In Milan I noticed (and it was hard not to) that the hosiery brand Golden Lady has hired the most prominent spots in the metro stations to advertise. Their poster catches your eye at the bottom or top of every escalator: a model in a very simple pair of black 15 denier tights - nothing special; in fact, they're just like my first pair I bought with my pocket money aged about 10 - but it is very, very effective. Presumably men will be thinking of buying something for the lady in their life, women will be thinking of looking good, and TGirls like me experience an explosion of dysphoria that is like a bomb going off every time I see the poster. I want to be like the model (and I don't mean young and attractive - well, maybe I do). A voice in my head says, "Sue, you don't need more tights. You've already got hundreds of pairs. What are you? a centipede?" But the product is not the issue. Dysphoria gets you in ways like this.
Not to be outdone, another leading brand, Calzedonia, has got their campaign going too. It's war! And in war, it's the innocent who suffer. I'm taking cover!
Old
Today, I began the laborious business of claiming an occupational pension I am owed. I'm allowing 18 months to go through the process from start to finish, including avoiding double taxation and obtaining tax reliefs, reducing exchange rate complications and other issues. My accountant is on standby!
This means I am officially old.
It's not the first time I've mentioned this but I have noticed a distinct change in my face in the last couple of years - more saggy, more jowly - and it's something only a Fairy Godmother can fix. I've been reluctant to post photos of myself. My makeup doesn't hide this and I'm starting to look for tips for makeup for older women which I hope to adapt because of the added complication that trans women have in their faces. As for hair, I've always worn a hair colour that's close to my own (I'll never manage the Marilyn Monroe look!) but I'm wondering if a new wig with a hint of grey is something to consider.
Rats!
They say age is a matter of attitude so now I need to find some attitude!
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| Faking youth in 2008 |
Remembering the dead
By ancient tradition, November is the month when we especially remember the dead. Obviously for me, Transgender Day of Remembrance is the main event. But as part of my exploration of the lesser known areas of the riviera, I went to Bordighera British Cemetery. I've been aware of the existence of this place for a while but never found it before. That's because it's a cemetery within a cemetery, tucked away behind high walls within the main cemetery that is itself behind high walls. That said, it's a beautiful, quiet spot with a mountain torrent on one side and a forest of date palms climbing the hillside on the other. The lane to get there is hard to find, the one tiny sign pointing up a narrow alley to the only entrance is even more so.
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| Waving palms |
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| Spot the tiny signpost to the tiny alley |
Many people over the centuries, not unlike myself, have come to this area for the healthy climate, from wounded crusaders in the middle ages who had their hospital at Ospedaletti to consumptive Victorians who appreciated sanatoriums like the now derelict Villa Helios at Sanremo. In the First World War, when Bordighera was practically a British colony anyway, with about 2000 British residents to 1000 locals, the British Army set up a hospital for sick and wounded servicemen fighting on the Salonika Front in Greece and later on the Italian Front. The British Cemetery, then, is where those who died of wounds or from popular diseases of the era like pneumonia or Spanish flu, is managed by the Commonwealth War Graves Commission.
I wasn't looking for any grave in particular; I visited just out of curiosity. There is a cabinet at the entrance containing a visitors' book that I signed with my fem name and a list of the 72 British Commonwealth men and 12 "Austrian" men buried here. They call them Austrian but they came from all over the Habsburg lands. It also contained service sheets from the recent Remembrance Sunday service. It's one of those odd things that the service date was based on the armistice with Germany on November 11th 1918, which is irrelevant here: the Salonika Front armistice with Bulgaria was on September 30th and the Italian Front armistice with the Habsburg Empire was on November 4th. To further cloud the issue, the First World War is also known locally as the Fourth War of Independence, as Italy emerged piece by piece from Habsburg rule over the course of 70 years (or longer if you count Napoleon as part of the process). But I guess all these historical niceties made little difference to these poor guys who found peace sooner.
