Pride Month - positive press pages

 Certain parts of the world have noisy, aggressive politicians and opinionated media who are transphobic. Other places are improving and supporting trans rights. A few positive examples culled from my reading just this week:-

 

Daily press: transition assistance triples 

In Italy's north-west coastal province of Savona, inquiries to Arcigay (the national LGBT support society) about social and medical transition have tripled in the last four years. In response to this, dedicated medical services are becoming available in local hospitals. Up to now people have had to go to the main hospital in the regional capital, Genoa. There has also been an increase in requests for information from teachers and schools on how best to assist trans students. 

Trans rights are strongly protected by law in Italy, provided you are transitioning. So work still needs to be done to improve trans rights outside the officially recognised transition route. Whilst transitioning in a big city is less socially fraught, Arcigay are seeing how trans people in isolated mountain communities can be better assisted.

(Interestingly, the Arcigay enquiry centre in Savona is financially supported by the Waldensian Church through monies derived from charitable tax relief. The main protestant movements like Lutheranism, Calvinism and Anglicanism arose in the 16th century but the Waldensians are a much older, deriving from Waldo of Lyons in the 12th Century. Despite many attempts to suppress them through violence, as happened to other proto-protestant movements like the Albigensians in France and the Hussites in Bohemia, the Waldensians have kept going, mainly here in the Alps. English poet John Milton's famous sonnet, On the Late Massacre in Piedmont ("Avenge, O Lord, thy slaughter'd saints ...") is about one such Waldensian genocide in 1655. Maybe it's this history of persecution that makes them support other oppressed groups like trans people. Anyway, it makes a nice contrast to the frothing transphobia of our local Roman Catholic bishop.)

 

Fashion press: Elle magazine

I have praised this mainstream women's magazine many times on my blog. It is regularly, consistently and unequivocally pro-trans, with frequent articles dedicated to trans matters. 

This week, Elle Italia has an interview with US-Chilean trans actress, Lux Pascal, especially on her last film role in Queen of Coal, a biopic about Carlita Rodriguez, the first trans woman to be a coal miner in Patagonia in a totally male dominated industry.

 

Science press

This month's Le Scienze, which is the Italian edition of Scientific American, and its sister publication Mind on neuroscience and psychology, have three relevant articles. 

One is a long piece on vocal cord defects of all kinds. There is a very nicely written page on the different vocal cord modification procedures for trans men and trans women. The tone is as matter-of-fact yet compassionate, as it is when describing other forms of dysphonia (i.e. when your voice goes wrong) and the treatments available. Trans is a thing and science treats it as such.

Another article is short but interesting summary of a study concluding that in queer relationships, communication is key. Nothing new there as far as cis and straight people are concerned, but trans and gay people often assume that if they are with someone like them then the communication battle is half won by their both having a similar queer experience. This is a bad assumption as, in fact, queer relationships have fewer standard scripts to rely on than cis/straight ones as each queer couple is, in many respects, breaking new ground.

Finally, there is a drama initiative in the mountain province of Biella in Northern Italy to help address young people's issues. The young actors are invited to ad lib and act spontaneously rather then follow a set script and directions. This has created much more real and immediate drama. Some of the issues include gender non-conformity. Actors and audience have described a visceral reaction against misgendering, even though here it's fictional. There's nothing like showing bare abuse for what it really is.

 

So there you have some pro-trans stories from my press cuttings this week. It's all steady, solid, accepting, even practical support in the print press, which is a shot in the arm, at least for this trans woman. I have some positive items from the world of arts and music to come in due course.

 

Preparing for summer

I continue to lose weight, I am getting tanned and I am looking forward to the outdoor swimming pool opening in a few days. To avoid any dysphoria like I suffered last year, I have made sure I am fully epilated (but I will take off this nail varnish). I'm still experimenting with new looks, nails and makeup - more on that soon.

I have also been doing a lot of gardening. My olive tree - now five years old - looks like it will have quite a crop of olives this year. And I've been admiring the lanes with their prickly pears in flower:

 

Pretty but dangerous. Maybe that's how we need to be! Happy Pride Month. 

Sue x

People see what they want to see

 I'm back home in the sunnier climes of the Mediterranean coast where the trees don't lose their leaves and it's ten degrees warmer than where I've been over the last week. 

This is something of a follow-on to my last post. I got by well with dressing in women's clothing but presenting as my official male persona for of all the administrative and other stuff I had to do in my official name. Nobody noticed that my shoes, legwear, tops and other items were feminine. Yesterday evening I ate out with a relative and I wore slouch pants, soft blouse, socks with gold sparkles and women's sneakers, my long fingernails nicely shaped and very much on view, and it aroused no notice at all. People see what they want to see. If they expect a guy, and that person isn't wearing a skirt, then they see a guy.

