Moby-Dink, or the Whale That's Pink

 Thar she blows! She blow-w-ws!

Latest photos below. 

There's a whale sanctuary offshore here (the Pelagos Sanctuary) and there are regular whale-watching tours over the summer. Whales like this part of the Mediterranean, the Ligurian Sea, possibly because it's a bit cooler than other parts. In fact, there used to be a town nearby in Roman times called Costa Balenae, i.e. Whale Coast.

The whale rangers (if that's the right name for them) insist that there is a white whale out there, too. Although, they say it's actually somewhat pinkish rather than the pure white of the legendary whale of Herman Melville's outstanding story. 

Since only the rangers seem to have spotted it, and we all know the tradition that sailors tell tall tales, I keep an open mind. 

(By the way, if you haven't read Melville's Moby-Dick I invite you to do so. Or reread it. In my opinion, it's the finest novel in the English language.)

I mention this as (a) it's in the news and (b) I want to talk about slimming as I keep being asked about my regime and (c) I'm tired of being a pink whale myself. 

I've mentioned this before but when I really need to get weight off I use the Slimming World healthy eating plan. 

In brief, you can eat loads and, ideally, you'll eat a wide, healthy range of foods, enough to keep you full (which is where most diets fail) but obviously you'll cut down on (but you don't need to eliminate) the fermented and processed sugars (like cheese, bread, alcohol, chocolate ...) and fats (bacon rind, butter, you know the stuff). There are plenty of substitutes for sugars and fats. This tends to get me a pound or two off each week on average (0.5 - 1 kg) and so after a few weeks or months that makes quite a difference. 

My problem is that I got very overweight after my leg was damaged in 2018 and then, just as I was walking properly again, the pandemic came and locked us all indoors. By the end of 2020 I was huge and so losing the 30 kilos (5 stone) I needed to takes time. Every time I go away I lose some control of what I eat. For instance, I went away for four weeks in May/June and, two months later, I am still trying to get back to where I was before I went. Ideally, I want to get to my perfect weight and then it doesn't matter so much if I gain a bit after going out for a pizza with friends or going on holiday as it'll not then take months to get back to target. 

I've got about 30lb (13 kg) to lose at the moment.

So here are my honest Pink Whale photos. Tonight, in a newish dusty pink tee-shirt, accompanied by my blue whale (whom I am going to call Baloney), I look like this with no shaping undergarments. Yes, that's my bust in a normal underwired bra, no enhancement, and that's my tummy now. 

 

 

My chubby face in 2020. 

And me in 2022. Not as big but not slim either.

 

 

Anyway, that's me being a pink whale. 

If you see any other pink whale, just be glad it's not those pink elephants again. 

 

(These animated psychedelic pachyderms are, of course, from Disney's 1941 classic, Dumbo; another masterpiece.) 

Sue x 

Things being various

 I end July with various little things.

 

Beauty regime

I'm pleased to say I've overshot my weight loss target of 4 kg (9 lb) this month, which I'm really happy with. I've set a target of 3.5 kg for August.

Not so great this morning was, when smoothing my legs with a razor, I nicked my ankle. It was a tiny scratch and I barely noticed it at first but before long the bathroom was covered in blood like someone had been murdered. I can't believe such a small cut could create ... well, literally a bloodbath! 

I'm sure I'll recover! But this big plaster is spoiling the look of my legs which I wanted to be gorgeous! So instead of me, here's a picture of local morning glories instead.

 

 

News from London 

I hear that last weekend's Trans Pride in my old home city of London attracted around 100,000 people. This is an amazing turnout and yet it doesn't surprise me given the anti-trans policies of the government there that is continuing the abuses of the previous one. This is one of the main reasons I left there.

By total contrast, I notice that the Tate Modern gallery in London has an exhibition on of Leigh Bowery, the bizarre performance artist who was a bi-gendered, non-gendered or even super-gendered being in the non-binary culture of the '80s, influencing music stars like Boy George then and even people like Lady Gaga now. This art and style gives me the creeps a bit, I have to say, but I do support alternative lives.

 

Facial feminisation update

I'm pleased to hear that Roz feels her facial feminisation surgery has gone well, although the bandages are still on. She thanks everyone for their kind wishes.

