Thursday, 28 October 2021

Bobby Sox - a tribute

 I am very sad to have to write that my friend Bobby Sox has passed away.

Bobby was one of the first TGirls I ever met and she and her wife Sandy were regularly to be seen at trans clubs and events: Pink Punters, Sparkle, Leeds First Friday ...

I borrowed the above photo, and the one below, from her blog as I think they show her very much as she was: slender, rich hair, body-hugging dress, bare legs and peep-toe heels that made her even taller, standing in the garden that she so loved. 


She took a lot of care over her appearance, which was always striking, with her hallmark dresses and killer heels. See Bobby's picture page, which is a tribute to a TGirl who developed a winning look: Bobby's picture page

As a person I found her humane, calm, witty and friendly but also very determined, putting up with no nonsense and feeling strongly about injustice. The way she fought cancer was typical and she outlived the predictions of the doctors, whom she found less than caring. Her main worry about dying was the messed-up wider world her wife and son were going to inherit. She certainly had things to say when Facebook questioned her name and authenticity! I found her calm thinking helpful when I was beset by online trolls once. 

She'd built a good life from hard beginnings and the garden at her last home in Wales ("Sox Cottage") was obviously a delight to her. She always referred to the nature around her when she wrote her blog. 

Bobby did leave her blog up in the end. Do read her thoughts and adventures and enjoy the photos of her trips out, her garden and her fabulous outfits: The Bobbysox Blog

Bobby called her wife Sandy her soulmate and their closeness was clear. Sandy often joined Bobby on her jaunts and we could not want a better trans ally, kind friend or such good company. My heart goes out to Sandy at this time.

I have missed Bobby for some years - she was left much less mobile by her illness - but I kept in touch with her. We last exchanged a few words in August when she was enjoying her birthday present of a foot spa. Sandy's message to me about Bobby having passed away was sent a month ago but I missed it till yesterday thanks to spam filters - the algorithm wins again. Bobby would have had something to say about that! 

Just two photos from my collection showing Bobby in her other natural element: socialising with other TGirls.

With Bobby at the Angels Lunch during Sparkle 2011

Bobby presides at the head of the table. With JJ, Maddy and Jo.

No regular dip in the archives this time as I want this post to be about my friend. I am very sad and I miss you, Bobby. Thank you for so many good times.

Sue x

Monday, 25 October 2021

More contemporary look

 I'm grateful for all the comments I've received here and elsewhere on social media about the straighter black hair I was considering. There's a clear consensus that the style is quite severe and my usual look serves me better. So it was worth considering but I'll stick to what I know works. 

I live in Italy now and style is different from other places. It's smart and very contemporary, with leather or PVC leggings/trousers being very much in fashion, or skinny dark jeans usually with a bit of sparkle. This is irrespective of age. This is the style I should be going for now:

(Yes, I know I've still got some tummy to lose but I'm working hard on that.)

So a more funky look is what I'm after now. Let's see how this develops.

A dip in the archives

The great thing about being able to swap your hair and wearing heavy  makeup is the greater variety of looks you can create. Here's me - a, erm, mature lady - dressing as a teenager ... and it felt good!

But when I used to visit dressing services, wig salons and have makeover sessions it was always a time to experiment before settling on something that worked.

This is my most popular picture on Flickr but I've no idea why: the legs are great but the '80s style batwing top that shows my heavy-duty longline bra is, in my view, a style disaster.

Here's the shorter wig and lighter makeup than usual after my makeover at Mac and consultation at Trendco wigs. Nice but more coverage is better in both regards, I later felt.

And something rejected in its entirety. Each item - skirt, top, boots, hair - is OK individually, but not together. You may disagree.

But then this is the importance of dressing and makeover services and why we should experiment at home and ask opinions - so we can avoid mistakes in public.

Sue x

Thursday, 21 October 2021

New hair?

Today: possible new hairstyle and exciting news of trans representation.


New hairstyle

Thank you for comments here and elsewhere on my look after last Sunday's selfie-fest. Helpful advice as well as compliments. All very welcome.

As mentioned before, I got myself a cheapie wig that more or less corresponds to a new look I'm toying with the idea of. Long, black and comparatively straight. I think the style suits and I may buy a good version. As ever, your thoughts are appreciated.

