2025: slipping into something more (un)comfortable?

 Hello and happy new year. 

I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year. The official new year fireworks here were spectacular although some maniac nearby decided to let off some supernova bomb that was so loud that my ears are still ringing! Maybe the army surplus store had a sale on or something.

I made the traditional, symbolic new year supper which here is cotechino, a large and very fatty boiled sausage (to represent life's plenty) and lentils, which are shaped like coins and represent prosperity. I added some sauerkraut with wine and apple that went really well with the pork. 

Anyway, as is inevitable, I put on a lot of weight but it's allowed. It was nice to have time to cook and eat well. I'm back on the slimming regime and I lost two pounds overnight so something's working. I plan to do Dry January (as I did Dry November) so I'm sitting here with a glass of what I call Slimmer's Champagne, which is a champagne flute filled with fizzy mineral water with a dash of balsamic vinegar and a squirt of lemon juice to colour it and add tartness and flavour. For a moment you might mistake it for champagne. Anyway, it fools me, and I made it!

Any resolutions? Well, apart from continuing to get trim so I can get back into my favourite dresses, I'd like to meet up with other TGirls in Italy and continental Europe, so my (manicured) feelers are out.

Apart from that, I have found the past decade to be so unpredictable that I'm not inclined to make more resolutions than those as circumstances outside my control seem to be all too prevalent.

I always wish everyone the best for the year to come. To be honest, though, I don't think it much of a shock to say that, at this point at least, future world scenarios that look positive are not so many. But I like to be pleasantly surprised, so who knows? I have had this cover of The Economist from 29 December 1979 in my mind's eye recently. For years it was pasted up in a classroom at school and it struck me then and still does 45 years later.

(c) The Economist

The 1980s turned out not so bad as some feared. So ... into the late 2020s, then. My plan for bad news days, therefore, is to try to enjoy the little things as much as possible. Just for instance, this evening just after sunset I got a clear view of the conjunction of the moon and Venus. It's not a rare phenomenon but it does help you feel there are bigger things out there.

At the same time tomorrow the moon occults (i.e. passes in front of) Saturn from here and that is rarer and more exciting. And it's a free spectacle. (If you want to see the occultation it should be visible from the UK and Western Europe a little after sunset, so about 5pm to 7pm GMT - times vary depending on your location.)

This coming weekend is holiday here in Italy and on Twelfth Night (5th-6th) kids are visited by a kindly witch called Befana who gives them sweets and chocolates. I wrote in more detail about this and other traditions here. After that it's the January sales when I hope to stock up on women's trousers as my fem style in public these days is, let's say, ambiguously feminine. 

So, yes, it's kind of a plan for 2025. I hope this year is kind to you.

Sue x

End of year '23

 My resolution for 2023 is not to leave things till the last minute.

An old joke there.

I hope you had a nice Christmas and Santa brought you something pretty or sparkly to wear. I'm sure you had something nice to eat and drink.

Anyway, it's the last post of 2023 and I've just got back from a few days away with friends in France. The same place I went last year. Some of the more unusual sights this year include a snowman in a plane, a rainbow of beehives on the road into town, a weather vane in the shape of a cat chasing birds, frog face graffiti high up on the town hall clock (how did it get there? - is it a comment on the mayor?) and a wall covered in soft toys. It's the odd things you notice most!

I ate too many croissants, though! Mind you, despite the inevitable overindulgence at this time of year, my weight loss has not been too badly affected... well, certainly not as much as I thought it would be. I'll see exactly what the scales say tomorrow morning. 

It's been raining all morning so I hope that's not going to carry on to this evening and drown out tonight's fireworks that are always a pleasure to watch.

Wishing you a good New Year's Eve and a good New Year's Day holiday tomorrow, and a happy, successful, prosperous 2024. May your stresses be low, your heels be high and your makeup never fail.

Sue x

New year, new me?

  

New Year, new me? Or is it just identity theft again?

Might as well start the year with a joke! Or with this one, a hangover from the New Year festivities that will make you groan:

Anyway, happy New Year to you. I hope 2023 will be kind and gentle to you.

Do I have any resolutions? Apart from remembering to write 2023, just when I'd got used to writing 2022!