 

Earthquake

Another small earthquake shook my home two days ago. It's epicentre was at Tende, a few miles away over the French border. Unlike the last one, there was no damage this time. 

I was going to grumble a bit about living in a seismic area and then a few hours later the massive earthquake and tsunami off Kamchatka occurred and I have no right to complain! Thankfully, there don't seem to have been any deaths from that but a big one is still a frightening and damaging experience. I hope the locals there will be all right.

 

Tom Lehrer

It's been a bad summer for music with the deaths of leading musicians as diverse as Alfred Brendel (classical) and Ozzy Osbourne (heavy metal). It's sad to add Tom Lehrer to the roll. His acerbic, sardonic and witty songs from the 1950s-70s became classics. 

As well as innumerable sports contests, my school had an annual music contest when each sports club into which we were compulsorily divided pitted its musical skills against the others. I say "music"; it was more like regimented cacophony. Tom Lehrer songs were sung very often in this aural chaos ... and I can't help thinking he'd have been amused to know that. 

As a taster, here's how he wrote a song for the US army, "It Makes a Fellow Proud to Be a Soldier", based on his experiences. Strangely, it wasn't chosen as the US Army anthem.

Sue x 

Chill staycation

 I set this week aside to do very little ... a staycation if you will. And I did very little indeed. A good book or two, ice-creams to eat, a bit of light gardening, spending more time preparing meals, that sort of thing. The most strenuous thing was swimming, which was especially good this week as, for some reason, there were few people at the pool leaving more room for the rest of us. So I could zoom around more. Not that the pool is really designed for sports swimming - its Sixties design is guitar shaped, somewhat attuned to the groovy vibe emanating from nearby Sanremo, "the City of Music", so it's for chillin' in, man. My tan progresses, too.

It's been nice to dress in just a tee and a light skirt or shorts, nothing complicated, apart from my foray into smarter looks on Tuesday. Smooth skin all over is very agreeable.

I keep losing weight, despite the ice cream, and that's good. I expect to have lost four kilos my month-end (that's 9 pounds) and I hope to do the same next month. Warm weather doesn't put me in need of stodgy, fattening food, you see.

 

Face time

Wishing my friend Roz well for her facial feminisation surgery yesterday and subsequent recovery. I suspect she's wrapped like an Egyptian mummy right now!

 

Ozzy Osbourne 

We can't not note the passing of Ozzy Osbourne, musician, reality TV star (The Osbournes did make you question reality!) and celebrity chef who created the live bat canapé (allegedly), simply because of his noted support for the LGBT+ community (and indeed anyone slightly alternative). More accounts than not suggest he was an all-round nice guy (at least, when not intoxicated). 

Sue x 

Trying a smart summer look

 I had a little bit of time this afternoon to put on some makeup and try a couple of smart looks for summer with skirts and high heels.

My first skirt is a very old favourite and was the skirt I wore the first time I ever walked out of my own front door dressed in 2010 (see below). It's a black three-quarter length item with a colourful flower motif in very light material (and needs an underskirt/slip because sunlight will shine through it). I wore black suede kitten heels (a present from Carol many years ago). And a new, loose, short-sleeved shirt, also black. I decided to accessorise with sheer gloss tights (another gift, from Roz) to add a bit of summer shine, and various small pieces of sparkly jewellery.

 

I also wore this skirt on a lovely summer's day at the Royal Botanical Gardens at Kew, London, where I went for a picnic with Petra and Joanne in 2011. This is one of my favourite photos. I wore a tomato red T-shirt that I loved and which appears in so many photos from my days in London!

 

At home today again.

 

Then I changed to a shorter black skirt and higher heels with the same top. A more secretarial look, perhaps. I actually changed my earrings, too, to a more dangly pair but I don't think you can tell!

 

It's a hot evening so that was about all I could do with the heavy wig without my makeup sliding off. One of the many problems of being T!

I think there'll be a few more of these quick look posts as the summer progresses. 

 

A dip in the archive

Recollections of leaving the house dressed as a woman for the first time never fade from memory. 

I recommend my friend Deeanna's gripping account of her first trip out of the house on her blog here: The Walk.

I recounted my own first time out (in the floral skirt) here: Getting out the front door. A tale of serious nerves ... and feeling ever bolder as the day wore on.

Thanks for reading. As ever, comments on my outfits are welcome. 

