I have quiet a few female features - physical ones I mean, not just psychological ones - but one decidedly masculine one is my hair: not enough on top, and way too much everywhere else. So for years now I have been epilating or shaving all of the latter. But I can't reach my back so I go to my local beauty salon to have that waxed.
Earlier this week I went to a different local beautician who does nothing but waxing and had the whole lot done. It's taken a couple of days for any residual sensitivity and rash to subside but I am now really lovely and smooth, ready for Sparkle. I am particularly pleased with my legs and chest.
As for the process, well, it's not especially painful. A little surprising perhaps because it makes you feel like one piece of Velcro being ripped from another, with a similar sound! All of me took three hours, but I was in need of it after some weeks without removing my hair myself. Above all it was nice to have a chance to natter about all sorts of things with the therapist who had plenty to say for herself.
All in all, a good experience and something that may be worth doing regularly.
Rrripppp!
Sue x
Friday, 10 July 2015
Sunday, 28 June 2015
Andro week
I’ve been taking a week largely away from work just to relax
and do things I don’t get to do so much these days. And I’m spending it in
androgynous clothing – women’s trousers, tshirts and plimsolls, which hasn’t
caused any comments from passers by, although a till assistant in Marks &
Spencer did take my payment for a pack of pop sox and offer me a money-off
voucher for the menswear department with the comment “if it interests you as
well”. By the way, I have such tiny feet (UK size 5½, European size 38) that I’ve
often had no choice but to buy women’s shoes anyway, though obviously not with
high heels if I’ve been presenting in male mode!
So this week I’ve started walking the Capital Ring, a route
around London that links so many unknown places via canal footpaths, parks and
open spaces. Who would have guessed that so much quiet open space exists within a few hundred yards of motorways, railways, flight paths, industry and endless housing? I’ve also been visiting art exhibitions in the local area and in central
London and spending some time cooking. Here are some of the things I’ve
discovered or made so far.
 |
| Beautiful wildflower meadow at Syon Park, still the estate of the Dukes of Northumberland |
 |
| The Great Conservatory at Syon Park (1827) which was to inspire the Palm House at Kew and the Crystal Palace |
 |
| The Duke of Northumberland's cat! |
 |
| The Grand Union Canal from Birmingham meets the River Brent at Osterley |
 |
| Millennium Maze at Hanwell, planted with 2000 yew trees. It took ages to get to the middle (only cheats go straight through the gate)! There's a really nice little zoo next to it. Both are free to go in. |
 |
| Isambard Kingdom Brunel's Wharncliffe Viaduct (1838) that carries the Great Western Railway across the Brent Valley. You don't appreciate the massive size of it until you are underneath it. |
 |
| Bitterns' Field, a beautiful, wild, quiet hay meadow ... that was made on an old Ealing Council refuse tip. |
 |
| Piano in the woods, Twickenham. This will be here in the open for anyone to play till January. I'm not sure what state it will be in by then but, according to the label, seasonal changes in timbre are part of the act! |
 |
| Old next to new, City of London |
 |
| Authentic home made pesto sauce for spaghetti: basil, pine nuts, garlic, pecorino cheese, olive oil, salt and pepper. Yum. |
More interesting discoveries as the summer goes on.
My waxing is booked for the 7th and Sparkle is on the 10-12th.
I’ve been sorting out my wardrobe as my problem skin may let me do only one day of Sparkle, so I intend to make it fabulous.
Sue x
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Countdown to Sparkle
I've booked a hotel for Sparkle, the annual national transgender celebration, next month.
http://www.sparkle.org.uk/
I am working on the assumption that I should go as it's become my tradition. But I am doubtful about it.
To recap, I have such a bad rash of eczema on my face and neck that I haven't been able to shave for a year so I am all hairy and can't go out in female mode at all. My skin is reacting badly to any products put on it, medicine hasn't advanced in this area since I was little and so the best policy is to leave my skin strictly alone. At least the complaint seems to have gone from the top half of my head but it will be a while yet before it all clears. I have lived with this problem all my life, but when it is on my face it is worse than anywhere else. What keeps me going is the knowledge that it settles somewhere only temporarily, although it's anguishing not being able to go out as I would like and be treated as a woman.
I'm seeing my TGirlfriends these days anyway as I don't want to lose friends through neglect. I am also arranging to have a good all-over wax soon with a local beautician. I normally shave or epilate all of me that I can reach and then go to my local beauty salon to do my back but I'd like to see what my legs, arms and chest feel like when all smooth. I'm told waxed legs feel awesome.
And I was pleased to lose 9 pounds weight in January but then the weight loss stopped during several weeks of near freezing weather when stodgier food was needed. Now that warmer weather is here I can get back to losing more as, frankly, I'm not going to get in to my summer dresses with a big tum!
Fingers crossed that I can shave fully, put on makeup and do at least one day at Sparkle and that my face doesn't fall off like last year. I'm even hoping that I can manage two days, but I don't propose to push my luck given the agonies of last year.
