Tuesday, 30 August 2011

I love a good wedding

I'm still on a high from last week's wedding which was probably the most enjoyable I've ever attended.

Yes, the setting was fabulous and there were lots of people I know there and there was cake and champagne and happy emotion. And that was all lovely.

But maybe what makes weddings really special is that everyone has scrubbed up well and are all wearing their best clothes. That's uncommon these days, which is something of a pity. There's a lot to be said for comfy leggings and loose tops, but an occasion calls for something altogether more attractive. Wedding guests' lovely dresses and their smart shoes are a joy to see, and a bride in her beautiful gown and perfect hair and flawless makeup on the happiest day of her life is something really special.

Am I superficial? Well, maybe. But all I know is, I love a good wedding.

Sue x

Monday, 29 August 2011

Online peer pressure

This year friends of mine have invited me to join many online sites such as Yahoo Messenger, Flickr, Badoo, Google+, TVChix, Roses... and, of course, a blogging site. Not to mention previous attempts to get me on Bebo, Myspace and various other 'cool' sites. And to get a smart phone, satnav, 10zillion channel digital TV, wifi, GPS ...

How much time is there in life to interact with all these things? Too little for those who have to work, which is why I choose not to have most of them.

But I've had to give in to the inevitable and use my Flickr account properly to put up some pictures, keep an eye on things and keep in touch with friends. There are just so many pictures of me online now that trying to keep control of my image is no longer possible. Don't get me wrong: I'm no diva, and I'm generally someone who likes to share, but I am still a private person and having the world gawping at me is not something I relish that much, especially when 'tranny admirers' and total strangers are free to leave creepy comments.

Still, that is the way of the world in the Twenty-Teens. In a few years' time, privacy will be back in fashion. For now, though, the proverbial Romans are doing this, and we should do as they do.

Sue x

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Removing the mask

I have been covering for staff holiday absence in my employed job, which has meant being out at work for all of the last two weeks, apart from going away for two days for a wedding. It was tiring but also, and more importantly, I felt obliged to spend all that time in public presenting as male because I am known by my male traits in those circles.

Although I have had to do this over a lifetime and wear the mask that keeps me safe from society’s disapproval – or my fear of it – it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to do this. I should be used to presenting as a man by now after so many decades. And indeed I am, but I don’t feel satisfied about having to do it. It’s an obligation, like doing the washing up or paying tax.

I’ve spent much of the last 15 months presenting myself to the world as a woman. By doing so I’ve learnt that I feel far happier, more relaxed and more humane as a woman, as I suspected I would. It’s inadvisable to rip off the male mask and just throw it away because the opposition and obstacles to my living as full-time female are many and would best be tackled one by one. Nevertheless, I know that the mask will gradually fade away, as though it were made of papier maché and was melting away in soft showers of femininity.

Sue x

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Why can't I lose weight?

Six years ago I lost two and a half stone in six months and dropped from a size 18 to a size 12. I've kept the weight off since, which is a good achievement I'm proud of. But I'm still at the top end of what would be a healthy weight for me. A few pounds over and, strictly speaking, I'm overweight (according to standard health guidelines). I'd like to look slimmer anyway. Size 10 would be ideal.

So why can I not lose one more stone? I've been trying for two years now and I just stick at the same weight. Despite still following Slimming World. Why the plateau? I just don't know exactly. I've lost some kind of slimming mojo and generally spoil my efforts by eating just that little bit too much of what's fattening. How to get the willpower back?

Sue x

Monday, 15 August 2011

Girl, Interrupted

I'm having to spend the next fortnight in male mode, largely for work reasons. That's OK, but somehow it's not entirely satisfying, especially when I have presented predominantly as female for the last few weeks, including the first half of July when my male side made no appearance at all.

It's clear that my female side is what I prefer. From an early age I wanted to be treated a girl, but you soon learn that you can't get what you want in life just when you want it. Maybe now I can indeed get what I want, but I suppose I've also learned that caution, pragmatism and steadiness generally prevent serious upsets. So let's be a bloke for a bit and, as well as appreciating my femme side more when I get back to it, it'll help me decide important things such as whether I'd rather work as a woman in future.

Negative things can often have positive outcomes.

Sue x

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Everybody's doing it

Well, everyone has a blog these days, so everyone says. So I can't be left out, can I?

So here's my own weblog of items relating to me, my life and my thoughts on being transgendered. It's seems opportune to start a blog after several weeks out and about all over the UK as my feminine self, and on the day I send the contents of my proposed little website to my web designer.

A little bit about me? Well, I'm transgendered, with both male and female characteristics, and at the moment I live as both man, woman and something in between, though not all at the same time! The ratio is hard to establish. I like female best even though officially I was born male. Why? I don't know for sure. But Nature, as I like to say, has been around a long time and presumably should know what it's doing by now. I spend much of my time somewhere between the two sexes.

Some will quibble about my choice of terminology. Too bad. I am who I am though that's hard to define, and nit-picking rarely clarifies.

Bear with me while I get used to this business of blogging.

Sue x