Sue x  

A bit self-conscious?

 Thanks for the encouraging remarks on my look last weekend. And the smooth skin feels good, as it always does. Maintenance takes time but this is the trans life and we put the effort in.  

Beauty emerges from the prickles

 

I have a few more summery items in my wardrobe, some of which are new and some haven't been worn for years. I shall doll up properly over the summer. 

I do feel a bit self-conscious when swimming: am I completely trim or have I missed a bit? My breasts are on display and this is not a topless beach! Maybe they just think I'm fat, which I admit I am but these are not 'man boobs'. ....Thoughts like these intrude. 

With regard to weight, I have lost over five pounds (2.5 kg) these last couple of weeks, so that's good. A lot of lettuce has been eaten!

Healthwise, I've not been so well this week with a bit of a virus or something that kept me in bed for some of Tuesday/Wednesday but I seem reasonably OK now and had a good swim this afternoon. 

The weather's been perfect: warm and bright but not oppressive, with a nice breeze.

 

Gallery

I thought the picture gallery (tab at the top) needed an update since the last photo was from 2020. 

I've also added a link to the music, Left Bank Two by the Noveltones, that was played during the Gallery section on British TV's kids' art show Vision On and subsequent tributes. Some of us can't see galleries of pictures without this playing in our heads. Yes, TV does corrupt the young!

(For more on this fantastic show, with Sylvester McCoy in a frock, see the second half of this post from exactly two years ago: Heat - a hot topic.)

Sue x  

Feminine again, yay!

 So, yeah, last month's plan to defemme for summer ... that's been ditched. I couldn't take any more of the dysphoria resulting from body hair, semi-naked women everywhere and enlarging breasts. You know the thing. 

So yesterday I went to the hairdressers in the morning to see to the topmost part, and then in the afternoon I got down to a long, careful and relaxing defuzzing session. 

And today I put on my makeup and my nice new summer frock and here I am again feeling feminine and way happier. I hardly need to tell my readers that smooth skin, painted nails, a favourite dress and jewellery, and some high heels are the best thing in the universe for a trans girl. 

The sun has been so hot this past month that I have developed quite a tan and was able to break out the suntan shade of sheer footless tights that I bought years ago in England but, as the sun there is too weak to get me this dark, this is the first time I have worn them and they match my current natural tone well. (See my recent post on the benefits of light tights in summer.)

I would have liked to have got waxed all over in one go but the salons here don't seem to offer an all-over session, just different limbs. I wasn't going to have myself done piecemeal over several days (or for that expense!) so I did it myself with a new razor and - a wonderful discovery - Aleppo soap, which is made of laurel oil and olive oil and gives such a smooth glide and such moisturising power that I've never removed hair better or had my skin look so good. Aleppo soap is easily found in the Mediterranean where it's made (theoretically in Syria), but you may need to go to a more specialist soap shop elsewhere (and it may therefore cost quite a bit). Make sure it has a high oil content and few or no cheapening artificial additives; the extra price for authentic natural ingredients is worth it and it seems to last longer than ordinary soap. 

I know I'll need to keep shaving over the summer but I think a pamper session every couple of days is something to look forward to.

 

Swirl

 

I'm wearing an enhancer bra but for next time I'll see if I can get a bra that works just with my natural chest. Just to answer a previous query, no I don't take hormones, never have and would only do so under the supervision of my doctor (I've seen too many girls damage their health by self-medicating). My chest was clearly the gift of the Sugar & Spice Fairy!

It's so good to be a woman. I think you've got to be trans to appreciate this feeling. 

Sue x 

Listen to your body

 I thought a lot about whether to post something this personal. But I am going to.

I had to talk a lot last month about dysphoria as it's been affecting me way more than usual. Thank you again for your kind support. With the heatwave, I've been living mainly in swimwear or very light tees so my breasts, which have been expanding again this year, are very visible. I'm delighted with the extra boobage but, perhaps not surprisingly, I'm rather self-conscious about it, too. The left breast seems slightly bigger than the right, which is fine as asymmetry is normal enough, but what is puzzling (and delighting) me is that they are not the breasts of a woman of my (fairly advanced) years, which usually sag, but are rather perky and springy. Yay!

