and it felt amazing to feel drops on my skin, a long-forgotten sensation. And the temperature has dropped so much that I've put some leggings on today. I love summer but this year has been horrid with no let up in the heat until now. 

TGirls often say how much more they prefer autumn to summer. There are more obviously feminine choices in attire to be made, your makeup doesn't run and your wig doesn't boil your head. I mean, it's nice to wear a bikini and flip-flops, but there's nothing like a full skirt, silk blouse and boots, is there?

Rain goddess. Strangely, rain dancing, spells and incantations were a lot more effective in England where this photo was taken.

  

Wig choice 

Thank you to all the people who have contacted me about the wig ideas I posted a fortnight ago. 

Although the shorter, layered style got the most support, I have decided against it. 

 

I have several shorter styles already and they don't really work for me because I feel less passable. Yes, yes, I know that passing is not just about how you look, but shorter hair exposes what I find least feminine about my face, and that's the clincher. Here are three other shorter styles I already have.

 

And some more I've tried and, although I loved the bobbed styles, I felt they didn't work for me, or would only in studio conditions. 

 

Besides, that wig costs twice as much as my usual style. So thank you all for the valid and considered comments, but I won't be buying it.

As many of you noticed, I did love the long style very much.

 

Of of my two GG friends said I looked beautiful in it. I certainly felt beautiful.

But practical considerations, high cost and comments that you can tell it's machine woven make me hesitant about buying it. I'd best give the long hair idea more thought, although I'll still be wearing long styles for fun things.

 

So, once again, thank you very much for your input. It's been an important exercise for me to listen carefully to others' experience and ideas rather than just plumping for what seemed fun. 

 

Eclipse and other events

Last week, clutching my eclipse spectacles in one hand and my bus ticket in the other, I clambered aboard the bus that trundles down the beautiful coast road to the headland called Capo Sant'Ampelio. It's a pretty spot, with rocks to dive off and an ancient chapel among the palms, and it was deemed the best place in the whole country to watch the eclipse. 

 

Anyway, total eclipse was not quite available here because sunset got in the way just a few minutes before totality but we were pretty close and it was a thrill to watch the sun gradually being eaten away till it looked like a thin slice of orange. 

The "eclipse of the century" that also traverses the Mediterranean will be next year but we'll only see about 60% coverage from this location. The best place to see that one is North Africa, especially Egpyt, if you want to combine it with a trip to Luxor or scuba diving or similar.

One odd thing happened. There's a bar on the headland (of course there is; this is Italy and there's a bar at every location that people might gather!) and they were obviously holding an invite-only eclipse party, with many people clambering out onto the rocks, even in heels, looking a lot like a colony of penguins! 

 

But they clearly had a white dress theme and the women in light, white dresses and skirts, strappy high-heels and summery accessories sent my dysphoria into overdrive. My eclipse specs were donned to avoid 'frock blindness', which is a new type on injury arising from too many fabulous outfits causing a trans person to lose their eyesight! Phew! Just saved myself. But it was a very dysphoric moment. Ouch!

A couple of days later we had the mid-August public holiday and the fireworks display that can be seen for miles without needing to leave home. Very pretty, but I think the council could spend a little less on entertainment and more on mending the broken pavement outside! 

The full summer season lasts another ten days and then the holidaymakers all have to get back to work and school and I get a bit more outdoor dressing privacy again. I would like to make more of my outdoor space this week, in fact, as the immediate neighbours are all away, only it's raining!

Sue xx 

This blog turns 15

Hello and thanks for clicking.

I've been writing this transgender blog for 15 years now. If it was a human being, it would be a moody teenager. Thankfully, my blog does what I tell it!

Moody teenager

 

Life was very different when I first started writing. I was considering transition and spending much time with transitioners to see if it was the right move for me. And much of my social life was spent at trans events, organising and going on outings with my new trans friends, and offering a safe space in my home for others to dress and get made up in.

With the girls in Shoreditch, London

Obviously, I haven't transitioned; I have since moved to another country; and I am more concerned with the state of trans rights now than I was then. So my blog has changed a lot in content, being less about days out and more about solidarity. 

One thing remains unchanged and constant: I am a trans woman and I dress as one every day. Being trans can be severely limiting in life, yet it also provides much joy. So I try to bring out all aspects of trans life here, but especially the positive and beautiful ones.

I used to use these "blogversaries" as an opportunity to make lists of the most popular posts since the previous anniversary. But in the last couple of years my blog has been crawled over by so many bots that it's becoming very hard to tell what is genuine human interest and what is merely mechanical perusal. I think the problem became significant when (believe it or not) I happened to post the scientific names of some mushrooms ... and my blog was suddenly probed by bots from universities all over the world. Presumably they are looking for the latest scientific papers to drop and maybe a trans girl who went to a botanic garden to look at plants and fungi in her summer skirt with a friend made the grade for all these research institutions. 

 

Kew Gardens, London, 2011

Whatever. Just the other evening I received my millionth hit but I doubt it was from another person. So I can't be easily sure who's reading what any more. One thing I am fairly confident in is that the TGirl Bar at the 2013 Erotica Fair in London will always be the most popular page here. And if the bots love burlesque dancing and pretty trans barmaids as much as the humans do then maybe there's hope for the future!

Trans barmaids at the Erotica Fair 2013. I am third from right.

The blog background image remains the one taken of me at Painshill Park in Surrey, England in 2011, just as I started writing. I still like it. And that skirt remains such a favourite that I wore it on my last shopping trip in London in July. I still go out when I'm able to make safety, privacy and opportunity coincide and I hope to be out again next month when I have planned more shopping in London and sightseeing in Scotland.

Trafalgar Square, London, 2026

Thanks for reading. If this blog encourages, inspires or supports just one other trans person, or serves to prove that trans life continues despite the hate, or makes the world more colourful and fun, then it has served a purpose.

Thank you for reading.

Sue x