Trans representation: city councillor elected

Although I am living on the coast, my official residence is in the large inland city of Milan where there have just been local elections. I'm pleased to report that we have our first openly transgender councillor, Monica Romano.

I find her calm, quietly spoken but intelligent, well-informed eloquence a pleasant change from populist ranters who, incidentally, have been trounced all over the country. She comes across as approachable and humane. This and her campaign, suggesting people try being represented by a trans person for once, has obviously worked.

She's not the first trans person to enter local or national politics here or elsewhere, but she's the first in any place I've lived in. Very excited for her and the trans community.


A dip in the archives

My ongoing campaign to find old photos in forgotten places has brought up two items taken by my friend Tina in London ten years ago. Not great focus but I like them for the memories.

News of that weekend with Tina is here, and it includes the privilege I had of taking Grace out on her first trip ever trip. I never tire of the excitement of joining girls on their first forays.

A fun weekend in London

Sue x

Monday, 18 October 2021

First time in full makeup for years

 I set the weekend aside for girl time and I'd like your honest thoughts about my looks. 

In some respects every day for me involves girl time because it's a promise I made to myself almost a quarter of a century ago (Those biggest resolutions) but this time I'd decided to set time aside to look my best, try a new look and make a photo record of how I appear now that I've passed the half-way point in my weight loss programme.

I've lost nearly 2½ stone (15 kg) this year so here's what I looked like in 2020 (left) compared to now.You can click on the pics to enlarge them.

You can see how much my face has changed shape in the last year. My tum needs to follow, although that's improving. 


But I'm surpassing my targets in terms of weight loss.

For the first time in many years I tried full makeup: blusher, eye liner, eye shadow, mascara and brow tint. I also painted the nails I'd carefully prepared over the last two weeks in a bright red to match my lipstick. The reason it's been years since I last wore eye makeup is that my skin and eyes are very sensitive and can react strongly to substances applied to them. I was wondering if I could remember how it's done!

I usually wear glasses so here are photos showing my eye makeup without and with glasses. 

What do you think? Feel free to be honest if you think I've goofed.

This summer I bought a sun hat. I love it as it's soft and covers my head and face on bright sunny days. But then I'm not usually wearing a wig and I'm not at all sure it suits me with my usual wig style, almost like it's perched on top slightly comedically. All opinions accepted.

I also tried out a new young rocky / gothy style with new hair that I will ask your opinion on next time. But the one thing I got from my weekend, after years of illness, moving, Covid and so forth, was a new zest for looking my best. There is no joy greater than being the women you were born to be and for the first time in ages I felt exhilaration that only a day fully en femme can bring. I'm looking forward to next time, which will be soon!

A dip in the archives

A brief record of my yoyo weight ...

I was very skinny till 1994 (and then I discovered food!)

2004 - 13 stone

2008 - 10 stone

2011 - 11 stone

2016 - 12
½ stone


2020 - 14½ stone

Now (2021) - 12 stone

I'm aiming to get back to 10 stone which is my ideal healthy weight. Wish me luck.

Sue x

Thursday, 14 October 2021

How (not) to get a head

 A few days ago a shop I regularly go to was newly stocked with Hallowe'en stuff including cheap nasty wigs, but one was in a long black style I've been thinking about recently so I paid my €6.99 for cheapo static-crackling nylon goodness thinking that it would give me a rough preview of the style without first going to a specialist for a fitting. It also reminded me of the days, long before I ever got out or went to a dressing service, when the joke shop wig (in totally the wrong style, shape, size, material and authenticity) somehow helped improve an already dubious appearance. Still, one does what one can with what is available and I know many of my trans friends have been there, too.

But now a problem on my scalp I've had all my life has flared up again quite badly. I had small-scale surgery back in 2008 that resolved the immediate problem but didn't cure the issue. I hope it will sort itself out without my needing medical intervention again. In short, I'm not sure wearing a rough wig is such a great idea just at present. What with the eczema that killed my trans life in public a few years ago, I'm more than annoyed at this other health problem affecting my look. Still, I hope my normal good-quality wig will still be donnable this weekend when I hope to glam up a bit. Fingers crossed. More news as it happens.


