More breast expansion

 Back in November I was pleasantly surprised to note that my breasts seemed to have increased in size. To update on my previous post on this when I wasn't completely sure that my breasts had grown more, I'm quite certain now that they have. 

It's odd because I experienced rapid, noticeable and quite painful breast growth 15 years ago when my body and mind seem to coalesce around my needing to live much more as a woman. After that, things just remained as they were but now I have had this further growth, this time without any aches, and despite losing weight and so reducing in size everywhere else. 

Why I'm not getting that ache I had last time they expanded, I don't know. 

I have never taken hormones and never would without close medical supervision. (I've seen too many trans women damage their health by self-medicating, and even some under the doctor have developed significant side-effects.) So I'm not sure why this expansion is happening. Let me make it clear that I am definitely not complaining, I'm delighted, especially when some poor trans women on hormones grumble that they're not getting the development they'd hoped for. I'm somewhere between an A cup and B cup now. I recently read this size described as Yoga Breasts. 

I have a couple of trans friends who have naturally developed C cups. Which is bad news in their male-dominated jobs but makes the rest of us jealous when they come into their own at the trans club. Maybe I'm heading for a gorgeous cleavage, too! One can hope.

My favourite bra for everyday wear at the moment is Marks & Spencers T-shirt bras in polymers (polyamide/elastane/spandex mix) rather than my previous preference for their cotton ones. They come in three-packs in various shades - nude, white, black, blue, pink ... but work well with many types of top. They're underwired and for the first time I really feel that the wire has something to support. They're also very soft, pleasantly comfortable to wear and I find the satin finish quite pretty for a straightforward item. Another recommendation, then.

 

Apart from being called "Madam / Ma'am" by shop or restaurant staff, there is little more affirming for me as a trans woman than putting my bra on in the morning and, now that I have something to fill it, I feel really good. To be honest, I can't stop staring at my chest in the mirror now! Is that bad? 

I did wonder whether to post a photo of my new growth but even with my bra on that sort of pic tends to attract the wrong kind of reader. I'll think about it (and so will the wrong kind of reader!)

 

Quicksilver x 3

Healthwise, I'm feeling quite a bit better this week and the quicksilver in the thermometer is back to normal so thank you for your kind, supportive comments. 

There's also this new sculpture near the entrance to the swanky new 5-star Europa Palace hotel here, which represents a shoal of anchovies, a local prized fish, swarming into a bait-ball. Anchovy shoals are so often described as quicksilver and this seems to capture that well, although I'm not sure the effect on the side of the building is as impressive as nature. Judge for yourselves.

 

And talking of Mercury (see what I did there?), I was delighted to see the planet shining bright on Saturday night after decades of missing it (clouds, wrong location, forgetfulness ...). I took a photo but it was too faint to show well. You can see for it yourselves, though, as it's currently near its greatest distance from the sun, which is why it's easily discernible, and close to bright Venus at sunset.

 

Positive

Have a good week, and I hope next time, despite the derangement that's coming out of Washington (and Moscow and Beijing) these days, to be able to share additional positive trans news as there's a lot of good stuff for us going on worldwide.

Sue x

The art of making things disappear

 I have decided to be ruthless with my weight loss this winter. I am tired of being overweight: I feel uncomfortable, ugly, self-conscious and unhealthy. I know the various reasons why I got to this weight but I also know how to go back to being slim. 

So I have made a clear target and timescale to lose 50 pounds (23 kg) in the six months between November 1st just past and May 1st next year. That will leave me at my ideal weight.

In the first week I have lost over 5½ pounds (2.5 kg), which I am very pleased with. I expect weekly losses to become harder to achieve as I approach the right weight but for now I'll enjoy the high achievement figures!

Wear a bra every day

I was intrigued to read about the Bra-tober challenge by Paula Gaikowski on the Femulate blog today. The challenge is to wear a bra all day, every day for a month if you are not full-time femme. 

The bra is probably the most characteristically feminine garment there is. If you don't have breasts, you don't need one; women have breasts, men don't, therefore these are not for men, goes the logic. Well, actually, you don't need a bra if you do have breasts, and some men have breasts, too ("Meatloaf has a very nice pair," says Hugh Grant in Notting Hill), but it's become an item that apparently women cannot do without! Like those kitchen gadgets that apparently transform your mealtimes. 

