Underwear on the line, or the girl who kept goldfish in her shoes

 So it's been much more like spring this week ... apart from short, sharp showers that the weather men have not predicted. One evening I had to rush out to gather in my washing in as a heavy shower hit and, although I succeeded in keeping the washing reasonably dry, my shoes got quite wet. Ballet flats have low gunwales! They weren't properly dry by next morning so I left them outside in the sun. A dry day was promised and so I went out shopping for a couple of hours ... and another shower hit. When I got home my shoes were full of water! I could've kept small fish in them! These weather men have a lot to answer for!

They're dry now and don't seem any the worse for the experience. The goldfish order has been cancelled.

I'm also able to dry my - ahem - more feminine garments outdoors now because of the improved weather and the fact that the partition between me and mini-Trump next door has been fully mended and filled at last. Before that, my outdoor washing was pretty much visible to anyone next door and you don't want anything too obviously feminine being seen if they think you're a guy. Avoid awkward questions is my policy.

I'm afraid my slimming drive has been a bit of a failure recently. Ongoing poor weather over the month has resulted in a need for large quantities of chocolate to keep up the spirits. It's the only remedy!

 

So I'm looking forward to the clocks going forward on Sunday as that officially endorses the lighter, longer days that are necessary for good health.

Also, I decided to eat lunch out one day at my favourite restaurant and they were hosting a party that evening with live music and had produced canapés for it and they used me as their official taste testing guinea pig. That was before I ordered lunch! So kind of a fail there. But given that the lunch was super delicious and they gave me a discount, I'll accept the expanded waist without too much complaint. By the way, fresh salmon marinaded with tangerine sounds weird but is amazing.

They often do live music there, in fact, and have photos of lots of music stars who've graced the Sanremo Festival and local music clubs over the decades. I daren't reveal my ignorance of who they all are. For instance, I just call this photo of theirs, "the guy who trod on a Lego". 

As mentioned last time, I've been going through this blog to save it in case of any need to migrate. At the same time, I've been continuing to go through it methodically adding labels to posts and mending broken links where possible. There are over 700 posts so this takes time!

 

Looking ahead

This weekend I shall be observing the partial solar eclipse (safely - never look directly at the sun), planting chillis, lavender and more herbs, and maybe I'll do my face and hair properly. 

I've just booked a trip to San Marino for the week after next, another location on my planned tour of microstates. 

 

A dip in the archives 

Going through my blog reminds me that I haven't posted a dip into the archives for a while. Here's a post from November 2012 describing meet-ups with other girls in the bars and Indian restaurants of Brick Lane, London, with recent updates on venues and websites. 

Link: The Brick Lane Set

It's partly a tribute to my fun friend Ann Drogyny (in red) who passed away last year. Gone but not forgotten.

Have a good weekend.

Sue x

Spring cleaning ... in more ways than one

 How to do business with the USA if you're trans. 

This week the weather has improved a lot and there's a new smell in the air here, of warm beach. I sensed it as I walked along the promenade in the sunshine today. It's time to open the windows and get the garden furniture out. I've been able to eat my lunch outdoors every day since Sunday, at last. Normally here you can do that quite a few times over the winter but not this year, as I have already lamented.

 

We have a bumper crop of oranges outside the front door this year. Sadly, they're the bitter ornamental variety and no good for eating. But they look jolly.

So yes, it's time for spring cleaning, planting herbs and generally getting busy. First, though, I've decided that my working time over the next week will be dedicated to completing the saving of this blog in an alternative format in case it needs to migrate. So far Blogger has been run by Google and I use Apple products and these companies are still, as far as I can judge, the more hippy, less Trumpy ends of the US IT industry, so I don't expect an immediate problem. But it's clear that the USA is going to pot fast so I'd like to be sure of my continued existence in electronic media. Frankly, the sooner the rest of the world can dump its reliance on US products and services, the better. There's a huge potential for European and South Asian development in the IT and other sectors now; an unexpected windfall. 

I'm no longer bothered about having lost my Facebook account to hackers six months ago. Given that Facebook's focus was increasingly on adverts or clips that might be of interest rather than what my friends were up to, and given the Zuckster's increasing cuddling up to Trump, and given the harvesting of personal information that's always been FB's policy, I think it's time to dump it and US-based social media sites like it. They're not very safe. As one alternative with a trans focus, I'm thinking of getting more active again on TV Chix, a UK-based trans forum that I didn't use to like much as it was quite sleazy once but seems less so now. There have been some good suggestions for other sites and platforms from other trans bloggers recently, like Izzy here and Lynn here.