Sue x
http://www.sparkle.org.uk/
I am working on the assumption that I should go as it's become my tradition. But I am doubtful about it.
To recap, I have such a bad rash of eczema on my face and neck that I haven't been able to shave for a year so I am all hairy and can't go out in female mode at all. My skin is reacting badly to any products put on it, medicine hasn't advanced in this area since I was little and so the best policy is to leave my skin strictly alone. At least the complaint seems to have gone from the top half of my head but it will be a while yet before it all clears. I have lived with this problem all my life, but when it is on my face it is worse than anywhere else. What keeps me going is the knowledge that it settles somewhere only temporarily, although it's anguishing not being able to go out as I would like and be treated as a woman.
I'm seeing my TGirlfriends these days anyway as I don't want to lose friends through neglect. I am also arranging to have a good all-over wax soon with a local beautician. I normally shave or epilate all of me that I can reach and then go to my local beauty salon to do my back but I'd like to see what my legs, arms and chest feel like when all smooth. I'm told waxed legs feel awesome.
And I was pleased to lose 9 pounds weight in January but then the weight loss stopped during several weeks of near freezing weather when stodgier food was needed. Now that warmer weather is here I can get back to losing more as, frankly, I'm not going to get in to my summer dresses with a big tum!
Fingers crossed that I can shave fully, put on makeup and do at least one day at Sparkle and that my face doesn't fall off like last year. I'm even hoping that I can manage two days, but I don't propose to push my luck given the agonies of last year.
Sue x
Tuesday, 2 June 2015
There's silly, and then there's silly!
Once in a while I take a day off and wander without any plan. I love
doing this as it's amazing what you discover completely by chance.
Despite having lived in London all my life I'd never visited Battersea Park before so I happened to wander that way and by total coincidence came across a huge bunch of people in the middle doing co-ordinated dance routines all in high heels. And when I say people, I mean girls and boys equally.
I'd inadvertently stumbled across the warm-up of Hope in Heels, a charity run in high heels for children affected by AIDS. If only I had known I'd have taken part, especially as I enjoyed the Great Drag Race five years ago (that was an event for prostate cancer). There's always next year.
http://www.hopeinheels.co.uk/
It's funny how the men all seemed to choose sparkly silver heels!
It's silly, but it's a worthwhile event (and has the added benefit of teaching people to run in high heels, a useful skill for those of us who need to catch buses and trains).
And there's another type of silly. Like the cleric in Pakistan who has blamed earthquakes and inflation on "jeans-wearing women". OK, he's made himself a laughing stock, but it does show the sort of nasty rubbish freer people, and women especially, are constantly up against. This is not some isolated nutcase, you know; the religious family I come from are equally anti-jeans, anti-women, anti any deviation from religious dogma and their own arbitrary views. To them, transgender people don't actually exist: they are just perverts and/or people seeking to provoke, or mere mental cases behaving in a deranged way.
I love my jeans and leggings: not only do they mark me out as just an ordinary woman in the street like millions of others but I'm secretly glad to wear them in defiance of this nastiness and as a mark of freedom just to be.
Sue x
Despite having lived in London all my life I'd never visited Battersea Park before so I happened to wander that way and by total coincidence came across a huge bunch of people in the middle doing co-ordinated dance routines all in high heels. And when I say people, I mean girls and boys equally.
I'd inadvertently stumbled across the warm-up of Hope in Heels, a charity run in high heels for children affected by AIDS. If only I had known I'd have taken part, especially as I enjoyed the Great Drag Race five years ago (that was an event for prostate cancer). There's always next year.
http://www.hopeinheels.co.uk/
 |
| From the Hope in Heels website |
 |
| From the Hope in Heels website |
It's funny how the men all seemed to choose sparkly silver heels!
It's silly, but it's a worthwhile event (and has the added benefit of teaching people to run in high heels, a useful skill for those of us who need to catch buses and trains).
And there's another type of silly. Like the cleric in Pakistan who has blamed earthquakes and inflation on "jeans-wearing women". OK, he's made himself a laughing stock, but it does show the sort of nasty rubbish freer people, and women especially, are constantly up against. This is not some isolated nutcase, you know; the religious family I come from are equally anti-jeans, anti-women, anti any deviation from religious dogma and their own arbitrary views. To them, transgender people don't actually exist: they are just perverts and/or people seeking to provoke, or mere mental cases behaving in a deranged way.
I love my jeans and leggings: not only do they mark me out as just an ordinary woman in the street like millions of others but I'm secretly glad to wear them in defiance of this nastiness and as a mark of freedom just to be.
 |
| Being irresponsible and evil |
Sunday, 24 May 2015
Still need to see my girlfriends
My doctor sent me to have a blood test the other day. Given that I look like a werewolf at the moment, it seemed appropriate that the phlebotomist should introduce herself as "Hi, I'm the vampire". Appropriate, but hardly reassuring!
As mentioned in other posts recently, I've made so many friends in this trans world of ours that I cannot just lose them through neglect. In ones and twos I'm beginning to catch up with them. Real friends are real friends no matter what one wears.
