Saturday, 13 April 2013

"Playing dress-up"

It’s a month of serious work and family dos but I had a couple of girls, Rebecca and Gillian, round yesterday to give them a chance to dress at my place. “Guess you’ll be playing dress-up,” says Mrs R when she goes away leaving hubby behind. Yup!

My own latest dress-up session has so far gone on every single day for nearly 17 years (from the day I stopped purging my clothes and accepted I was trans), with breaks of a few hours for things where it has been better to look like a bloke on the outside, such as employment. My women’s attire has long since filled all my wardrobes and drawers and such men’s clothes as I have are falling apart and, truthfully, I’ve forgotten my male sizes. It’ll be a while before I live full-time as a woman but essentially I dress as one. Not everyone can, though, so time to dress as a woman can be precious and the trans and gay clubs and dressing services of Britain’s cities perform a vital service. But I like company and so, from time to time, I have friends round so they can dress in a safe environment.

Anyway, Rebecca and Gillian came early and got dolled up. They’re both experts and can safely be left to transform into very smart-looking women. We drove to Richmond (the one in Greater London, not Yorkshire, and which they have rather nicely named after me) and took a few photos around the town green before having lunch at a very nice French restaurant overlooking the River Thames. Apparently it was the first time either of my companions had been out to eat in daylight, and it’s always exciting to be with a TGirl enjoying a “first”. Pity about the rain, and that Becca had to go early as the Mrs seriously doesn’t approve of her dressing escapades, but Gillian and I enjoyed a bit of frock exchanging at home as we are a similar size. I suspect photos of her in my ballerina dress will crop up on Flickr for all those drooling admirers of hers. And I shall enjoy the nice little dresses she left for me when (if) the summer comes.

A very nice lunch with a view of the Thames. Becca's photo.

My thoughts recently have been running over various things connected with my socialising with other TGirls. TGirls who are married are very common indeed. But their circumstances all differ. Some have wives who are supportive, a few have wives who cannot support or live with them, some have wives who don’t approve and would rather not know more, some have wives who tolerate but don't participate, some have wives who do not know and, it is felt, would be better not knowing. All TGirls want to dress and the frustration of finding the opportunity can be terrible. Many lies are told and covering scenarios are built to try to deflect attention from what ‘hubby’ or ‘dad’ is doing on ‘his’ day off. This is the reality of the trans life for so many. I, on the other hand, can dress any day as I have no obligations to a wife or family, but I wish I had a partner to love; yet finding a partner who can accept that I am not really a guy is very difficult. It really restricts your choice. All this creates an unenviable position for TGirls. So I try to help other TGirls in a little way and have fun wherever we can, which seems to help make those golden dressing opportunities more memorable. Sadly, not every trans person appreciates that and I have been thinking over last year’s unjust abuse that suddenly exploded from several quarters at once as it has made me more cautious and disinclined to continue supporting trans issues on a political level. More on these thoughts another day. For now, just enjoy the picture of three TGirls having a nice meal together as friends and being looked after very well by the waitress who took the photo.

Sue x


  1. For what it's worth, I think helping, is a good thing.

    [ polite applause goes here ]

    It may feel like a little thing to do, but it can make all the difference and perhaps, just getting on with life - in the real world - does as much good as involvement in a political process. After all, to be in plain sight and showing people we're not a scary bunch; it's all good, isn't it?

    I've heard a few lies over trans stuff and I was guilty of that in the past too. It's not a good place to be at all. I have empathy for those who feel they cannot come out and it is a very complex issue. I think the thing that stops most, is fear. Fear of losing their partner.

    1. Thank you, Lynn. Yes, simply living a decent, normal life out in the real world is, I feel, the best way to show everyone that trans people are worthwhile citizens and good people to know. Being 'out' helps in many ways, but fear is what directs our lives so strongly. How to overcome that fear? That's the hard question. The main point of setting up this blog was to show other TGirls that you can do so much with your trans life if you really want to and can get over your fears.

      Sue x