The first time I put on a bra it was the weirdest feeling. I was totally aware I had it on as no other garment I had worked in that kind of way. Some trans women like the feeling, even the discomfort, as it makes a statement about their femininity that their body can't really ignore. Until you get used to it, that is. I wear a bra every day now, it feels right and normal, and in the mornings the issue is no longer whether I get to dress as a woman today but what style and colour I should choose. Although I don't present as female in public at the moment, all my clothes are women's items. My bra is simply one item appropriate to wear with the rest of them. It's not as good as being full time female, but it's enough to keep me reasonably content.

If you aren't able to dress every day, or dress fully, there's always the choice of underdressing. Of course, in trans speak that doesn't mean not wearing enough, or not being smart enough for the occasion, but wearing women's clothes under your male ones. Since my theme is disappearing, you can, in my view, wear a bra to work if it's a well-fitting and discreet one and your clothes on top are loose and opaque. Go for it; it will make you feel more complete and your colleagues won't know. Nor need they know about your panties (don't forget to wear a belt!) Of course, some trans purists refuse to mix and match their female wardrobe with their male one. I can understand that, but for many it's needs must.

Caramac

Back to food! I'm sorry that Nestlé have chosen to discontinue the Caramac bar, which they bought from Mackintosh's (caramel + Mackintosh = Caramac). 64 years of sweet treats terminated - boo! 

I remember the first one I got from a vending machine at the very old-fashioned Acton Swimming Baths some time in the 1970s on the recommendation of a friend. It cost 5p then. Caramac was essentially a very smoothly milled fudge, and I got hooked on them! That's not why I'm fat, though. Well, maybe it is.

Sue x

Learning to walk in heels again

 It's been five years since I walked out in high heels. Yes, that long. Having my leg mashed by a cyclist was the main cause and Covid lockdowns protracted that time out.

I've brought some heels home with me from storage. You might rightly ask why on earth I didn't buy any recently, especially as I now live in Italy, the home of classy clothes; but the reason is just that: the classy clothes. Italian shoes are super chic but they are meant to look good in, not for actually walking about in. If you must move around, buy a Ferrari! is the attitude. Seriously, those Italian shoes, chic and expensive, are not for pounding the streets doing shopping in all weathers. The leather is beautiful but delicate, the fit too tight. British or German made shoes work better for that, uglier, cheaper and chunkier though they may be.

Of course, I've had heels to wear all this time (I'm a trans girl for goodness' sake!) but I am very unused to wearing them now, so I am getting accustomed to that again by donning my 4-inch heels each day. Ouchie! I'm definitely out of practice.

Bravaganza!

I was quite upset by my most costly brassière exploding in my hands the other week so I brought a lot of other bras with me from England, forgetting how many I already had in my drawer. I even bought some more of my everyday favourites (M&S full-cup underwired T-shirt bras with a satin look in various colours). Having survived lockdown with just three bras, now my drawer is bursting with them. They say you needn't put a bra in the wash every day, though I prefer to (yes, I like to make a clean breast of things!) so now I can wear something different every day for weeks! 

Having grown my own boobies (no hormones taken), I'd still like them a bit bigger. On the other hand, there's always the Fertility Goddess Look to aspire to that should see me using my entire bra collection all at once ...

Artemis of Ephesus

 

Storms II

It's storm season but there's been an unusual amount of destruction this year. We've just had our third storm in a fortnight, with torrential rain yesterday and a severe gale today. I've never seen waves so high here. 

A few days ago there was flooding in Milan, which remains my official place of residence, when the Seveso River burst. I remember the river as a kid when it was just that, and then they put it in a pipe and built roads over it but didn't do a proper job and every storm sees the pipe overflow, only this time it flooded several city districts. 

I had hoped to go and see the Jean Cocteau Museum in Menton this weekend that I mentioned a couple of months ago but it is shut because of damage from last week's storm. 

Fingers crossed that that's it for 2023's rough weather season. Stay safe and dry.

Sue x

The day my bra exploded

 I am looking for sympathy but I know many readers are just going to laugh …

THE DAY MY BRA EXPLODED. A Tragedy, by Sue Richmond.