 

Not me, but an aspirational version of me. (Photo: Daniel Narsco)

 

I assumed that this sudden bout of gender dysphoria, or even body dysmorphia, was because the heatwave had brought a vast army of nubile, scarcely-clad women to the seaside here all at once. Irritatingly, I'd made my decision not to epilate so the contrast between the femininity around me and my current fuzz made it worse.

A four-hour train journey the other night, during which I felt a slight ache in my breasts that so characterised my original breast growth in 2010, set me thinking how my body has been a strong driver of my trans life. 

I will put here something that I have never mentioned before as it is very personal, perhaps unusual (I've not heard any trans person refer to a similar experience) and I've never been sure that I would be believed, but this is a transgender blog and so it is very relevant. In my 20s I experienced what I can only reasonably describe as period pains, a regular 4-week cycle of abdominal cramping. I became concerned enough to note it down, and so discovered its regularity, and I discussed it with my doctor who not unnaturally assumed it was an intestinal problem ...and I won't go into further details.

I went along with that diagnosis, though, even though my guts weren't the problem, as that was also the time when I was most suppressing my trans nature so any excuse for denial was a good one. I managed to spend over a year not dressing as a woman at all (believe me, that's a long time in Sue World), did a giant purge of my clothes, photos and everything else feminine, and even blocked any thoughts about being trans whenever they arose, which was very hard. I was determined to kill my trans desires off once and for all. 

In the end, though, that suppression exploded ferociously ... and the curious periodic cramps diminished as I finally embraced the knowledge that I was trans and started dressing every day. 

Move on several years and in 2010 my breasts grew suddenly just as I felt a strong need to get out in public dressed at last. And now that I have had a very subdued decade due to ill-health, emigration and so on, my breasts seem to be telling me something again.

I won't speculate on whether it's my body that responds in these very physical ways to a lack of fem time, or whether it drives my femininity in the first place and my need to be a woman, or any other theory. But my body has always been very much a living, responding part of this whole transgender experience of mine. I am curious as to whether anyone else has similar experiences, though I acknowledge that such personal things are not something one likes to talk about in public. I rarely do but here I have bared ... well, my breast! And more. This is a trans blog, so there.

The first thing I did once I'd got home from my train journey, despite its being the small hours of the morning, was paint my nails in clear varnish. I keep my nails long and feminine the way I love them. 

 

I'm now looking through the local directories for a waxing salon as, frankly, I'm not sure this "hairy for summer" idea is working this year. Full retirement is now approaching and then it may finally be time to talk to a doctor directly rather than by-the-by as previously about being trans and all these curious body events of mine. After all, breast screening doesn't seem an unreasonable request now, if nothing else, as I have sufficient breast tissue to be a routine concern. And possibly, just out of curiosity, look into any intersex, genetic, chimeric or similar issues that might be relevant here, which I guess I've not wanted to do before for reasons I'm not totally sure about. I remain very cautious about outing myself to the health authorities, though, given the current trend towards xenophobia all over the world, although things are better in European Union countries than in many other places, hence my move to Italy. (My thinking on this in 2018 is more relevant than ever in the UK, US, Russia and so on).

More developments as they happen, I guess. 

So, if I and my breasts may end this rather serious post in a more light-hearted way in Two Ronnies style, it's goodbye from me ... and it's goodbye from Pinky and Perky.

Sue x 

So how did Pride month go?

 Last Saturday was Milano Pride in Italy. Despite the heat, 350,000 people turned out. That's equivalent to more than a quarter of the population of the city.

It was also Budapest pride in Hungary. Despite being made illegal by the government, that Pride event attracted 200,000 people. That includes politicians from other countries keen to be seen to promote rights over autocracy.

I hear that in Britain, the anti-trans ruling from the Supreme Court is being watered down even by that court. As I've mentioned before, all sorts of cis political commentators who don't normally touch on LGBT matters have criticised the ruling and the government. 

And also in Britain, Thurso, a small town of just 9000 souls in the furthest north of Scotland, held its first ever Pride. 1000 people attended that, a stunning turnout for somewhere so small and remote. 

By contrast, I hear that a Straight Pride event in Boise, Idaho (population: a quarter of a million), billed as a "hetero awesomeness festival", not only had an underwhelming attendance (about 50), as seems so often to be the case, but it was crashed by a pro-LGBT singer. 