Not really. One thing life's taught me is that resolutions are hard to keep. The one I have kept since 1997, though, is to accept that I am trans and never try to purge, deny it to myself or escape the reality again. I often muse on when or if I will ever live full-time female. I want to, but that will involve my feeling safer in an environment that is more relaxed about trans lives. There's been a bit too much trauma in recent years for me to add more by transitioning now. One problem at a time: that's how I'm dealing with things now. I've spent my life playing the role of a male, much as I hate it; but I'll tolerate it a bit longer as we get out of this pandemicy, transphobicy era. My clothes are all from the women's racks now and that keeps me grounded.

I'm getting back on track with weight loss after the compulsory Christmas indulgence. Sadly, last year, after a great start, I ended up putting weight on. I'm repeating to myself the old Slimming World adage: nothing tastes as good as being slim feels. When I look back at the cute little dresses I used to be able to wear, I feel that that is true. It was also better being fitter (and being able to bend and adjust the ankle straps of my shoes without panting). I'm also doing Dry January as wine is the most fattening thing of all. I got my weight reduction off to a good start today by carrying two heavy bags of shopping up the steep mountain lane behind the house rather than taking the gentler slope home along the main road. Here's the lovely view from the top:

 

Incidentally, the photo that opens this post is a tall ship that floated by earlier today. Maybe one could find hopeful new year symbolism in it: life's journey moving slowly to where sunlight is just breaking through cloud? Or just a boat on its business? You choose your interpretation if you wish: symbolic, prosaic, romantic or other.

As mentioned before, I feel a strong urge to travel after four years of either being lame or locked down. I've just got back from France, and more on that androgynous holiday in another post. But I'm being cautious since flu, Covid and other bugs are flying around at present. So many people I know have Covid right now or are still experiencing symptoms months later. Stay safe and well. I intend to.

Sue x

A quarter of a century after I acknowledged I was trans

 

Hello and happy new year. May 2022 see this pandemic end and everyone thrive.

This new year marks a milestone. It was on New Year's Day 1997, 25 years ago, that I finally resolved to stop resisting the undeniable fact that I was transgender. I wrote about this more fully in 2007 (link: Those biggest resolutions) but my decision then, which hasn't changed, was that: 

"I would stop purging my female clothes, would accept and embrace the fact that I am transgender and never try to suppress it again and, to prove it, I would dress as a woman every day. And I have kept that resolution since."

A lady never reveals her age but that's a lot of my life in acceptance, not to mention all the years I felt like a girl but also felt obliged to resist it. I first began to wish I could be treated like a girl when I was about 5 or 6 and no amount of suppression, conversion therapy, fear and threats, purging my feminine things or any other action ever altered that underlying need. The only thing that changes is the intensity of the need; sometimes I feel more feminine, sometimes less.

I do wish I wasn't trans. It adds so much stress, confusion and fear to life. But they say that when life gives you lemons you should make lemonade and I think I've managed to make some pretty fizzy lemonade since my 1997 resolution. As well as dressing as a woman every day since (even if not always all day) I have managed to live as a trans woman: I've been to dressing services and photoshoots, gone out in public as a woman, organised meetups with other trans people, considered formal transition, represented the trans community at events and rallies... All that's largely what this blog has been about. It's been a blast, too, and I've been so happy when able to be myself, be accepted by the friends I already had and make a whole big bunch of new ones. So being trans has its good side, too. 

There's one other detail from that new year a quarter of a century ago. In the January sales I bought a black jersey dress, a bargain at just £11.50 ... and I'm still wearing it. I'm wearing it as I type and although it has faded, has had dinner spilt on it (messy pup!) and is getting slightly worn in places, it still fits and is still my favourite. 

 

I've no plans to go back on my 1997 resolution. I realised then that you are transgender for life; it's not some passing phase. So I'll keep embracing the good things about it, and my soft, warm jersey dress will keep embracing me.
 

On a lighter note
 

I saw this this morning and it made me laugh. So, on the subject of resolutions and life advice after a certain age...

 Thoughts for the New Year
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Sue x

The new and the ongoing

 

 Happy New Year! 

I hope 2021 is good for you. OK, I know the world is not functioning normally because of this pandemic so there's a lot of hope in that wish, but I think we all feel things are going to improve.

Stay safe, get vaccinated when available and don't listen to the ignorant. I've just read a novel* set around 1630 when plague devastated Europe. And how was it combated? By social distancing, by quarantine, by restricting travel and avoiding assemblies. Tried and tested methods. They didn't have such effective medicines or any vaccines, but we do, so get vaccinated. Any risks from a vaccine are far lower than the long-term, deadlier risks from this disease.

