Fun and frustration

 It's been a good holiday weekend, but frustrating, too. I normally enjoy the long easter break as it's a chance to get my hair and makeup on ... but not this time because all my neighbours, who are usually here only occasionally, all turned up. I mean, it's nice to be sociable and say hi, but I would've preferred the outdoor girl time I'd planned. All our homes overlook each other and the partitions between them are glass so there's no real privacy outdoors (see my photo below, taken around Christmas).

 

Oh well, gardening in my usual slacks it was, then. 

 

Foodie 

I am just shy of the half way point in my slimming drive. A bit more off and I should be in the healthy weight range again after 15 years of being too large. But I decided to pause the slimming and have a foodie weekend.

So on Saturday I enjoyed a trip into nearby Sanremo and was pleased to see my favourite stallholder at the market back in his usual position after a period in hospital. Ditto my favourite restaurateur who'd been doubled up with appendicitis last time I went. 

Everything here can be haggled a bit, whether at the market or at the restaurant. The lady who runs the fabulous if expensive spice shop opposite was eating there, too, so maybe after our pleasant chat she'll give me a bit off next time. This Domestic Goddess likes to save money in exchange for a smile! 

Sunday I took time over making lunch at home, not something that normally happens. And Easter Monday is traditionally barbecue day in Italy so everyone was out, grilling away! ...Mmm, sausages! 

 

Sanremo Pride

The Pride season here in Italy kicks off with Sanremo Pride, which is next Saturday, and this year the parade starts at the newly remodelled main square, rather then being slightly sidelined. It's even received some funding from the council. 

I really want to go but, as in the past, there's a clear risk of my outing myself in my neighbourhood. This is always a frustration, as I pointed out just last week in relation to Trans Day of Visibility. I've looked into going to Nice Pride in July instead but the cost of hotels in that chic resort in high summer is ludicrous. 

Let's see what I can resolve. But I shall be seeing trans friends in London soon so I will be getting my Outdoor Girl Time this spring whatever happens.

 

Barbecalculus

In that outstanding comedic work, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the science of flipping spacecraft across the mind-bendingly vast gulfs of space is explored in increasingly ludicrous ways, culminating in Bistromathics, which applies the contorted unpredictability of groups booking, arriving, ordering, being served and paying in a typical restaurant to the complexities of intergalactic travel. 

I'd like to point out to physicists, as they loop a craft around the moon or devise ever more murderous missiles, that the complex torsions of barbecue smoke could indicate new mathematics. No matter the direction of the actual wind, or the angle, height, power or chimney availability of the barbecuing device, or the inherent smokiness of the food or fuel, my smoke will move around me to envelop my neighbours and theirs will make similarly contorted flight to envelop me. You can imagine that with several barbecues going simultaneously, these mutually avoidant palls of aromatic smoke create very complex trajectories as they home in on their targets with no apparent reference to normal outside forces. This might be the breakthrough into hyperspace physics that has so far been only a dream. 

I shall call this new science Barbecalculus and universities are invited to apply to Sue's Science Foundation for supplies of uneaten sausages, onions and broken charcoal to help them in their experiments. 

Sue x 

A nurse in autumn

 It's been a strange year this, dominated by the hospitalisation of a relative of mine. He should be returning home today after six months on the wards so I have swapped the dramatic evergreen landscape of the coast for the autumn golds of the big city in order to give him a hand as he readjusts to normality.

Sadly, it's not going to be full-on fem time thanks to the vigilant bigotry and phobias of my family. Nevertheless, my 'masculine lesbian' or androgynous look of women's shirts and trousers that is my everyday attire these days passes scrutiny, and I have some warm tights to mitigate the cooler climate. You may wonder why I would help a bigot and the answer is that he was instrumental in helping me settle in Italy and even made the wise suggestion as to where I should move to, which has worked out very well. So I owe him one.

I'm not sure that I make a great nurse so we have the local visiting one from the hospital engaged to come and change his dressings and supervise his medication but I am here to shop and cook and generally deal with everyday stuff for a bit. 

What's struck me so far, as I hinted above, is autumn. The view from my bedroom window here is nothing but a mass of leaves turning gold.