I'd rather present as female, of course, with a good wig doing the work that my terrible natural hair can't do for me, and with some pretty jewellery, but I'm still not certain that my face can take makeup for extended periods without breaking into eczema, I'm still not sure of how TGirls are received in Italy where I happen to be, and I've lost a lot of courage and incentive after so many things going wrong in recent years. I'm a feminine TGirl and looking feminine is important to me as it affirms that femininity, but I'm also a practical TGirl and, when out dressed, I like to dress as other women dress in order to be seen as a normal part of society around me. Women don't tend to wear skirts much these days, especially not in winter, and so I don't feel hard done by as one can still look very feminine in leggings, skinny jeans, or leather pants. The TGirl obsession with miniskirts or twin set or stockings is a fantasy femininity that I've never been into. I'm a transgender woman and I want to be treated as a woman so I dress the part ... except when I am forced by circumstances and society, like now, to be this male avatar. Since a lot of fashion right now is pretty unisex, I'm finding this compromise style is working for me. I feel femme in myself and I get little reminders of that by what I wear: the softer material of my clothes, my bra pressing into my torso, the lesser density of my shoe soles that makes me feel the pavement more ... the smaller pockets! (aaargh! girls need pockets too!) 

It's not really how I want to live but, with all the strife and chaos I've been through these last few years, and the troubled and hostile politics of the current era, I'm in this compromise mode till things get back on some sort of even keel. I've just demonstrated to myself both this past week and during Christmas week with friends that it's working.

At present, I think it likely that I will transition fully one day. Gently, and at my own pace, not necessarily involving doctors or authorities. I say at present as the intensity of one's transness varies over time. It may be that next year I won't feel this so strongly. That's OK, I've got used to the ebb and flow of trans intensity. It comes, it goes, don't worry about it.

So, since dressing as a girl was the first obvious step when I was very little, I'm heading forward by transitioning my clothing to all female this year, as I mentioned in November. As the world comes out of pandemic, I'll be looking to find a place where a slow, gentle transition can happen, like a caterpillar finding a quiet leafy spot to spin its cocoon. 

I'm also preparing to dump completely that family I came from as I have finally had to admit to myself that violent fundamentalist cultists involved in supremacist campaigns belong in jail and it's time to stop trying to cling onto the little good in them. Several times over the years I have started to write a piece about being brought up by fundamentalists and how it impacted my girlhood and beyond, but it has been too distressing to finish them. With the help of years of counselling and advice, legal and medical, I feel stronger about telling such things as I understand the mechanisms of cultism much better now. 

I try to be kind to people, to encourage them. As much as anything, I see kindness as an act of sabotage against the world that the cruel, the abusive and the domineering want and so often seem to get. I may not always get it right, but I'm trying to act differently from the rage and cruelty that characterised my upbringing. 

There's a long journey still to go and I feel very tired as life's been pretty rudderless and stormtossed for some time. I don't know but I guess there's a chance of arriving somewhere where being fully feminine is possible again as it was when I started this blog.

 

Burns Night

Happy Burns Night to all friends in Scotland or of Scots descent. 

The best Burns Night I ever celebrated was as a student in Devon (almost as far from Scotland as you can get and still be in the British Isles!) when I shared a house with a postdoctoral researcher from near Glasgow who was addicted to Irn-Bru*. Not only had he managed to get haggis in that remote location but he'd even sourced a bagpiper in the guise of a student from Venezuela who, incredible as it may sound, had learnt to play the Scottish bagpipes in Caracas. The piping in of the haggis in the front room of a small cottage was deafening and not something that the locals are likely to have forgotten in many a year!

(*To all my readers outside Scotland, Irn-Bru is a soft drink / soda with an odd coppery colour and indefinable taste that has had some interesting advertising campaigns over the years. Don't worry about it!)

Sue x

Kids are merely imagining they are trans, says the psychiatrist

 I mentioned briefly in my last post that I had friends to stay and that one is a psychiatrist who works mainly with children. 

A vein of humour can been mined when a psychiatrist turns up in comedy shows. One thinks of the psychiatrist who stays at the Fawlty Towers hotel describing the acerbic owner, Basil Fawlty, as having "enough material there for an entire conference". Or in the various incarnations of The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, where the President of the Galaxy, Zaphod Beeblebrox, has a 'private brain care specialist' with a German accent who is often interviewed about the President's state of mind and invariably ends the questioning with the non-committal "Vell, Zaphod's just zis guy, you know". 

I'm pleased to say that my psychiatrist friend also has a strong German accent this makes him authentic in the best tradition! However, what he said about transgender children wasn't all that funny, I thought.

To summarise a long chat, according to his experience, his training and his school of psychiatry, no-one can know they are transgender until they are about 14 so that treating kids as transgender before then is wrong. This is because, prior to that sort of age, kids play lots of games, indulge in frequent role-playing and imagine their place in a made-up world. There is so much fantasy in early years, he said, that swapping gender role is merely an aspect of childhood play and it is inappropriate to treat that as a determinant for the future.