So recently, although in boy mode, I have still had the pleasure of meeting Rachel Bull and Pippa Bunce in Covent Garden for lunch. Pippa's gone all mumsy and had floral dress and sensible shoes - not the perpetual party girl look. But this is because she tells me that she can go to work in a city bank presenting how she likes, boy or girl as she fancies, under their strong diversity initiative. I find this hard to believe from the aggressive macho world of international finance, but she insists it's true. I hope to update you on this incredible development in due course.
Last weekend I met up with the Brick Lane girls, Linda, Helen and Rachel Cole, and Stevie who was also being a boy. After a drink at our old watering hole, Verge, we took a cab to our favourite party restaurant, Sarastro's, for a hearty lunch. I'm pretty sure the girls enjoyed it.
And yesterday I met Rachel B again for lunch and then a shopping trip to Camden markets and the massive Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd's Bush which, surprisingly, I haven't been to before. It was lovely to be wandering in the boutiques and women's departments again. I think I may be getting my mojo back. Let's see what the doctor suggests, but I really cannot bear to be left out of female life much longer. I have booked for this year's Sparkle and will do as much of that as can be managed without damaging my face but maybe I could also try getting out once a month as Sue. It's too agonising seeing women going about their business and feeling so left out. I definitely cannot pull off the Conchita Wurst look - I'd probably end up looking like Red Riding Hood's granny! As well as being self-conscious.
Thanks to all my friends for meeting me in my werewolf transformation. I hope to see more and more girls again over the summer. Howwwlll!!!
Sue x
As mentioned in other posts recently, I've made so many friends in this trans world of ours that I cannot just lose them through neglect. In ones and twos I'm beginning to catch up with them. Real friends are real friends no matter what one wears.
So recently, although in boy mode, I have still had the pleasure of meeting Rachel Bull and Pippa Bunce in Covent Garden for lunch. Pippa's gone all mumsy and had floral dress and sensible shoes - not the perpetual party girl look. But this is because she tells me that she can go to work in a city bank presenting how she likes, boy or girl as she fancies, under their strong diversity initiative. I find this hard to believe from the aggressive macho world of international finance, but she insists it's true. I hope to update you on this incredible development in due course.
Last weekend I met up with the Brick Lane girls, Linda, Helen and Rachel Cole, and Stevie who was also being a boy. After a drink at our old watering hole, Verge, we took a cab to our favourite party restaurant, Sarastro's, for a hearty lunch. I'm pretty sure the girls enjoyed it.
And yesterday I met Rachel B again for lunch and then a shopping trip to Camden markets and the massive Westfield shopping centre in Shepherd's Bush which, surprisingly, I haven't been to before. It was lovely to be wandering in the boutiques and women's departments again. I think I may be getting my mojo back. Let's see what the doctor suggests, but I really cannot bear to be left out of female life much longer. I have booked for this year's Sparkle and will do as much of that as can be managed without damaging my face but maybe I could also try getting out once a month as Sue. It's too agonising seeing women going about their business and feeling so left out. I definitely cannot pull off the Conchita Wurst look - I'd probably end up looking like Red Riding Hood's granny! As well as being self-conscious.
Thanks to all my friends for meeting me in my werewolf transformation. I hope to see more and more girls again over the summer. Howwwlll!!!
Sue x
Friday, 22 May 2015
Why Palmyra matters to trans people
My friend Petra - aptly named - has alerted me to the current situation in Syria.
Huh? What the hell has some ruined city in the desert got to do with being a trans person?
Background: Palmyra grew from being just an oasis for camel caravans to being a major trading city near the borders of the Roman and Parthian/Persian Empires and eventually, under the influence of the formidable lady, Zenobia, effectively broke away from the Roman Empire and formed a vast realm of its own in the Eastern Med and Near East in the late 3rd Century. The Romans - their state in real peril at this time for many reasons - managed to bring them back and resecure the Eastern Frontier, but it was a near thing. It is now threatened with destruction by Islamic State.
The city matters to humanity not only because it is arguably the greatest archaeological site on earth but because it represents a remarkable fusion of Eastern and Western cultures, and Semitic and Caucasian peoples. The cultural richness of this whole area is very remarkable. Something for everyone, as it were. A symbol of cultures and peoples working together, almost.
And as any symbol it is, of course, in danger of being torn down when some group regards its symbolism as opposing its own ends.
The Islamic State (IS, or ISIS) currently on the rampage in postwar Iraq and civil-war torn Syria has, in fact, little directly to do with the Islamic religion. It is, as these things so often are, a bunch of psychopaths who are using established institutions and a local traditional mindset to gain power. The main local religion happens to be the vehicle to power in this case but if you look at any seizure of power throughout history, it’s got little to do with the claimed aims; those are just to twist public thinking into legitimising the usurpation and the thuggery that often precedes it.