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| From the Commonwealth War Graves Commission list of graves |
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| British Commonwealth graves, men from the all over the world |
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| Some Habsburg Empire graves along the back wall. I like that they have carved the double-headed eagle on each. Presumably these men were prisoners-of-war being treated at the hospital. Some Polish and other Slavic names among the German ones |
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| Why Indian driver Rup Lal has a grave all to himself is not made clear. A civilian, maybe? A Hindu or Muslim who couldn't or wouldn't be buried with the Christians? |
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| A poppy is the UK's war memorial flower and one on a cross has been left beside each grave after the recent memorial service. Blasius Klensbigl, what a marvellous name! |
This cemetery is always open unlike the surrounding civil one which closes at night. Presumably that's why there's a separate alley to get to it.
A curiosity, therefore. The older I get and the more feminine I get, the more war disgusts me. I've never been called to fight, unlike my grandfathers and great-grandfathers who all survived but did not much enjoy the experience. Those who are currently trying to wreck the eighty plus years of peace in Europe are pure evil.
Let's go to the main cemetery. Some cultural points as many of my readers come from the British Isles where cemeteries are usually the same as churchyards, so every church is surrounded by graves, people are buried there in perpetuity, and the traditional tree is the yew. In Italy, by contrast, the local cemetery is almost always a necropolis, a "city of the dead" on the edge of town, a very ancient idea (there are necropolises three thousand and more years old here). You usually hire a plot for a number of decades and then, if deemed reduced to just bones, your loved ones are then disinterred and put in a pigeonhole in the columbarium (the "dovecote") ... those who like creepy tales can read below about a deceased distant relative of mine (and this all ties in with the tights that started this post, if you can believe that - oh yes, everything on Sue's News and Views connects!) The preferred cemetery tree here, as has again been the case for thousands of years, is the cypress, because many species drip sap as though crying tears, and the preferred flower for graves is the chrysanthemum. A warning to men: never, ever give your Italian girlfriend chrysanthemums as a gift. Oh, and wear bug spray as cypresses attract mosquitoes like nothing else!
As is usual, the locals, who are all Catholic, are kept separate from foreigners who have all sorts of religions: Russian and Greek Orthodox are here, Jewish, Anglican, Lutheran ... Celtic crosses and Stars of David abound. Even in death people have to be separated, it seems. But, near the tombs of the Russian Princes Galitsine, is a large cypress embracing a smaller cypress. This may be an accident, or trained this way by the gardeners. I think it is sweet, and makes me happier to see than all those dead soldiers.
Rest in peace. I'll try not to dwell on how I'm getting old. Oops, I just did!
My creepy family stories for your winter fireside entertainment
Skip this bit if you don't like yucky things.
In Italy, you rarely buy a burial plot in perpetuity but hire one for a number of decades. After the rental period, your loved one is exhumed and you are invited to agree whether or not they are sufficiently decomposed to be moved. If no, you rent out for another decade; if yes, the plot is then returned to the council for hiring out to the next unfortunate. Pity about that lovely marble tomb you spent lots of money on in your grief; that just gets chucked away. You can move the bones of your loved one to another cemetery, or to the columbarium where the costs are a lot less.
Some distant relatives of mine were invited to the exhumation of their mother. Whilst her top half was decomposed, her lower half was not. This is because she had been buried in the Sixties in a lovely outfit but when nylon tights were really tough and they preserved her legs. Needless to say, she went back underground for another decade or two!
Perhaps better than friends whose grandma was deemed ready to be moved. They decided to take her elsewhere, packed her in a choice receptacle - a cardboard box - and drove her to her new resting place with the box of bones rattling along merrily in the back of the car.
People are a bit too matter-of-fact about dead people round here! Where's the sentimentality?
That's a long enough post for now. I'll save yesterday's fata morgana at sunset for another time.
My title comes, of course, from a line in Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket. It seemed adaptable to the themes here.
Sue x
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