I have spent ten days in my storage unit in West London sorting out the mess left by removal men, floodwaters, reboxing and rearranging by others whilst I was in lockdown abroad, and various other disasters. Yesterday I finished, at last. It would be cynical to say that my most necessary items were, of course, typically, in the last box I came across; no, no, they were in the penultimate one! Anyway, finally, in the furthest corner, I came across the box containing my foundation wear.

Now, you’d have thought that a lightweight box clearly marked “fragile” would have been placed on top but no, it was at the bottom of a stack, under crates of books, household appliances, ironware, Acme anvils and anything else heavy they could find.

So on opening the box, the first thing that almost literally popped up was a gel-filled bra. Well, we all need a bit of enhancement sometimes, don’t we? Besides, gel helps make those irritating “admirers” just bounce off! You could hear the relief after years of pressure were released. You know how sometimes you take your bra off at the end of a long day and give a sigh of freedom? Well, this time it was the garment, not me, that did so. So I lifted it out of the box …and it exploded - both barrels - sending gooey gel everywhere. Talk about seepage!

Tell me, what wording could I use to claim a burst bra on the insurance? 

I’m annoyed as it was the most expensive bra I have, and a very pretty one, too. But I guess if it had to burst it was better this way than out on a date ...

Anyway, I thought I should get that off my chest.

I have taken away various items of Sue clothes and the rest will be transported to my new home in due course. Oh, and I did find the box of high heels, too, and have taken a couple of pairs for now.

Whilst In London in did also manage to see friends in the locality and went to one of the fantastic trans art exhibitions I have been mentioning over the summer. More on that next time when I have rested after a physically demanding two weeks.

A dip in the archives

One more from my old memory card rediscovered last week

Sue x

Superheroine costume ready to don

 We certainly have some exciting disasters going on this summer, from heatwaves and forest fires to tsunamis and tornados. And in the face of chaos a girl like me has her cute disasterwear firmly on.

 

That's not jewellery, those are ultratech crimefighting gadgets

I mentioned a forest fire on the hill I live on a couple of weeks ago that required the intervention of a helicopter. This week we have a much bigger fire on the mountain above town that's already been burning for three days and has two helicopters and four Canadair tankers dealing with it as well as firemen and volunteers on the ground.

Canadair tanker heading towards the fire

Given that the thermometer in the coolest, shadiest outdoor spot of my home reads 36C (97F) in the afternoons, I don't know how those firefighters have been coping in the blazing sun on a bare mountainside (apparently about 42C, or 107F). That's truly heroic. Although an absence of dwellings there means no-one's in danger, it also means a lack of roads and paths means they have to scrabble around the steep, broken landscape on foot. The tanker planes fly endlessly, filling up from the sea, flying up to the fire and dumping their load before returning to the sea, again and again and again from dawn till dusk. (We won't go into apocryphal stories of scuba divers found lying in the charred remains of burnt forests!)

The smell of woodsmoke is everywhere and the chains of flames creeping over the crest of the hill the other evening was eerie. I hope they can get it out very soon.

Last week there was a lot of seismic activity in the Med (they've also discovered three new undersea volcanoes, so maybe the earth felt like having a celebration!) So we were greeted by this unusual, dead straight wave 1-2 metres high that stretched all along the coast as far as we could see. My neighbours and I reckoned was most likely due to underwater seismic activity, a mini tsunami if you will.

The heatwave this week has been breaking records in the region. More seriously, people have died as a result and others have been treated in hospital for it. It should end at the weekend. At least, we hope so.

I cope better than most with heat but I have to confess that it's not easy at night. Thank goodness for the beautiful outdoor pool just below. And for my lovely microfibre underwear that I bought from Marks & Spencer's when I was last in the UK. Their pretty but practical bras are ideal and their microfibre briefs have been my touchstone for 20 years now. In this heat they are very light on the skin and mould to your contours. Recommended. 

It always puzzled me as a kid that, when the going got tough, male superheroes put on extra armour, bigger protective capes and filled their utility belts with extra special gadgets. Whereas the superheroines seemed to lose clothes in the face of danger and fight in just a bikini and cute boots. Admittedly the bikini is radiationproof and bulletproof but it still leaves vulnerable areas... like most of the body! Even as a child I sensed there must therefore be something decidedly more heroic about the women than the men! So I guess if I'm going to combat natural disasters, this underwear will have to be the outfit. It's just too hot to wear anything else!

