This week I spotted something in another blog that succinctly summed up something I was aware of in my own life:
"Looking back, I realize that interacting with girls was easy because I was feminine. However, dating girls was difficult because I had to act like a male and that was so foreign to me that I was lousy at it."
Stana's Femulate blog
Full article here: Going to the Prom
Exactly. I used to blame my poor dating skills in my 20s on having been to a boys' school throughout my teens with no girls to interact with. I realise now - and it has been pointed out to me enough by others - that most of my friends in adulthood have been women because I have always felt drawn to women's company, but not in a sexual way. In addition, most of my male friends are gay.
I have never felt comfortable in men's company or liked what men talk about - sport, statistics, competitiveness, jobs, cars, ... - or felt comfortable at their leering thoughts about women. I've always preferred what women talk about and the giggles we have. And even when they only saw me as a boy, my female friends liked my interest in their preferred topics, my humour, my gentleness, and that I wasn't looking to date them. Of course, later on many learned that I was trans and that made things clearer. So my romantic relationships with women usually developed slowly out of friendships rather than whatever it is men do to get a chick these days.
Funnily enough, most women want a 'real' man, and then complain when he's violent, unfaithful or does nothing but obsess about sports matches. No, most women actually want a man who treats them unselfishly and unaggressively and has a feeling for their needs. So, ladies, why not date a trans person and get the partner who meets your real needs?
As for that old question of whether men and women can be just friends, I'd say your average alpha male (or would-be alpha) can't as he has a sexualised, domineering view of women. There's too much of an imbalance there. Things are improving as more women reach better positions in the workplace and more people go into higher education where half the students are of a different gender. Opposite-sex friendship in the world of desks is therefore fairly normal.
|I have always loved to be given flowers. Flowers are not for boys!|
A dip in the archives
On the topic above, here's a short post I wrote in 2011 about being accepted as an "honorary babe" into a small group of female friends:
A few years later the same acceptance of my being one of them was reinforced, despite my never having officially come out to this group of friends as trans:
In the end, coming out to them was too awkward and they remained the only group of female friends who didn't officially know, although I think they had guessed for a while that something was up:
It's never easy, is it? But being friends with other women is easy if it's your natural instinct, and if you're MtF trans that may well be your instinct.
Cari lettori italiani
Ho sempre cercato l'amicizia con le donne, non con gli uomini. Quasi tutti gli amici maschili che ho sono omosessuali. La risposta al perché dovrebbe essere ovvio: perché sono una donna anch'io, benché transgender, e dunque mi sento a mio agio in compagnia di donne. Gli uomini non li ho mai capiti. Questa compatibilità sociale con le donne è un altro aspetto dell'esperienza transgender e non dovrebbe stupire.