These frocks don't pay for themselves, you know!

I've been busy. I've been delighted to have won new work contracts. But they've been keeping me very occupied these last two weeks, and will do so for at least two weeks more (then things might calm down a little). So I've been online far less than of late.

Still, it brings the money in, which is useful as going out doesn't come cheap, nor does keeping up with fashion.

More adventures soon, when I find some time for them.

How does one become a kept woman these days?

Sue x

Nottingham invaded again

I went to the Nottingham Invasion in January (see below) which turned out to be very good night out. So much so that I felt it was worth repeating. Unfortunately, because of unexpected work stuff which delayed me, I left London late and got stung for higher train fares, which was very annoying (and painful in the purse). However, I was pleased to be able to help out all sorts of visitors to London with directions and help in using ticket machines. Although that caused me to miss one train I was actually chuffed that nobody seemed to be put off asking a TGirl for help – I guess I’m more confident these days and try to look my best. Being addressed as “Madam”, “Miss”, “Darling”, “this lady” makes me happy.

I stayed at the New Gables hotel again, which is very good value, comfortable and friendly, and was where my friends were staying. I didn’t get there till 6.15 but at least all I had to do was change from my well-worn leggings into my new dress, lace tights and 5½ inch stilettos (killer heels had been agreed on beforehand). I hardly ever wear a dress – I’m more of a co-ordinates girl – whereas most of my friends come to these events in pretty ones so it was time to blend in!

Met up with Tiff, Mrs Tiff and Maddy all in their lovely posh frocks, Gayna in a smart blouse and skirt, and Joanne who had her fabulously best goth outfit yet, and we took a taxi to the New Foresters pub. Nice to catch up, albeit briefly, with Samantha and her partner Vicky, and with Sophie whom I hadn’t seen since Sparkle, as well as Tanya T and Marcia whom I’d met last time. I was glad to meet Lynn Jones for the first time as her comments on Facebook always crack me up and was introduced to Rachel Katie Sparkle. Spoke briefly to other girls, Emma, Jenny, well-endowed Alexia, but it’s had to remember all names.

Joanne, goth

Now you can’t hang around a pub all evening (can you?) so the Invasion was duly marched off to Oceana which does an entry deal for us girls. Truthfully, I don’t quite know what to make of this place. The gloopy carpet, the smell of decay, the malcoordinated noise and the violent dancefloor lighting strike me as being the ideal location for students of modern history to spend an evening: not only do they have fun with their mates but they get an appreciation of a night assault at Ypres with its slimy horrors underfoot, the stench of death, the deafening noise and the contorted bodies jerking in the flashes, like a whole battalion of fancy dress fusiliers caught on barbed wire. The girl going round offering you a shot doesn’t exactly contradict the image. Still, on the plus side, the ladies loos are nice as club loos go (but please put the seat down, girls), we get in cheap, we’re accepted by the staff (and at least some of the punters there) and you can have a bit of a giggle, especially as there’s a rivalry between the local hard men and the TGirls as to who can score highest on the punching machine. I suspect the hard men feel threatened by the TGirls – but let’s show that we’re ready to dish it out if necessary! An hour or so of Oceana is OK.

On to NG1 which has a pleasant bar area with competent staff, a wide range of drinks and comfortable seating where the music is merely background and you can hold a conversation. We were latched onto by a total whackpot who threw himself onto us “divas” in such an unselfconscious manner that I cannot help but record his presence. He tried out our shoes, preened and strutted (because that’s what we do, apparently), asked Mrs Tiff if she was a transvestite, declared his boyfriend had just walked out on him (we were surprised) but despite being insanely inconsolable he managed to fiddle with someone else in the gents before the evening was out. He said he was a mental health nurse. Evidently one who likes to take his work home with him. What a pest!

Fewer good photos from this event, sadly, but this is one of the odder ones. Gayna, Tiff, me, Maddy at NG1 bar. Photo taken by Joanne who wanted an interesting angle. Now, I've heard many excuses for being drunk ...

Now, sensible girls take coats and flats with them so they don’t have to stagger up and down the freezing streets in nothing but their frocks and stilettos. And they get a lot of stick for it from diehard trannies. But they have the last laugh as their friends stagger back to the pub with painful feet and goose pimples. Ha ha ha!

