I've not been all that well these last few days. Nothing serious but I have caught some sort of chill or virus or something that's left me preferring to stay at home and rest. So I've been following the news a bit more than usual. Bulletins from the battlefields of Ukraine are positive, inasmuch as organised violence is ever positive (see also the mafia musical below), and a very old queen has died, which makes a direct difference to many countries that have or have had her as head of state.
Queen Elizabeth was around longer than I have lived and therefore seemed almost eternal. Not quite, though, and that makes for an odd feeling. I've always felt her successor Charles was a sensitive, humane man. Often ridiculed in the past as an eccentric for his concerns, yet his feelings on matters such as the natural and built environments have now become mainstream thinking. His own successors look to be supportive of the LGBT community.
A few allies are beginning to point out how many people have swiftly got used to new names, titles and pronouns: Queen Elizabeth, now King Charles; His Majesty; send him victorious, etc. Yet how often enthusiasts for correct form refuse to acknowledge new names and pronouns for trans people who beg that their gender and names be acknowledged.
It takes a while to get used to changes. If you know someone, whether monarch or trans person, as one thing all your life and then you need to adjust to the change in their position, it can take a while to get used to it. I have problems adjusting to my trans friends changes, either of name or even pronouns. If I use your previous name or forget your new preferred way of being addressed, then it's not me being disrespectful but just that I am getting old and forgetful and have to replace habits in my head. Do make allowances for that, as you would for everyone who still talks of Prince Charles even though his title has changed.
But if you are determined deliberately to disrespect reasonable choices, then you're a jerk. The new British Prime Minister, Liz Truss, insists trans women are not women. The subject could be discussed reasonably, but rarely is. But since Liz Truss hates her given first name, Mary, would it be appropriate to call her Mary Truss to ensure she remains consistent in her approach? Joanne Rowling, that well-known transphobe, has no middle name and is J K Rowling for commercial purposes only. She also has another pen name, Robert Galbraith, which is hardly consistent with her feminism. Using a different name for writing, acting, soldiering, or whatever has an ancient pedigree and is, in some ways, justified by that long usage and tradition. I don't have a problem using these people's preferred names. Yet many balk at a trans person using a new name that fits their presentation or referring to them with pronouns that fit their gender and appearance. Double standards are very prevalent in the so-called great and good.
The old monarch is gone and there is a new one instead. The continuity, though, is clear. It's the same for us trans folk. I continue to have confidence that most people accept us and that newer generations will help build a society that acknowledges us more.
More movie news
My post last week about the forthcoming film Monica seems to have been popular. The film didn't win any prizes at the Venice Film Festival but I would expect it to be on general release fairly soon.
There was another transgender film at the festival, Le Favolose ("Fabulous Girls"), more of a documentary about how trans women can, in some respects, die twice by being denied burial in the gender they lived in. I wrote on this important and often overlooked subject here a couple of years ago (Right in the End).
The director is Roberta Torre whose 1997 film Tano da morire (released in English as "To Die for Tano") was a sardonic mafia musical that I found compelling. (Yes, mafia musical, you read that right!) The director's contention in her latest film, based on the writings of trans activist Porpora Marcasciano, is that many trans people's history is still being eradicated in Italy.
It might be released in English translation and the working title seems to be "The Fabulous Ones". Trailer and clip with English synopsis on this site: http://storytellertrailers.blogspot.com/2022/07/le-favolose-fabulous-ones.html
Sue x
Sorry to hear you're feeling below par, wishing you a speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteThis was a nicely written post with some good valid points.
My Wife struggles to adjust to our transgender son's pronouns after twenty years of the old ones whereas I took to his new ones like a duck to water. Maybe it's because I'm more aware of how important they are to him.
Yes, hopefully newer generations will build a society that acknowledges transgender folk more.
Thank you for the kind wishes, and I'm glad to hear you liked the post.
DeleteI went through your blog to bring myself up to speed on news of your trans son. I'm not a parent and I do wonder if I could manage as well as some parents to bring up well-adjusted, happy children, especially with the complications of trans living thrown in. You seem to be doing a good job and I wish you and your son all the very best. Given how much more open this subject is among the young now, and how educational establishments seem to be fitting these kids in without difficulty, I think we will have a more realistic idea of just how many people are trans, and it's a lot more than we thought. That is what makes me hopeful for the future.
Sue xx
Wishing you a speedy recovery, Sue 🫂
ReplyDeleteI hope that hug emoji comes out properly and not as something dodgy 🙂
Funny how names and titles change, but some people can be funny about pronouns.
As both you and Lotte point out, when you've know someone for years as A and they switch to B, I think there's a certain level of routine that can catch us out. I guess it comes down to doing your best, apologising if you slip up, and, above all, don't be a dick 🍆 😁
Thank you for the hug. I did have to zoom in a lot to make out the detail because from afar and with my lousy eyesight it looked a bit like a blue film camera at first, perhaps not inappropriate for this post. But it is a hug and not something unsuitable for the family-friendly site that is Sue's News and Views!
DeleteCourtesy is reciprocal. A says, "Please call me A from now on."
B replies, "I'll try to remember that, C, I mean A. Oops, sorry, give me time."
"No worries, B. It's taken me years to accept it's who I am so I can't expect instant change all round. But A's my name now."
And that's fine as everyone's doing their reasonable best to be kind to the other.
Sue xx
Hi Sue, here's hoping you recover from your virus etc. very soon! I just wanted to add a couple of things on pronouns. The first is the difficulty for many people when somebody declares they are non-binary and wants to be called by a word previously unknown to modern languages - that is tricky! The second is a memory I have when a transwoman returned to work after transitioning. Our CE emailed everyone to require we use the appropriate name and pronouns. I had to phone the lady soon afterwards. She was out and her phone was on voicemail ... I felt a little awkward leaving a message to remind her to change her voicemail from a now non-existent him to her, but we both laughed about it later. As you point out, courtesy and kindness can make everything fine.
ReplyDeleteNikki xxx
Thanks, Nikki
DeleteI confess that unusual appellation requests make me uneasy. It's not just the difficulty of recalling what that specific individual wants but the narcissism of it that bugs me. Quite a lot of people need special consideration in one way or another for a host of reasons, and that's fine, but don't push it!
Among the more regular pronoun requests, though, I dislike using plural pronouns with singular verbs. I'm a professional linguist and this really jars.
Sue xx