 

I remember this tree from when I was little and it was just a spindly sapling in the road that people would casually run their cars into when parking. You wouldn't do that now as it towers over the whole house! It's a real contrast with the evergreen pines and turquoise sea of the coast I've left and you'll appreciate the acclimatisation shock.

If you want to see beautiful autumn colours from the Alpine region you could do worse than look at Violetta's fabulous blog: Violetta''s autumn

Milan where I now am is a fashion capital so I plan to use my time out to bring you any attractive or weird outfits and accessories from the designer outlets. 

 

A disturbance in the Force

The arcane powers that run Blogger seem to have hit a patch of instability, eddies in the space-time continuum or something, so once more I am having trouble replying to comments through my usual channel or through the substitute that I found for previous instabilities. Do not adjust your set. I will acknowledge your comment as soon as have found a way or the Supreme Blogging Council have found a fix themselves.

Sue x 

Crazy days

 I'm going away for just three days but I still feel nervous leaving home - have I packed everything I need? have I switched off everything? Has the dragon been fed and chained or will he go on a rampage across the kingdom? You know the sort of thing. 

As mentioned before, the nearby town of Sanremo is hosting the 75th National Song Festival and is now a no-go area unless you have a pass. My bank turns into a TV studio, the shop I buy my unfashionable clothes from turns into radio studios, the central ice cream shop ditto, and the place is full of TV crews, music executives, funky popstrels and whacky fans. Pop-up studios and star venues are everywhere and normal life just stops. To be fair, there was a beautiful fireworks display over the bay on Sunday evening, even better than the New Year fireworks, with a giant cruise ship offshore with LED screen all along its side and laser display from the top deck. And right above, in the night sky, the moon was grazing Mars. What that means for the success of the festival (or mankind), I cannot say. 

The festival looks less camp this year with no obvious LGBT acts in the main contest, but Big Mama who made a big impression last year will be on the secondary stage in the main square, and Damiano David from gender-flexible group Måneskin who won in 2021 will be co-hosting. It's supposed to be less socio-politically charged this year. A great cartoon in my paper shows a man reading the paper and saying: "Carlo Conti [the festival host] says 'no speeches, no controversies, no gossip' "; to which his female companion replies, "You mean we'll have to listen to the songs?" Ha ha! We'll see if there's a repeat of antics like last year when a protesting cow crashed the party or some star like John Travolta punks the punkers again (he was made to look silly by performing the birdie song but had the last laugh because he managed to sneak the designer sneakers he represents past the rigid advertising rules and give them a free ad).

 

The weather bothers me. It was beautiful spring weather last week after the storms and now it's gone back to being colder and more unsettled. There are still no frogs to be heard whereas in 2020 the frog chorus at this time of year was deafening. Yet the silver wattle that is the flower given to women on International Women's Day (March 8th) is in full flower now. 

Let's see what it's like elsewhere. I need to do a bit of crossdressing when away... as a man. And I'm feeling a bit weird about it.

Sue x

Back

 I'm back to my blog after my visitor has gone, and I notice the bots have been at work. It's hard to judge what real people are reading here when there are thousands of hits a month from some weird entity. Oh well, the wonder of modern communications and all that.

My recent visitor was very pleasant company and came primarily to help me sort and file hundreds of documents. You wouldn't believe the amount of paperwork that moving from one country to another generates! At lest some nice spring weather enabled us to spread everything on my outdoor table. It's so much pleasanter to work in the sunshine than indoors. Even a boring task becomes agreeable!

 

Bird of paradise flower in the spring sunshine

My assistant has recently graduated in English and had a lot to say about gender-bent literature, such as a recent production of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew where the shrew is male not female. Additionally, she told me in some detail about her dissertation on women science fiction writers, such as Ursula Le Guin and Anne Leckie, and their imaginary worlds where gender works in a very different way to that among the humans of Planet Earth. Rather interesting. (You can read about some gender issues in sci-fi in my previous post here: Pizza, apes and aliens.)

On the theme of books, more and more little book exchanges are springing up all over the place. This one in a park in Ventimiglia, on the border between Italy and France. A great idea. Take one and leave one.

She asked no questions about my being trans and did not refer to the trans side of her sister. These days I operate on a 'need to know' basis and if gender discussions arise only when talking about books then so be it.