 

A dip in the archives

It was ten years ago that Emma and her wife came to London and we went to see the Cutty Sark sailing ship. I have some favourite photos from that day. 

Sue x

Swimwear for TGirls

 It's the height of the holiday season and beachwear is the norm here on the coast. Here life is relaxed and quite family-oriented and it's acceptable to walk in town or shops in your swimwear with just a light top or wrap.

 

Each year has its fashions, of course, and bikinis in pastel shades with a sequin top are all the rage here this year. 

 

A common sight this summer. This is Yamamay's brazilian brief and triangle top with sequins. The sequins are plastic - metal ones would really toast your buns in the sun! (c) Yamamay.com

Fundamentally, though, it's a choice between bikini or a swimsuit for us women. These are the kinds of garments that epitomise femininity, aren't they? They are also the hardest for TGirls to wear convincingly if they haven't had the operation. 

A few thoughts, then, on getting that lovely summer item if your body is not as feminine as you'd like.

If you tuck, no matter how well you do so, a bikini will never look quite right. I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't wear a bikini even with a bulge if you're happy to. My solution is my four-piece bikini set. Although it's made of unforgiving mould-to-your-body microfibre, it comes with a short skirt and a top in matching material and style. Therefore, you can cover any telltale differences and look very cute in the process. I wish I had it here so I could put up a photograph, but like so much else it's in storage in another country that Covid restrictions prevent my reaching right now. But you can get any number of sets with bikini + skirt or - and these are becoming popular - a two-piece bikini skirt, like this really cute number from Dolls Kill:

(c) Dolls Kill

Of course, a sarong is a similar way of providing discretion.

These days there are quite a number of ladies' swim shorts around and, coupled with a gaff or your usual control briefs these may be a good alternative.

Shorts bikini by Venus. (c) Venus

The one-piece swimsuit is a more forgiving item, of course. My latest one has removable breast inserts, and full breast forms can be put in place, so I'm quite pleased with it. Black, of course, hides a lot of sins! I've removed one of the inserts for the photo below.

That one's practical but is not as cute or comfortable as my favourite one which I bought two years ago and is so pretty, so soft and has a  bias cut with a cute frill. But being too figure-hugging with no hiding anything top or bottom, I'd not wear it to the beach.

When I'm happier with my weight, and the builders opposite have gone, I may model these properly. 

Like the comments above on bikini bottoms, the one kind of one-piece swimsuit that really works for TGirls is the swimdress. So cute, if old-fashioned, it has been making a comeback in recent years.

(c) Cotton Traders

Obviously, in all this, my advice is limited to the body parts covered by the item. If you are MtF with, say, wide shoulders, or are very tall, then there are further considerations, but the sort of swimwear preferences of professional swimmers might be worth considering. However, world swimming champion Federica Pellegrini is tall and has a large, powerful upper body but insists on wearing what she likes and has called for freer choices of competition wear for athletes. So do what feels right for you.

Federica Pellegrini. Photo by Michiel Jelijs

The one advantage swimwear has over lingerie is that it's stretchier anyway. I'd also recommend, if you're body conscious but want to be seen on a beach or by the pool, that you go (Covid permitting) to somewhere like Spain where nobody cares if your body is not supermodel perfect. Not every resort is snooty like St Tropez! 

Here are some thoughts on MtF beachwear from other sites and bloggers which I found worthwhile and have links to suppliers and recommended items:

Trans Café: MtF swimsuit guide

Autostraddle: perfect swimsuits for trans women 

The Lingerie Addict: trans swimwear

Feminization Secrets: how to look hot in swimwear 

There are now several firms that offer lingerie and swimwear for MtF trans people, for example

En Femme

The inimitable Hannah McKnight has a lovely review of En Femme's swimwear here: Hannah McKnight: the swimsuit issue

Trans Missie 

Cross-Dress

Most importantly, though, be happy in your pretty beachwear.

A dip in the archives

I do a lot of historic research, partly for work and partly for pleasure. I recently read The Life of Mary Read, a short biography by Daniel Defoe (author of Robinson Crusoe and Moll Flanders) and I thought it would make a suitable introduction to transgender military figures. But I see I have been pipped to the post by this article on her and her companion Ann Bonny on A Gender Variance Who's Who. 

