So there I was, sitting at the bar, when a man came up and said, "Hi, I'm bisexual. Let me 'bi' you a drink and then we can get sexual."
"I think you're actually bi-curious," I replied. "So why don't you buy me a drink ... and then wonder where I've gone."
This little joke sums up what I think about most admirers and men with terrible chat-up lines, attitudes and behaviours. They're a pest (sometimes worse).
And so are people who ask you intimate questions about being trans. No, I'm not going to tell you my "real" name. Nor tell you whether I've had "the op". Both questions have been put to me. Some people have zero manners and no idea how to express healthy interest. Even a normally empathetic and socially adjusted female friend of mine, on meeting me as Sue for the first time, asked whether my breasts were all-natural. "Well," I said to her, "I'll show you mine if you show me yours". She did get the message and we carried on with our day just as two women. Yes, I know women talk about intimate things much more often than men do, but maybe save such a question for later in our acquaintance, not first thing.
I've been away for a few days in Milan for sightseeing. Milan has always been an architect's playground and one grand house you can visit is full of staff who insist on telling you details that they think you want to know but, truthfully, I'm not interested in photos of the former owners or knowing where the wallpaper was made. Custodians like this are a pest as they waylay you with trivia. You have to exit via the gift shop, where some reproduction art-deco style jewellery caught my eye, but the old woman in the shop went on and on about how I should buy a pot of their fancy overpriced home-made jam. If she'd been intelligent she'd have realised that I was interested in jewels not jam and might have made money off me but her well-practised jam harangue was the only thing on her mind. What a pest! In the end I got fed up with being lectured about the merits of jam and left.
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| Villa Necchi Campiglio, Milan, 1932-35. A move from art-deco (Liberty) style to fascist realism. Both a museum and a place for jam diatribe. Fascists! |
Am I some kind of brooding antisocial bitch whose willful ways won't be swayed by posh jam, the advances of leering drunks, or the intimate queries of the overcurious? I don't think so. Let people browse in peace and leave them free to ask if they want to. Mind your own business about what's in my underwear - I don't ask you about your wobbly bits, do I? Never deadname a trans person or try to find it out. And, guys, just don't be a pain if you want a date. Be friendly, polite and don't pressurise and we'll see if we can have a nice chat and if that goes anywhere. At worst, we'll have had a pleasant enough evening.
These things do seem to need spelling out to a lot of people, though!
Coming up on Sue's News and Views...
I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was reading Frans Waal's book on human and ape gender. A good book by an expert who's made some positive discoveries about being trans (and some worrying ones about being human). More on that later, as there will be on Chelsea Manning's just published memoir Readme.txt, which I have just bought and am very curious to read. Also, more on Milan sightseeing including frocks like these ...
... and like this!...
Sue x
You need to carry an Anti-Pest spray in your handbag Sue.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though I know what you mean, I prefer to be left alone too when browsing and if I need anything at all I will ask.
To be asked intimate questions about being trans is rude indeed. I'd never dream of asking anyone intimate questions irrespective of whether they were trans or not.
Like you say some people have zero manners.
Home made jams in gift shops, does anybody actually buy the stuff? "Jam diatribe", seeing that caption did make me giggle.
Sight seeing in Milan sounds interesting. I like that Valentino display, that pink outfit looks great especially that shaggy top. Those pink heels look hot and so do the others on display too.
I expect README.TXT will be an interesting read.
Thanks for all your comments, Lotte. My post was a bit tongue in cheek, although I do want to make a serious point.
DeleteI reserve judgment on the Valentino outfit. I love the colour cerise which is back in fashion this season but the all-over uniform tone is a bit too much, in my opinion. It's not the first all-cerise outfit I've seen recently (see photo earlier this month https://suerichmond.blogspot.com/2022/11/throwing-out-boy-clothes.html) where you commented that cerise and black go together. A contrast like that would be better in my view but, hey, who am I to challenge the great Valentino?!
Sue xx
That seems a lot of pink in the Valentino display. I've heard pink is back in at the mo, but that much looks like a Drag Race tribute to Rod & Emu. A very topical reference there for the kids 😋
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the pest issues and the jam incident seems like a loss on their part. There's a number of owner run shops I sometimes go to. On thinking about your experience, they lead with saying hello, giving you time to look around, and asking if you need any help. Maybe that's why I keep going back: they don't ignore you not are they pushy.
Ah, yes, the late lamented Rod Hull and Emu and their pink windmill (among other kids' TV nightmares!) I've not been well these last two days and was definitely green about the gills and caught myself thinking "any more of this, Sue, and you'll turn into Grotbags". So here we are! (BTW, I'm a lot better today.)
DeleteAs I mentioned in my reply to Lotte above and in my post of 4 Nov, I think you can have too much of a good thing, in this case one all-over tone. But Valentino is a god and therefore the views of mere mortals (especially green ones) count for nothing.
Shop staff: Be available for the customer, but don't encroach on their browsing, has always been my view. That way customers feel attended to but not overwhelmed. I'm glad you frequent owner-run shops, Lynn. Small businesses are in desperate need of support right now.
Sue xx