Getting ahead on TV

I'm happy to report that the BBC's Good Morning news programme in the UK last Sunday interviewed transwoman Chrissie Chevasutt about her book and about being trans, and also Jenny Anne Bishop, a well-known trans activist. Media profiling like this always helps.

I'm delighted to hear that a children's drama series in Australia, First Day, starring young trans actress Evie Macdonald, has won an International Kids Emmy Award. This is great news as it shows trans subjects can make best-quality viewing.

Every time the trans profile is raised by well-regarded reporting or quality fiction, it can only be to the benefit of the trans community.


A dip in the archives

My last dip in the archives looked back ten years, this time I'm going back to October three years ago which was, believe it or not, the very last time I got out in public as Sue. This was a couple of weeks before I was due to move abroad but was then hit by a bicycle that put me on crutches. By the time I had recovered enough to regain reasonable mobility, Covid was on the loose. I seem to have had little luck these last few years! Anyway, here's the link to the last fun evening with friends Gina and Jo:

An evening with Jo and Gina

Sue x

Monday, 11 October 2021

Oh, horrors! No handbag!

 Are you desperate to get out to parties and meet-ups as a girl like you used to? I bet you are, and so am I. Things seems to be gradually getting back to the routine, but with plenty of restrictions still. 

I've decided that next weekend will be a dedicated Sue weekend when I make an effort with my hair, makeup and so forth and really enjoy my girl time. And as I've been preparing my nails to look their best, a few days to myself with lovely varnish on them will make me very happy. I also expect to be at the half-way point in my weigh-loss programme so it will be good to take some selfies for the record.

I am very tempted to go out shopping, too, maybe sit at an outside café table and watch the world go by like I used to do. With Covid lockdowns and restrictions since February last year, it's been all but impossible.

But then I remembered the other problem with going out right now. I've only got a tiny number of items to wear here, as much as I was able to carry in suitcases from Britain. Originally I had planned to bring a vanload of stuff - from furniture to clothes - from my storage unit in London to my new home in Italy but Covid put paid to that. I have no coat (not essential yet as it's still mild) but, worst thing of all, I have a packing case full of handbags and purses in storage abroad but not a single one here. Girls, you cannot - must not - go out without a handbag. It's the law! No, it's not the law, it's just that a bag is essential, as is a purse for money and cards, or you just don't belong in a town like this! And you don't look or feel right. And women's clothes have no pockets!

The irony is is that the last time I travelled from Britain to Italy (two years ago!) I was about to pack a handbag and then thought, no, the suitcase is bursting as it is so I'll take one next time. Of course, there was no next time. Fortunately I do have a shoulder bag that I use in male mode even though it's for women (funny that!) so for my first trip I may use that. That first trip that will necessarily involve buying a bag!

My all-purpose, "unisex" shoulder bag

Or else I will just have to treat myself to a new bag now. There are some lovely - if very expensive - handbags in the smart shops ... this is Italy, after all, home of quality leather goods.


Bulgari shop window in Milan. If you have to ask the price, you shouldn't be shopping there!

There are some cheap knock-off bags from street vendors (usually with names like Louis Vuittom or Balenciaca!). Not recommended!

I'll see if I can find a middle-of-the-road bag from a reputable outlet, though. Something decent but not stupidly expensive or just fashionable for one season only. But I do want a genuine leather purse as it will be smart and hard-wearing. My cerise-pink real leather purse did good service in England for ten years. Pursie, I miss you!

My favourite pink purse saving me from washing dishes for the rest of the evening. Matches the colour of the font in my blog but, oh dear, clashes with the red top and nails. Oops!

Let's see what I can find ...


A dip in the archives

In the absence of my photo archive (also still stuck in storage in England), I've been finding old photos in odd places. Even odder is that a set that my friend Emma took in London exactly ten years ago on a trip to London in October 2011 somehow never made it into my blog before (although the Hell Bunny dress I bought did - priorities, eh!). Her blog (More Earth than Sea) makes no mention if this trip either. I guess by this stage we'd become so used to going out eating and shopping as girls that it was just another relaxed, fun day out. It's wonderful to come across them again and reminisce on them.

