The mess we're in

It's traditional to wish a happy new year in an opening post. I hope you do have one.

Despite that traditional greeting, I have a feeling that there are some very nasty times ahead.

I am trying to settle in Italy at the moment, and am dealing with the world's worst bureaucracy. That's not any kind of laughing matter but an example of the vicious contempt with which governments treat those they have subject to them.

I have been living there since November in order to try to retain my rights as a European citizen. They're silly little things like human, employment and pension rights and other trivial dignities that Theresa May has been determined to remove in Britain. Living in a country with a clear constitution, citizen rights and guaranteed rule of law suits me, but then maybe I'm just some kind of silly twit.

Given the crass utter shambles that the UK has made of Brexit, the UK's credibility on the continent and worldwide is shot. Nobody in politics or the press here on the European mainland now sees the UK government as anything other than a bunch of grossly arrogant retards who couldn't organise a V sign. From a previous position of respect, the UK is a pitiable laughing stock. Well done. Bravo. Clap clap.

Frankly, I don't care how the rest of this moronic Brexit shambles pans out. Britain's medieval parliamentary, electoral, diplomatic and other systems have proved unfit for the 21st century and need to be completely overhauled. Britain has a government that had a mandate from a mere 21% of the population, just one person in five. Go figure. But a thousand years of feudalism means that the populace in England just sits there and accepts whatever the establishment does to it. No gilets jaunes here.

Brexiteers now need to be held accountable for the mess that their gross ignorance, overweening arrogance, race hate and/or sneering malice is creating. They never had any coherent plan in mind, just destruction, like yobs. They have no credibility, honesty or shame. There's ample evidence now of foul play in winning the Brexit referendum vote, not to mention the government's steadfast avoidance of parliament in the process as much as it possibly could get away with. What contempt for the process of government, for law and for citizens! If the UK cannot agree a withdrawal deal with the EU, its main trade partner, for which there is a clear negotiating mechanism, how on earth does it expect to succeed in the far trickier and more protracted business of negotiating with other nations? That was the Brexiteer promise: better, easier, more advantageous trade deals all round. Yeah, right.

The stress of dealing with Brexit fallout on my work has damaged my health so I have closed my business, sold up, and am taking myself, my assets and my taxes away from that failing country and, as I no longer work, I will be spending the time damaging Brexiteer interests in return and actively fighting nationalism and racism. So many people have said to me "Brexit is bad for me but there's nothing I can do about it". This is what I am doing about it

As for Theresa May, the repellent Prime Minister, and her gang of incompetent, narcissistic ministers and supporters, their shamelessness, contempt and cruelty are unpardonable.

"But Sue," the reader starts to protest, "although I agree with all/some/none of the above, you write a transgender blog and what's all this got to do with being trans?"

The one apparently positive thing that May has tried to do is to make life easier for transitioning transsexuals, persuaded to do so by an openly lesbian former minister Justine Greening. The problem is that the association of trans rights with a government with an extremist and atrocious record does the trans community no good at all. I refused to participate in the consultation as I foresee a backlash when May is finally called to account. I think it highly probable that one of the first cuts in services as the economy tanks will be for "non-essentials" such as gender clinics and trans health services.

The other reason is that much of the wish to leave the European Union is bound to race hate, and that is linked to all other forms of xenophobia such as hatred for trans people. Soaring race attacks have been matched by soaring homophobic, transphobic and other crimes.

What a sick and evil mess.

Sue x

That was 2018

It’s been a very unusual year but I did get time to go out at various times, either just shopping for myself or walking locally, or eating out with girlfriends, such as Sarah, Steph, Gina and Jo, and Emma.

The highlight, though, was my trip to Berlin, which was my first time out abroad. I saw all the sights of the city centre and it was a delight to be free to wander around a place where nobody took any notice of the trans woman. That’s how life should be.

The one major change is that I am moving abroad. Although I’m in Italy at present I may not stay there in the long run. The gross and unpardonable mess that the toxic UK government is making of leaving the European Union makes all things uncertain for millions such as myself. The only thing I am certain of is that a racist, isolated, right-wing Britain is not safe for trans people. Consequently, this year I felt it very important to participate in Transgender Day of Visibility and London Pride. That, and my family’s passionate anti-LGBT bigotry. Spain seems to have a more developed trans culture and that may be my final destination. I’m moving chiefly because my health now needs somewhere warmer and sunnier than Britain.