Inevitably, going out involves eating out and that affects my ability to control my weight loss so I have had a bit of an increase this week. But I am confident that I will be heading in the right direction again in the week to come. I can certainly see and feel the difference.

Sue x

A bit of a break

 Sometimes you need a break from the routine so I took the last week or so out from the blogosphere and social media. It's not like there's as much cheerful reading out there these days as there used to be! 

There are various things that have gone wrong in my home largely because of the wet and windy weather we've had of late. A small leak from the roof, a faulty air con unit and other electric problems. I continue to suffer from some sort of allergic reaction that makes me sneeze a lot and can't put my finger on it, although that's diminishing now.

But, on the positive side, I have been losing weight as intended, although not as rapidly as before. That slowdown is intentional as it's not healthy to crash down. Last Friday I had this urge for chocolate and wine, both of which I have largely avoided these last six months, and thoroughly enjoyed a 200g bar of milk chocco with hazelnuts and a bottle of easy-drinking red. I've got those cravings out of my system now and my weight-loss plan didn't seem to suffer too badly for it. I'm over half way to my target of 50lbs (22 kg) off. When my nose stops running and ruining my makeup, I'll take those wretched update photos I keep planning and never being able to do. Who said trans life was easy?

The daughter of a very good friend of mine is coming next week to help me with some secretarial/clerical work I need doing. As her mother is a very supportive trans ally and her sibling has spent some of her teenage years socially transitioned as F-M (although now seems to be reverting to F), I think I will have pleasant support from a young person. I have every confidence in this younger generation that seems far more humane and in touch with gender and sexual realities that previous generations, including mine.

I have also made plans to revisit the UK in May, partly to continue dealing with residual administrative matters and also to see friends I wasn't able to see during the Brexit and Covid years.

A dip in the archives

Seven years ago I went for a day out in London with a friend. It was cold, but going out as a tourist in the low season was a good plan. Here's me at Buckingham Palace.

You can read the story of my day out here: Another Day Out

Sue x

Weird health histories

 Despite being reassured by the London allergy clinics, with whom I spent a lot of time in the early 1990s and in 2014-16, that I have no known allergies, I have had some sort of streaming nose and sore eyes for nearly a fortnight. I am not sure why. Antihistamines are helping and the last couple of days have been better. But I suspect that, as with my killer eczema, it's probably due to my immune system being underemployed and attacking innocuous things or overreacting to something. This is one reason why there seems to be so much more hay fever, allergies, asthma and rashes these days than there used to be in the days when our bodies had to fight off plague, parasites and pox. As one consultant said, "There's no allergy that a good tapeworm wouldn't cure!"

Now, I'm sure a good tapeworm would also help me slim a lot faster, too! My old school science teacher, who was always one for telling weird stories, said that around the turn of the twentieth century, ladies who were struggling with their wasp-waist corsetry could swallow a 'slimming pill' that was, in fact, a tapeworm egg. Once their little guest had helped them reach their desired weight, they would swallow the magic 'stop' pill, which was some antidote or worming tablet, and end their decline. I can't be bothered to check how true this tale is but I can say that I don't propose to go to the dubious-looking late-night kebab van to get a free sample of tapeworm with my purchase to help me either slim faster or get over whatever this allergic reaction is.

Anyway, I'm happy to report that, although my weight loss has lessened a bit recently (since I did need a bit of a break from the full-on slimming programme), I have lost 10.5 kg or 23 pounds to date. Nearly half of what I wanted to lose on November 1st has gone, and my healthy weight range is in sight. Ideally I'll be at target by the end of April, although that's a challenge. But if you don't set a challenge then it's too easy to just amble along and not make enough effort. 

Anyway, the next post will be about the positive stuff I've seen and heard in this LGBT history month.

Optimum size

 

Have a good week.

Sue x

Hitchcockian suspense

 I have been trying to write a post about girl stuff but the last few days have brought an invasion of seagulls into my life.

Yes, you read that right. The man next door has seagulls nesting on his roof. He is also doing building work. I don't have seagulls on my roof because I have had anti-bird wires put there. I hope he might do the same but, since he's a politician, he's all gas and no competence.