I'm sorry for American readers of this blog, who are pretty well adjusted and humane to judge by their comments and other reading preferences, and who probably share my disgust. But the reality is that US tech lords' current bullying, spying on, threatening customers or encouraging threatening situations are actually bad business moves. As American businessmen of Trump's generation are so fond of saying with a shrug when they ruin a community by shutting down its main source of employment or terminating a useful service: "it's just business". Or even "it is what it is, cupcake", a phrase beloved of The Donald, which he cheerfully uses with a shrug on occasions such as his brother dying or the pandemic killing over a million US citizens. People are quitting US businesses and markets fast right now. But if a country elects a failed businessman to run a government of dysfunctional psychopaths, what can you expect? And if cold approval of suffering is how the US administration approaches business these days, then we shrug at the shrinking US economy and state simply that it is what it is, cupcake. 

Sue x

Dysphoria attack, and getting away

 It's been a strange week. A dysphoria attack, a few days away, a long lonely walk across the mountains at night, and a unexpected miracle.

 

Dysphoria attack

Last weekend was the flower festival with marching bands and flower-decked floats. On Saturday it was raining and I decided to stay in and go to the main parade on Sunday. But on opening the Sunday morning paper and seeing the big photos of Saturday's marching majorettes, female dancers in leotards or fancy frocks, I had a real meltdown. I don't have much body dysmorphia, thank goodness, which is why surgical transition has always been an unlikely option for me, and I keep dysphoria at bay by dressing as a woman every day and enjoying other more feminine items and activities, but some things can trigger real anguish about my gender and for some reason dancers in costume is one of those things. Ballerinas in pancake tutus particularly, but drum majorettes, too, even gymnasts. Maybe it's the skimpy outfits and motions, both designed to emphasize the female form, that thing that I don't fully have. Combined with bad memories of how my sisters were always being packed off to ballet classes, ice skating lessons and the like (none of which they ever took to, incidentally) and I would have loved to do but wasn't allowed to because "it's not for boys". 

Gender dysphoria stinks. Transphobes have no idea and no care.

Go away, just go away. Please just go away. AaaAAurrRgh!!! :-( [Photo tribute: Hugo Martinez]

So I avoided the flower festival altogether, which is just as well as I would've felt pain.

 

A break in Nice, France

I went to Nice during the week. It's not far but the journey there and back is so slow and difficult that it's easier to book an apartment or hotel and stay overnight as they are really cheap at this time of year. This actually saved money as Nice's restaurants are overpriced and I could cook for myself in my apartment. I wanted to spend time in homeware shops and media outlets, see the famous Saleya flower and herb markets, and do a bit more sightseeing. I was partly successful in all of that but even 48 hours wasn't enough. 

Some photos:

The Bay of Angels lined by the famous Promenade des Anglais under a moody sky with occasional divine beams from above ...

The great cascade in the fortress above the city ...

I love the Greek-style mosaics on the citadel, the site of the original Greek city of Nikaia ...

 

The staircase telling the story of Odysseus and the various unsavoury characters he meets, such as the Cyclops, Circe the witch, and sea monsters ...

 

I'll spare you more of these but I loved them. Modern Port Lympia lies near to where human habitation has been dated to 400,000 years ago ...

The Saleya street market stalls are very pretty, including spices, local lavender and soap ...

 

Among other things, the soap stall sold bars made of asses' milk. Cleopatra would approve, no doubt. (Personally, I prefer not to invest in businesses offering Egyptian goods - they're usually pyramid schemes!)

So it was a good little break. 

 

A night in the mountains

It's 25 miles (40 kilometres) from home to Nice as the crow flies (or, more aptly, as the mountain eagle soars, or as the seagull skims the waves). But the journey is always slow no matter what means of transport you choose, and the geography of the area is largely to blame - narrow winding roads, frontier posts, steep climbs, tunnels ... 

I went by train. My journey home back to Italy was awful as a tree fell on the tracks between Menton, France, and Ventimiglia, Italy. This is a normal occurrence, along with rockfalls, floods, etc. and you have to adapt to the dynamic landscape if you live locally. But it's how the railway is managed that is the main problem and French railways have always been arguably the lousiest in Europe. They promised a rail replacement bus to Italy and kept promising and after two hours of false promises I asked them if they weren't just talking rubbish and why were they wasting our time when we could have been making alternative plans. 

Since there are no cross-border buses and cross-border taxis cost an unbelievable sum - more than three nights in a hotel! - I took my suitcase on wheels and walked most of the 12 km from Menton to Ventimiglia up and down the winding mountain road that runs through the steep craggy landscape of the border lands where the Alps hit the Mediterranean (illustrated in my post here). If they hadn't wasted my time I'd have been at Ventimiglia by sunset; as it was I was mainly walking in the dark. I didn't spot any wolves (though perhaps they spotted me ... and licked their lips as they loped silently along, keeping pace ...) Anyway, the rare bus that serves the sparsely dotted mountain hamlets of the frontier country caught up with me and took me the last 4 km to Ventimiglia from where getting home was easy. 

You may think me nuts but I've always sworn that if you want to get from A to B without fuss then your own two feet are a sure guarantee that you'll get there and within a certain time. 