I often work 50-60 hours a week (and, yes, I am beginning to ask myself why) so I haven’t yet had time to tackle all the subjects that concern me about leading a trans life, particularly bullying at work, the election, religious influence, etc., but in essence I want to sum up all such topics by saying, in the briefest terms, that psychopaths exist in all walks of life, making our lives miserable: the local burglar, the school bully, the egotistical politician, the insistent tax inspector, the local yob, the controlling partner… (If you equate the word psychopath with serial killer then feel free to replace it with sociopath.) There aren’t many of them (their numbers are estimated at around one in every hundred people) but all they do is hurt; that’s what they exist for and enjoy doing. They were born that way and it’s considered that they are therefore ‘incurable’. Most people fight them, some just submit, but others are given the feeling that brutality is the way to get on in life and they turn nasty as a result. The subject is more complex than this, but I don’t have space in this one post to go into it fully.
To get back to Palymra. IS and similar ‘Islamic’ groups, Al-Quaeda, the so-called Boko Haram, Islamic Jihad and all the rest of them haven’t actually got much to do with Islam. I seem to be one of the few Westerners who has read the Koran, the overarching premise of which is that everyone in the world should be a Muslim. The message is fairly much that, put in various ways, both straightforward and poetic. So Islam is one of the vehicles made for a different end which the naturally violent and cruel can hijack to go on the rampage with the excuse that they are bringing enlightenment to the world, and who but a pervert could argue that enlightenment isn’t a good thing?
Take a silly example of this behaviour, but one that we’re all familiar with so it’s easier to illustrate: James Bond, a fictitious spy, is a classic psychopath. Utterly confident in himself, he takes risks, he likes killing people and he seduces women a lot. How better to legitimise his evil life than to get a license to kill from his government. That way he can do what he enjoys most - have adventures, kill people and shag women with no penalties for him, which there would be if he indulged the same lifestyle without the blessing of Her Majesty’s government. So it is, basically, with all such people, like Jihadi John who enjoys beheading people. If he’d been a Roman gladiator (pre-Islam), he’d have had the same fun, but using a different excuse; or a concentration camp guard; or a guillotine operator in Revolutionary France; or one of the Great Khan’s horsemen in Persia enjoying an orgy of extermination.
Palmyra matters to trans people because it was once a place where being trans was not really a problem, ancient Syria having been rich in such gender diversity at one time (and even, to an extent, now). The Roman emperor Elagabalus, for example, was also a Syrian priest and a transvestite. They didn’t like him, but he illustrates the cultural expectations of ancient Syria. Being trans in Syria will be a problem now. Indeed, once you get a psycho running your culture/religion/nation/etc. then you can usually say goodbye to diversity, tolerance, acceptance and any kind of live-and-let-live attitude. As an aspirational woman, I don’t like the way women are treated in many nations where Islam is predominant (again, it’s not actually the religion that particularly oppresses women but other local cultural factors). I certainly wouldn’t submit to that sort of repression.
So all the time, from locking our doors and cars against thieves to dealing with a bullying boss, we expend our energies in keeping predatory psychopaths from our lives. IS is one of the latest; it won’t be the last. If you want the liberty to be openly trans you have little choice but to fight those who want to destroy that liberty, whether they are religious extremists or political bigots or just nasty controlling types, even those that the trans community itself is prey to from its own ranks.
As far as the military situation goes, NATO won’t be letting IS anywhere near the main oilfields, of course, and the area can largely be isolated till IS end up killing each other, a bit like Yemen is currently contained. (It’s not as simple as just political or religious differences, of course; a major population explosion this last half-century coupled with strains on limited water resources, huge economic divergence between traditional life and the riches and power of oil and gas, and so forth, all play a role in the situation.) But to my mind wrecking a symbol like Palmyra simply shows me that evil never sleeps. To be honest, I’m tired. I try to be positive but I’m unwell in a way that’s wrecked my trans life for the time being, I’m reflecting on the brutish experiences of the past, of which I’ve mentioned my school, and I am now looking probably to have to chastise the UN and my government for failing to hold back the psycho tide in Syria and for allowing the probable destruction of the ultimate symbol of multicultural fusion. If you want a life as an unmolested trans person and value diversity, you really have to take note of Palmyra’s fate and vow that your right to display your true trans nature is not oppressed by evildoers and one-size-fits-all control freaks. Watch out for people like this, and their supporters.
Sue x
Huh? What the hell has some ruined city in the desert got to do with being a trans person?
Background: Palmyra grew from being just an oasis for camel caravans to being a major trading city near the borders of the Roman and Parthian/Persian Empires and eventually, under the influence of the formidable lady, Zenobia, effectively broke away from the Roman Empire and formed a vast realm of its own in the Eastern Med and Near East in the late 3rd Century. The Romans - their state in real peril at this time for many reasons - managed to bring them back and resecure the Eastern Frontier, but it was a near thing. It is now threatened with destruction by Islamic State.
 |
The city matters to humanity not only because it is arguably the greatest archaeological site on earth but because it represents a remarkable fusion of Eastern and Western cultures, and Semitic and Caucasian peoples. The cultural richness of this whole area is very remarkable. Something for everyone, as it were. A symbol of cultures and peoples working together, almost.
And as any symbol it is, of course, in danger of being torn down when some group regards its symbolism as opposing its own ends.