Last week, one seagull chick (I use the word advisedly - it's huge, with a wingspan of at least three feet) jumped off my neighbour's roof onto his front terrace but couldn't seem to take the leap of faith needed to fly, despite the manhandling and coaxing of one of my friends staying with me. (Don't worry, she works with animals; usually horses, but as this gull was almost as big as a horse, I guess it falls within her competence). Eventually, though, it disappeared, presumably having finally soared to glory ...or else having left a seagull-shaped hole in the lawn below.

On Tuesday, another one appeared but chose to hop through the gap that my neighbour's building works have left in the divider between our two properties and waddle all over my terrace. Once it had started to kick my plant pots about, I shooed it back (not after it had taken a tour of the living room!) and it spent the rest of the day disconsolately pacing up and down next door hoping its mum would come and sort its life out. She did return late in the afternoon and this seemed to provide some reassurance, and next door's builder left a pot of water out for it (which it kicked over!)

 

Later in the evening I went to water the plants on the back terrace and behold! another chick was there. How did it get there? And why was it pecking at the door trying to get in? (Maybe it just wanted to watch the football on my TV or something.) Was it the same one as before that, somehow, had hopped over the building? Creepy mysteries, my friends and I began to feel like I had birds raining down on me like Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock's film The Birds, only these birds are fat and dopey. More like how the Three Stooges would've made a movie about sinister birds (titled Them Dumb Boids or similar). This last pest of a bird was clumping about all night.

This morning all chicks have gone, only the mess remains to clean up. Fortunately, the increasing heat of the last few days has now led to a thunderstorm and I'm hoping this will do most of the work.

So that's my excuse for not writing about Pride or makeup or trans life, I've been living a weird aerial nightmare. And it's been a week of sorting out telephones and tax forms. Yeah, even TGirls have practical stuff to do; it's not all glamour, you know.

Pride month

A brief word as Pride Month comes to an end. There's a lot of pushing against us by the more extreme ends of the political spectrum but here in Italy, for instance, various Pride events have brought out strong support. I feel the bullies are not going to win however focused their anti-LGBT campaigns might be becoming.

Sue x

Hiding stuff again

 I have two friends coming to stay this weekend. We used to work together twenty years ago. I've always seen employment not merely as a means of earning a living but as one way of being in company with others and even making friends.

As colleagues, these two friends became inseperable from one another. One has a married daughter and a granddaughter in France and the other has a married son and grandchildren in the States, so trips to see children and grandchildren are regular things and they know each other's families well. Both are visiting France this week and are coming on to see me for a few days since I live only about 50 miles away. I'm looking forward to their visit.

But they are pretty much the only two friends of mine who don't know I am trans so I am putting away my chick lit, my pretty knick-knacks and more obviously feminine items. I hate having to do so but after the devastating abuse and betrayal I had from a supposed friend and ally in 2014, I am no longer prepared to come out to persons older than myself. My clothes are pretty unisex and no-one seems to notice they're off the women's racks in the shops but apart from that I am going to be nominally male for the weekend. I know we will have fun but it would be nicer, of course, if they knew I was trans and supported me, but I can't take the risk of coming out to them with possible negative consequences. That's partly due to the world we live in and to the last decade that's been more than trying for me already. I do have high hopes for the younger generation, though. They seem to take LGBTQ+ matters well into their stride. The subject seems almost unremarkable to them. And that's where we need to be, where someone who is trans (or gay or in some way different from the majority) is just, like, whatever, wanna hang out?

Part of me says that I should come out to anyone else who doesn't know I am trans. If they are true friends they will support me, right? But my bad experience before with the betraying friend, and also a girlfriend who couldn't cope with having a trans partner, is that they recruit people against you and dealing with a storm of questioning or indignation is much harder than dealing with just the one person who's being awkward. Obviously, I can probe these friends' ideas of trans life indirectly while they are here. But since I am not full-time female, however much I might dream of being, it's not worth pressing the issue at this stage.

I'll write again after their visit.

It's approaching midsummer and things are getting hot here. Thankfully, the freezer is full of ice cream and the communal pool opens tomorrow. Bliss!

Almost tropical

Sue x

We can rebuild her

 Positive news now. I was beginning to feel people might think me a fraud for writing about trans life but rarely appearing en femme on these pages of late. Not any more as I have, after nearly five years, been reunited with my "feminine critical kit" that was in storage in one location whilst I was living a thousand miles away. On my trip to Britain - yes, that has finally happened - I've now found the box with all my newest wigs and wig care kit, my makeup, my jewellery, several perfumes and, most importantly, my breasts. You've no idea how good it feels to have these items back.