* I Promessi sposi (The Betrothed) by Alessandro Manzoni (1842), possibly the most famous novel written in Italian, set in the Duchy of Milan in 1628-30. It tells of wedding plans interrupted by the scheming of a local nobleman and what happened as a result. A beautiful story beautifully told.

 

Resolutions

I'm sticking with my New Year Resolution from 1997: I am a trans woman and every day I embrace my femininity in some tangible way. I dress as a woman, wear perfume, paint my nails, read women's magazines and chick lit, go out or online as Sue, decorate my home with flowers and pretty things, etc. Whatever the world says, or much of my body might suggest, I am a woman and I manifest it every day. I wrote about this resolution here:

Those biggest resolutions

Here's the photo I've chosen for my 2021 avatar:

 

Blog

Last year, like a lot of people, I had far more time to write my blog and I see that increase continuing in 2021. In mid-2019 I did wonder if there was scope for an English language trans blog from someone who no longer lived in an English-speaking country. But there is a lot to talk about in terms of trans news and a lot that I have wanted to write about and have never managed to. In this 700th anniversary of Dante's death I might tackle the subject that is still painful even half a lifetime later, which is the religious pressures I had on my trans life as a young person. Not exactly a Divine Comedy, it has to be said.

 

The third ring of the seventh circle of Hell in Dante's universe, where the "violent against nature" are rained on by fire. Although not specified, it is the most likely place where transgender people end up after death according to late medieval Christian theology. The Abrahamic religions have progressed a little since 1300 but there is still a very long way to go. One of Gustave Doré's famous set of 19th Century illustrations for The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri of Florence (1265-1321).

 

And talking of great Italians, I am getting (indeed, have always had) some readers from Italian speaking countries and will be adding a paragraph in Italian at the end of my blog entries. I've been living in Italy for over two years now.

A dip in the archives

I thought I'd share a post from January 2012 by way of complete contrast with January 2021 when going out is difficult. Not dissimilar to my description of sales shopping with friends in my last post, this includes a trip to the cinema. This shows how comfortable I had become living life as a woman and doing normal stuff.

First outing of the year

 

Cari lettori italiani 

 Vi auguro un felice anno nuovo. Speriamo che nel 2021 tutto vada veramente bene, soprattutto con l'eliminazione di questa malattia che ci ha fatto tanto tribolare. 

Aggiungerò qualche paragrafo in italiano ad ogni pagina futura, però questo rimarrà un blog scritto per la maggior parte in inglese. Chiedetemi pure spiegazioni nei commenti.

Fra poco aggiornerò la pagina biografica ("About") con dettagli su di me in italiano. Per adesso, basta dire che sono una ragazza transgender che si è spostata da Londra alla Provincia di Imperia, che cerca amiche e che vorrebbe anche qualche consiglio sulla vita transgender in Italia.

 

Sue x

Happy New Year!!!

Wishing everyone a happy new year. May 2013 bring you peace, happiness, prosperity, enjoyment, love and success. And maybe a nice new frock, too.

I'm starting this year still recovering from flu so last night was a quiet evening at a friend's house - dinner, wine and lots of chocolate and seeing the new year in gently. And a big family lunch today.

Resolutions and wishes?

Well, inevitably, I have to lose weight. Badly. I'm 11 stone 10 right now and ideally I should be dead on 10 stone. My clothes don't fit me properly and several skirts I cannot wear at present. I'm slightly annoyed that despite having eaten very little over the last two weeks because of being ill, I've actually lost no weight at all! D'oh!

I need to cut down on internet fun time. Its addictive and wastes a lot of time that I really ought to be using productively. My business is looking at a good year, potentially, if I'm prepared to put the effort in, so something has to give to free up the necessary time.

I aim to meet all the friends I've made online in the last few years and haven't yet met in person.

I'm thinking it's time to find romance again. Obviously with someone who is happy (or enthusiastic) with my being trans. I've dressed as a woman almost all of my life and, over the last 17 years, since finally accepting my nature, I have done so each and every day. It's not going to go away, but I acknowledge that I'm necessarily looking for a pretty special, accepting person. Potential partners, please sign up below!

I hope all your wishes come true, too. Oh, and don't forget to sign up with that gym. You know you need to!

Sue x

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year! A lot of people have been reading this blog so it's right that I should wish you and yours every joy, success, satisfaction and the fulfilment of all your hopes for 2012. There was quite a lot to worry about in 2011, but many good things too; I wish 2012 to be a wholly wonderful year for everyone.

Love,

Sue xxx