We fell in to the New Foresters again for chips, which are good and cheap there, and were entertained by the antics of a couple of drunk and menacing admirers. Quite a night for weirdo watching! And people say TGirls are strange! I'm also told the girls behind the bar dress just in knickers and fascinators because that's their outfit for the cabaret turn at the pub. Sure, but a missing skirt puts me off ordering a burger bun!

Anyway, it was good to catch up with friends. Sadly, I thought it best to leave the next day rather than trying to make a weekend of it. I missed breakfast as it takes me ages to put my face on, but that just goes with the territory. Despite the excesses I managed to fit into my skinny jeans for the journey home. (Actually, its being Nottingham and St Patrick’s Day I should’ve worn green tights to blend in!) Here’s a mystery, though. I took a case and a bag to Nottingham, but came back with everything fitting in just the case. Weird! But hey, weird is what we like. 

Thanks to fabulous Sam and lovely Maddy for organising, Maria and Debbie for being welcoming, Tiff, Mrs Tiff, Gayna and Joanne for being brilliant friends and all the other girls who make it a good evening, and to staff at the New Gables, New Foresters, Oceana and NG1 for being welcoming. 

Sue x

[Updated 16/7/18 to change a photo]

Stocktaking

I made a slightly jokey entry about juggling recently. In fact, I’ve really been stocktaking. Or rather, business planning. I’m not going to bore anyone with the details but I’m not quite going to hit my targets for this financial year so it’s time to get more serious about work stuff.

I took voluntary redundancy four years ago and have been gradually setting myself up as a freelancer in my field. The dramatic physical and psychological changes that came over me a couple of years ago, however, rather set me back and meant I needed to take a bit of time out from my plans to try to cope with the increased femininity. I have always known I was trans, from when I was teeny-tiny, but this state has been greatly enhanced recently, as often seems to happen to those in middle age. By sheer fortune, thanks to the generous redundancy package that came a little before this, as well as being unattached, I was able to direct my attention to coping with the need to be out and about as a woman without having to struggle so much with money, work or relationship matters. That was luck. It explains why I have spent so much time experimenting with living as a woman. I’m pretty sure I could now happily operate as a woman all the time if I so chose. However, although quite frightened at times by the ferocity of the changes that have come about, I am feeling rather more settled and actually looking forward to getting stuck into some work and earning more money. After all, we all have to earn a living, keep a roof over our heads, eat and keep healthy, and being male or female is really neither here nor there where life’s necessities are concerned.

It may seem a bit odd but, although I’ve had a ball these last 18 months and rarely been happier, I actually do want to get back into a routine of regular work and the satisfaction and dignity that go with it. It means I’ll be targeting my social outings more effectively, rather than just going out as and when. Don’t worry, though, I have no plans to become a workaholic and am looking forward to seeing friends both this weekend and next.

Sue x

Ooh, you are awful!

I’m trying to win a work contract. But sometimes you just have to let work worries drop and do what you really need to do, so on Friday at midday I decided enough was enough and got smartened up to go out.

I went to Oxford Street armed with a load of vouchers from various stores and although tempted by a few items I decided not to buy anything on this occasion. I do make mental notes about stuff that I’d like to check out again in future, though.

In the evening I joined Joanne at the Melanie Italian restaurant we discovered a month ago and we had an enormous, long, slow, tasty dinner (the best kind). They bake their own bread and make their own pasta, and you could tell. Their bruschetta is the best ever. I am definitely taking the girls there in two weeks’ time for one of my Sunday lunches. There’s a particularly sweet young Italian waitress there that we really like (but we like all the staff). And Joanne likes the food so much she burst into the kitchen after and kissed all the chefs. “È terribile!” exclaimed our open-mouthed waitress in Italian, which means, “She’s awful!”. We giggled about this after as it was very much the tone of Mandy, a loved comic creation of Dick Emery’s (“ooh, you are awful!”, which became very much his catchphrase, see here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkLRZzukcJc). Tsk! I’m showing my age!

Then we went round the corner to the Curzon Soho to see A Dangerous Method about Jung, Freud and Spielrein, which I thought much better than reviews had led me to expect. Keira Knightley was a more than competent performer and the two male leads were good despite less than favourable reviews and, indeed, negative comments from other audience members. I found the whole thing fascinating and rather atmospheric.

So, coming up, I will go to Nottingham again next weekend for the increasingly popular Invasion. The following weekend two lovely friends happen both to be visiting London so Saturday night out will be followed by Sunday lunch. Things to look forward to amid the serious stuff.

