Monday, 28 March 2016

To tell or not to tell?

There are very few friends who now don't know that I am a lifelong transvestite. About four left to tell, in fact. I was coming out to everyone over the last few years, with positive results, until a really abusive betrayal by someone two years ago made me cautious with the rest. (Needless to say, that betraying 'friend' is no longer on my Christmas card list.)

I've known this female friend (let's call her A) for about six years now and she's fun and sweet and we get on really well. She's a London tour guide and seems fascinated by the lives of people with different gender expression, wants to end one of her guided tours in Molly Moggs or some other drag venue, is an avid fan of the stage show Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which she sees every few months, is going to see the Drag Graduation at London's Royal Vauxhall Tavern LGBT pub this coming Wednesday, and was telling me (my male side, that is) that apparently most transvestites are not gay, often have wives and families, are really nice and friendly and love being women and being treated as women. I nodded, feigning indifference to this information. She has another close friend (call her B) who also seems fascinated by TGirls and often brings the subject up. Trouble is, my long term female friend (C) who introduced these two is not keen on transvestism. C's very far from bigoted (in fact, her best friend is a gay man whom she has supported through difficult times) but she finds it weird that an ostensible male would dress as female.

I am determined to get back on the scene. Let me see what A thinks of the drag show. Then... should I tell? Given that A loves lingerie shopping and asks my (male) opinion on her knickers and lipstick, she'll probably make a great shopping companion and supportive friend. But with several bad experiences of losing friends because of one bitch in each group, I am wary, especially as she and her girlfriends B, C (and D) aka "the Babes" share everything (I am a (male) Honorary Babe, as I've mentioned here before and I am party to their gossip also) .

There's no answer to this. This friend A actually did see me dressed a few years ago at my local station. My heart stopped... but she didn't recognise me at all, and didn't even seem to notice that there was a TGirl three yards from her nose as we got on the same carriage.

I think she might be a good ally... or will she?

Why is this always so hard?

Sue x


  1. You've at least been able to tell some folks. That's a good thing. I may dress and be out and about among strangers, but it's really still "don't ask, don't tell." Only about 3 folks know, and they're more acquaintances that I don't see or hear from often, than friends of the family. My mom (with dementia and no memory) is the only one who knows - sort of.

    As for your situation, here are my thoughts. It sounds like your friend would be accepting. But telling could still be a gamble. If losing all of them as friends should "the worst" happen, is something you could deal with, go for it! You probably will be talked about, but the bright side is, you really could be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

    And having more accepting friends is always a good thing. Please keep us advised as to how things go.

    Be safe...



  2. Sue it's your call but from what you have said about her she appears to be very open minded. Yes there is always the chance she may not want anything more to do with you, if you do tell her but I get the feeling this would not be the case. Whatever you decide you got my support and there again better her hearing it from you than someone else or may be she already has an inkling and is just waiting for you to tell her :-) HUGS Steph xxx

    1. Thanks, Steph. I suspect she and another girl have half sussed me out already, which is why the subject of transvestites keeps cropping up (or maybe I'm just vain!) We shall see... Sue x

  3. Ooo, that's a tricky one isn't it. As you say, if they share everything, you're not just coming out to one person. Then again, maybe that makes it easier. ;-)

    Flippancy aside, if you were to tell, could you tell all of them at different times, but close together? At least then, they can react as they feel comfortable, rather than being held in a group culture.

    In terms of do, or don't, I'd say make two lists. One with all the good stuff that might happen, and another with an the bad things (hint, do the bad one first). If you do go ahead, I wish you lots of luck.

    Oh, and congratulations on being featured on T-Central! Well deserved IMO. L x

    1. Good advice, hon. And you have just featured on T Central, too. Fame all round. Sue x

  4. To tell or not to tell - always a good question. Well you know me and have a general idea who does know, it is evident on my blog! However, in making certain decisions for who should be told is down to possible gut instinct and also trust too. The latter is a hard one and sometimes a judgement call needs to be made. So far it has served me well especially with "work" and my life as a whole is richer for doing so. But come to my "other" friends, that is a different matter altogether. I think the bottom line, will you as a person get anything out of it, by some people knowing or not. That is the $64000 question and only you could answer. Good luck.