Saturday 31 January 2015

You're still the same person

My friend Joanne has a leg in plaster following a road accident and has been housebound for a week. A while ago I'd agreed to meet another friend, Kimberley, for lunch today so we diverted our trip to Jo's so as to take her out for some fresh air and a meal that she wouldn't have to fix for herself whilst balanced on crutches.

We had a really nice long lazy lunch at the Clock House in Dulwich (

The down side is that I am still not in a position to go out in female mode and it is hard seeing all the other women around the town and feel that I am not part of it, and especially seeing these two who look so beautiful. But the point is that they still take me for who I am. "You're still the same person, whatever your outside appearance," they told me. Not all TGirls believe that, sadly, and can be real snobs about this sort of thing, but I know I have made some real friends in this trans community of ours.

I am planning a party for whenever it is that I do make it back out in girl mode.

In truth, this situation is a real struggle, but I simply have to be patient and wait for my face to heal fully.

But thanks, girls, for being real friends, and for a fun afternoon.

Sue x

PS Total weight lost in January: 9 pounds (4 kilograms). I am really thrilled by this success.

Saturday 17 January 2015

Perfect boots

Booking for boots

It's been a mixed week but I did enjoy an unexpected windfall! It's complicated, but basically a good client of mine overpaid me a lot on a job. Their own mistake. When I pointed this out and offered a refund they said that it was too much bother as it had all gone through their system so it was easier to let me keep it. I have earmarked this for that pair of custom-made knee-high real leather boots from Duo in Covent Garden, where I hope to be measured up just as soon as I get out and about again (and lose a bit more weight so my calves are back to normal). It's something I've promised myself for years. Kind of this style, although I have seen similar ones in their store with an even narrower heel, which I'd prefer:

Health update

Weight loss since New Year's Day: four pounds (2 kg). Good going.
Facial issue: still hopeful.

Frock envy

Today I had to go shopping - partly electronic necessities for work, and partly trousers in men's styles. It has been so hard going back to presenting as male in public these last 6 months after several years when it was just occasional. I am down to my last four men's shirts, two pairs of shoes and two pairs of trousers. I can't remember my men's sizes any more so I had to guess. The best I can do at the moment is dress androgynously with women's jeans and sweaters, but on some occasions you can't really get away with this, hence the need to 'top up' my masculine wardrobe. But, of course, going out into London's busy centre gave me a real ache and anguish as I saw all the women going about their business and feeling that it was wrong that I wasn't counted among them. This is one of the harder parts of being trans.

Restaurant page and general update

I have put up the first page of my guide to eating and drinking in London, which I will fill up more when time allows.

Having just had my 40,000th hit, and noticed that the timeline has reset itself to when this blog actually began (August 2011, not 2008 as it seemed to suggest for much of last year!), I've also tidied up the blogroll as some sites are now defunct (sadly).

Sue x

Saturday 10 January 2015

Working in fashion, and other good stuff

I've got a whole load of news and I normally do one blog post per item but this time I'm just going to put all the points in briefly.

Working in fashion

I'm delighted to say that from December I've been able to contribute to various fashion magazines and blogs. I have always wanted to work in some way in the fashion industry (well, what TGirl wouldn't?) and now it seems to be happening. It's all about the shows in Milan, Paris, London, New York and one or two other places. Frankly, everything's in: pastels, prints, leather, satchels, diamond watches with rubber straps, bracelets for dogs ...

Bracelets for dogs? Erm, yes, I'm sorry to say that they passed me that item. Now your pampered pedigree pooch can have a bracelet for her pretty paws to match the one on yours. They don't come cheap, mind: starting prices of over 200 euros! I've asked to be put back onto frock articles!

Health improving

I am also delighted to say that I decided I would check my face at New Year and see how my eczema was getting along. I have had barely an itch and there's very little sign of it. I have chosen an arbitrary six weeks to be eczema-free continuously before I consider going out again with makeup on, i.e. as female.

To celebrate this small hope I gave myself my first all-over epilation last weekend. It was delightful to be all smooth again after six months and I put on a pair of new stockings which felt wonderful.

This weekend I will paint my toenails again. It gives me real joy to see colour on them.

I hadn't let my body hair grow since 2008 and it was an experiment to remind myself of one of several reasons why full transition is unlikely for me. Here's a photo I took before the grand epilation (warning: full frontal nudity)

I have also lost 3 pounds (1.5kg) since the New Year. Good old Slimming World - healthy eating without the hunger that ruins the resolve on most diets. Let's see how we go.


It was surprisingly quiet over the Christmas and New Year period compared to last year but the work hit me like an express train at 10am on Monday. It's nice to be wanted, but I'm certainly looking forward to a break this weekend. Still, the money pays for necessities of life, like new stockings.

Bigger blog, and help wanted

I've added a page here about me and there will shortly be a page of reviews of London restaurants, followed by cafes, bars and other venues.

I have been trying to update the blogroll to the right here, but I can't seem to get rid of the now defunct Jessica Who? (so sad, she was great fun) and I can't seem to add publicly Hana Gotta's really beautiful and true-to-life "Illustrated Biography of a Crossdresser". Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Any help gratefully received on deleting and adding publicly (it's odd as the other blogs work here when adding or subtracting).

So 2015 has got off to a good start. Hope it continues well, for you too.

Sue x

One final thought:

It is through expression in blogs like this and a free press that anyone may say what they feel is right, and people who are slightly off mainstream society are thus helped to be a more visible part of the world they were born in. As someone who was herself brutalised by religious fanatics, I condemn all actions that oppress and destroy others in the name of God. I stand with my fellow illustrators, writers and publishers in France, and fellow human beings. Soyons unis en solidarité pour la liberté et contre la haine.


Thursday 1 January 2015

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all my readers. May 2015 bring you happiness, fulfilment and prosperity.

My roundup of 2014 is in the previous post (scroll down, or click on the timeline, or link here ).

2014 was a rotten year in so many ways so I am determined that 2015 will be better. This blog tries to be positive.

I spent Christmas with my friend Joanne and she has sent me this lovely little diary.

Despite so many real setbacks last year I intend to continue to feminise more in appearance and I am thinking of having my ears pierced at last. My face is very much better and I am hoping that I can put makeup on again by springtime.

As at this morning, I weigh 12 stone 9 pounds. That's 2 stone 3 pounds overweight and, yes, my resolution is, as ever, to reduce that.

You'll be noticing a few additions to this blog shortly - pages for bio info, tips for eating out in London, and maybe even some jokes.

Sue x