These are just some take-aways from the last few days. I give these attendance vs population figures because so far this year neither I and almost no-one I know, despite all being in the LGBT+community, have managed to get to a Pride event, so it shows how vast the LGBT community and its allies must be. 

Whilst there is a lot of very noisy and very nasty transphobia and other hate out there, I think the world turned a corner a long time ago and being queer in all its lovely forms is something most straight/cis people see as OK. Different, but OK. Current anti-LGBT legislation is now associated with violent and autocratic leaders so is not, in the end, going to benefit the few phobics. As a very simple - simplistic, if you will - summary of our present situation, not only does history show that autocracy is usually short-lived but our current autocrats, actual and aspiring, are remarkably incompetent and therefore likely to fail soon. When they're gone and condemned, as all such characters end up being, their transphobia will be part of that condemnation. So this current persecution is likely to work in our favour in the long run. I see this massive increase in support for LGBT Pride events, especially where the government is anti, as evidence of a better future, and that the public is broadly with us.

Stay colourful. 

 

Stay cool 

I love hot weather. My Optimum Operating Temperature has always been 28°C, even with a wig on. But it's currently 37°C in the shade (that's 99°F) as I'm posting this, and around 30° at night, and it's not even the height of summer yet. 

Mind you, the resultant lack of appetite plus exertion in the pool is working wonders for my (interminable) weight loss programme. 

Sue x

Hot stuff, or dresses for empresses

 It's very hot so I am taking things gently, especially in the afternoons when the sun is at its fiercest. Blogging is a gentle task so here we are!

Firstly, thanks to readers for their recent support over my sudden dysphoria. I guess the heatwave brought everyone to the seaside early and all those healthy women suddenly turning up en masse with next to nothing on really hit hard: I should be one of them, I thought; I'm missing out, I told myself. 

I've been returning to equilibrium, especially as, without boasting, I don't look too bad in a bikini myself, with a bit of curvature in the right places to fill both parts. Less around the tum would be better but we are working on that. I lose appetite in summer, which helps, as does more activity.

Thanks also for your support over family health troubles. My relative will be in hospital for quite a long time now and all we can do is await the final outcome of his treatments. He's not dying, though, and that's the main thing.

Now, I know that the weather is not conducive to heavy clothes but today I was looking at a magazine that describes an exhibition now on in Paris celebrating Charles Frederick Worth, who more or less invented haute couture as we know it. He seems to have been the first to use live models to strut his creations, put fashion house labels in his clothes and introduce seasonal collections. He dressed Europe's most elegant ladies in amazing outfits back in the nineteenth century when women's fashions were just stunning. No hoodies and leggings in sight! 

I mention this because, let's face it, we all fancy ourselves in a floor-length satin dress, don't we? I mean, take this Worth ballgown in pink tulle modelled for us here by Empress Elizabeth of Austria. I really, really want this (and if becoming an empress is what it takes to get it then, hey, I'm up for that!)

 

Not to be outdone, here is Empress Eugénie of France in a ravishing white satin and lace gown. Yes, please. 

An evening dress in green. Corsetry is the answer to all waistline issues! 

Imagine going to a trans club in one of these outfits. Then if some admirer annoyed you could declare, in your finest cut-glass Victorian duchess voice, "Unhand me, you ruffian!" as Hubert, a true gentleman, steps in with a stern, "You scoundrel, Sir!" and removes the irritating admirer, who is promptly led away to a life of hard labour in the colonies. You then marry Hubert and have sixteen children, nine of whom are destined to die of consumption, cholera, scarlatina, etc. Ah, the good old days! When life was short but the frocks were long. 

Anyway, I though I'd share the gorgeousness with you. As the curators say, there's a public fascination with fashion these days, but people are forgetting the history of fashion. This aims to reawaken that consciousness with its 400+ sumptuous items.

Here's the official exhibition web page in English: Worth, Inventing Haute Couture

A review in English: A Journey to the Origins of Haute Couture at the Petit Palais in Paris 

There's a long video in French on setting up the exhibition, with a lot of views of the dresses and accessories. I didn't post this link originally but Susie has viewed it and commented below like the dedicated girl she is, so here it is after all. English subtitles are available. Worth is pronounced Vort by the French. (Disappointingly, most of the curators and restorers here are in jeans. "Standards, ladies, standards!" as my imaginary duchess would say.)

