I'm away staying with relatives and I have various things, administrative and otherwise, to do. My suitcase is full of articles of female clothing but ones that enable me to maintain the femininity that makes me happy but deal with business in my official male capacity and not 'out' me as trans. I would prefer to be all female but the world isn't geared to that right now, and my relatives certainly aren't. (In fact, just last night I heard one scoffing to his girlfriend at a system of gender-neutral noun endings that's being increasingly used in languages like Italian that have two genders for nouns, masculine and feminine. It's the same for Spanish, French, Portuguese and such.) So my trousers, shoes, hosiery, tops and underwear are all off the female racks, but when combined don't give away that I'm trans. There are a lot of ways of dressing in the 2020s that are equally valid for either sex or anyone between. My long nails haven't aroused comment yet. I dislike the semi-stealth I'm in, but survival overrides true authenticity right now.
Still, I feel feminine in myself and obviously much more so when I dress as a woman, which is now virtually all the time. And I don't get asked awkward questions or feel threatened or mocked.
Yesterday, I had to be in Switzerland. It was cold all right and I was rather missing the palm trees on the coast where I live! I'm glad I wore warm tights under my girl trousers. Here's Switzerland in winter, then. This is Lugano on the lake of the same name:
Today I had a Covid booster at a pharmacy in Milan. Nice young lady doctor, very efficient and friendly with all customers, old and young. My jeans, sneakers and blouse were not all that dissimilar to hers. Except she had a white tunic on too, which is just not my style!
I'm going to take it easy this weekend and tackle more bureaucracy and administrative stuff on Monday. In my girl clothes, of course. I hate boy clothes and always have. One day my legal status, my face and my clothes will all match, but for now we deal with circumstaces in this way.
Sue x
Sue -
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar situation. The difference is that I maintain two completely separate wardrobes, so that I am painfully aware of how I am presenting in order to prevent me from using the wrong voice for my presentation....
M
Hi Marian, thanks for your comment. That was the same for me: two wardrobes, but I'm getting rid of the male one and living more androgynously or unisex. it's not how I identify or what I want but life just isn't geared to my living as a full-time woman at present. But this is so that when forced to present as male I still manage feel more female. Sue x
Delete"...but survival overrides true authenticity right now..."
ReplyDeleteA route many folk take, I think. Not because it's easier, but sadly because it's necessary to stay safe.
To have the freedom to be as we need to be - should that be midway or completely as we wish - therein seems the goal.
Yes. You have your fortnightly meeting and occasional other times, I have my daily need for gender affirmation. Presenting and being treated as female isn't so easy for me right now so this is my compromise. Sue x
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