I have been living pretty much in my authentic gender for a long time. My clothes reflect that, but my face doesn't really tag along. And, even with my hair and makeup done well, I haven't felt like taking any photos recently. Trans girls have a symbiotic relationship with their cameras so something's wrong!
How many women feel ugly or inappropriate at times? Probably all at some point, and many do regularly. So I'm in good company. Even though ugly is subjective, and I've never met a woman who was ugly. I know I'm not really ugly either, although I have challenges.
I've said before that although being trans is lifelong, something you are not something you do, the intensity varies, like the ebb and flow of the tide. I have often found my femininity less intense in the spring, but then I always feel sluggish and in lowered mood after the winter. At present, after two years of pandemic and its isolation, a worrying war going on, heightened transphobia and other troubles, I'm really not feeling like posing for the camera or being seen as markedly female in public. I'm finding it harder to smile and feel authentic right now. I suspect I'm not alone.
The feeling will pass - it always does - and normal existence will resume. I know I like being a girl really.
A dip in the archives
By contrast, here's a post from 9 years ago explaining how a potentially bad situation (work redundancy) led to better things, including my emergence into public life as a transwoman.
Big anniversaries, big evaluations
Let's hope the world's current difficulties lead to a better world soon.
Sue x
So very well said, Sue.
ReplyDeletexxxxxx
Christine
Thank you, Christine. Sue x
Delete