I seem to remember Emma came just for the day, travelling into London by train. To piece it together from the photos, it looks like we started by enjoying London's best coffee at Vergnano's in the Charing Cross Road.

Those look suspiciously like my feet in the background!

Lunch was cheap but cheerful at Bistro One in Beak Street in the Carnaby area of Soho.

And then we went to Camden Lock ...

... where the huge markets that now occupy the vast old stables had recently been decorated with dozens of bronze statues of horses.

As I recall, we were looking for burlesque and party wear (hence the Hell Bunny Fatal Dress that I wore that Hallowe'en).


Shopping is thirsty work and we found this lively bar above the market (worst loos in London, though!). 


Emma looks fantastic here, in my opinion. Time for selfies, too!

And then we went back to Central London for dinner at one of our favourite venues, Salieri in the Strand.

Wow! We certainly used to pack a lot in in those days!

Sue x

Thursday, 7 October 2021

Preparing nails for varnishing

 Thanks for comments here and on Facebook on my previous post on 'passing'. A lot of views and experience shared and I will follow up on passing, blending in and public acceptance soon.

This week, though, I have been getting my finger and toenails ready for the glamfest that is autumn. Summer is my favourite season but outdoor activities and lazy days don't lend themselves so well to careful care for one's nails. So I am now, day by day, improving the look of my hands and feet by carefully clipping, filing, smoothing and evening out my nails ready for a good varnishing when they are all even, uniform and smooth. 

I could go to a nail bar but I find that, for the time and expense, I might as well do it myself. OK, I know the beauty salon is also a place for a good girly chat whilst having the treatment, but maybe I like to be in control!

So here are some top tips for top tips. Often one has so little time before a night out that one does one's best with the time available. Some stick-on nails will do! But the nails that nature gave you are best, in my view, if you can get them right. I find a week or two's preparation is advisable for growth and to reduce unevenness, chips, hangnails, excess cuticle and so on, if you can devote the attention. I also think investing in good quality tools is so worth it despite the price that may seem shocking at first. But 10 pounds/dollars/euros for a file/scissors/tweezers that will last for years pays back in the long run. Here are some of mine:

From bottom to right we have straightforward nail clippers and scissors, a top-quality indestructible file (indispensable!), best-quality tweezers, plastic cuticle stick, steel cuticle nipper, steel cuticle pusher (also good for scraping off tough varnish), fine smoothing and buffering stick (for the top of the nail). The file and tweezers were about £10 each but so worth it.

Whilst there's a lot of stuff described for cuticles, you need to go easy on them, just remove loose or excess skin. The practice of removing or pushing back the cuticles that cover the base of your nails is unhealthy as they are there to stop dirt and germs getting into the new nail growth. When I first wore false nails, the beauticians pushed my cuticles right in to make the nails sit better, but this is unwise. Yes, you might tear the cuticle on removal of false nails, but that's better than losing the cuticle altogether.

If you've never tried a buffer block to smooth and shine your natural nail, I recommend it. One I had worked so well I hardly needed varnish! A four-sided block with faces from rough to smooth and a bit of time dedicated to the task can give amazing, beautiful results and is not expensive.

The pretty little 3-item nail set at the top (from Pylones) is lovely but not best quality so it's an item for keeping in a handbag in case of nail breakage when out. The matchbook of nail files (top right) is also for the bag and is great as you can just tear off a file as and when needed and dispose of it when done.

The nail varnish on the left is a clear base coat, a main coat and a sparkly top coat in this instance. I think I'll give my toes a sparkle this year. 

I usually wear just base coat on an everyday basis. It gives a delicate sheen and protects nails better from chips and breaks.

I generally use cotton buds with nail varnish remover as they're more accurate (the remover doesn't go all up my fingers which is the problem with cotton balls or tissue) and they hold a lot of liquid. 

When I'm ready to paint I'll post a photo! I don't think it'll be anything really fancy but I came across these amazing transgender flag nails on Lin's blog (, which is a feast of amazing nail designs and well worth perusing.

A dip in the archives

Not related to the above, I was watching early silent-era comedies (Buster Keaton, Fatty Arbuckle, Mabel Normand, etc.) and I came across Julian Eltinge, a very popular female impersonator of the early twentieth century, now almost forgotten. 