The Islamic State (IS, or ISIS) currently on the rampage in postwar Iraq and civil-war torn Syria has, in fact, little directly to do with the Islamic religion. It is, as these things so often are, a bunch of psychopaths who are using established institutions and a local traditional mindset to gain power. The main local religion happens to be the vehicle to power in this case but if you look at any seizure of power throughout history, it’s got little to do with the claimed aims; those are just to twist public thinking into legitimising the usurpation and the thuggery that often precedes it.
I often work 50-60 hours a week (and, yes, I am beginning to ask myself why) so I haven’t yet had time to tackle all the subjects that concern me about leading a trans life, particularly bullying at work, the election, religious influence, etc., but in essence I want to sum up all such topics by saying, in the briefest terms, that psychopaths exist in all walks of life, making our lives miserable: the local burglar, the school bully, the egotistical politician, the insistent tax inspector, the local yob, the controlling partner… (If you equate the word psychopath with serial killer then feel free to replace it with sociopath.) There aren’t many of them (their numbers are estimated at around one in every hundred people) but all they do is hurt; that’s what they exist for and enjoy doing. They were born that way and it’s considered that they are therefore ‘incurable’. Most people fight them, some just submit, but others are given the feeling that brutality is the way to get on in life and they turn nasty as a result. The subject is more complex than this, but I don’t have space in this one post to go into it fully.
To get back to Palymra. IS and similar ‘Islamic’ groups, Al-Quaeda, the so-called Boko Haram, Islamic Jihad and all the rest of them haven’t actually got much to do with Islam. I seem to be one of the few Westerners who has read the Koran, the overarching premise of which is that everyone in the world should be a Muslim. The message is fairly much that, put in various ways, both straightforward and poetic. So Islam is one of the vehicles made for a different end which the naturally violent and cruel can hijack to go on the rampage with the excuse that they are bringing enlightenment to the world, and who but a pervert could argue that enlightenment isn’t a good thing?
Take a silly example of this behaviour, but one that we’re all familiar with so it’s easier to illustrate: James Bond, a fictitious spy, is a classic psychopath. Utterly confident in himself, he takes risks, he likes killing people and he seduces women a lot. How better to legitimise his evil life than to get a license to kill from his government. That way he can do what he enjoys most - have adventures, kill people and shag women with no penalties for him, which there would be if he indulged the same lifestyle without the blessing of Her Majesty’s government. So it is, basically, with all such people, like Jihadi John who enjoys beheading people. If he’d been a Roman gladiator (pre-Islam), he’d have had the same fun, but using a different excuse; or a concentration camp guard; or a guillotine operator in Revolutionary France; or one of the Great Khan’s horsemen in Persia enjoying an orgy of extermination.
Palmyra matters to trans people because it was once a place where being trans was not really a problem, ancient Syria having been rich in such gender diversity at one time (and even, to an extent, now). The Roman emperor Elagabalus, for example, was also a Syrian priest and a transvestite. They didn’t like him, but he illustrates the cultural expectations of ancient Syria. Being trans in Syria will be a problem now. Indeed, once you get a psycho running your culture/religion/nation/etc. then you can usually say goodbye to diversity, tolerance, acceptance and any kind of live-and-let-live attitude. As an aspirational woman, I don’t like the way women are treated in many nations where Islam is predominant (again, it’s not actually the religion that particularly oppresses women but other local cultural factors). I certainly wouldn’t submit to that sort of repression.
So all the time, from locking our doors and cars against thieves to dealing with a bullying boss, we expend our energies in keeping predatory psychopaths from our lives. IS is one of the latest; it won’t be the last. If you want the liberty to be openly trans you have little choice but to fight those who want to destroy that liberty, whether they are religious extremists or political bigots or just nasty controlling types, even those that the trans community itself is prey to from its own ranks.
As far as the military situation goes, NATO won’t be letting IS anywhere near the main oilfields, of course, and the area can largely be isolated till IS end up killing each other, a bit like Yemen is currently contained. (It’s not as simple as just political or religious differences, of course; a major population explosion this last half-century coupled with strains on limited water resources, huge economic divergence between traditional life and the riches and power of oil and gas, and so forth, all play a role in the situation.) But to my mind wrecking a symbol like Palmyra simply shows me that evil never sleeps. To be honest, I’m tired. I try to be positive but I’m unwell in a way that’s wrecked my trans life for the time being, I’m reflecting on the brutish experiences of the past, of which I’ve mentioned my school, and I am now looking probably to have to chastise the UN and my government for failing to hold back the psycho tide in Syria and for allowing the probable destruction of the ultimate symbol of multicultural fusion. If you want a life as an unmolested trans person and value diversity, you really have to take note of Palmyra’s fate and vow that your right to display your true trans nature is not oppressed by evildoers and one-size-fits-all control freaks. Watch out for people like this, and their supporters.
Sue x
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
Out with the old
It’s been a few weeks, little blog. Sorry about that.