 

Miracle

And when I got home I found that the crooked mini-Trump next door had got his latest set of workmen to place the new panels in the dividing wall between us, a job that's been waiting for four years and which I was just on the point of asking the relevant arbitrators to intervene on. The job's been done very well and professionally and without a word. He may have sensed my bad vibes or something. This gives me greater privacy and what TGirl doesn't want that?

Altogether a very strange week.

Have a good weekend. And please soothe any dysphoria you may have with a pretty frock and your favourite perfume.  

Sue x

The life aquatic!

 The frogs are back! Ribbet! It's good to hear some frogsong for the first time this year. Not as much as the first year I was here when the whole mountainside was thrumming with frogs. The long drought of 2021-23 decimated the amphibian populations but I hope they'll revive.

Mind you, it's been so wet this winter that it's been a bit like living as a frog myself. I'm worried my trans nature might make me instinctively hop off to spawn somewhere. My income won't feed 500 tadpoles so donations please to Sue's Pondlife Nightmare Fund, link below.

And talking of pondlife ... no, actually, we won't take a look at the other side of the pond today. Instead, I'll just report that carnival time here in Southern Europe has produced some interesting costumes, floats and parades with ample opportunity for alternative presentation for those who want an opportunity to crossdress that is culturally sanctioned. 

 

This weekend, by contrast, it's the Flower Festival. One of the main industries here on the Riviera of Flowers is out-of-season horticulture that provides cut flowers throughout the winter months. Tomorrow, 11 local towns and villages will parade themed floats covered in flowers. It's the first time the parade has reverted to the pre-pandemic route so that anyone can watch for free and I hope I'll be able to see it properly.

 

The good stuff

In contrast to the transphobia that oozes through the airwaves these days, I wanted to share three items of trans-positive news from Europe that may have been overlooked by mainstream media in their quest for controversy and sensation.

- Poland has just opened its first dedicated LGBTQ+ museum in Warsaw (website in English: QueerMuseum Warszawa). Its communist and catholic past has suppressed and sidelined LGBTQ+ people and it's good to see queer confidence emerging in Eastern Europe in ways like this.

- The tiny country of Liechtenstein has quite good gay rights. Last year the 25-member parliament voted 24-1 in favour of marriage equality for same-sex couples, which came into force at the start of this year. This despite the ruling prince's personal disquiet about this. The country lags behind on trans rights but this adds to pressure to improve these. And it also puts a bit of pressure on that similar tiny principality, Monaco, to do something to improve its poor LGBT rights.

LGBT Liechtenstein flag. It's a map of the country. It is.

 

- LGBT and body positivity advocate and singer, Big Mama, who made a great impression on so many last year at the 2024 Sanremo Music Festival, is to be co-host of the Italian televisation of this year's Eurovision Song Contest. I have little interest in her music but as a boldly 'out' queer advocate, I think she's amazing, so I'm pleased to see her public profile increasing. 

Away

Last month I spent a couple of days in nearby Monaco to avoid the crush of the Sanremo Music festival. Next week I am spending a couple of days in Nice, the nearest big city to me, to do some shopping, including buying makeup, and some more sightseeing. Nice is not far from home but hotels are exceptionally cheap at this time of year so it's an easy treat that means I don't have to rush.

Sue x

More breast expansion

 Back in November I was pleasantly surprised to note that my breasts seemed to have increased in size. To update on my previous post on this when I wasn't completely sure that my breasts had grown more, I'm quite certain now that they have. 

It's odd because I experienced rapid, noticeable and quite painful breast growth 15 years ago when my body and mind seem to coalesce around my needing to live much more as a woman. After that, things just remained as they were but now I have had this further growth, this time without any aches, and despite losing weight and so reducing in size everywhere else. 

Why I'm not getting that ache I had last time they expanded, I don't know. 

I have never taken hormones and never would without close medical supervision. (I've seen too many trans women damage their health by self-medicating, and even some under the doctor have developed significant side-effects.) So I'm not sure why this expansion is happening. Let me make it clear that I am definitely not complaining, I'm delighted, especially when some poor trans women on hormones grumble that they're not getting the development they'd hoped for. I'm somewhere between an A cup and B cup now. I recently read this size described as Yoga Breasts. 

I have a couple of trans friends who have naturally developed C cups. Which is bad news in their male-dominated jobs but makes the rest of us jealous when they come into their own at the trans club. Maybe I'm heading for a gorgeous cleavage, too! One can hope.

My favourite bra for everyday wear at the moment is Marks & Spencers T-shirt bras in polymers (polyamide/elastane/spandex mix) rather than my previous preference for their cotton ones. They come in three-packs in various shades - nude, white, black, blue, pink ... but work well with many types of top. They're underwired and for the first time I really feel that the wire has something to support. They're also very soft, pleasantly comfortable to wear and I find the satin finish quite pretty for a straightforward item. Another recommendation, then.