Now, no-one could argue that kids aren't full of fantasy and imagination. They love playing roles and pretending to be all sorts of things. But if this is a game, then I've been playing it for 50 years! The only variation in my feeling trans is the intensity with which that conviction has existed throughout my life. And whilst it is true that some people, especially children, do actually swap gender roles for a little while before reverting to their designated gender, there's a deepset innate sense in a trans person that their place in life is with the gender they experience and identify with, that it's no game and that they're not making it up. We do not have the vocabulary to describe this conviction nor are we able to say convincingly "I feel like a woman/man" since no-one can accurately describe what feeling like a particular sex is. Most people whose sex and gender match never even give this notion a thought.

So I said that gender dysphoria and childhood fantasy games might seem similar to an outsider, but that imagination had no direct connection with the trans experience. I also had to point out that his training, unlike that of a doctor, did not involve studying biology, and that fields like genetics, endocrinology, evolutionary biology, ecology and so forth reveal distinct possibilities that being trans is a natural and inevitable consequence of genetic makeup, of hormonal differences, of environmental factors, of evolutionary pressures and many other physical forces at work in nature which have nothing to do with the mind. I also pointed out that I had taken part in various studies into trans people, including the 2010 Kennedy/Hellen study on when trans people perceive their gender incongruence. The overwhelming majority have done so well before 14. I myself am typical in that I felt I wanted to be regarded as a girl when I was about 5-6 years old (there's a useful chart on p.4 of that study). And that's never changed. The main reason I have never transitioned, even though I would love to live as female all the time, is that the self-preservation instinct and social pragmatism have so far overridden my natural feminine instinct. When you are brought up in a brutal and judgmental environment, and society is not always accepting, acting safely is essential for survival. 

As far as his own field was concerned, I also pointed out that transgenderism was being regarded ever less as a condition requiring mental health intervention but more of a natural experience. The rewrites of the DSM, for instance, bear witness to that.

This all seemed to be news to my psychiatrist friend. He still suggested that the happiest life for me would be to conflate my feminine side with my masculine one and meet in the middle, which annoyed me, partly because I hadn't asked for some clinical diagnosis but mainly because my male side is merely a public mask for self-preservation purposes, whereas my trans feminine side is that actual real me and not some game. Frankly, this discussion left me feeling that psychiatry has limited benefits when dealing with trans people. I can see from my own experience of visiting gender clinics, from general discussions with trans friends especially transitioners, and from everyday interactions, that a lot of people who transition have underlying conditions such as autism or bipolar disorder, much more so than in the general population, and that they could benefit from intervention by psychiatrists to assist with informed, practical decisions on transition rather than the often precipitate or extreme approach that some trans people take as a result of those conditions (or indeed through peer pressure); but as for psychiatrists assuming that trans children are merely playing games, that is depressing and unhelpful and makes me wonder about the value and quality of that profession in dealing with us.

Oh well, I thought I'd mention this.

 

Heat

Wishing all my friends in Europe resilience in this heatwave and drought. I tolerate heat well but I confess that even I am having trouble sleeping in these hot, airless nights.

I let my herbs and salads flower and go to seed, which generates the next crop, and this also attracts little insects that in turn attract the lizards and geckos who eat them. I am now convinced that a tiny lizard has taken up permanent residence among my pots as I see her so frequently, either scuttling about or basking in the sun. I call her Laura. I don't know if the lizard is actually female, but she is to me. Should I see a shrink?

Sue x

Parenting challenges

 It's been a very odd week. I had two significant conversations about trans children, one with a parent, one with a psychiatrist.

I had friends to stay. They were very keen to come in July to enjoy the sea, the swimming, the sightseeing. The weather, the water, the sunlight and the air are scintillatingly perfect right now, in my view. But one, it turns out, can't tolerate heat and spent the week sitting on my sofa trying to get the air conditioning to create an environment that was 18°C or less, and the other one spent his time indulging his partner's whims. Why they come to the Med in summer when it's inevitably going to be more than 18°C, I do not know. So they did nothing for a week. Travelling abroad seems an expensive way of doing nothing to me, but each to their own. As the old Northern English expression goes, there's nowt so queer as folk. The trouble is, I found their lethargy exhausting!

Anyway, one is a psychiatrist who largely deals with children and has developed some strong views about how childhood problems are caused by irresponsible, lazy or stupid parents. And many parents seem to him to be stupid. He has no children himself. Neither do I. It strikes me that parenting in the modern age is immensely challenging, probably more so than in the past when life was more basic and communities more cohesive. Furthermore, there's no instruction manual. That the young generation right now seem to me to be more genuine, responsible and decent than mine was, strikes me as being a testament to someone's efforts to educate, and I'd put parents at the forefront of that achievement. Well done, mums and dads, you seem to have managed well.