In this period of exile I’m gradually going through old items of clothing and keeping what I know works for me. The less successful items - and I think every TGirl’s closet is full of such things - are being thrown out or given to charity shops.
It’s in our early days in particular that we buy stuff that cannot possibly work! Too small, too large, wrong shape, wrong style, ridiculous on us … the list of mistakes seems endless. I think we’ve all been there.
But it’s also those items that have worn out or become unfashionable that are going (avocado tights! - what were people thinking?) I’m sad about some shoes and boots that have to go because they’re worn out or broken as they bring back fond memories. I’m only keeping one old pair that’s bust, just as a memento of my first shoe purchase after I vowed to stop purging, nearly 20 years ago. Here’s a pair I loved, but the strap’s broken. Farewell, my lovelies, and thanks for the emotional lift you gave as well as the physical one.
Sue x
In this period of exile I’m gradually going through old items of clothing and keeping what I know works for me. The less successful items - and I think every TGirl’s closet is full of such things - are being thrown out or given to charity shops.
It’s in our early days in particular that we buy stuff that cannot possibly work! Too small, too large, wrong shape, wrong style, ridiculous on us … the list of mistakes seems endless. I think we’ve all been there.
But it’s also those items that have worn out or become unfashionable that are going (avocado tights! - what were people thinking?) I’m sad about some shoes and boots that have to go because they’re worn out or broken as they bring back fond memories. I’m only keeping one old pair that’s bust, just as a memento of my first shoe purchase after I vowed to stop purging, nearly 20 years ago. Here’s a pair I loved, but the strap’s broken. Farewell, my lovelies, and thanks for the emotional lift you gave as well as the physical one.
Sue x
Thursday, 30 April 2015
Ironing knickers
No, not a ‘how to’ post, just my expression for when work is quiet. And when it’s quiet, the very last thing left to do that vaguely resembles working of any kind, before you turn into a vegetable on the sofa, and in order to salve your conscience, is to iron your knickers! Come on, who actually irons their knickers? Hence my expression.
Well, that is what it’s like being self-employed, at any rate. I had five weeks of relative quiet with work (then it all exploded at 4pm the Friday before last and all my regulars got in touch at once and I have been busy since). Prior to that, I was just, as I say, ironing knickers. Which is fine as there’s been the first warm weather of the year to enjoy and I have dusted off the sun lounger after its winter sleep and have slopped sunscreen on my pallid skin to soak up some Vitamin D in the bright new sunlight.
My eczema is bad as it is every April when the weather warms and my skin responds badly to it. I hate the cold; I love warmth, but it’s the transition that creates a problem every year. However, I have a new patch of eczema on my right hip and possibly another on my left hand which is a good sign as my body rarely tolerates more than two patches at one time. Maybe it’ll now move off my head and I will be able to shave close and wear makeup again.
I’ve been catching up with friends, doing spring cleaning and preparing much-needed home improvements, sorting my clothes so that items that I won’t wear any more go to charity shops or other suitable sources. I do hate shopping with female friends when I’m not presenting as female - I’d love to pop into the changing room to try some items. But I guess making suggestions on what works for friends is the next best thing.
Sue x
Well, that is what it’s like being self-employed, at any rate. I had five weeks of relative quiet with work (then it all exploded at 4pm the Friday before last and all my regulars got in touch at once and I have been busy since). Prior to that, I was just, as I say, ironing knickers. Which is fine as there’s been the first warm weather of the year to enjoy and I have dusted off the sun lounger after its winter sleep and have slopped sunscreen on my pallid skin to soak up some Vitamin D in the bright new sunlight.
My eczema is bad as it is every April when the weather warms and my skin responds badly to it. I hate the cold; I love warmth, but it’s the transition that creates a problem every year. However, I have a new patch of eczema on my right hip and possibly another on my left hand which is a good sign as my body rarely tolerates more than two patches at one time. Maybe it’ll now move off my head and I will be able to shave close and wear makeup again.
I’ve been catching up with friends, doing spring cleaning and preparing much-needed home improvements, sorting my clothes so that items that I won’t wear any more go to charity shops or other suitable sources. I do hate shopping with female friends when I’m not presenting as female - I’d love to pop into the changing room to try some items. But I guess making suggestions on what works for friends is the next best thing.
Sue x
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
An honorary babe
A long time ago I wrote how a little group of female friends of mine who call themselves the Babes (or the Beautylicious Babes for certain important purposes, such as organising parties or forming a pub quiz team) has accepted my male self into their little group as an "honorary babe": http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/honorary-babe.html
They are, in fact, still the last group of friends to be officially ignorant of my being a TGirl, although I think they sussed me out a while ago. Last Friday I went out with them for a little dinner party and they were very insistent that their "honorary babe" should be with them. How could I resist? It'd be nice to be accepted as true babe one day but not only am I not going out as a girl at the moment (for reasons I have bored you with already) but I've also become more cautious about 'outing' myself. It was a lovely party at a local restaurant and the giggles and feminine topics of conversation made it my kind of evening.