 

Apart from being called "Madam / Ma'am" by shop or restaurant staff, there is little more affirming for me as a trans woman than putting my bra on in the morning and, now that I have something to fill it, I feel really good. To be honest, I can't stop staring at my chest in the mirror now! Is that bad? 

I did wonder whether to post a photo of my new growth but even with my bra on that sort of pic tends to attract the wrong kind of reader. I'll think about it (and so will the wrong kind of reader!)

 

Quicksilver x 3

Healthwise, I'm feeling quite a bit better this week and the quicksilver in the thermometer is back to normal so thank you for your kind, supportive comments. 

There's also this new sculpture near the entrance to the swanky new 5-star Europa Palace hotel here, which represents a shoal of anchovies, a local prized fish, swarming into a bait-ball. Anchovy shoals are so often described as quicksilver and this seems to capture that well, although I'm not sure the effect on the side of the building is as impressive as nature. Judge for yourselves.

 

And talking of Mercury (see what I did there?), I was delighted to see the planet shining bright on Saturday night after decades of missing it (clouds, wrong location, forgetfulness ...). I took a photo but it was too faint to show well. You can see for it yourselves, though, as it's currently near its greatest distance from the sun, which is why it's easily discernible, and close to bright Venus at sunset.

 

Positive

Have a good week, and I hope next time, despite the derangement that's coming out of Washington (and Moscow and Beijing) these days, to be able to share additional positive trans news as there's a lot of good stuff for us going on worldwide.

Sue x

About as popular as a hedgehog suppository

 I've not been too well this week. A combination of a cough, hay fever exactly as I had at this time last year, and toothache from an old problem tooth that no amount of expensive dentistry has ever resolved. I think I'd best have it taken out. As you can imagine, I've not slept very well. 

I bought this toy crab at the Oceanographic Institute in Monaco the other week. I was looking for another companion for Raimonda the Ray but there were none in similar sea-green shades so I have gone with a contrasting red. Its lugubrious expression caught my eye and it looks somewhat like I feel at the moment!

I had planned a blog post earlier this week about hiding in plain sight but I just didn't feel up to it. Next week instead, I hope. 

I've borrowed the title of this post from a British political vlogger who made me laugh with it. The vlogger used the expression to describe Trump's popularity rating in the UK at the moment. I spend much time wrestling with the problem of why stupidity and malice seem to be so prevalent, and now more than ever in my lifetime, and what to do about it. I can only make my little suggestions for coping in the hope they help others avoid trouble. Stay safe and, mentally, try to stay grounded in the current madness by focusing on what make you happy, not on the news.

Have a nice weekend.

Sue x

Emerging from hibernation

 Another plan from the bad ideas club... I keep reading in the science press about projects that are looking at the possibility of humans tapping into their dormant genes that would enable them to hibernate like bears and that this might be a great option for long-distance space travel. (Ah yes, long-distance space travel, that elusive dream that's been alive all my long life! Like maglev trains! And personal helicopters!) Look, guys, half a glance at most of the sci-fi films of the last sixty years would make you realise that every space ship crew that's ever been in suspended animation or hibernation has had a bad time!

I mention this because this winter has been lousy and I have done very little except try to keep warm indoors. My gas bill was emailed to me yesterday but I daren't open it and will wait for the paper copy to come by the slow postal system before I look at it. The whole point of moving to the Italian riviera was to enjoy subtropical coastline that didn't need lots of central heating, woolly clothes and Ready Brek in the winter months! But it's been consistently around 3°C below the seasonal average, which is a lot, and wet and windy too for much of the time. In the past there were always some days in January or February where it was sunny enough to eat lunch outdoors, but not in 2025. I feel robbed.

Thankfully, the TGirl wardrobe comes into its own as it's so much easier to layer women's clothes. I'd especially like to endorse Marks & Spencer 40 denier Body Sensor™ thermal regulator tights that really do serve both on cold as well as milder days and, being black opaques, seem to go with everything, have an even tone with a slight sheen and don't slip down. I've worn them practically every day. Well done, M&S. A real winner.

Keeping warm with hot tea, sweater, wool skirt and M&S body sensor tights

So life has been mainly indoors these last three months. But I've taken the opportunity to test new nail polishes and try out new perfumes. 

I keep getting free samples of perfume and I'm always looking for my new favourite. Test results in due course.

I'd also like to find some new jewellery as my current collection is a bit tatty. I do have a couple of expensive items but most of my stuff is costume jewellery just for fun so it doesn't matter if it gets lost or broken.

Still, there are various local craft and antiques markets over the next two weekends and jewellery tends to feature big on the stalls there there so let's see if I find anything pretty.

According to the long-term weather forecast, next week looks much better, much more spring-like. So I have bought various packets of seeds in anticipation - both flowers and herbs - and a new tub for Arnold the Olive who is growing into a big healthy boy now. The tub's twice the volume of the old one. I'm proud of him as he gave me my first crop of olives last autumn at just three years old. When I got him as a cutting he was little bigger than a manicured finger here. So this morning I transplanted Arnold to his new roomy home and I hope he will thrive. He looks healthy, if a little scruffy. 