Julian Eltinge (stage name just the ungendered "Eltinge") in The Fascinating Widow (1910)

There were many men specialising in such theatrical roles at the time and a reasonable guess is that many were actually trans, needing an outlet for their femininity. Eltinge's uncanny ability to play a female role elegantly and straight, in contrast to the often trashy performances of his peers, and his constant choice of such roles, whilst putting on a gruffly masculine façade when not en femme, makes me suspect that he was trans. The assumption by his biographers (below) is that he was gay. (I do grow tired of this constant assumption and illogical equation of crossdressing with homosexuality). We cannot be sure, though, and who can blame him for being silent on this point in the more judgmental age that he lived in, when so many of us still live in stealth of some kind even in this more accepting era. 

At my school, which was for boys only, there was a need for boys to play female roles whenever a play or musical was put on, and the same boys tended to take on feminine roles in several different shows over the years. Like Eltinge, they would put on a masculine mien when in class or outside (one joined the army), but seemed to slip comfortably into their feminine role when on stage. Yes, I wanted to be one of them but my family wouldn't have worn it. Eltinge's father beat him when he heard he had been playing female roles as a youngster. I suspected I'd have had similar grief. 

There are potted biographies of him and more photos on these sites: Los Angeles Public Library (link here), Wikipedia (link here), The Legacy Project (link here). There are a few film clips on YouTube and this documentary sample:

An interesting person from an elegant age.

Sue x

Monday, 4 October 2021


 A lot is written about 'passing', when we trans people feel we need to appear as much as possible like an unequivocal example of our gender. This is partly for our own reassurance and satisfaction but also to avoid awkward conversations or threats when perceived as different or untypical by others. Some thoughts on this from other bloggers include:- 

Hannah's take: Pride and passing 

Lynn's: To pass or not to pass 

and Clare's: Passing, or masking?

As well as fellow MtF bloggers above, I have provided links to articles on this subject in my regular dip in the archives below. 

I thought I'd write a few notes on the subject, too. Inevitably, my need to pass or not is personal and differs from that of other trans people. Furthermore, my feelings about passing have varied over the years and may well vary again. Here, then, are my current take and past experience.

When I first started going out I thought - bizarrely - that my wig, makeup, clothes, walk and mannerisms were good enough not to make me too noticed, that I was just another woman in the street. There were clues that I was taken for a woman, and clues that I wasn't. I think I have taken the hints on board and improved over the years, not least to realise that accepting the limitations of what you can do with what you have got leads to greater calmness and confidence, and that in turn leads to greater acceptance by others, which largely achieves one main aim of passing.

I have one terrific advantage - or an advantage from this point of view - in that I am petite. I am just five foot four (163 cm) tall, I take UK size 5½ shoes (European 38, US 7½), I don't have wide shoulders but I do have hips. From a distance and from behind, I pass as the woman I want to be treated as. Many TGirls complain of being taller and wider than the average woman so being smaller and curvier than the average MtF trans person is, I guess, my 'passing privilege'. The boot's on the other foot in male mode, though. In public in London, for instance, I would be stopped far more for help or directions as Sue than when I was in male mode. Some people would then be puzzled when my voice and face didn't quite match the image they developed from behind or sidelong. The fact that I am approached more as Sue than as my male alter ego also tells us that people make assumptions about women: other women see little physical or sexual threat from a woman; conversely, I suspect that not a few men asked for directions, help, a light, just to strike up a conversation that might perhaps lead somewhere. Either way, it's quite affirming.

Is it a compliment when someone reads you and says something encouraging? A train guard (one of us, though having to be in his male uniform at the time) said I really passed. Which obviously means I didn't or he wouldn't have spotted me! (Whether you as a TGirl should go up to another TGirl and let her know, however nicely, that you've spotted her is a question of etiquette that is hard to answer.) The tourist who told me at a station that it was great that I could get out and be who I wanted to be, I took in the way that was intended but, in a different way, it doesn't help confidence to know you've been read so easily. Lastly, it's a bit creepy when random men in the street compliment you or ask to accompany you to your hotel or hang around outside the door of the venue you are in just in case you'd like to spend the evening with them. Is that good? I guess it depends on how you like to interact. Many TGirls love male attention but it's not for me. It was most likely my being trans rather than a woman that was the particular attraction for those particular men, so I see it as a negative.