The following day I met two TGirlfriends, Sarah and Saffy, for a catch up. They accept that I can't be a girl at the moment but this makes no difference to our long-term friendship. I'm the same person, except in appearance, as emphasised by Garry, barman at our old haunt the Cambridge pub in the heart of London, who saw me in my new male mode for the first time ever and was lovely to me.
I myself think Mr Sue is rather more careworn than Ms Sue who, frankly, as a kept woman is just out to party all the time with no thought for hardworking Mr Sue's health or wallet. Tsk! Women! ;-) But I guess it all boils down to being human underneath whatever clothes we are actually wearing, and that's the most essential thing to be taken for. I've made this point before with reference to several other TGirlfriends who've been out with me recently.
Thanks to all my lovely friends for such a good weekend. And best of luck to Sarah who has just officially started working as the woman she is.
Sue x
PS Thanks to Calie of T-Central for featuring my blog two months running. My enforced time out has been making me reflect more about what it means to be trans and how we live this life, rather than just doing stuff. If any thoughts here are helpful to others then I guess this blog is serving its purpose.
They are, in fact, still the last group of friends to be officially ignorant of my being a TGirl, although I think they sussed me out a while ago. Last Friday I went out with them for a little dinner party and they were very insistent that their "honorary babe" should be with them. How could I resist? It'd be nice to be accepted as true babe one day but not only am I not going out as a girl at the moment (for reasons I have bored you with already) but I've also become more cautious about 'outing' myself. It was a lovely party at a local restaurant and the giggles and feminine topics of conversation made it my kind of evening.
The following day I met two TGirlfriends, Sarah and Saffy, for a catch up. They accept that I can't be a girl at the moment but this makes no difference to our long-term friendship. I'm the same person, except in appearance, as emphasised by Garry, barman at our old haunt the Cambridge pub in the heart of London, who saw me in my new male mode for the first time ever and was lovely to me.
I myself think Mr Sue is rather more careworn than Ms Sue who, frankly, as a kept woman is just out to party all the time with no thought for hardworking Mr Sue's health or wallet. Tsk! Women! ;-) But I guess it all boils down to being human underneath whatever clothes we are actually wearing, and that's the most essential thing to be taken for. I've made this point before with reference to several other TGirlfriends who've been out with me recently.
Thanks to all my lovely friends for such a good weekend. And best of luck to Sarah who has just officially started working as the woman she is.
Sue x
PS Thanks to Calie of T-Central for featuring my blog two months running. My enforced time out has been making me reflect more about what it means to be trans and how we live this life, rather than just doing stuff. If any thoughts here are helpful to others then I guess this blog is serving its purpose.
Sunday, 5 April 2015
When surgery goes wrong (again), and when trans life goes right
This may seem like a very odd subject for Easter Sunday, but it’s just that I have time to write and this is on my mind.
My aim in this post is to inform about negative consequences and encourage positive ones and general trans visibility. Those who have suffered are anonymous here and have their privacy preserved. Nevertheless I do feel that their experiences should be notified to the general community so that people can be well informed before making choices.
In summer 2013 I told you that a friend of mine had been to Charing Cross Hospital, Britain’s main centre for gender surgery, but things had not gone well - she had unravelled and got a serious infection: http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/when-surgery-goes-wrong.html
I recently saw another friend there who had just had her gender operation and within a few days of being sent home was back at the hospital being treated for a similar infection.
ALL of those I have seen at the hospital or with whom I have discussed gender surgery in detail have suffered serious fails: operations that went wrong, corrective surgery (which in one case also failed), abdominal infections and so forth. I don’t think this is coincidence. And I am sorry for those trans women and men who would like a physical relationship but can’t because of the inadequacies and failings of their surgery.
It is clear that more of this surgery goes wrong than is made public and I am concerned that this issue is played down by some trans advocates and support groups. I would say again to those contemplating surgery: this is not a simple procedure but major surgery involving serious physical trauma. The large majority of trans people don’t go for it and whilst this is likely to be mainly because the strength of their transness is not as great as that of those living as their preferred gender, there are some of us who are having real doubts that surgery is the best option. I’m not here to persuade or suggest, merely to inform you that surgery may cause you major problems, as witness my personal friends here.
Now to a positive note on transition and living a trans life. I must mention a few other friends who are doing wonderful things with their lives despite all the odds against them (and sorry if I embarrass you girls but I think you deserve praise):
- My friend Kimberley (no longer her name) who has featured a lot in my blog over the years and who will be living and working full time as female as of this week. A beautiful woman with great prospects. Good luck, honey.
- My friend Stella who again appears many times in my blog under her proper name and previous (experimental?) ones and who, from shy and nervous beginnings, is not only living and working full time and representing the trans community at employment fairs but is now a candidate in the forthcoming national election. It would be wonderful to have a transgender member of parliament in the UK as there has been in other places like Poland. Could that MP be Stella? I’d be thrilled if it was. You go, girl, and I’ll be listening to your result on election night. By the way, she also now has a smoochy boyfriend, which is a lovely thing. Here’s her campaign blog: http://greenstell.blogspot.co.uk/
- My friend Roz whom I mentioned last autumn http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/roz-white-transgender-writer.html who is now ‘out’ to her family who’ve taken it well and has recently launched a new edition of her transgender novel, The Sisterhood, and is offering editorial services. Roz writes so well and truthfully about the trans condition.
