Sunday 28 May 2023

There and not there

 In his tragicomic novel Coming up for Air, George Orwell writes as a man attempting to rediscover his childhood haunts, only to find they have changed, and not in ways he likes. Showing that nostalgia just isn't what it used to be! 

I lived in London most of my life, sold my house there five years ago and moved abroad. Last week I needed to go back to London and, although I was busy, I had time to check out some of the places I used to frequent. The results were interesting!

I started with my old office, which has been demolished and rebuilt as brand new office suites. A good thing, I'd say, given the age of the building and, frankly, who seriously misses a workplace anyway? A small firm I worked for has gone, as expected on the retirement of the owner, a decent man I liked working for, and is now a Waffle Café. I tried to have breakfast at the café just to see what eating in my old workplace was like but, bizarrely, they weren't open at that hour. And I thought waffles were supposed to be ideal for breakfast! Despite the disappearance of my two main workplaces, the art studios I one rented a space in are still there, despite having been slated for demolition twenty years ago! Now that is very weird. Perhaps the council planning department is being artistic with its scheduling!

I took the London Underground and it was vile. Now, the "Tube" has always been crowded and cramped but the warm, oily smell blowing down the tunnels always had a tinge of efficiency. This time the place stank of dirt and the trains were filthy. I couldn't get off fast enough. Yuck!

It was frightening to see Oxford Street, London's foremost shopping street, half boarded up. This is where the flagship stores of all the big chains are so that suggests a pretty big economic recession. 

In the days when I organised London lunches for the Angels we had a number of favourite places that welcomed us. I don't know if Salieri restaurant in the Strand has gone for good or is merely being redeveloped (for a second time in 10 years? Unlikely). But the Chandos pub off Trafalgar Square remains. This belongs to the Yorkshire brewery, Samuel Smith, and always charged Yorkshire prices, which were markedly lower than London prices. But not any more. Which was a shock to my purse when I met a friend for lunch there last Wednesday.

One source of joy, though, was that the Scooter Café that I reported had closed last autumn has worked out its issues over its fire certification and has reopened as it was before (but presumably with better fire safeguards!) A friend took me there for one of their classic hot chocolates in the cosy back yard on a sunny evening and that was lovely, very much like old times.

Another lovely thing was that café and restaurant staff in various places recognised me even after these years away. That surprised me, given that they have many customers, and their taking time out to catch up with my news was so nice of them. 

I also caught up, albeit briefly, with several friends after all these years, including Grace who is the membership secretary for my professional body. She explained how the Covid lockdowns forced everyone to work at home for months on end to the extent that that arrangement is now to become permanent and the organisation will be abandoning fixed premises once the lease on the current building ends next month. They will merely rent a space if and when face-to-face meetings or conferences are needed. She doesn't like it as going to a workplace is an important part of one's social life, one's interaction with the rest of the human race, and she's right. The hardest part of working for myself was the isolation, which is why I built morning café time and evening shopping into my working day so that I saw other people twice a day every day even if there was no other socialising lined up. But this is the way the world seems to be going, so hotdesking and working at home are likely to become normative. If your home life is good then that's a great thing; if it's not, then heaven help you.

Anyway, I managed to buy the things I had set out to buy, notably a cute shoulder bag, my favourite bras, my favourite sunscreen that I couldn't find in Switzerland even though it's made there, and also replenished my makeup stash. I also got some of my female clothing from my storage unit that I intend to take home to Italy, so all in all the trip was worthwhile.


Feeling silly

I saw this book prominently displayed in a museum shop. I guess it could come in handy if your human relationships haven't been working out!



Sue x



Wednesday 24 May 2023

Busy days, and a memorial

 Hello blog, I thought I'd better check in as the last few weeks have been very hectic and I haven't had time to write. After nearly three years of global pandemic restricting what one can do and where one can go, all of a sudden it's been possible to deal with stuff that's been waiting a long time to be dealt with, from dental work to catching up with family and close friends, to buying new clothes and makeup and digging out old ones, to considering what to do with residual stuff in one country when I now live in another... I'm quite tired now but I have decided that six weeks in Britain are enough for the time being and I will be going back to my home in the Mediterranean next week. 

I've already described my clothes, makeup and accessories situation and there's a lot to say about my lightning trip round the South East of England and the East Midlands last week, but I will leave that for now as my poor friend Kate is still on my mind. It would have been her 62nd birthday yesterday and tonight there is a memorial for her in Manchester that I can't go to. I'm sure it will be a fitting tribute to a much-loved lady, followed by what Kate herself enjoyed best: eating and dancing. Rest in peace, my lovely. 

 


 Over the course of my life I've seen family, friends, colleagues and neighbours pass away and this is always distressing and leaves holes in your life and emotions. But when Bill, a friend of mine and stout trans ally passed away some years ago I cried so much. And when lovely Bobby died two years ago. And now I can't think of Kate without crying my eyes out, too. I said that I can't go to her memorial tonight and that's chiefly because I'd be too upset. Maybe we trans folk become especially attached because of the secrets we share with and keep for one another, the support we give one another and our need to look out for one another against hostility. Or maybe it's just that some friends are special, never mind the transgender thing. I don't know, but I can say that I and others have been very tearful this past month. 

Thanks for reading.