Sue x

Juggling

... or is it plate-spinning? When you try to fit the possible meetings with your girlfriends round the rest of life/work/etc. This month I've been invited to the usual run of T events: Leeds First Friday, Pink Punters, Nottingham Invasion, Wayout Club ... oh, and the next lunch in London I've agreed to host, not to mention seeing friends locally. I can't get to see everyone unless I attend all the venues. But clearly I have to be selective. You've no idea, dear readers, how much pencilling in and crossing out my diary is subjected to!

Sympathy, anyone?

Bah! Didn't think so.

But it goes to show that there is a big transgender community out there and that there are more and more opportunities to meet. Glad to be a part of it at last. Until two years ago I was pretty much in the closet. Now the closet is where I keep my party gear. What a joyous change to my life! But this now creates my current juggling problem.

Still no sympathy?

Bah! Well sod you, then, I'm off to party!

Sue x

Ladies who lunch

I had taken the day off work yesterday, originally because friends wanted to come to London and stay over. However, that didn’t come about so instead I just invited anyone who wanted to join me for lunch.

I spent the morning wandering around the Seven Dials area, my favourite part of London. Cappuccino at Vergnano’s (where the coffee is completely perfect) followed by a stroll. Neal Street is always appealing with its shoe and accessories shops such as Tabio (posh Japanese hosiery). I bought a lovely floaty dress for only £10 (reduced from £50) at a branch of Yumi that was closing down. Outside the MAC cosmetic shop a girl from the nearby Benefit store grabbed me (I like the way they plant a kidnapper outside their rival's store!) and took me for an eyelash makeover with their new mascara, "They’re Real". I was genuinely impressed so I bought some, even though it cost a lot more than the dress! I already use their "Browzings" wax on my eyebrows, which I recommend.

I’d booked a table at Salieri, one of my favourite restaurants mainly because of the quality to value ratio of its menu, as well as the friendly service, fun décor and excellent location on the Strand. The food and wine are very good and you pay comparatively little, especially if you order off one of the set menus. Three course lunch with drinks, coffee and service was £25-£30 a head. Besides, the management know me quite well now and so presented me with the biggest slice of tiramisu I have ever seen and which contained so much coffee essence that I really didn’t need the coffee I’d ordered for afterwards! And how am I to lose weight now?

I was joined by my friends Helena, Amy, Victoria, Emma, Saffy and Ange. We sat down at 12.30 and ended at nearly 4, something of a marathon as Saffy pointed out, but was there any hurry? We had a lot of chatting and catching up to do.

Lunch at Salieri, l-r: Emma, Amy, Victoria, Helena, me, Saffy. Ange had had to leave by the time the photo was taken (sorry, sis), but she appears often enough in these pages so I'm sure she'll forgive us.

Following lunch we strolled round Covent Garden, accidentally being pushed by the crowd into the stunning Kurt Geiger shoe shop and Hobbs among other places. Our group gradually broke up, leaving just Amy and me to enjoy a little bit of culture at the National Gallery. Well, what better way to look like an oil painting (see picture above) than to study oil paintings? 

The Gallery chucked us out (to be fair, it was closing time) so Amy and I went to La Roche for tea, again another favourite venue (though no cake was needed this time after our vast lunch). 

A very pleasant way to spend a Saturday. And the best thing was that, trying on my new dress properly at home, I found it fitted perfectly.

Many thanks to the six lovely friends who made it such a pleasant day.

Sue x

Well, it's one way of living

Here’s what happened last week, which I present as an example of my life these days. Admittedly, last week was a little bit more play than work (yayy!), so more interesting than average, but it seems fairly typical, both in terms of work-life balance and of male-female balance.

I should explain now that I work partly for myself, both at home and in a studio in central London, and also as a part-time employee in ‘creative retail’ (let’s call it that) two days a week. The latter necessary as I find it hard to work alone all the time so interacting with the rest of the human race is good, as is the regularity of employed income as opposed to the erratic income of a freelancer. I also have a good social life. As for male/female balance, I spend most of my time presenting as female but find it pragmatic to present as male for certain official purposes or where I am as yet known only as male. Yes, it’s a weird life, yet very diverse and satisfying in its own way. No two days are the same, which can be fun, although self-discipline is vital.