His views, based on his clinical work and training, that no-one can know they are trans until they are about 14, is not correct and I had a long conversation with him about this, providing him with evidence from fields other than psychology and from my own experience. 

I will write that conversation up more fully in another post because it merits a closer look and because something else happened this week, and that was a distraught phone call from a very close friend of mine whose teenage child has suddenly and unexpectedly come out as a transman and has demanded everyone use a new male name, wants hormones, breast binding and so forth. It seems there may be a lot of inappropriate peer pressure involved. I am not best qualified to comment on female-to-male transition, on teenagers, on parental rights and responsibilities, but I'm touched she came to me. In the UK my friend and her child can get support from charities like Mermaids, specialising in trans youth and their families, and from her local trans group, so I put her in touch with both (and thank you again to those who responded to my initial queries). She seems glad that there is support out there. My friend and her saintly husband are two of the best people in the world and her child, who has already had support from the school authorities, will, I think, have the best circumstances in which to arrive at their reality on this matter.

I'm getting back to my routine and to enjoying the climate that seems so perfect to me at this time of year - it's why I moved to the riviera, after all. Yes, there is a drought and now we have restrictions on water use. Despite my best care, some of my potplants are struggling. But the sun makes me feel alive, the limpid air is a delight to breathe, the sun- and moonlight sparkling on the sea are mesmerising... the whole season is joyous to me. And it's all free.

 

Sue x

Ending 2021 positively

 Almost every year on Sue's News and Views my editorial team compile a summary of the year past, including trips out, fun had and challenges encountered.

This year the team are all in quarantine so it's up to me alone to compile the summary of this year's exciting adventures which have been ... er, well, nonexistent.

So that was easy. Bye!

Actually, it's worth saying one or two things. Although there has been little scope for travelling and meeting friends like I used to do, I have certainly kept in touch with my trans friends by other means every day. In addition, I have doubled the time I spend on my blog (whilst halving the excess weight I have put on!) I have been relearning my makeup regime and have spent most of my year in girl mode, which is always the best way for a transwoman like me to feel at peace. And despite the many attacks on trans people this year, I have found an enormous amount of support too (see below). 

Of the photos I took this year, I think I will use this one as my avatar for 2022. 

What a troubled year for the world, though. No-one has been unaffected by this pandemic and I hope that we can all pull out of it somehow in 2022. I did post this picture in my last blog post of 2020 as a sort of ray of hope for the future and that now seems a bit of a hollow sentiment, but what can one do, really?

Fingers crossed. Have good year-end/new year celebrations and I will write again in 2022.

But just before I leave you, here are a few comments on this week's news:

 

The Matrix

I thought the original Matrix film, directed by the Wachowski siblings, was stunning. Though the sequels suffer from the law of diminishing returns, in my opinion. Of course, the Wachowskis' recent revelation that the films are an allegory of gender dysphoria add a dimension few of us properly appreciated the first time around, although the "blue pill/red pill" concept made it into trans parlance a long time back. I'd like to see the new film.

They repeated the trilogy on TV here this week and the newspapers, the main national TV guide and other reviewers, when talking about the Wachowskis, mention their gender transition merely as factual clarification of first name changes and not some prurient detail. I am beginning to feel that the world is actually coming to terms with transition. Well, mainly...

 

April Ashley

This inspiring transgender pioneer passed away this week. May she rest in peace. Undoubtedly a heroine to so many people and an icon of the trans community.

Pink News tributes here: April Ashley tributes

Guardian obituary here: April Ashley obit

BBC obituary here: April Ashley obit 2 (photos)

Just to feel good...

Just to end this year on a lovely note, if I were to pick one piece of  positive trans support from the wider world this year I think this advertisement from Bhima Jewellery in India, about the transition of a transwoman from 'boy' to bride with the full support of her family, would be my favourite.

 

Best wishes for the year end and the new year to come.

Sue x

Good trans news

 The weather continues to be beautiful and two good pieces of news have reached me from my old home in Britain: the "Nottingham Invasion" event celebrated its hundredth outing last week, and a court of appeal ruling overturns a recent judgment so that puberty blockers are again available to trans children.

See my dip in the archives below for news on the Nottingham Invasion.

For the court ruling, you could do worse than read Claire Flourish's well-written assessment here: Doctors can give medical treatment to trans children

As for me, I feel that now that the summer season is winding down, the outdoor pool has just closed till next year and I am vaccinated in a country that is being very cautious with Covid, it's time to start doing the tourist thing again. I live in a very picturesque region with a lot of history. Photos in due course!

Very September scenes: morning glories and misty mountains

  

A dip in the archives

So the Nottingham Invasion made it to 100 outings last Friday night. The event started nearly ten years ago to encourage TGirls to go out en masse to regular nightclubs, bars and venues not specifically dedicated to the LGBT community. I went a few times in 2012-14 and these posts are among the most popular on my blog. I even had a comment from a Nottingham carpet supplier after my thoughts on the carpet in Oceana!

