Yesterday it felt like a proper spring day. I even put sunscreen on. I set up my garden furniture after winter and spent much of the day tidying the plant pots and planting more herbs and veggies. Last year I was delighted with a bumper crop of lettuces that had me munching salad most days, and basil grows in abundance in this region that's famous for its basil pesto sauce for pasta.
This year I still have last year's basil, sage, rosemary, parsley, two kinds of lettuce and rocket all still flourishing and I've planted chilli peppers, thyme, coriander, mint, 4 more types of lettuce, chard and chicory. I'll see if I have success with tomatoes, gherkins, radishes and aubergines/eggplant. Arnold the Olive continues to grow - obviously he's a long term project!
I'm not a good gardener, I have to confess, and my two lemon trees didn't survive last year, sadly. But the climate here is helpful in assisting an amateur like me!
All this gardening has arisen after the local paper gave away packets of seeds last year, which proved so popular during lockdown that they've done the same this year. I've added to their freebies with other stuff. But it was a good idea and it made people happy to encourage stuff to grow when the human population was repressed by a pandemic.
This long preamble introduces my main topic, that many of my TGirlfriends, having been in hibernation for over two years, are now asking if they have the stamina and desire to go out as girls again. As in my last post, I'm not feeling in the mood much either, not even for a photo. The pandemic and its social and psychological effects has deflated our enthusiasm and taken a considerable mental toll.
It's hard to encourage others when one feels a bit down oneself. I know, though, that this general mood is temporary. We will get out of this residual period of pandemic, this recession, this war situation and all the other grim things happening right now. Maybe next year it will all seem that it was just a bad dream that we once had and it will be as if little had ever changed.
But as I've said so often, trans is what you are. It's not a mood or something that switches off just because you feel you want it off. The intensity varies and circumstances may make us more cautious about presenting authentically, but we know deep down that we'll be back one day, that purging never works.
I've booked a short trip to France next week. Not very far from home, but it will get me back to the idea of international travel again after so long. I have been chatting to friends over the last few days about their plans to visit Italy and the possibility of meeting up when they do. This will reintroduce face-to-face contact again with all the body language and hugs you can't get on Zoom or social media. And so we relearn to be ourselves again.
So I've been feeling the effects, too, but I will say that we'll get back to an authentic trans life again eventually. I look forward to that.