London Pride

One thing I can count on is the humanity of lots of my friends in the trans community and when I damaged my leg during house removals, it was a trans friend who took me in and looked after me for two weeks.

I’ve no idea what 2019 will bring. The one thing I am certain of is that it will be very uncertain. I just hope that humanity prevails over the bigotry now seen in Brexit Britain, Trump’s America and other former civilized countries where unscrupulous populist narcissists are whipping up hate. Here in Italy the loons are in government too but their likelihood of failing is high and I think things will soon return to a more rational approach.

Good luck in 2019, everyone.

Here’s my avatar for 2019, taken whilst on my way to London last summer.

Sue x

Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas to all my readers. I hope Santa brought you everything you wanted.

Sue x

Christmas tree outside Milan Cathedral

Into Europe

I've spent the last two weeks in Milan, Italy. I treated myself to first class trains there and back, which is a much pleasanter way to travel than flying in a cramped smelly aircraft from grotty airport terminals with aggressive and abusive airport staff to contend with. I broke my journeys in Paris, which I haven't been to for many years. The Alps, clad in winter's first snows, were impressive to ride through.

Just a few images from my trip:

Milan Cathedral, one of the world's largest and most impressive places of worship

Beautiful shops everywhere. I had to be careful not to stare at the frocks too much. Nor should you. So here's some fish instead.

1928 tram stock, built so well that they still form the backbone of the Milan tram fleet after 90 years on the road. Polished wooden seats, leather grab straps, glass lampshades and wooden doors. Based on the classic San Francisco street car design, they are impressively swift and a delight to ride in.

Dog roses are in bloom everywhere in December

Harvested paddy field in Piedmont, Italy

Only in Paris do you get to see your partner shower while you are in bed!

The one bad thing is that I am staying with a family member, they don't know about my trans side and, given my family's bigotry, it is best that they remain ignorant. So no girly clothes. Well, apart from my shoes and socks which are women's because my feet are so small that men's sizes that small don't exist. So I am always connected to my femme life in that way. My stay with family is temporary until I find a more permanent abode.

I am back in England for a few days before I return to Italy for Christmas.

Sue x

Heading off

My plans to move abroad were interrupted last month because I badly damaged the plantaris muscle in my right leg. Thanks to the care of a special trans friend of mine and her family I was able to rest up for two weeks at her house and get gradually better. I am so grateful to her.

This week I moved to the North of England and have been improving my walking, including quite a few trips to the shops. I was especially pleased with the pretty lingerie from Marks & Spencer. I thought I deserved a treat.

Now that I am off crutches I will be heading to the Mediterranean tomorrow. A gentle train trip stopping off in Paris. I hope to get there in one piece this time!

Sue x

TDOR

TDOR: Transgender Day of Remembrance, that day in the year dedicated specifically to remembering all those transgender people who are killed or who kill themselves. Usually listed as highest number of violent deaths connected with any social group.

I wish such commemorations were unnecessary. I wish that it was possible for people to be accepted. But I do despair. And so I blog, I am visible in public, I talk to people. Just so they know that we exist and are not freaks or perverts or a danger.

Just stop killing us, OK?

Sue x

The best laid plans...

In my last post I explained that I was planning to travel abroad this week.

Except I haven't because, whilst in the middle of removals, I had an accident. It's not clear if I was actually hit by a speeding bike or just avoided it but damaged myself in the process. Either way, I ended up in A&E and am now on crutches because I have a damaged plantaris muscle. My leg was swollen like a halloween pumpkin.

The last few days moving out of my home whilst on crutches were very difficult to say the least.

However, I have made some wonderful friends in this trans community of ours over the years and one has take me in to her home for as long as it takes me to recover and literally get back on my feet. I'm not mentioning her name as she's quite modest about what she's done for me even though it means so much to me.

Doctors say it may take a month to be back to normal.

The worst is that I am proud of my legs but can only wear horrid loose trousers!

Sue x

A new life abroad

I have implemented a giant change in my life: I am aiming to settle abroad in the long-term.

I have sold my house and this week I am moving out.

I will have an address in Britain for a while as it's difficult to vanish all in one go and I need a base for return trips. That will be in the North of England, which means I should be able to spend more time with my many trans friends there, especially those near Manchester.