Nottingham Invasion

Nottingham Invaded Again 

Nottingham: My Third Invasion

Nottingham: The Only Place to Invade!

In the Revolution bar, Nottingham, 2014 with Rachael and Rachel

Yes, that's the Nottingham, England, where Robin Hood outwitted the Sheriff, where King Charles I raised his standard, and where the Trip to Jerusalem is claimed to be the oldest pub in England. The city is worth a visit in its own right: Nottingham tourism

The only joke I know about Nottingham: 

    Robin Hood and his Merrie Men broke into a music store last night.

    They made off with the lute.

Sue x

The Femmathon concluded: everyday life

"I suspect that no-one who isn't trans understands the complete satisfaction of doing normal stuff in one's real gender. It's the banality that's actually the peak of feeling complete."

This is what I wrote in 2017 about the satisfaction of shopping as a woman (The Joy of Shops).

In the last two weeks I've been talking about the period when I tested the waters of living full-time female. Going out on day trips and visiting trans festivals, as I've described, is great fun but it's not the everyday, humdrum life that living in one's right gender entails. Indeed, because many trans people's opportunities to go out dressed may be limited at first and so quite special, there's often a party feel to a lot of the trans-based activities we do, and that can give trans people a false sense that transitioning to the right gender will be a whole bunch of partying. It isn't: life is life, and partying is actually a treat.

So after my week with Emma and friends, I mainly got down to buying groceries in my local high street and staying mainly in the neighbourhood. I was still wary of the neighbours seeing me as I left the house, but generally it felt natural and right to be living as a woman, just getting on with my own life and feeling really happy about it. 

I also spent a couple of days indoors, largely to give my face a rest from close shaving and makeup, neither of which do my skin any good. I may not look good when I'm not dolled up, but if there's no-one to see me, what does it matter?

Overall, the satisfaction of living full-time as myself for over a fortnight was incredible. Best time of my life. For the rest of summer 2011 I spent most of my time as Sue, apart from the 2-3 days a week I was at my part-time job or needed to see family or friends who didn't know about my being trans. And a similar pattern continued for another year or so, after which I began to feel that full transition wasn't right for me.

It's an approach I'd recommend. Take it slowly in small stages and consolidate as you go. 

 

A dip in the archives

There was one more fun day during this first Femmathon (or perhaps in the light of the above, Femmathon phase 1) and that was a trip to Kew Gardens with Petra and Joanne. A mix of science facility and pleasure ground, Kew was always a joy to visit and I took many friends there over the years. Indeed, I went back a couple of weeks after this, with Dee.

Petra, Joanne and myself enjoyed wandering through the grounds. We took a picnic lunch and spent most of the day there. Three trans women surrounded by flowers and greenery on a sunny day near the River Thames. That's got to be good.

By Kew Palace

Petra in front of the iconic Palm House

Girls in a bower

You've seen this one before but I've always liked it so you're having it again! The Queen's Garden, with two princesses.

Sue x

Cari lettori italiani

Oggi finisco questa serie sul mio primo periodo esteso come donna, dieci anni fa. Non sono mai stata così contenta che quando vivevo in questo modo, alzandomi ogni giorno e dicendomi "tu sei una donna e vivrai come la donna che sei". Era bellissimo.

Sue x

Subtle transphobia in the workplace

 A couple of responses to my last-but-one post about coming out to groups described how transphobia in the workplace can be very subtle, whatever anti-discrimination and equal-opportunity policies an employer might have in place. The transphobia displayed against me by former colleagues and "friends" who appeared supportive, as described in my last post, shows how insidious it can be. 

Mere lip-service to politically agreed norms is worthless, especially as one of the chief characteristics of most human beings is the need to domineer. Coming out as trans indicates that you, who may have been on a level with your group, now belong to a minority and have been struggling in significant aspects of life. What better way to squash you than to learn you actually had fears, weaknesses and differences, and that you were hiding them, not being 'honest' about yourself. Often, of course, they think you're some kind of sexual misfit. You can explain to your heart's content that being trans is nothing sexual. "It's kinda gay" is the popular belief and people feel better sticking with what they think they know rather than admitting they are wrong. And who likes gays anyway? "Gays (or transgenders) exist, sure, just as long as they don't encroach on my life," is the attitude. I found that attitude prevalent when coming out to lovers, too.

So, your workplace has a policy against discrimination and your personnel officer has gone through the motions of letting you know that your job is secure if you transition. Great. You tell your colleagues that you're called Brenda now, not Bob any more, and it's back to the day's tasks and all is well, right? It's true that few people, if any, are going to come and say to your face that they hate the new you, but some will be thinking it. And if that someone is a boss or an important client, what happens?

Here's what two transitioning friends wrote to me last week:

 
I had worked 13 years with an unblemished record, Most of my colleagues accepted me to a degree and I never faced any hostility from them. However the management of the building my company were contracted to,was homophobic, transphobic and racist and my company had to move me to a different site. Fortunately I have not had any negativity since. To be honest in hindsight it would have been better to have been moved at the beginning, fresh start and all.