There's quite a story attached to these items. On the day I moved house in autumn 2018, I was hit by a cyclist on the pavement and my leg was damaged enough for me to need crutches for several weeks and I wasn't able to walk properly for about 18 months afterwards. But on that moving day I had put my feminine critical kit into a special box to be kept at the front of my storage unit for easy access later. Since I was agonising on the floor of the facility after the accident, I wasn't able to direct the removal men properly and the box ended up somewhere at the back instead. No matter how hard I looked in subsequent visits, I couldn't find it and I wasn't in a position, as I limped about, to heave everything right out of the unit simply to find this one box.

Then there was a flood in the storage facility during a storm in August 2020 when I was locked down in Italy and the storage people dried and repacked all my items that had got slightly wet. My feminine critical kit was in a new box which they had politely labelled "wigs, makeup and beauty". I'm not sure what they made of a lot of loose boobs in a crate, but I guess they see all sorts of stuff in their storage, and I reckon the term "beauty" covers it!

So now I have all my lovely things back and can sift through them all to throw out anything that's unusable, like eye makeup, and get back to wearing my proper boobies again. That will make such a difference to my femininity that's been, well, deflated these past years without this stuff. And it's not like it was easily replaceable during lockdowns and such, especially as some things, like a lot of my jewellery, has sentimental value as it is presents from friends.

Going through Batch 1 ... there's plenty more where this came from!

So more selfies soon, I hope. 

I have been on a shopping spree for new underwear, too, but also got a lot of my old clothes from storage. And I'm reunited with my old desktop computer with lots of the photos I've been missing. I will also write about the emotional roller coaster that going back to Britain has been.

Kate Collins

I left my post on Kate up for a couple of weeks as I have been upset enough not to want to write more. Thanks to Calie at T-Central for promoting my tribute so girls all around the world know how much we will miss her. I've seen some lovely words of condolence and memorial online. 

I am not certain about Kate's funeral at the time of writing.

Sue x

Deprincessing

 I'm sure you know the term, when a TGirl has to take off her lovely clothes and makeup so as get back to her humdrum life as a man. A few trans women move to a point where being a woman is their whole life, so then deprincessing is just when the party happens to be over and that nice frock has to be put away. No matter where she is on the trans spectrum, it's never a happy moment for any TGirl.

I spend most of my life in female mode. That's not luck but design. It's been vital to me to have all the time I can to be myself with minority time acting as a man. I hate that minority time but it's a role I can get into, like an actor typecast or known for one part who just slips into the role when it crops up. 

I'm packing my bags to be away next week. I will be looking after a relative who is unwell and I'm having another Covid injection. I'm not looking forward to travelling long distances as the latest wave of disease reaches its peak but the injection, at least, is compulsory so off I go to my official place of residence. My sick relative is not trans-hostile (unlike most of my family) but clearly does not understand trans people and I want to avoid a whole load of trouble. So I am deprincessing for the trip. No dresses or skirts, high heels or pretty tops as I usually wear. Although I've honed my 'boy' clothes over the years to actually be clothes from the womenswear department that are unisex in look or pass for boys' clothes. This keeps me grounded and still feeling feminine but stops awkward questions. I still feel I have a double life, though. Many of us feel we have to have this double life as full transition creates so many problems that the losses we suffer may be too great to bear, or at least perceived that way.

So I am preparing for my kind of deprincessing for next week. 

A dip in the archives

A friend wrote to me saying how much she enjoyed reading this slot. Last year I added A dip in the archives to every post but this made a lot of posts very long so this year I will write it from time to time.

Ten years ago I had my first outing of the year - eating out and going to the cinema in central London. It was a good way to get into the new year. I'm pleased to see that the links to restaurant and pub websites still work after ten years - with Covid ruining so many in the food and drink sector, this is encouraging.

Link: First outing of the year

 Sue x

Jokebook

 When the holidays are over and the bank account is empty and the weather is lousy ... you know it's January! In addition, these are not good times. So instead of writing a full blog post on some trans topic, I thought I would put my jokebook up on my blog. It's one of the grey tabs at the top.

