Friday, 18 July 2014

Gorilla in the Miss

It’s now exactly a week since I last shaved my face. Which means that my eczema is greatly improved already … and I have more than just a touch of designer stubble.

It takes about three weeks to grow something that properly resembles a beard. And about the same amount of time for me to grow myself a hairy gorilla suit. In fact, it is the swiftness of growth and the luxuriant extent of the hair all over me that is one thing that persuades me that full transition from male to female is not really appropriate in my case. It’s too obviously masculine. Though why this rich hirsuteness should not extend to the top of my head seems very unfair.

Very many friends have contacted me over the last few days and have said many kind words to console me and I am more grateful than I can properly say in words. But the eczema is a problem that flares up on my face about every ten years and despite the best care and medical intervention there usually comes a point when the only thing you can do is to leave it strictly alone. My skin reacts badly to things like dust, mould, perfumed products, chemicals and so forth so I have always had to be careful with bathroom and household cleaners and personal grooming products. But there come a point when my skin simply overreacts furiously to anything at all put on it, even the medicines designed to fight it. So it was that, half way through the Sparkle celebrations, my painful face literally started to fall off and I realised that it was just reacting against everything that touched it – soap, moisturiser, makeup, medicine, anything at all. It’s been bad for weeks, as recorded here, but I was determined to take my planned girl time. But in the end it was just too much and the worst happened. It will clear up of its own accord in time, though how long I cannot say. Last time I did this I kept a beard on for two years. But I wasn’t out in public then. I am dreading the prospect of being bearded this time, but I know that I now have no choice.

I take some consolation from Conchita’s vistory in Eurovision and the comperes at Sparkle who wore beards. If need be, I shall go to Sparkle next year proudly sporting a beard and high heels. If I keep the hairy gorilla look I might even blend in with the Furries who gatecrash the event. After all, this doesn’t have any effect on the fact that I am trans, it’s just that I wont be able to present as a woman for a while. Oh well.

Sue x

Monday, 14 July 2014


I went to Sparkle, the fabulous national transgender celebration in Manchester, as planned.

Sadly, I had to abandon my plans on Saturday afternoon as this eczema on my face got so bad.

I am going to have to take the final step in dealing with it, the one I had been hoping it wasn't necessary to take, which is to stop shaving and apply nothing to my face - soaps, makeup, razors, moisturisers, sunscreens, etc. - and also stop absorbing anything that heats the skin - direct sunlight, alcohol, spicy food...

I've been in this situation before, so this decision is after consultation with doctors and specialists and based on past experience.

This means that my appearances in public are ended, very likely for the rest of this year and probably more.

I have dressed as a woman every single day since I stopped purging nearly 20 years ago and I have been out and about happily in public for nearly five years so this is the worst situation that could have happened. I will still be online, of course, and I have a few things to write up, such as my holiday and what news of Sparkle I can provide.

But I am pretty devastated.

Sue x

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Summer's here

Hello little blog

I got back from my summer break nearly two weeks ago but then immediately had a lot of work on and this last week I have been sorting various things out at home and trying to get some sun since there has been beautiful weather. Really hot, fine days are not common in the UK so you need to make the most of them when they come. This all means it's been a while since I last posted.

I'm going to sort out a few photos and write a proper description in due course of my time in the Lake District followed by a couple of days in Manchester and then a long weekend in Nottingham, including my return to the Nottingham Invasion. KD has already blogged about meeting up in Manchester

Now I'm starting to prepare for Sparkle next weekend, the tenth year of this brilliant event and the fifth one that I will have attended. I haven't got any particular plans since for me it's mainly the best opportunity in the year to meet up with loads of my trans friends.

In other news, health is so-so: I am losing weight very gradually and actually managed to lose a little on holiday, which is amazing. My eczema is very bad and it was a struggle to cope with even just four times en femme during my holiday. It doesn't look it because when I am in girl mode it's hidden under makeup but when you take the makeup off it's very sore. I don't know how much of Sparkle I will actually be able to do, but all four days seems unlikely. I just have to take it one day at a time.

Sue x