I vividly recall the first time I went out of my own front door for a day out (here) and my season ticket with 'M' as the sex on it was queried by the entry guard at Kew Gardens! Unusual compliment? Did I really pass? Or was it just official rigour in ensuring I hadn't stolen someone else's ticket? Hard to tell, but I've chuckled ever since that the one thing I had to do on my first walk from home was convince someone that I was legally male.

Of course the occasional catcall or yell of "look! that's a bloke!" doesn't help one's confidence. The man in the queue at a bank's outdoor ATM in Manchester asking, seemingly genuinely, if Jo and I were men didn't elicit a response from us as it seemed so ignorant and inappropriate. A more respectful approach and we'd have told him about the big transgender celebration going on that weekend. An education opportunity lost? Maybe, but his approach was, instinctively, so wrong. The man in a bar who insisted on asking again and again what my 'real' name was could hardly be as trans supportive as he claimed to be. As for the drunk loser who stared at me and my friends and kept yelling, "you're not fooling anyone", this leads to an important point: passing is not about fooling people or being in disguise but about acceptance as the gender we present as. Another point is that the more TGirls there are together, the less likely they are to pass as a group.

So I don't pass fully for female (as if there were a clear standard of femaleness!) and this can draw attention. None of it, even compliments by other women, is quite what I want. I'd rather blend in, not be noticed, so I can go about my day. I confess I'd like to pass better, not so as to disguise who I am or deny I am trans or be vain but just to feel and really be taken for the woman I am. How many people feel they have to transition for precisely that reason? All the bloggers I have linked to above agree that it shouldn't be necessary to pass but the reality is that humans are a social animal with highly complex, hierarchical societies, and like any social animal you have to conform to certain standards and practices or be ostracised, which can have serious repercussions. Ostracism from family, friends, society is not now the death sentence it used to be when human society was more tribal, yet tribalism is still a force even if not called that: what team do you support? what's your nationality? your age group? your socioeconomic status? your sex? I want to be part of the woman tribe so I wear the tribal badge (my clothes and hairstyle) but people see that badge as a bit rusty and with some of the patterns of the male tribe still on it. If I don't wear the badge and wear it well I get lumped in with the male tribe. It's only certain civilizations around the Pacific rim and East Asia that have ever really made room in their societies for trans people. Western societies are quite severe and have a gender binary and so you'd best be clearly one thing or the other. Not to mention conforming with the soul-crushing beauty and image standards that all women are held to.

It's a burden having to be extra careful with your appearance, especially in an era that's actually less formal in appearance than previous epochs, all so as to ensure that others are more likely to accept and recognise you for the gender you really are. A more relaxed society would help, but that's not something we've seen in the last few years. The extent to which some trans people go to pass, with surgery of many kinds, hormones, etc., is partly a response to this societal burden, though we must acknowledge that surgery is often related to a more personal need to reduce dysphoria and dysmorphia. I confess that looking my best is good for my own peace of mind, too, when I look in the mirror. But how much have I spent on clothes, wigs and makeup over the years, on dressing services and makeovers to help me understand my look and appearance, on unisex spectacle frames that are more costly than gendered ones, to make me accepted by society as a trans woman? As for trans women who go further and pay for laser hair removal, facial feminisation or plastic surgery, tracheal shaves, etc., how much more are they burdened by this?

It's easy to say that passing doesn't matter, it's not something to worry about, you won't pass so don't let it bother you, yet the joy when one is accepted as one's true gender is very special. I have never felt happier than when being addressed as female by shop assistants, officials, staff or public, whether it's a polite "Madam" or a cheery "thanks, love". For my part, I find it hard to be of ambiguous gender that leaves people guessing; to me, my femininity is defining and I am sad when, for instance, a scarring illness left me having to make the best of it by being somewhat androgynous instead. Androgyny is not 'me', though it may well be 'you'. So I try my best with my feminine look, succeeding in passing at a distance but not close up. But the deficits in my appearance I make up for with a smile, being really friendly and giving the appearance of confidence even if I am actually nervous, showing I have the right to be where I am, and that usually gets over the last hurdles to acceptance.