*

There's a further fly in the ointment regarding coming out at work - the unprovable transphobia. When I first came out at work, I got masses of supportive emails, etc - only 1 of which wasn't 100% positive, and that just said "I don't want to know." Within months I was on suspension and being investigated for "expenses irregularities" - all but two of which I disproved. I still ended up fired for "reasonable belief of wrongdoing". Beware the smiling faces...

 

This is the point. Your employer may officially be fine with your transition. Some employees may not. The campaign orchestrated against the second person here was thoroughly dishonest, by a boss with a known reputation for sacking people purely for the buzz of feeling powerful. Transphobia probably came into his selection of my friend on this occasion, but that is unprovable as the official issue was made a financial one.

I've been asked about bullying, which I will write about in due course. In the 1990s I experienced some vile mistreatment at work - it still disgusts me - and in subsequent years read around the entire subject of bullying as it's not a problem I'd ever encontered before. I don't get my kicks from hurting people - I can't see any advantage to me - but for many people this is hugely important behaviour.

So, having warned against subtle transphobia that may be hard to fight against, keep a record of anything untoward or uncomfortable at work and you might need to bring evidence to support a discrimination claim. It's unjust to have to do so, but that is the world we unhabit. More advice on this in future. 

Do not, however, be like two LGBT people I know who were more than hypocritical about discrimination. One trans person was in disciplinary trouble for aggression and abuse in the workplace and was trying to source the transphobia she felt was behind her employer's complaint. Given that this was 18 months after she started transition with her employer's full support, it seemed unlikely (though not impossible) that transphobia was involved. She asked for my advice, which I'm pleased to say enabled her to quit with a good exit package. However, as she went on to abuse customers in her new career (I witnessed it several times) and in the end started harassing me to the point where, for the only time in my life, I had to block her number off my phones, I can say that her employer was well justified in the action they took, which I thought even at the time had acted correctly throughout. She is simply a very antisocial person! No transphobia involved. The other person was a boss of mine who was a prominent, lifelong gay rights campaigner ... and spent his workdays bullying, abusing and discriminating against: ethnic minority, male and subordinate staff. A real sociopath and hypocrite who showed that things can cut both ways.

So transphobia and discrimination can be hard to call. Converesly, some trans people can be paranoid about every nuance in their interactions. Practical advice on dealing with workplace bullying and discrimination in forthcoming posts, then. 

 

A dip in the archives

 My last few posts have been on serious topics so here's an entertaining post from eight years ago when I described some of the 'admirers' who beset the TGirls on the scene. Be amused and horrified in equal measure at how chivalry is not quite dead but merely intubated in intensive care...

Work hard, play hard, seduce hard

 

Sue x

 

Cari lettori italiani

Mentre la situazione contro la discriminazione si migliora in Europa, racconto dei modi sottili di discriminare e dell'omotransfobia nei posti di lavoro che possono avere successo contro di noi anche quando ci sono politiche antidiscriminatorie.

Sue x

Coming out to groups

 Last month I posted about how I came out (or didn't) to lovers (here), which proved popular. The other day a friend alerted me to a very different kind of coming out story, by a transwoman with a large social media following - nearly a million subscribers on YouTube.

I was unaware of Philosphy Tube before but it's been going for over seven years and exists to provide an introduction to the subject of philosophy by someone who wanted to share knowledge freely. I'm certainly all for sharing good thinking in defiance of today's enthusiasm for fake news, tweets and soundbites.

How would you come out as trans to such a vast audience? I know I'm not exactly helping sustain the surprise that Rhys Tees builds up to before the next presenter, Abigail Thorn, takes over, but as an example of how an internet celebrity might come out, this is very well thought through. I quibble slightly with the silly French accent given to René Descartes, maybe even the Flash Gordon-y music, but otherwise, top marks. It's long (35 mins), but spoke to me in many ways about being trans, the distress of living a lie, the happiness that acceptance brings ... and to hell with the reason for it all.

I wish Abigail every success and happiness. 145,000 likes to 6,300 dislikes for the video to date might be an indication that the trans information war is being won. But experience suggests that media stats can give a skewed picture, so let's be wise - philosophical even - about this.

The BBC also interviewed Abigail and the video accompanying the article is shorter and more emotional:

BBC interview with Abigail Thorn

I think she should be a good advocate when such intense attacks are now being made against trans people in her country. This shorter video is also about her coming out but is much more political, a warning about the situation for trans people (and working people) in the United Kingdom (and explains so much as to why I left that place).

So, generally, how should one come out to groups of people? Obviously, people in the media have to think carefully as their public image necessarily changes. High-profile Elliot Page will, I assume, have had a PR team to help (not that that diminishes his bravery and honesty). But how should you go about it if you have less of a public profile but have to inform your work colleagues, your social or sports or fitness clubs, your religious or other organisations, your social media followers, etc., where you are known personally?