 

More generally on the subject, here's an introductory video on Worth with lovely pictures and photographs, and showing real dresses on mannequins: 

Worth on Wikipedia: Charles Frederick Worth and House of Worth. 

The exhibition is on at the Petit Palais, Avenue Winston Churchill, Paris, till early September. Oh, and my birthday's coming up; just a hint. 

Sue x

Unorthodox solutions for steamy weather

 I had hoped that the couple of thunderstorms over the last two days would have cleaned the air and cooled things down but they've just made everything steamier. I can manage to wear a swimsuit but I really don't want to wear a lot else today! 

Every summer I write some kind of post like this on how to cope with hot weather when your a TGirl, e.g. wigs & makeup in summer and swimwear for TGirls but when it's really hot and sticky like this all I can suggest is that you do the things that need physical activity at times when it's a bit cooler, i.e. morning and evening. 

Whilst staying hydrated is regularly quoted as the best advice, I'm not so convinced by cold drinks as by hot ones when it's steamy. People boggle at me when I say that but hear me out. A cold drink or ice cream cools your insides but does little for the discomfort of prickly, sticky skin. A hot drink makes you perspire properly, thereby cooling you down; and as the drink is hot, you can't gulp it so you get 'dosed' more gently and evenly; and something like tea is a pick-me-up. Tea is a favourite drink in North Africa and the Middle East, the hottest places on earth. Theirs has lots of sugar (for energy) and usually mint in it, which is an anti-inflammatory and a breath-freshener, and their tea is the best thing on a hot day. As for any perspiration that tea causes, well, that's why I wear a swimsuit.

As for alcohol, I advise avoiding wine. Instead, mix spirits with lots of mixers/juices. A little gin with lots of tonic is working for me this year. But yours may be a sangria, a spritz, a Pimms or whatever is fruity and cool.

My photo above to illustrate this post was taken on a hot afternoon (36°C / 97°F) so I was wearing a short denim skirt and tights. 

"Tights, Sue? Are you mad?" No, actually tights/pantyhose in hot weather are good for avoiding several heat-related problems. Obviously, I mean gossamer-thin items like these (they were 7 denier), not those black opaques you don with your slippers by the grate in winter! 

Wearing tights helps to wick perspiration away from your skin (just ask a professional dancer); eliminates chafing (chub rub) if your thighs rub together when walking and reduces chafing from your shoes; and makes your legs look smoother and more uniform in tone. 

Here are just a few items from my own collection to illustrate what I mean: from 5, 7 and 10 denier; various summer shades for Caucasian skin from 'nude' to 'suntan'; toeless for if you have peep-toe shoes and you like your painted toenails to show fully (of course you do); bodyshaping or bodyfree; looks that are matt, glossy, 'healthy shine', 'oiled'... There's a big choice. 

 

Open-toe seven-denier nude in action:

Another good choice is fishnets in natural or lightly coloured shades. I have them nude, white, apricot, etc.. The 'nude' ones on the right in the photo below are very light-looking whilst the 'nude' ones in the middle in the photo below look very tanned, but as they stretch you actually get a natural shade on your legs in both cases. A close friend swears by openwork lace at all seasons, even in black, like my favourite Jonathan Aston 'sweet roses' pantyhose here on the left.

 

These are those Jonathan Aston fishnets in nude when worn:

Here are my fishnets in light apricot to match my yellow-pink dress. With the stretch, these gave a light flesh tone

 

(By the way, these are the sandals that had to go recently as they were scuffed, worn and falling apart after many summers.)

Have a nice summer. 

 

Dysphoria update

It's not great. See my first photo above again, the one with me next to a bigger, curvier, bustier, more brazen (!) young woman. 

There seem to be uniquely feminine women around this year, all curves and jiggles, and none wearing very much in this heat so the curves and the jiggles are enhanced and on show. I keep telling myself that I too have curves and jiggles, and that's no lie. I'm proud of my very feminine hips, and my recently improved bust measurements are exciting. Maybe it's just regret that the women around me are even curvier and jigglier than me because they got a natural advantage when the curves and jiggles were being handed out. 

To be honest, I'm also feeling disappointment at the fact I am no longer young. Smooth curves, perky jiggles and rich hair get replaced by wrinkles, sag and greyness. Nature, you're a mean bitch!

Sue x