I compiled my jokebook in times of adversity in the late 1990s (and in better times later) and so it's there when you need a chuckle. There are as many jokes there now as I could copy in today, and I will add more as time goes on. 

There should be something for everyone. Hope it cheers you up.

 

Sue x

How (not) to get a head

 A few days ago a shop I regularly go to was newly stocked with Hallowe'en stuff including cheap nasty wigs, but one was in a long black style I've been thinking about recently so I paid my €6.99 for cheapo static-crackling nylon goodness thinking that it would give me a rough preview of the style without first going to a specialist for a fitting. It also reminded me of the days, long before I ever got out or went to a dressing service, when the joke shop wig (in totally the wrong style, shape, size, material and authenticity) somehow helped improve an already dubious appearance. Still, one does what one can with what is available and I know many of my trans friends have been there, too.

But now a problem on my scalp I've had all my life has flared up again quite badly. I had small-scale surgery back in 2008 that resolved the immediate problem but didn't cure the issue. I hope it will sort itself out without my needing medical intervention again. In short, I'm not sure wearing a rough wig is such a great idea just at present. What with the eczema that killed my trans life in public a few years ago, I'm more than annoyed at this other health problem affecting my look. Still, I hope my normal good-quality wig will still be donnable this weekend when I hope to glam up a bit. Fingers crossed. More news as it happens.

 

Getting ahead on TV

I'm happy to report that the BBC's Good Morning news programme in the UK last Sunday interviewed transwoman Chrissie Chevasutt about her book and about being trans, and also Jenny Anne Bishop, a well-known trans activist. Media profiling like this always helps.

I'm delighted to hear that a children's drama series in Australia, First Day, starring young trans actress Evie Macdonald, has won an International Kids Emmy Award. This is great news as it shows trans subjects can make best-quality viewing.

Every time the trans profile is raised by well-regarded reporting or quality fiction, it can only be to the benefit of the trans community.

 

A dip in the archives

My last dip in the archives looked back ten years, this time I'm going back to October three years ago which was, believe it or not, the very last time I got out in public as Sue. This was a couple of weeks before I was due to move abroad but was then hit by a bicycle that put me on crutches. By the time I had recovered enough to regain reasonable mobility, Covid was on the loose. I seem to have had little luck these last few years! Anyway, here's the link to the last fun evening with friends Gina and Jo:

An evening with Jo and Gina

Sue x

Those hidey holes again

 Tomorrow I am having a relative come to stay for a few days. Although good from the point of view of getting back to normality, I have had to put away my feminine things. Although politically in favour of LGBT matters, I wouldn't expect him to understand what it actually is to be trans. If fact, a couple of years ago I was out with him and we were passed by a very pretty trans woman. "It's one of those transsexuals," he said, "She's actually a man, you know." Sigh! "Shall I 'educate' him a bit?" I thought. Best just bite my lip and carry on. 

So the shoes in the spare room, my chick lit, my girly notebooks, my pretty ornaments and similar have been put in a special container I bought for just this purpose. It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote about creating hiding places as a child (Hiding the stash from the goons) and this is something of a throwback to those times. 

It's not that I am fearful of being known as trans, it's just that trying to explain trans life to people who have difficulty understanding can be really, really exhausting and can end badly (see Good and bad allies). So, back to operating my "need to know" policy on outing myself.

 

Weight loss progress

I was very excited at the end of July after setting myself the challenge to lose another half stone (3.2 kg) that month and achieved it (Health benefits). But then I had two periods away from home so I had less control over food, and it became very hot in August so that ice-cream became an essential food or I would have died! And you wouldn't want that, now would you? So I've been on a weight loss plateau for the last two months. Last week I decided to get a grip, lost nearly 3 pounds and am now just shy of the half-way point in my weight loss programme. I haven't taken any photos for ages so when I achieve that point I will smarten up, put my face on properly and take some full-lengh pics as a record.

You can see from this photo from two years ago how plump I had become, and that was before Covid lockdowns forced us all to stay at home and be lazy.

 

Autumn

Three spectacular thunderstorms yesterday with torrential rain mark the end of a fortnight of beautiful weather and the opening of the autumn storm season. I'm hoping we don't have a repeat of the destructive Storm Alex there was last year (Humanity rises to the challenge). Fingers crossed.

