I have two friends coming to stay this weekend. We used to work together twenty years ago. I've always seen employment not merely as a means of earning a living but as one way of being in company with others and even making friends.
As colleagues, these two friends became inseperable from one another. One has a married daughter and a granddaughter in France and the other has a married son and grandchildren in the States, so trips to see children and grandchildren are regular things and they know each other's families well. Both are visiting France this week and are coming on to see me for a few days since I live only about 50 miles away. I'm looking forward to their visit.
But they are pretty much the only two friends of mine who don't know I am trans so I am putting away my chick lit, my pretty knick-knacks and more obviously feminine items. I hate having to do so but after the devastating abuse and betrayal I had from a supposed friend and ally in 2014, I am no longer prepared to come out to persons older than myself. My clothes are pretty unisex and no-one seems to notice they're off the women's racks in the shops but apart from that I am going to be nominally male for the weekend. I know we will have fun but it would be nicer, of course, if they knew I was trans and supported me, but I can't take the risk of coming out to them with possible negative consequences. That's partly due to the world we live in and to the last decade that's been more than trying for me already. I do have high hopes for the younger generation, though. They seem to take LGBTQ+ matters well into their stride. The subject seems almost unremarkable to them. And that's where we need to be, where someone who is trans (or gay or in some way different from the majority) is just, like, whatever, wanna hang out?
Part of me says that I should come out to anyone else who doesn't know I am trans. If they are true friends they will support me, right? But my bad experience before with the betraying friend, and also a girlfriend who couldn't cope with having a trans partner, is that they recruit people against you and dealing with a storm of questioning or indignation is much harder than dealing with just the one person who's being awkward. Obviously, I can probe these friends' ideas of trans life indirectly while they are here. But since I am not full-time female, however much I might dream of being, it's not worth pressing the issue at this stage.
I'll write again after their visit.
It's approaching midsummer and things are getting hot here. Thankfully, the freezer is full of ice cream and the communal pool opens tomorrow. Bliss!
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| Almost tropical |
Sue x
Good luck with your guests visiting. I hope all goes well.
ReplyDeleteYes, coming out: it doesn't seem to get any easier does it?
FWIW, I'd say beware of 'should'. In an ideal world who we wouldn't matter.... Yet, here we are as things stand.
Thanks, Lynn. It went very well and i got positive vibes off one of them. Sue x
DeleteDear Sue, Thanks for your thoughtful post. I am with you that the younger generations much more easily deals with LGBTQ+ topics. Unfortunately, though, I am also reading about the opposite reaction, especially from the growing far right in countries that I had viewed as fairly liberal in the past. Best wishes, Franzi
ReplyDeleteThank you, Franzi. I am hoping that the far right's reaction is a short-lived phenomenon. Their leaders are crooks but also incompetent and I think that will be our salvation in the end. As well as the fact that most people prefer other people to be happy in who they are. Sue x
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