- Two bloggers, Lynn Jones and Hannah Gotta, who write such excellent blogs about the genuine realities of life as married TGirls http://yatgb.blogspot.co.uk/ and https://hannahgotta.wordpress.com/ . Both blogs contain such insightful truths expressed in very different ways. I think I’ll add my fun friend Bobby’s blog to this list as she’s just been highlighted on TCentral (and quite rightly, too) https://thebobbysoxblog.wordpress.com/. They’re on my blogroll to the right, of course. (By the way, these girls all look gorgeous, too.)
I’ll stop there or I’ll have to list all my friends because they all live amazing trans lives in one way or another.
You see, it was Transgender Day of Visibility on 31 March and it pained me not to be visible, but so many of my friends are, either because they are already living in the gender that’s right for them or because they are visible in public or online. The more of us who are out there in whatever small way we can be then the more we will be accepted as a regular part of society. I’m thrilled that trans people are standing for parliament but I will be even more thrilled when the fact that parliamentary candidates are transgender is less of a talking point than their policies. Little by little we’ll get there.
Sue x
My aim in this post is to inform about negative consequences and encourage positive ones and general trans visibility. Those who have suffered are anonymous here and have their privacy preserved. Nevertheless I do feel that their experiences should be notified to the general community so that people can be well informed before making choices.
In summer 2013 I told you that a friend of mine had been to Charing Cross Hospital, Britain’s main centre for gender surgery, but things had not gone well - she had unravelled and got a serious infection: http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/when-surgery-goes-wrong.html
I recently saw another friend there who had just had her gender operation and within a few days of being sent home was back at the hospital being treated for a similar infection.
ALL of those I have seen at the hospital or with whom I have discussed gender surgery in detail have suffered serious fails: operations that went wrong, corrective surgery (which in one case also failed), abdominal infections and so forth. I don’t think this is coincidence. And I am sorry for those trans women and men who would like a physical relationship but can’t because of the inadequacies and failings of their surgery.
It is clear that more of this surgery goes wrong than is made public and I am concerned that this issue is played down by some trans advocates and support groups. I would say again to those contemplating surgery: this is not a simple procedure but major surgery involving serious physical trauma. The large majority of trans people don’t go for it and whilst this is likely to be mainly because the strength of their transness is not as great as that of those living as their preferred gender, there are some of us who are having real doubts that surgery is the best option. I’m not here to persuade or suggest, merely to inform you that surgery may cause you major problems, as witness my personal friends here.
Now to a positive note on transition and living a trans life. I must mention a few other friends who are doing wonderful things with their lives despite all the odds against them (and sorry if I embarrass you girls but I think you deserve praise):
- My friend Kimberley (no longer her name) who has featured a lot in my blog over the years and who will be living and working full time as female as of this week. A beautiful woman with great prospects. Good luck, honey.
- My friend Stella who again appears many times in my blog under her proper name and previous (experimental?) ones and who, from shy and nervous beginnings, is not only living and working full time and representing the trans community at employment fairs but is now a candidate in the forthcoming national election. It would be wonderful to have a transgender member of parliament in the UK as there has been in other places like Poland. Could that MP be Stella? I’d be thrilled if it was. You go, girl, and I’ll be listening to your result on election night. By the way, she also now has a smoochy boyfriend, which is a lovely thing. Here’s her campaign blog: http://greenstell.blogspot.co.uk/
- My friend Roz whom I mentioned last autumn http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/roz-white-transgender-writer.html who is now ‘out’ to her family who’ve taken it well and has recently launched a new edition of her transgender novel, The Sisterhood, and is offering editorial services. Roz writes so well and truthfully about the trans condition.
- Two bloggers, Lynn Jones and Hannah Gotta, who write such excellent blogs about the genuine realities of life as married TGirls http://yatgb.blogspot.co.uk/ and https://hannahgotta.wordpress.com/ . Both blogs contain such insightful truths expressed in very different ways. I think I’ll add my fun friend Bobby’s blog to this list as she’s just been highlighted on TCentral (and quite rightly, too) https://thebobbysoxblog.wordpress.com/. They’re on my blogroll to the right, of course. (By the way, these girls all look gorgeous, too.)
I’ll stop there or I’ll have to list all my friends because they all live amazing trans lives in one way or another.
You see, it was Transgender Day of Visibility on 31 March and it pained me not to be visible, but so many of my friends are, either because they are already living in the gender that’s right for them or because they are visible in public or online. The more of us who are out there in whatever small way we can be then the more we will be accepted as a regular part of society. I’m thrilled that trans people are standing for parliament but I will be even more thrilled when the fact that parliamentary candidates are transgender is less of a talking point than their policies. Little by little we’ll get there.
 |
| The is Sue Richmond reporting from Westminster... |
Sue x
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