 

A dip in the archives

 I've lived in my new home in Italy for two years to the day. Originally planned as a temporary home, I think I will actually stay now for the foreseeable future. Here are posts from one and two years ago which have pretty photos of the region of Liguria where I now live.

Looking for a new home

Lying low 

Sue x

Stealth and safety

 Tribute has to be paid to US aircrew, passengers, emergency services and ordinary people who dealt with the chaos of the terrorist attacks twenty years ago, and to those who died. Today is one of those essential anniversaries as its repercussions have dominated international affairs ever since and will do so for a while yet. The human capacity for not wanting to share with and understand others is limitless ... so that's the world we've got.

This year I've been posting here on Monday mornings and Thursday afternoons but this week I've been away, staying with a relative who, although politically pro-LGBT, on a personal and emotional level would be unsuitable for including in my circle of those who know I am trans. So I have been in male disguise this week and wasn't easily able to use the Sue account on my laptop. But I am home now. Inevitably, the first thing I did on getting back last night was to ditch the horrible male attire and put on my favourite dress. Aah, relief!

At least my trip was a big success. More on that next time. In the meantime, stay safe from harm in all its forms.

A dip in the archives

I have my new full European Green Pass to allow me to travel on planes and long-distance trains in these Covid times. How different the world is now. Travelling safely used to be like this ...

Let's hope those times return soon.

Sue x

Lingerie for TGirls and men

 Somewhat related to my last post about finding suitable swimwear is the question of how many TGirls choose lingerie for men or lingerie specifically designed for MtF trans people. 

There are several firms that make lingerie specifically for TGirls, i.e. lingerie that takes into consideration the usually flatter, broader chests for bras or the slimmer hips and rears and fuller fronts for panties/knickers that are often characteristic of MtF trans people who haven't had the op or hormones. Some of these items seems very pretty. I have never ordered from firms like En Femme (US) or Carmen Liu Lingerie (UK) or Petit Cyclone (France) myself but specialists like these and many others seem to have a good following.

A long time ago I came across a company called Homme Mystère from Australia and I was curious about how many men choose specially made male lingerie. I am delighted that they do - let's face it, men's standard underwear is horrible: nasty to look at and unpleasant to wear. At least, I have always thought so. A firm like this gives men the chance to wear something pretty, soft, flattering and, in my view, much more suitable than men's official underwear styles. And now men can complement their wives'/girlfriends' choices, too.

I have never bought any of these specialist products myself, either those designed for MtF transgender people or those designed for men. And the reason for this is simply that I feel my femininity is such a strong part of my trans nature that I am keen to have only clothing specifically labelled for women. So even when presenting as male (more usually androgynously) it is still clothes from the womenswear department that I am in. This may seem excessive or obsessive but after years of being forced to suppress my trans nature I am just keen to emphasise my femininity as much as possible! Yes, I dare say I have been losing out on some good, more comfortable, enhancing underwear, but being a woman among women has been my lifelong need. 

But never say never. Maybe I'll try out, say, a pushup bra from a made-to-measure trans-specific company soon just to see if there is a clear improvement. I doubt I will ever go for lingerie for men, though. I am just not masculine enough!

I am still compiling a resources page which will include links to suppliers. Here are a few up-to-date reviews of specialist suppliers:

Byrdie: 5 inclusive and empowering lingerie brands for the trans community

Pink News: the best, cutest and most popular trans lingerie ... 

Hannah McKnight: Lingerie for men - does it matter? 

On a related note, here's news from the BBC about creating a universal sizing guide for trans women, which is currently lacking:

BBC: Trans clothing - designer works to create standard sizes

 

A fig tree and two agaves growing close to home. Figleaves were the first undergarments ever, according to the Bible, but some modern styles feel more like the hard, chunky, scratchy agave. Ouch! Choose wisely.

 

A dip in the archives

Well done to Femulate for making available its huge collection of photos from US college yearbooks with 'boys' who preferred to present as female:

Flickr: yearbooks 

As I mentioned in my dip in the archives on 28 June, events such as school proms, plays, Hallowe'en parties, womanless beauty pageants and such events have often been a lifeline for trans or just gender curious people to express themselves in an environment that is less judgmental than home or the local community. It is an interesting collection and quite a cultural phenomenon.