Arnold before transplant

Food and slimming

My slimming drive has stalled, though, with no weight loss in February. I'm afraid that colder weather means stodgier food and a preference for red wine that is always fattening! I'll be glad when salads become attractive again! That said, I've been enjoying new recipes and have found a good food delivery company that brings me some excellent stuff either for the freezer or fresh. 

My weird green pepper within a red pepper. Very Addams Family, but it still got eaten!

I used to be in a rush for breakfast when going out to work so would opt for easily spreadable olive or sunflower oil spreads but I have now reverted to butter as you actually use much less of a real wholemilk butter as it's so tasty. My latest brand is from the Valtellina in the Alps where the cows eat proper mountain grass. Coupled with sweet orange marmalade that is harvested from lands sequestered from the mafia in Sicily at the opposite end of the country, it makes a heavenly breakfast, and the social benefits are there too!

Here oranges and lemons are being harvested now and I'm hoping to find ravioli flavoured with citrus again this year. These are only found in this area and only at this time of year. They are amazing, though.

 

Ongoing comment fault 

I've set aside this weekend to try to resolve the fault with Blogger and comment replies. Sorry it's taking me time but you need a degree in computing to do anything these days!

 

White rabbits

Thanks for reading. Let's hope the spring comes properly soon. Much as I love winter boots and cute sweaters, I'll be glad to wear something lighter, floatier and more floral. 

I was always told to exclaim "white rabbits!" before saying anything else on March 1st, which is tomorrow. This is supposed to bring you luck and a happy spring. Which is what I wish you. 

I dare say there are other seasonal traditions elsewhere and I'd be interested to know them.

Sue x

Trans creativity: festivals and carnivals

 You can't put the LGBT community down - we've always been a public presence. This month, my look at queer creativity can't ignore carnival season and the music festival that's just been and gone. It looks like the winner of the newly created Sanremo Festival Queer Prize will be performing at the Eurovision Song Contest.

As I've said here several times before, the Sanremo Music festival dominates the western riviera and the Italian airwaves at this time of year, officially for a week but actually for considerably longer as there's a long preparation period before and a debriefing period after. Life is starting to get back to normal after the 75th edition of this annual media extravaganza! 

This year's winner, who is first call for representing Italy at the 2025 Eurovision song contest in Basel, Switzerland, was Olly but he says he's likely to be too busy giving concerts to participate so the next choice goes to the very close second, Lucio Corsi, who, as I said, won the very first Sanremo Queer Prize. Described as something of a revival of glam rock (and I have a history with that!), his song was Volevo essere un duro ("I wanted to be a tough guy"). The prize is for the artist who has most engaged with the LGBT+ community.

There are several other honourable mentions for the prize, including special guest Simon Le Bon of Duran Duran (remember them?) who spoke in support of LGBT+ persons, or Elodie's music video featuring drag queen Sypario (who actually seems to come off second best here! - judge for yourselves):

 

Call me shallow, but Elodie's dress and nails and hair captured my attention! So despite always having been a carnival of camp as I said last year, this new prize makes it official! 

An interesting development is that the openly phobic bishop who has often attacked the festival itself, let alone the queer community, let one artist use the cathedral as an alternative venue, a concert that was apparently much appreciated. The concurrent Festival of Christian Music the bishop instituted as a direct alternative to the Song Festival was poorly attended and, although officially dedicated to Pope Francis and the Catholic Jubilee Year, there were those who wanted to dedicate it to Donald Trump. For as long as Christians continue to associate themselves with that mendacious narcissistic fraudster they will be tainted by him. 

Sanremo Pride is on April 5th.

Carnival

I wrote about carnival season last year. It's a pity that what used once to be local events to welcome the spring or the first fruits have been so commercialised that if you want to see the main parade you have to pay quite a lot for a ticket and sit in a seat. There are the performers and the audience, a novel segregation that never existed when these events first developed centuries or millennia ago. The connection with the land, the seasons and the local people is largely lost. But I mention carnivals as they have always been a godsend for trans people who want to be themselves under the license of accepted public celebrations. You could be anyone under a mask or disguise and that tradition at least continues, mainly in countries of Latin tradition, at this time of year. Our biggest local event is Nice Carnival.

Other local crossdressed events

Spotted just reading the press in my area this month ...

(1) There's a production of Anton Chekhov's masterpiece The Cherry Orchard ... performed in Savona by Nina's Drag Queens, a troupe from Milan. Chekhov (1860-1904) is an exceptional playwright in my view (not to be confused with Chekov of the USS Enterprise). An interesting take on a play with significant female characters.