Monday, after some faffing around with work-related stuff at my desk at home (dealing with agencies drives me nuts!), I went up to town (male mode) and had lunch with two very good female friends, and then went on to work in the studio. I also had a further email update from a very lovely friend who is undergoing gender reassignment surgery in Thailand. She’s a brave and inspiring lady, and her emails are brilliant reading, both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Tuesday morning at my desk, then in the afternoon one of my closest trans friends came to stay, with her wonderful supportive wife. We went out to dinner in male mode at a local restaurant then joined my regular female friends at the local pub for a quiz night. Thanks to our special guests we triumphed and enjoyed winning some prize money, which was a rare treat! A lovely evening.

Wednesday was a girls’ outing to Covent Garden. We enjoyed coffee and cake at La Roche in St Martin’s Lane, one of my favourite cafés where the cakes are to die for, and then wandered around the Seven Dials area, dropping in to any shops that took our fancy. I bought a leather pencil skirt at Pop Boutique, one of the many retro clothing shops in the area. It’s a little too tight but I will slim into it (yes I will!). We had lunch at Belgo Centraal in Earlham Street, a Belgian restaurant with decent food and excellent beers in a cavernous basement where the staff are dressed as Trappist monks. We wandered to the main part of Covent Garden, enjoyed the Kurt Geiger shoe store and stuck our noses round the door of Charles Fox makeup shop, then bumped into Tom Jones in Tavistock Street. (Here for the BAFTAs presumably - dear me, he’s let himself go a bit, though! He was, however, too shy to be photographed with us superstar sex bombs!). I like bimbling around Covent Garden, though I was pretty tired by the end of the day.

Thursday was an employment day in male mode. Pretty quiet and not worth reporting on.

Friday, however, was busy as I had to go to central London to locate various items needed for work. This, however, was a long and pretty frustrating search which took up much of the day. After finally getting to the studio for a bit I joined two trans friends in the evening at Lounge 34 on Lower Marsh near Waterloo. Apparently, this is where TGirls meet in drab on the first Thursday of every month, perhaps appropriate as, unusually for a Friday, I was in drab too. After a quick drink there we went to an Italian restaurant, Olivelli, in The Cut nearby for dinner. I was persuaded to come out on Saturday night so left for home to pack a bag.

Saturday was a mixed day and perhaps more typical in the life of a TGirl. Employment in male mode today, but with my suitcase full of women’s clothes for the evening and the next day! That’s what it’s like. Had I had today off I would have gone to Nottingham again on Friday night for the brilliant Invasion as I did last month. Nevertheless, tonight’s entertainment was just as good.

So after work I went to my friend’s, had a bite to eat and glammed up for the evening. I think my skirt was too short even for a night out in Soho, but hey, I’ve got nice legs if I say so myself and I think I should show them off! We took the bus to the West End and went to Christopher’s in Wellington Street for a cocktail. It was nice perching on bar stools having perfect cocktails made very carefully by the excellent barman and enjoying the elegant mixed company. My sweet Manhattan was very strong so it’s perhaps fortunate that I have so many years experience of walking in very high heels and didn’t keel over! But that was enough booze for the night, I felt. Apparently Tom Jones was dining upstairs. Honestly, a girl like me just can't go out without being stalked by a megastar! The price of looking fabulous, eh?

After that we couldn’t find a club that didn’t seem to overcharge for entry (or require membership) but in the end we found Green Carnation in Greek Street. It was definitely gay in emphasis and we were the only two TGirls there, but the venue was nice, not too crowded, lots of sofas and enjoyable music to dance to. Inevitably, after nearly 18 hours on the go already, I started to flag so we didn’t stay out all that late. We were slightly amused by, if sorry for, a foreign lad in Piccadilly Circus who asked us if there was any club in central London where you could get in "for, like, zero pounds". Er, no! And so to bed via the lovely night bus which we just caught after a high-speed run in high heels down Haymarket.

Sunday, as you would expect, we got up late but, so what? it’s the weekend. Wore my favourite short heather blue tartan skirt, lilac sweater, my beloved Jane Norman jacket, thick black opaque tights against the cold and my lovely new grey Kurt Geiger ankle boots. I mention this because my friend has two female tenants who are so friendly and complimented me on my outfits. They're really lovely girls. We took the bus to Greenwich where we met our friend from Friday night at the welcoming San Miguel tapas restaurant in Greenwich Church Street and had a late lunch at an appropriately Spanish hour and pace. Sadly, you can’t have fun for ever so I returned home, battling the inevitable Sunday engineering works and travel disruptions with my enormous case in tow. You wouldn’t believe the tangle of suitcases and pushchairs on one of the buses! Thankfully none of the four stages of the journey home was too long and my cute new boots were nice and comfortable.