Sue x

Interlude

It's a tricky time at the moment and I'm unlikely to be able to go out to play at all this month because a lot of things need sorting. I want my girlfriends to know how much I appreciate all their invitations but I'm having to deal with other stuff right now, but I love them all very much. Our night out in London in the previous post was arranged months ago and, although I had a lot else on my mind, it did me good to go out.

So it may be a bit before more fun stuff and pictures appear here. In the meantime, enjoy the various amusing and fun items that have happened over the last few months.

I will try to get a girly Sunday lunch booked perhaps for very early July. I'm finding it hard to find free weekends, though.

I will also be going to Sparkle again in July.

Now for some music ...

Sue x

Another week in the life ...

Well, last month's posts here seemed to generate huge interest, especially the Our Different Journey answers. In fact, I've just now reached 10,000 hits on this blog (as the insistent stats inform me when I log on). The Our Different Journey site now has several more stories, which are fascinating. I'm sure most other TGirls will enjoy reading the contributions and any non-trans person will be enlightened. Lynn, Bobby and Stella are good friends of mine so I feel I know them better now, but Caroline and Becca are very interesting. Here's the link again.

http://ourdifferentjourney.wordpress.com/ [NB Site no longer active]

This week has been a mix of stuff. Work, of course, punctuated by a day off on Tuesday to go shopping (at last) and meet up with Susan Sometimes, a TGirl of eminent good sense and taste. I bought a stretchy black skirt, some floral print leggings, a pair of black court shoes and a sexy pair of seamed tights to go with my burlesque outfit. Jonathan Aston are always the best range for eye-catching hosiery.

Later in the week someone who likes to crossdress as a woman but has few resources or experience came over. I think my new friend was very happy with the outfit, although lessons in makeup and how to walk in heels will have to be dealt with another time. And by the way, don't put a woman's wig on a man in drag without makeup or he ends up looking like a superannuated '70s rocker!

But a big family reunion today meant that all my lovely red nail polish had to come off and I had to check carefully that no signs of femininity were left and be a bloke. I won't go into why I can't come out to them about my being trans, but the results of my doing so would be disastrous. Oh well, it's a rare event so I can tolerate it every so often.

And so life goes on in this kind of way here ...

Sue x

Apocalyptic Lurgy

I've been in bed all week with the lurgy. I think I'm lucky in that I rarely get so sick that I have to take to my bed, but I can't recall being this ill for a great many years. (OK, so I'm not in bed at this precise moment as I type, but you know what I mean.) I'm hoping it'll be all gone by Christmas Day.

This is very annoying because it's not only messed up my work for the week but it's also messed up my Xmas shopping and other preparations. But above all, I'm very disappointed at missing the Nottingham Invasion tonight which promised to be a good one, especially as friends I haven't seen in a while are going. Boo!

It wouldn't have mattered if the world had come to an end today (as promised by the Mayans). What a disappointment! Nothing exciting ever happens round here!

Hoping that normal service will be resumed before long.

Sue x

Brief update

Been very busy with work this last month – exciting new opportunities presenting themselves – but that’s meant I’ve been doing little in the way of social stuff, hence little news here. Apologies to the girls who’ve invited me out but whom I’ve had to turn down, and to those I’ve been slow in replying to online. We shall make up for it. But sometimes you just have to give priority to pursuing long-term benefits. Besides, as I’ve said recently, these frocks don’t pay for themselves.

Thanks also for the supportive comments and other communications on my last entry. Not sure why this sudden burst of negativity after all these years but it’s probably just bad coincidence. It also shows how much more support than detraction there is within the trans community (yes, there is a community, you naysayers).

Next entry will probably be a catch-up post on the great weekend I had in London towards the end of March – cabaret, cakes, cute company and (of course) colossal lunch!

Sue x

These frocks don't pay for themselves, you know!

I've been busy. I've been delighted to have won new work contracts. But they've been keeping me very occupied these last two weeks, and will do so for at least two weeks more (then things might calm down a little). So I've been online far less than of late.

Still, it brings the money in, which is useful as going out doesn't come cheap, nor does keeping up with fashion.

More adventures soon, when I find some time for them.

How does one become a kept woman these days?

Sue x