(2) The Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo ("The Trocks"), that well-known spoof drag ballet company, will also be performing in Italy and France in March. They're not actually from Monte Carlo but New York so I'm guessing the name is part of the spoof. I've never seen them but then I'm not much into classical ballet to appreciate the full comedy, despite always having been fascinated by ballet costumes. Anyway, they always get rave reviews ... and who doesn't envy their floaty feminine workwear?

(3) French DJ, LGBT+ advocate and Drag Race France panellist, Kiddy Smile, will be performing in Toulouse, France in May-June, bringing a bit of glam to the streets there.

 

Visual arts

In Britain, Tate St Ives in Cornwall has an exhibition (to May 5th) of surrealist artist Ithell Colquhoun (1906-1988) who became fascinated by androgyny and whose oneiric landscapes are full of - how shall I put it? - suggestions of male or female objects, freestanding or in fusion or approaching it. Maybe Freudian but certainly fascinating, dreamlike and spiritual. 

The website here: Between Worlds which also has a discussion of other artists: Queer Cornwall

Keep being fabulous.

Sue x

Monte Carlo, without breaking the bank

 So last week I went away for a few days. Not very far, just further along the Azure Coast, to Menton and Monte Carlo. And had a really nice time.

I went largely to get away from the chaos of the Sanremo music festival, partly to visit a microstate, partly to try the local food, and also because I have been keen to do the tour of Monte Carlo casino since I translated their audioguide into English and wanted to see what it sounded like. 

 

Monte Carlo casino

I went by bus first, along the breathtakingly beautiful, winding coast road with its palms and views over rocky coves, and then by train through the tumbledown landscape of the frontier. I stopped for a few hours at Menton to have lunch and see the preparations for the annual Lemon Festival. 

Lunch was at a Breton pancake restaurant, Fleur de Sel, which is excellent value for money, although I will admit that Brittany is about as far from here as you can get and still be in France! (For a British comparison, it's a bit like dining on Cornish pasties in the Shetland Islands!) A big buckwheat pancake with bacon, mushrooms, cheese, potato and chives with some frothy cider went down really well.

As for the annual lemon festival, there seems to be a space theme this year. 

(Again a comment for Brits: given that the last time I was in this area it was full of Aston Villa fans on their way to a match in Monaco, I couldn't help the old joke popping up in my head: 

I went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham and the theme was "spice".

I dressed as a chilli pepper, but everyone else came as an astronaut!)

Of course, we've been to Menton during the lemon festival before. They're still putting up the statues for this year's event. I think the aliens emerging from their flying saucer carrying giant lemons appealed most.

Or if more aggressive big-screen aliens are your thing, how about this:
 

The statues are made of coloured plastic balls but the patterns on the ground are made of real oranges and lemons. As is this barrel outside a shop:

 

Having sucked all I could out of the lemons on view, I took the train a few stops to Monaco. Although Monaco is the second smallest state in the world, the station, which is all underground, is immensely long. I suspect some of it is actually within France. The trains from Italy and Menton stop at one end of the platform and ideally I should have taken the exit at the other end. But I didn't know so I ended up taking the upper exit at the opposite end of town, high up the cliff with a yawning chasm below. 

 

I walked down and down and down to my hotel and I can tell you that my map of the town, although detailed, is almost useless. Maps are laid out horizontally but this city is vertical, so only a few features get shown. In fact, Monaco is like a Swiss cheese with tunnels both for traffic and sometimes pedestrians, who also have lifts, escalators, stairs, elevated walkways and underground travelators to get around. Having got to my hotel after about 15 minutes walking and many hundreds of feet drop in elevation, I found the back exit from the station was only a hundred yards from the hotel! D'oh! Let's just say, the journey back to the station when I left was a lot easier!

Monaco - vertically challenged

 

The Sea

I had thought of staying on one of the many boats for hire but reading the reviews I felt that in February, even on the relatively mild riviera, it would be fairly cold and clammy. In windier weather, even in the harbour, one reviewer described his stay as "challenging". I am a landlubber and decided on a proper hotel. The Hotel de France was basic but not stupidly overpriced like everywhere else here. 

 

Monaco's main harbour as evening draws in

I started my tour at the Digue, the world's largest floating dock, where the weather was wintry, relatively speaking - for it's never really winter here - but the clouds were low and the sea was not the classic turquoise or azure that gives the name to the whole coastline, Côte d'Azur, but a disturbed inky blue-black. The stump of a rainbow rose from the surface but failed to join the looming clouds, and the suck and splash of the surf on the cliffs contrasted with the booming of the surge within the dock, like the breath of a monster. It was eerie, almost expectant, as though some sea snake, kraken, or maybe Cthulhu himself was going to burst forth. Listen...

 

Monte Carlo casino

This was one of the main purposes of my trip. You can play roulette, black jack and other such games in the afternoons but the mornings are for visitors who just want to look around. Entry is €19 and you get an audio guide. 