Sue x

Wednesday 10 May 2023

A lot to replace

 I was glad last week to have been reunited with most of my clothes, makeup, wigs and so forth that had been in storage for some years. Most of the makeup has had to be thrown away as being too old and dried up. You shouldn't keep certain types of makeup, such as eye makeup, for more than a few months anyway because it accumulates germs, so items like that were ditched without ceremony, but of course other things have dried up, like nail polish and, essentially, I have to buy my entire makeup bag again. This is doubly distressing as a lot of it wasn't cheap. I try to buy quality foundation and eyeshadow because my skin can react badly to certain chemicals in modern products. So I've spent some time this week finding where I can find local Mac and Benefit counters after the department store closed down and very fortunately they now sell them in the large Boots the Chemists in town so I don't have to travel to one of the larger cities.

I remain overweight and this means that all those pretty dresses I had when I first ventured out no longer fit and, at least for now, I am buying new clothes in larger sizes. I got the seal of approval for some wide-leg trousers from the sales assistant as she happened to be wearing exactly the same ones and showed them off to me, doing a little twirl in the shop! They are very comfortable and decidedly feminine and contemporary. Among my favourite new items are a pretty cotton summer dress that fits me nicely, and a sheer black shirt with mother-of-pearl buttons. 

I have also been buying new bras and knickers. Marks and Spencer no longer seem to do my favourite T-shirt bras and microfibre briefs but the substitutes are not bad. 

I have new glasses, too, which suit my face whether fully femme or not. And a new prescription so I can see properly again! I am also getting some dental work done. Yes, they have opticians and dentists in Italy, too, but it's a bit cheaper in Britain. You have to shop around, right?

We're getting there. 

 

Spring contrasts

I'm enjoying the contrasts of spring in Britain with spring in Italy. One of the reasons I went to live in the Mediterranean was because I couldn't tolerate the minimal sunlight and cold, variable climate of Britain any more. Where I live in Italy now there are 300 days of sunshine a year, the lowest temperature I have ever noted was 8C (46F), and my health has improved no end as a result. However, there has been a drought in Italy for the last 18 months so the soft rain of North West England these last three weeks has been a curious and pleasant contrast. The grass is lush and bright green here, there are bluebells in flower and the trees are putting out leaves. This is in total contrast to the evergreen palms, agaves and citrus of the riviera. I'm enjoying the common little birds like sparrows, starlings and blackbirds hopping about in the hedges; where I live in Italy it's collared doves, seagulls and wagtails. The contrasts and differences, even in common things, are what make the world so fascinating and I'm enjoying the change.

Castle, rolling green acres, deciduous trees, grey skies, drizzle ... this is not the riviera. Cholmondeley Castle Gardens, Cheshire, England

 

A dip in the archives

I haven't dipped in the archives for a long time and that's because I had no archive material left. But I've been reunited with many old photos so here's one of me in a pretty, floaty summer dress ten years ago.



Sue x

Tuesday 2 May 2023

We can rebuild her

 Positive news now. I was beginning to feel people might think me a fraud for writing about trans life but rarely appearing en femme on these pages of late. Not any more as I have, after nearly five years, been reunited with my "feminine critical kit" that was in storage in one location whilst I was living a thousand miles away. On my trip to Britain - yes, that has finally happened - I've now found the box with all my newest wigs and wig care kit, my makeup, my jewellery, several perfumes and, most importantly, my breasts. You've no idea how good it feels to have these items back.

There's quite a story attached to these items. On the day I moved house in autumn 2018, I was hit by a cyclist on the pavement and my leg was damaged enough for me to need crutches for several weeks and I wasn't able to walk properly for about 18 months afterwards. But on that moving day I had put my feminine critical kit into a special box to be kept at the front of my storage unit for easy access later. Since I was agonising on the floor of the facility after the accident, I wasn't able to direct the removal men properly and the box ended up somewhere at the back instead. No matter how hard I looked in subsequent visits, I couldn't find it and I wasn't in a position, as I limped about, to heave everything right out of the unit simply to find this one box.

Then there was a flood in the storage facility during a storm in August 2020 when I was locked down in Italy and the storage people dried and repacked all my items that had got slightly wet. My feminine critical kit was in a new box which they had politely labelled "wigs, makeup and beauty". I'm not sure what they made of a lot of loose boobs in a crate, but I guess they see all sorts of stuff in their storage, and I reckon the term "beauty" covers it!

So now I have all my lovely things back and can sift through them all to throw out anything that's unusable, like eye makeup, and get back to wearing my proper boobies again. That will make such a difference to my femininity that's been, well, deflated these past years without this stuff. And it's not like it was easily replaceable during lockdowns and such, especially as some things, like a lot of my jewellery, has sentimental value as it is presents from friends.

Going through Batch 1 ... there's plenty more where this came from!


So more selfies soon, I hope. 

I have been on a shopping spree for new underwear, too, but also got a lot of my old clothes from storage. And I'm reunited with my old desktop computer with lots of the photos I've been missing. I will also write about the emotional roller coaster that going back to Britain has been.


Kate Collins

I left my post on Kate up for a couple of weeks as I have been upset enough not to want to write more. Thanks to Calie at T-Central for promoting my tribute so girls all around the world know how much we will miss her. I've seen some lovely words of condolence and memorial online. 

I am not certain about Kate's funeral at the time of writing.

Sue x