Fallen Angels

For some years, as I was getting out and about as a girl, I visited the UK Angels website virtually every day. Then, a year ago, I stopped and many people have been asking me why.

http://theangels.co.uk/

It’s simply because I was fed up with the trolling and bullying.

Now, let’s face it, all sites have trolls, and that’s just one of the consequences of an open and democratic internet. But it’s what you do about the trolls that counts. The day when I felt I had to send yet another consoling message to a long term member because, yet again, one of the regular abusers had been abusive to her, that I realised Angels was a waste of space. And the majority of my friends who have also stopped visiting the site have said that they did so for similar reasons.

There are various national trans sites in the UK. TVChix is probably the biggest but I didn’t really rate it early on as it is pretty sleazy, although it has grown on me since; Roses is another large national site and was often argumentative but has now become better, especially since they chucked out some of their more obnoxious members, some of whom have now become fixtures on UK Angels. There are other smaller sites and, of course, social media like Facebook or sharing sites like Flickr have all sorts of groups. So if you are looking for support and advice in your trans life I suggest you follow any one of those. Angels has had the same half dozen well-established bullies in the five years I’ve been there and it seems unlikely to change. I’ve said this before, but some in the trans community – a minute but extremely vocal number of people – appoint themselves as leaders and representatives without a by-your-leave and proceed to dictate terms and sneer at anyone not exactly like them. An exceptionally nasty lot they are, too, since in most other contexts, such as work and school, there are rules and curbs on excess; the loose, unstructured context in which we lead our very varied trans lives leaves the field open for the unconscionable and the sociopathic to operate freely. I’ve been providing workplace bullying advice in various contexts for some years and I will maintain that there’s no reason and no excuse for bullying, be it at school, in the workplace, in the family, or online.

Many of us who used to be regulars there now think Angels is unpleasant so, sadly, I can’t recommend the site any more. It’s a pity as a couple of years ago and more I would have done and Jo Angel, the boss, is certainly to be commended for selflessly running an open site for trans people (well, for male to female anyway). I generally try to be positive about trans life but, frankly, I’d now say to anyone: join Angels only if you are heading for transition, and/or have extreme left-wing views, and/or hate your doctor, and/or don’t mind being sneered at and dictated to by the fixed trolls. But if, as one friend of mine puts it, you’ve found equilibrium in your life as a trans person, then do something better with your time.

I think the point was hit home to me last summer. After a couple of years spent organising lunches in Angels’ name, where I had to take time to ensure that rivals didn’t sit near each other and come to blows, and took a lot of abuse from various charmers who would attend, I organised lunch at Sparkle 2013 in my own name only. And I had just as many people attend from among my own friends as I ever had under Angels, but without any of the aggro.

So, there you have it, a potentially great resource spoilt by the inconsistency of policy over trolls and by the nastiness of a half-dozen extremist bullies which it would be so easy to deal with. I hope Jo will change her approach and get some neutral moderators, but I always feel that anyone is free to run their own site as they wish. At present, though, the consequence is that she loses most of her support. People do vote with their feet.

So sorry, girls, but I can’t support these folks any more until the behaviour there is more humane.

Sue x

PS Weight has risen and then fallen since last time, with overall no change. C'mon, girl, get a grip!