It's 30 years since I stopped trying to suppress my trans nature and embraced it. Since then I have lived as much as I can as the woman I feel I am, notably by dressing as one every day.
That's not the same as presenting as fully female every day, though, what with my concerns about harassment as well as issues with my skin that finds makeup difficult to bear for extended periods. Outdoors I live in a twilight zone, therefore: I am dressed as a woman but not treated as a woman. It's not how I would have wanted things to be but that, I'm afraid, reflects most of life. At the moment, I can't afford the hassle of being outed in this locality so I don't go out presenting fully female here, even if a look at my shoes or leggings or tops would suggest a less than masculine wardrobe. My fingernails, too, are long and trim. No bullet bra for me, but I don't reduce my assets either.
In that regard I guess I'm like most of us: safety - social as well as physical - is paramount. The vast majority of trans people are not 'out' or known to be trans mainly for this very reason. Even those who have transitioned and would like simply to be treated as their right gender at last, without reference to all that transitioning they had to do, return to living in stealth.
On this Transgender Day of Visibility it would be nice to feel that I could go about my business and be called Sue by everyone or be addressed as Madam. But I'm not there yet. Nor is society.
So we do what we can, whether it's supporting the trans community generally, fighting for rights and against their suppressors, helping and encouraging and consoling and advising one another, and the like. Hell, one can even write a blog.
Wishing you all a good Trans Day of Visibility and an improved future for all of us.
Sue x
"So we do what we can...."
ReplyDeleteWise words, Sue, thank you.
As a friend said to me once, you can only do your best, in the circumstances you find yourself in.
Thank you, Lynn. Sue xx
DeleteI hope one day, no one has to compromise or dial down who they really are, so that they can exist in peace and safety. I admire how you live your life in a pragmatic way. You are a wonderful and beautiful woman.
ReplyDeleteDee xxx
Thank you, dear Dee, that's very sweet of you. Maybe one day Western society might change enough so that people can be who they are. I think it's moving that way and the younger generation give me a lot of hope. Sue xx
DeleteThank you for sharing this, Sue.
ReplyDeleteWhat struck me most was your description of living in that "twilight zone" between expressing who you are and being recognised as who you are. It highlights something that many people outside the trans community may not fully appreciate: visibility is not simply a matter of choice or courage, but also of safety, circumstance, and the realities of the society we live in.
Thirty years of refusing to suppress your true self is no small achievement. While it may not have unfolded exactly as you once hoped, there is something powerful in the quiet persistence of continuing to live as authentically as possible, day after day, despite the compromises that reality sometimes demands.
Your point about safety was interesting.. So much discussion around trans lives overlooks the practical calculations people must make simply to move through the world without inviting harassment, scrutiny, or worse. The fact that so many people still feel compelled to remain unseen says as much about society as it does about individual circumstances. Stay safe Sue.
Lotte x
Thank you so much for your comment, Lotte. Yes, I really think you get the situation, which is something that probably only other trans people really understand. I'd love to be full-time female but the social and political issues involved in living authentically are so complex that it's best just to keep a low public profile at the moment. Thank you for your support, kindness and insights. Sue xx
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