Do they need to know? If not, work on a "need to know" basis so, if you don't plan to appear as Brenda rather than Bob, I'd keep quiet. Information is power and not everyone will use that information to your benefit. 

If you are transitioning or you intend to be your preferred gender in that context then, in a small team, it's best, in my opinion, to speak to each person individually about your transition or your being trans. People generally appreciate the personal touch and the confidence you place in them. Obviously, if the team or organisation is large then many I know have written a team email or got the boss/leader or personnel/membership team to do so. How you word it should include the personal touch, but don't put too much emphasis on how you've always been feeling or clichés about being in the wrong body. It's a formal environment and people don't like to read too much icky stuff about hormones or emotions. 

DO NOT, as so many seem to do, include the line "I hope you will support me but if you don't then we don't need to speak again" or "you know where the delete button is". This introduces aggression and division when what you want is positivity. If at work, your employer should have policies against discrimination, not to mention employment law. If they don't, then you need a new job; get that first. You can therefore reasonably assume that others are required to comply with employment policy, including non-discrimination, as part of their contractual conditions and that should then result in a proper, professional approach to you during transition. Report any instances where it does not.

If it's a social group, church, etc. (and even some work contexts) then talking to a select group whom you think will support you can be a good first step before informing the whole organisation; then you have already got (we hope) a team of allies behind you. Maybe one day these strategies won't be necessary but we're still a long way from that yet. Similarly (with caution), the old battleaxe, the bolshie unionist, the pushy member, if they're an ally, will defend you in ways no-one else can!

Coming out to friends is a different matter. Don't send them all the same round-robin letter or email. Approach them separately and ideally face-to-face. After all, you're friends and they'd expect no less for something so personal. Oddly, we never seem to know exactly how friends will take the news of our being trans. It shouldn't change the nature of the friendship, but odd prejudices that we knew nothing of can emerge. More on my successes and failures in this area in my next post.

I hope these suggestions from my experience are of some help. Good luck to all the other Abigails out there. 

 

A thought or two about philosophy

Like many English speakers, Rhys Tees trips over the name of the French philosopher René Descartes (1596-1659). His surname is pronounced Day-Cart. As in his principal axiom that puts Day-Cart before Day-Horse. Da-boom, tish! 😛

I skirt around formal philosophy (Greek for "love of knowledge"), mainly as we are all, in a basic sense, philosophers of sorts (even if all we want to know is where Meghan Markle gets her shoes). No serious thinker has ever actually come up with the Answer (be it forty-two or otherwise), even great philosphers are too influenced by their life experiences and environment that limit a universal outlook, and too many people who try to follow end up only part-versed in logic and critical thinking and misapply so many principles, with the result that the world is full of false reasoning, very much a plague of this so-called information age. Maybe as one professional observer of Philosphy Tube suggests, the commodification of thinking and the high profile of the presenter, rather than the content, can be unhelpful, too.

My own publications have included my acclaimed translations of ancient philosophers such as Aristotle, Lucretius, Synesius... but I try to avoid any academic approach in this blog so as to make it accessible. Someone told me that my essay style reminds them of French philosopher Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592). That pleases me if it's true, though English essayist Charles Lamb (1775-1834) is more what I aim for.

I might delve into Philosophy Tube more. The presenter seems like an interesting and humane person, if a little theatrical.

A dip in the archives

This photo dates from this weekend ten years ago when I had organised a UK Angels lunch in London, at Salieri's restaurant in the Strand, which became a favourite venue over the years. I think this may have been the first time I arranged one of these big lunches, with about ten TGirls there. I feel I'm a bit of a work in progress here, but this was without a doubt the happiest time of my life.

A rose at table

Sue x

 

Cari lettori italiani

Oggi introduco una signora inglese che ha creato un canale su YouYube per presentare concetti di filosofia. Si è appena rivelata come transgender e, secondo me, avrà un ruolo importante nella lotta per i diritti in Inghilterra, dove le cose stanno andando male per noi.

Sue x

 

More steps in trans living 2: contemplating transition

 In my last post I described how, ten years ago, I felt not only the need to live as a woman in the real world but experienced hormonal changes that felt in some ways like a second puberty. I began to wonder if physical transition was inevitable. 

Although the medical, social and legal processes involved in transitioning were clear enough, there is a difference between theory and practice. Socially it would not be impossible, especially as I was on the point of working for myself at home, although I was concerned about my family. Although I am more than old enough to distance myself from my family of militant fundamentalists, and have largely done so, the word militant is important as it is unlikely that they would leave me to transition in peace. Several trans women in similar situations as myself have had no end of harassment from fanatically religious relatives who cannot permit the 'abomination' of transgenderism to pass unmolested. One girl I knew even had to get the courts to force her parents to desist. So that was going to be a problem for me, but one to be faced if necessary.