So, today’s Monday and we’re repeating the work cycle again. Maybe more fun is in store this week, too, but we shall have to see.

Sue x

Cinema and dinner

It was cold and grey in London yesterday so something needed to be done to dispel the winter gloom.

So I met up with my pal Joanne at the Curzon cinema on Shaftesbury Avenue. We enjoyed a pre-cinema drink in the fabulous downstairs bar before seeing Martha Marcy May Marlene, a gripping psychological drama about a girl who has fled to her sister's after two years in a cult. Excellent understated acting, judicious editing and an important point to be made.

Well, after the tension we decided to relax over dinner and agreed to try an eatery more or less at random so we went to Melanie, an Italian restaurant in nearby Old Compton Street http://www.melanieitalianrestaurant.co.uk/ [Update 26/3/25: Link no longer functioning; I believe the restaurant has gone, too]. It turned out to be a very good choice. My whitebait was fresh and crispy and Joanne's prawns were succulent and easily peeled. The saltimbocca alla Romana, my very favourite dish, was not bad given the difficulty of sourcing good meat in Britain, and Joanne's veal and aubergine was declared very tasty. The tiramisu was disappointing as there was too much sponge (although it had plenty of booze in it). I don't care for strawberry cheesecake but I think Joanne's choice there was a good one. The Frascati was gently fruity and very agreeable. We liked the attentive staff, and chatting to them later when things were quieter was pleasant, though I'm not so sure about the cheeky serenade I got when my main was brought! The waitress, a slip of a girl of 21, was very complimentary about my hair (pity it's not my own!) and the Portuguese waiter was chatty. Luigi the owner is someone we decided it was worth getting to know better as we will definitely be back.

A great way to spend the later half of a gloomy Wednesday. Soho is just so fabulously accepting of the T community that you can let your guard right down and really enjoy yourself.

Sue x

The Great Drag Race 2012 announced

The Great Drag Race 2012 organised by Prostate Action in aid of prostate diseases research has been announced.

This year's race will be Saturday 30th June at Highbury Fields in Islington, North London.

Full info here http://www.prostateaction.org.uk/take-action/raise-money/great-drag-race [Update 26/3/25: This is now a dead link]

I did the race in 2010, the first year it was held [Update 26/3/25: Subsequently described here]. Not only did we raise awareness and money but also had fun and broke a world record. Yes, I have my certificate from Guinness to say that I was part of the longest line of dancing drag queens ever! (Though I feel the terms "line" "dancing" "drag" and "queens" were used in their loosest sense!)

For me personally it was an opportunity to dress as a woman in an accepting and safe environment when I was just emerging in public.

I missed the race last year but, work permitting, would like to put together a team for this year's event, perhaps with the blessing of UK Angels. Watch this space.

Consider participating or at least sponsoring runners at this fun event. Prostate diseases like cancer affect many men and trans persons but are less talked about than women's illnesses although almost as prevalent. The reason for running in drag is as a tribute to the success women have had in raising awareness for women's health issues.

There are a few pictures of me at the 2010 event on my Flickr pages. Hope to add a few more just for info and fun when I have dug them out.

Sue x

Telling my friends - with love and thanks

I have grown tired of leading something of a double life in recent years and so have decided that it is honest to let the friends I have known for a long time know about the changes that have been happening with me. This week I have told four close friends about what has been going on in my life over the last few years. As I know that they have been dropping in on my blog I'd just like to thank them here for their understanding and love.

Life hasn't been remotely easy as a transgendered person so having friends who are prepared to listen and support is more uplifting and relieving than I can put in words. I am beginning to feel that I can live in society as the person I actually am without the sky falling in and that's thanks in large part to them. In fact, the enthusiasm of some of my friends at this news has been a thrill. Yes, girls, let's go shopping soon!

Thank you, Jo, Chris, Daniela and Matthew. And also Jan, Lucy and Richard who have known for a while. I'm privileged to have you as friends.

Sue x