Smart dress is expected especially in the salons privés and this is where I faced a dilemma because all my shoes are for women but the more unisex styles I have are too casual. So I had to dig out a very old pair of men's shoes and I wore a man's jacket, which I haven't done since I've no idea when, maybe since I left office work in 2008! It felt weird. But I refuse to wear men's trousers any more and a neat pair of ladies' cotton trousers with false fly and turn-ups was fine. I wasn't going to Monaco full femme for reasons of space, passports and poor LGBT protections there that I didn't want to test.

So the casino, then, is Monaco's official source of income. Citizens of the principality are forbidden to gamble there so it's foreigners who largely support the Monegasque economy. (They do have VAT and a few other small taxes). The casino is a fine example of late nineteenth-century belle-époque French style, yet the ten or so rooms are all laid out and decorated differently, which gives plenty of variety. Taking photos was not allowed but you can get an idea from the website: Monte Carlo casino

It's a pity that this expensive elegance is spoilt by modern slot machines with their garish lights and colours. The salons privés, though are for dining, and one for smoking - that would be the one with the ceiling painted with naked ladies on a cloud smoking cigars. I'm sure that gave Victorian gentlemen something to muse on as they puffed away. One room, though, was closed as they were training new croupiers in it.

Yes, the English audio text was the one I translated but it has problems in that I could only work from photos that don't always clarify the relationship of one thing to another so I'd have chosen different phrasing if I'd had the chance to be on site whilst doing it. And the voiceover artist had a problem pronouncing some English words let alone French ones! Oh well, you can only do so much with what you are given.

The casino is worth seeing. Much as I enjoy games, I'm not a gambling type at all so Monaco's economy was boosted merely by my audio tour fee on this occasion. I had a roulette wheel as a child that was made of beaten tin, and therefore not very even-surfaced. After a while I realised that betting constantly on the 18 would enable you to break the bank after a hard afternoon's play! I doubt that works in the real world!

The prince's palace

There is a cute little palace with soldiers on guard outside.

Visiting the state rooms is not possible in winter but I quite liked the palace square with its views over the two harbours on either side.

This is Francesco Grimaldi, "the Cunning", who first captured the fortress in 1297 by disguising himself as monk causing the defenders to let down their guard. His descendants have been rulers here ever since. That's the sort of stunt you could pull in the Middle Ages and get away with!

 

The trouble with investing in munitions is that they get out of date. then all you can do is use them as decorations or legs for benches!

 

Princess Grace

The little cathedral houses the tomb of the best known member of the ruling family, Princess Grace, actress Grace Kelly as was. It's quite a place of pilgrimage, though it's a very simple tomb.

 

The inscription reads Grace Patricia, wife of Prince Rainier III, passed away in the year of Our Lord 1982, and the crown with her monogram.

There's a big rose garden dedicated to her in one of the parks. Sadly, it wasn't quite the right time of year to see it at its best.

 

There are other things dedicated to her, such as this strange fountain right at the other end of the principality.

 

Institute of Oceanography

Although a forbidding-looking building, this is a must-see. 

 

The aquarium in the basement is good, with one huge tank with reef life and lots of smaller tanks holding critters of all kinds. I always find the jellyfish mesmerising.

 

Dean Martin must have come here for inspiration for his famous song

    When the moon hits your eye 

    like a big pizza pie, that's a moray...

Upstairs it's a more conventional museum with glass cases but the roof terrace has outstanding views over the city, the sea and the surrounding mountains. I looked back along the coast to Italy. The crack in the mountain in the middle of the picture is the frontier. The furthest headland is St Ampelio Point, which my Lonely Planet guide tells me is the southernmost point of Northern Italy. Astute readers might ask if it could also be the northernmost point of Southern Italy!

 

I was also thrilled to see the Trophée des Alpes on a mountaintop, which is the vast Roman monument to the conquest of the Alps, erected in 6 BC. It's the tower above the trees to the right of the photo. I must visit this at La Turbie in France, although I didn't realise it was so high up.

The roof also has a decent restaurant and a kids' playground with a climbing frame that looks like the skeleton of a whale!

 

Parks

My favourite thing, though, was the parks. The Japanese Garden charmed me most last time I was here when looking for a place to live. it's the largest Japanese Garden I know. Pity about the encroaching buildings on all sides.

The rose garden I mentioned was in the pleasant Fontvieille Park in the district of the same name that was wrested from the sea in the reign of Rainier III. I liked the tiny islands in the pond, one with fancy ducks on, one with turtles and one with a nude lady.

 

The best park, though, was the Jardins St Martin between the oceanography museum and the cathedral. Full of significant plants, statues, and fountains, and stunning views over the sea, it was quite special.

Hubert the Heron

 

Mind your head

 

The vary rare Nice snowdrop that grows only in this area

 And the carob tree that is the national symbol of Monaco. 

 

They make a carob liqueur here and the main carob tree is a short way from the tiny government buildings. 