But chiefly I am moving to the Mediterranean. Next week I will head to Italy by train via Paris.

Yes, I have already made initial enquiries with trans groups in Italy, France, Spain (and even Austria). The final destination is not settled yet.

Why? Well, mainly health, politics and a number of difficulties here that have made life much harder. Subjects for a more detailed post another day.

I have lived in London virtually all my life and so it does feel odd leaving all that behind. But I feel the time has come and I am looking ahead now.


Sue x

An evening with Jo and Gina

Gina and Jo, who've popped up before in this blog, have come to London this weekend for some sightseeing. I met them at their hotel on Friday night and we enjoyed time together.

A few years ago Gina and I went to Belgo Centraal, the Belgian restaurant in the Seven Dials / Covent Garden area, and she wanted to go again. The food is not bad, the beer is excellent and the service fast. We were always addressed as "ladies" and that always goes down well with me. There weren't so many waiters dressed as Trappist monks this time, though. The one down side to this place is the acoustic so the noise level is high.

Personally I like the Kwak beer served in a glass that needs a wooden stand.

Continuing our beer themed evening, I took the girls to two old pubs, the Nell of Old Drury opposite the Theatre Royal and the Lyceum Tavern where the wooden booths are very cosy.

I hope the girls enjoy the rest of their weekend. Meeting up with them was a good start to mine.

Sue x

Autumn things

I confess I find this time of year trying: the first tendrils of chill creep up my legs, the colours fade, work gets busy after the calm quiet of summer, and the year slowly dies and darkens. I know some people love this time of russet leaves, woodsmoke and squirrels gathering nuts, but the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness doesn't suit me so well. The romance of autumn seems to me more of a Keatsean myth than modern high-speed polluted reality. So I keep my mind occupied if I can with fun things.

These last few weeks I've enjoyed several events. Foremost is the annual Great River Race here on the Thames where over 300 rowed or paddled boats of all sorts race 20 miles along the river from Greenwich to Ham (or vice versa depending on the tide). It's a fun thing but also important in keeping alive the traditions of watermen on this river and around North European waters. Boats from all over the British Isles, as well as from Holland, Iceland, Germany and other places take part. In addition to local familiar Thames skiffs and wherries there is a vast array of other boats - jolly boats, longboats, lifeboats, luggers, gigs, cutters, shallops, whalers, sloops, dragon boats, war canoes! ...  The rule is you must carry a passenger all the way. A small selection from this year's race...

Thames skiff rowed by sailors and mermaids. I like it!

The only barge this year.

Despite being commanded by Vikings this was the worst rowing I have ever seen! More like the rolling of a drunken spider than a water craft. Leif Erikson would have waved his axe in disgust!

Smart but hard work

I was also given a free ticket to Kew Gardens, which I haven't been to for some years. Kew Gardens is an important place for me as the very first trip I made as a woman out of my own front door was there. It was a beautiful day. Again, just a selection...

The landmark pagoda, now fully restored and open

The maidenhair tree (Gingko biloba). Kew's one was planted in 1762. I particularly like this tree as the species has male and female trees but this one was grown from a male onto which a female was later grafted. Gender reassignment by a tree surgeon!

The beautiful waterlily house

A new and very complicated feature called the Hive, an art installation which is supposed to give you notions of life in a beehive. I won't go into the complex explanation of how it works.

Cactuses and other plants from arid regions in the Princess of Wales Conservatory. I love these.

The famous old palm house and its pond

I am reading a lot, including trans or gender lit: Ursula Le Guin's "The Left Hand of Darkness", about a planet where the inhabitants are each male and female, and Roz White's "New Horizons", the third in her Sisterhood series about modern trans women (see my post about trans literature a month ago).

I also make sure I go out for coffee every morning as I like to get out in the fresh air and enjoy the break, as well as some of the coffee shops themselves. When your cappuccino looks as good as this, it soothes you at once! Or when there's a fluffy pussy cat in the shop!

Perfect cappuccino in what is arguably London's best coffee shop, Vergnano 1882 on the Charing Cross Road

The deliciously bohemian Scooter Cafe in Lower Marsh by Waterloo Station. It used to be a scooter repair shop and has a Vespa in the window, Italian cinema posters (and music) and good coffee, pastries and (later) cocktails. And a cat.

Have a nice autumn, girls

Sue x