Who doesn't love a crossdressing pirate?! (Talking style, that is. You'd disagree if you'd lost your ship, I'm sure!)

Mary Read

So instead of a historical post, here's a suitably nautical picture of me, recently rediscovered. This was in 2013 aboard the Cutty Sark museum ship in London.

Sue x

Freedom! Knickers! Madame JoJo's!

 Today marks the end of Covid restrictions where I live. By which I mean you can go and do what you want (except bop at the disco), though masks should still be worn in closed spaces and public transport is still regulated for half capacity. But we are free!!!

 

Except we're not as restrictions can be reimposed under certain known conditions, or none, or as-yet-unknown conditions. The restraints and worries of the last 15 months are replaced with hope but also great uncertainty. Hmm, those Rumsfeld "unknown unknowns" again.

The one thing that I take from all this pandemic is that governments all over the world have been incapable of dealing intelligently with the problem but have preferred their own unco-ordinated and shambolic approach. The results speak for themselves.

In the 1990s, as I have said before, I was directly involved with anti-pandemic strategies as part of my work, and most countries had a policy on what to do in an eventuality such as Covid-19. In 2001, for instance, there was a series of anthrax attacks in the wake of 9/11 and, although that was a case of bioterrorism, the pandemic strategy was on standby. Twenty years on, we have seen almost none of this careful preplanning put into action, as though this was all a new thing. 

To combat Covid-19 people have given up their liberties, such as freedom of circulation, have lost their jobs and businesses, not to mention long delays in medical treatment for other ailments. And governments seem to have enjoyed imposing restrictions by dubious legal instruments and hiding their incompetence behind a barrage of propaganda about how we all have to pull together. Citizens are too easily swayed by authority and I am now even more worried about incompetent politicians and the effect of this unexpected overdose of power on their future behaviour. 

I am very depressed about all of this. About the mess that we are forced to comply with, about the lazy, inhumane approach of some governments that equates to genocide. I mean you, Mr Trump, Mr Johnson, Mr Bolsonaro, Mr Modhi... you who are all bullying, nationalist abuse and no actual substance.

Most readers of my blog prefer posts about my lingerie to those about the state of the world. So, how do we cope with oppression these days? Well, we usually ignore it and go for retail therapy and since I must buy new underwear (you should replace your everyday panties annually) I'm going to be buying a big new lot of knickers (yes, cheeky, I did put "big" in the right place in the sentence there). Fancy panties are for fancy occasions so these will be boring and practical and, no, I won't be showing you them. But this may help to give me an illusion of normality in a world of unreality.

As it happens, I lost a pair of knickers a few weeks ago. A pair in light microfibre blew off my washing line in a high wind and landed in someone's garden. I could see them but not get to them. So I just hoped they'd blow on, or even blow back. But the very next day a builder started working in the garden laying paving slabs and the knickers were nowhere to be seen! I could speculate on whether he'd put them in his pocket to impress his mates with, whether he'd buried them under the patio to suggest a murder mystery for future discovery, whether the lady of the house was accusing her husband of 'entertaining' other women in the garden... the mind races!

Please stay safe, be sensible and for heaven's sake hold your government to account.

Flagging up the issues of the day

 

A dip in the archives

I've been looking back at venues I went to in search of other trans friends in my early days of being out and about. On 27 May, for instance, I wrote about Leeds. Today I recall Madame JoJo's in the heart of London which closed a couple of years after my 2012 post. 

 

It's been granted a controversial licence to reopen after the controversial decision to close it! Being something of a London institution, it would be great to see it back. 

I've recently found out it was used as the set for the Sonata Café in Stanley Kubrick's last film, Eyes Wide Shut.

My post: Madame JoJo's 

Sue x

Cari lettori italiani

Qui da oggi siamo in zona bianca. Dovrei essere contenta ma in realtà sono depressa. Depressa da quello che abbiamo affrontato, da non aver visto parenti o amici da più di un anno, dal modo in cui i governi hanno pasticciato tutto perché non volevano seguire le politiche guide su come affrontare le pandemie che sono state preparate decenni fa, dal fatto che ancora non ho potuto farmi vaccinare, dalla solita maledetta burocrazia italiana ... la libertà non è tornata, e chi sa se tornerà veramente?

Sue x