Carob seeds were believed all to have the same weight and this seems to be the origin of the carat measure for precious metals and stones.

It's a pity that the Exotic Garden was closed for refurbishment. That's said to be Europe's largest cactus garden and has Europe's only cave system where the temperature rises the deeper you go. I shall visit when it reopens. 

There was just one down side. I got this terrible ear worm while visiting the gardens of Monaco, the apt song with the refrain Dans les jardins de Monaco that cropped up in some Eurovision song contest in the 1970s. Look, these days I can't remember what day of the week it is or who the prime minister is but trigger a song that I heard precisely once fifty years ago and my mind's away doing it's own thing! Do I need to hire a Private Brain Care Specialist? Or is this normal? Monaco ear worm, nul points!

 

Food and drink

This was another main reason for going. Although food on the riviera is a blend of Italian and French, each town has its particular dishes and Monaco is no different. At lunchtime at U' Cavagnetu and Aux Deux Moines I chose the Monaco selections with pissaladière (like pizza but with lots of onions), pichade (more like pizza with tomato), socca (chickpea pancake), barbajuans (baked ravioli), farcis (stuffed aubergines/eggplants and courgettes), tapenade (olive jam), and vegetables fried in batter. 

 

Pichade (top), barbajuans and salad (middle), and farcis (bottom) at Aux Deux Moines. Sorry, I ate one farci before remembering to take the photo!

I tried the Monaco octopus, too, which was rough chopped with tomato sauce (oddly, it came with rice, which is not a local crop; in Italy the chopped octopus is neater and comes with potato and green beans, which makes more sense). 

The Chocolaterie de Monaco was recommended. You can have tea or coffee, of course, but hot chocolate makes more sense. I chose the thick Italian-style one and a mini chocolate muffin with whipped cream.

 

The hot choc was delicious but not the best I've had, but the muffin was outstanding. I didn't discover the nougatine chocolate hiding behind the cup till after the photo was taken but it was so good that I had to buy some souvenir ones as I left.

 

In the evenings I ate at Italian restaurants. Thousands of Italians work along this coast, including 7,500 who commute daily from my province (Imperia), mainly in catering and dock work. So you're usually safe choosing Italian. Norma above the covered market, the Marché de la Condamine, does an excellent pasta with norma sauce, as you'd hope! Norma sauce has sheep ricotta cheese, fried aubergine, garlic and basil and comes from Sicily so, like the Breton pancakes in Nice, it's about as far as you can get from its origins here! Planet Pasta with its Italian-style neatly chopped octopus with beans and potatoes is more what I'm used to. 

Other unusual sights

You come across permanent Grand Prix markings at various points, such as at the Fairmont Hairpin. 

 

Don't try and stay in Monaco during the Grand Prix - prices are utterly crazy in hotels, and it costs thousands of euros a day if you want to moor a yacht!

By complete contrast, Monaco is the start of the 2500 km long Via Alpina walking paths through the alps that pass through eight countries before arriving at Trieste.

A tiny state needs a tiny council of state (left) and a tiny courthouse (right) near the tiny cathedral.

 

There isn't an airport but there is a heliport 

The fortress has a very secure public toilet ...

 

 ... and these odd slots in the rock walls that look like letter boxes for prisoners. I've no idea what they're for!

 

The local dialect in this area is as rough and rustic as any Latin dialect of the Alps. Church Street is Rue de l'église in modern French and would be Via della chiesa in Italian. Here it's Carrugiu d'a geija. To be fair, carrugio is the name for streets in Liguria, of which this was a part once. But those of us who learnt languages in higher education institutes where they teach you to "speak proper an' all" feel the difference!

 Larvotto, the only beach of any size in the principality.

 Teddies in the windows above a restaurant. No idea!

 

 

Jinkies, this statue sure is creepy!

 

This one, however, is TGirl aspirational!

I think that gives a good idea of the things I saw and did for 48 hours in a tiny country. I visited for a day in 2019 when looking for a place to live but the high-rise buildings that here really spoil the beauty of this coast, the infuriating road layout, the high prices, the poor LGBT+ rights, and some of the dubious residents* left me cold. But it was a lot nicer as a holiday venue with plenty to interest and amuse. Rather inspired by Gina's Interrail trip two years ago, I hope to visit more European microstates. They pack a lot into a small space.

* Writer W. Somerset Maugham famously described Monaco as "a sunny place for shady people." He had a point.

 

Next

Thanks for reading. I hope that was entertaining. Next week I'll be summarising the Sanremo Music Festival as I was previously incorrect in thinking there was less of interest to trans readers this year. In fact, this time they instituted a Queer Prize. And it's carnival season with all the crossdressing opportunities that that brings.

The comment reply problem persists. I can't reply to comments because of a security misinteraction between Blogger and my browser, which seems to be an extended problem. But I'm sure it'll get sorted. Thanks you for all your comments which are much appreciated.

Have a good weekend.

Sue x