It’s now exactly a week since I last shaved my face. Which
means that my eczema is greatly improved already … and I have more than just a
touch of designer stubble.
It takes about three weeks to grow something that properly
resembles a beard. And about the same amount of time for me to grow myself a hairy
gorilla suit. In fact, it is the swiftness of growth and the luxuriant extent
of the hair all over me that is one thing that persuades me that full
transition from male to female is not really appropriate in my case. It’s too
obviously masculine. Though why this rich hirsuteness should not extend to the
top of my head seems very unfair.
Very many friends have contacted me over the last few days
and have said many kind words to console me and I am more grateful than I can
properly say in words. But the eczema is a problem that flares up on my face
about every ten years and despite the best care and medical intervention there
usually comes a point when the only thing you can do is to leave it strictly
alone. My skin reacts badly to things like dust, mould, perfumed products,
chemicals and so forth so I have always had to be careful with bathroom and
household cleaners and personal grooming products. But there come a point when
my skin simply overreacts furiously to anything at all put on it, even the
medicines designed to fight it. So it was that, half way through the Sparkle
celebrations, my painful face literally started to fall off and I realised that
it was just reacting against everything that touched it – soap, moisturiser,
makeup, medicine, anything at all. It’s been bad for weeks, as recorded here,
but I was determined to take my planned girl time. But in the end it was just
too much and the worst happened. It will clear up of its own accord in time,
though how long I cannot say. Last time I did this I kept a beard on for two
years. But I wasn’t out in public then. I am dreading the prospect of being
bearded this time, but I know that I now have no choice.
I take some consolation from Conchita’s vistory in
Eurovision and the comperes at Sparkle who wore beards. If need be, I shall go
to Sparkle next year proudly sporting a beard and high heels. If I keep the hairy
gorilla look I might even blend in with the Furries who gatecrash the event. After
all, this doesn’t have any effect on the fact that I am trans, it’s just that I
wont be able to present as a woman for a while. Oh well.
Sue x
