Friday, 18 July 2014

Gorilla in the Miss

It’s now exactly a week since I last shaved my face. Which means that my eczema is greatly improved already … and I have more than just a touch of designer stubble.

It takes about three weeks to grow something that properly resembles a beard. And about the same amount of time for me to grow myself a hairy gorilla suit. In fact, it is the swiftness of growth and the luxuriant extent of the hair all over me that is one thing that persuades me that full transition from male to female is not really appropriate in my case. It’s too obviously masculine. Though why this rich hirsuteness should not extend to the top of my head seems very unfair.

Very many friends have contacted me over the last few days and have said many kind words to console me and I am more grateful than I can properly say in words. But the eczema is a problem that flares up on my face about every ten years and despite the best care and medical intervention there usually comes a point when the only thing you can do is to leave it strictly alone. My skin reacts badly to things like dust, mould, perfumed products, chemicals and so forth so I have always had to be careful with bathroom and household cleaners and personal grooming products. But there come a point when my skin simply overreacts furiously to anything at all put on it, even the medicines designed to fight it. So it was that, half way through the Sparkle celebrations, my painful face literally started to fall off and I realised that it was just reacting against everything that touched it – soap, moisturiser, makeup, medicine, anything at all. It’s been bad for weeks, as recorded here, but I was determined to take my planned girl time. But in the end it was just too much and the worst happened. It will clear up of its own accord in time, though how long I cannot say. Last time I did this I kept a beard on for two years. But I wasn’t out in public then. I am dreading the prospect of being bearded this time, but I know that I now have no choice.

I take some consolation from Conchita’s vistory in Eurovision and the comperes at Sparkle who wore beards. If need be, I shall go to Sparkle next year proudly sporting a beard and high heels. If I keep the hairy gorilla look I might even blend in with the Furries who gatecrash the event. After all, this doesn’t have any effect on the fact that I am trans, it’s just that I wont be able to present as a woman for a while. Oh well.

Sue x


  1. Sue,
    I managed to lose a reply to you earlier today and in a way, I'm glad, as despite how awkward (there's an understatement, I think) your eczema is, you have consolidated your social position and that will help tide you over.
    I have found that with real friends, 'presentation' as trans is definitely second to just being.
    We were up in London when you were on your hols, but in all likelihood there will be a couple of hospital visits before winter - maybe we can finally meet up!

    1. Thank you, Nikki. Yes, I have definitely made some real friends since I left the closet. One day I will get to meet the mysterious Nikki. I shall be in disguise. Sue x