Passing, or just being accepted?


I wish it were otherwise but the reality is that people have notions set by their society and there are usually clear parameters within those societies as to what a woman or man is. Blurring the outlines helps and I think that little by little we are slowly getting to a place where poeple are just people and the legal pigeonholes we are put into, like sex, age, marital status, etc., are becoming less socially significant. But sexual dimorphism in humans, although not as obvious as in other animals, such as birds or spiders, can never result in equity and trans people are inevitably edged out of positions in the system nature has arrived at. Trans people will always have this extra burden of effort to match our reality with the demands of society and nature. I just hope for and work towards a point where being trans arouses no special attention from people.

Photo: Richard Bartz

A dip in the archives

 I said a lot is written about passing and it's a big topic with lots of implications and ramifications so here, discussing aspects of this subject in more detail, are some selected articles and blogs that may be of further interest:-

General: Teen Health Source: What is passing? with further resources

On the costs of passing: Vox: The Assimilationist, or: On the unexpected cost of passing as a trans woman by Emily VanDerWerff

On awkward compliments: Literary Hub: But you don't look trans: a tale of microaggression by Veronica Esposito

Passing privilege: What does "passing" mean within the transgender community 

Passing suggests cis people are more valuable than trans: Trans Hub: Passing

The need to pass leaves you held back and vulnerable to exploitation: Refinery 29: As a trans woman I understand the pressure to pass, but it's holding us back by Jacqueline Kilikita

From a transman perspective: Be You Network: The politics of passing by Dean Moncel

There's even a Wikipedia article about it: Passing (gender)

Always remember: you are valid, you are beautiful, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.


Sue x

Friday, 1 October 2021

It's not just about the clothes

 So I had an elderly relative to stay this week and it was nice to have company but, as I mentioned in my last post, I put away all my feminine things to avoid complicated conversations ... at least I thought I had! I realised bit by bit that a sparkly notebook was in full view on a shelf, my dress patterns book, too, and this week's copy of Elle was still among the magazines. I'd even left some panties in the ironing basket. Oops! Fortunately, none of this seems to have been noticed. But the rather bare home that resulted from my girly sweep-up did arouse comment.

It's annoying to feel the need to avoid the conversation. But it also annoys me that so many people mistake us trans girls for people obsessed with clothes, whereas I am surrounded by 'feminine' things of all kinds, from flowers to chick lit, because they are what I like. These days we tend to refer to trans people less and less as transsexuals or transvestites as these terms don't fit the bill. There's nothing sexual about being transsexual and, as for being a transvestite, that term just focuses on our clothes (from Latin vestire, "to dress"). Going with other Latin-based languages like French or Italian, travestir or travestire simply mean "to disguise" (whether you're an undercover agent or going to a fancy dress party), and also gives us less than flattering English terms like travesty. I want to be treated like a woman and the most obvious indicator to others is to look like one, of course, but, in addition to that, I don't have men's obsessions with things like souped-up cars, football, war, statistics and competitiveness but have always sought pretty things and warm-hearted people. Just as a for instance, I still write this blog in cerise-coloured font because that's the colour that was fashionable in 2010 when I first started going out. It's unequivocally feminine by today's standards. I like it, so there! Being trans to me is not just about how I dress but about living surrounded by things that I genuinely like and that reflect my real self rather than what society expects from someone legally male.

Now to put everything back and then polish my nails.

A dip in the archives

I have had this tiny artwork by Louisa Ann Walsh for many years. It's a box as wide and long as a matchbox but somewhat taller, with a crowd of tiny clay faces within and a message on pink paper. 


"Congratulations you are the new god of this civilization in a box. Treat them with care and keep them safe, in return they will listen to all your dreams, hopes and secrets."

Although at first sight it might seem gender-neutral, any male who ever saw it has always looked at me in a way that said "whatever", whereas all my female friends think it's sweet and cute, as do I. To me this is just one of my feminine homemaking items, albeit a tiny one.

Sue x