The official recognition of transition was also a concern as it is a pretty long drawn out and distressing process. There have been some improvements in the last ten years but it is a serious decision to change name and status for every future interaction. I agree that, since it is a major decision, a little official resistance is needed to challenge any whimsical notions, but still one had to live full-time in one's true gender for at least two years before one could get a Gender Recognition Certificate to change one's status legally. My mind is a little hazy on the rules ten years ago as there have been changes since, but that two-year period started with your doctor referring you to a gender clinic.

Did I want to talk to my doctor? Did I want to go to a gender clinic? No hormones or other assistance would be available until after the clinic had taken charge of me, a referral process that usually took months, and often a year or more. And you were expected to be living full-time female. This is the problem with a lot of gender care in national health services: it's an all or nothing situation. Either you are committed to living a new life and being pushed towards gender surgery, or there's nothing for you. The overwhelming majority of trans people fall into the latter camp and get nothing. It varies between countries and there are slow improvements across the board but that's basically the choice I had ten years ago.

I am not one to rush into things and I like to be as informed as possible. So I decided to visit the gender clinic at Charing Cross Hospital in West London, not initially as a patient but as a visitor. I would arrange to meet up with girls after their appointments or accompany them there and chat to the staff or other patients or their relatives in the waiting room. The whole frustrating process became clearer as a result of these discussions, and from online forums, from (rather basic) clinic literature, and even from once gatecrashing a voice therapy class (the voice coach allowed me in).

Two things became clear. Although I was already making new trans friends, it struck me, first, that getting to know as many trans women as possible would broaden not only my knowledge base but also increase my social circle, which was going to be vital if family and friends turned against me. And, second, that it would be a good idea to try living full-time to see what that really entails. Believe me, that prospect seemed wonderful, but I try to keep my feet on the ground and wanted to discover what pitfalls there might be before they arose once I was committed.

So from autumn 2010 to spring 2012 I pursued a policy of doing as much trans stuff as I could and meeting as many other trans folk as possible. There are regular events like Leeds First Friday, Sparkle, Girls' Big Night Out and more at many venues and I started to organise meet-ups in London, mainly via the UK Angels forum, and invite girls to my home for makeovers. There were indeed many periods of weeks at a stretch when I lived as a woman. It was bliss, the best time of my life.

And I continued to consult girls about clinical transition, how it was working out for them, what problems they were experiencing. It began to strike me - as it did a number of girls undergoing treatment after a point - that surgical transition was not for me. I don't feel I have the wrong body. Being born fully female would have been better, but somehow turning my genitals inside out was not an answer to my own needs. 

It also became clear that a considerable number of transsexuals going to the gender clinic had underlying mental health or behavioural disorders, some formally diagnosed and some evidently not but that could and should have been; and it continues to trouble me greatly that, instead of caring primarily for those overarching characteristics like autism or bipolar disorder which have a major bearing upon social interaction and self-perception, and therefore on gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia, the transgenderism appeared to be dealt with largely as an issue of solving the dysmorphia to alleviate the excesses of distress that are more the hallmarks of certain neurological and mental conditions rather than a product of being trans. Surgery is a dramatic solution, and I feel that surgery at Charing Cross leaves a lot to be desired (as I have complained of many times in this blog, e.g. So you still want that gender surgery?). The emphasis on it also leaves most trans people out of the system. And pressurises others into transitioning fully who may have benefited better from a gentler approach. It is, however, a characteristic of the Western medical approach to bombard symptoms with drugs or surgery till they go away rather than adopting a more holistic approach, something that would respond so much better to transgender needs. In many ways, it is not so much medical intervention that most trans people need but a safe environment to exist in. These are huge topics which I may go into another day, but I found it all quite offputting.

What finally put paid to my consideration of formal transition was an eruption of trans-on-trans violence and abuse mainly in early 2012 that changed my whole relationship with the trans community and I have been opposed to the strictures of many self-appointed activists and influencers since. I wrote some quite distressed posts here in 2012 about this. Again, a major topic, perhaps for expansion another time.

So I did my homework, and found in the end that formal transition wasn't for me. Not a fail, but a success in finding out what suited me. 

But what about living full-time, and maximising my trans friends and social life, and coming out? These are topics I will cover next and will involve a lot of fun.

A dip in the archives

Here's a foretaste of posts to come, then: a visit to Manchester in October 2010 to take part in an academic study, meet new friends and old, and attend a local group. Here's us having dinner together.

Sue x

 

Cari lettori italiani

 Oggi parlo di come ho fatto varie visite all'ospedale di Londra dove i pazienti sono i transessuali che scelgono la chirurgia. L'ho fatto per cercare di capire se la transizione completa era la cosa giusta per me. Ho speso molto tempo a parlare con le altre ragazze, e alla fine ho deciso di non cambiare.

Sue x