Listen to your body

 I thought a lot about whether to post something this personal. But I am going to.

I had to talk a lot last month about dysphoria as it's been affecting me way more than usual. Thank you again for your kind support. With the heatwave, I've been living mainly in swimwear or very light tees so my breasts, which have been expanding again this year, are very visible. I'm delighted with the extra boobage but, perhaps not surprisingly, I'm rather self-conscious about it, too. The left breast seems slightly bigger than the right, which is fine as asymmetry is normal enough, but what is puzzling (and delighting) me is that they are not the breasts of a woman of my (fairly advanced) years, which usually sag, but are rather perky and springy. Yay!

 

Not me, but an aspirational version of me. (Photo: Daniel Narsco)

 

I assumed that this sudden bout of gender dysphoria, or even body dysmorphia, was because the heatwave had brought a vast army of nubile, scarcely-clad women to the seaside here all at once. Irritatingly, I'd made my decision not to epilate so the contrast between the femininity around me and my current fuzz made it worse.

A four-hour train journey the other night, during which I felt a slight ache in my breasts that so characterised my original breast growth in 2010, set me thinking how my body has been a strong driver of my trans life. 

I will put here something that I have never mentioned before as it is very personal, perhaps unusual (I've not heard any trans person refer to a similar experience) and I've never been sure that I would be believed, but this is a transgender blog and so it is very relevant. In my 20s I experienced what I can only reasonably describe as period pains, a regular 4-week cycle of abdominal cramping. I became concerned enough to note it down, and so discovered its regularity, and I discussed it with my doctor who not unnaturally assumed it was an intestinal problem ...and I won't go into further details.

I went along with that diagnosis, though, even though my guts weren't the problem, as that was also the time when I was most suppressing my trans nature so any excuse for denial was a good one. I managed to spend over a year not dressing as a woman at all (believe me, that's a long time in Sue World), did a giant purge of my clothes, photos and everything else feminine, and even blocked any thoughts about being trans whenever they arose, which was very hard. I was determined to kill my trans desires off once and for all. 

In the end, though, that suppression exploded ferociously ... and the curious periodic cramps diminished as I finally embraced the knowledge that I was trans and started dressing every day. 

Move on several years and in 2010 my breasts grew suddenly just as I felt a strong need to get out in public dressed at last. And now that I have had a very subdued decade due to ill-health, emigration and so on, my breasts seem to be telling me something again.

I won't speculate on whether it's my body that responds in these very physical ways to a lack of fem time, or whether it drives my femininity in the first place and my need to be a woman, or any other theory. But my body has always been very much a living, responding part of this whole transgender experience of mine. I am curious as to whether anyone else has similar experiences, though I acknowledge that such personal things are not something one likes to talk about in public. I rarely do but here I have bared ... well, my breast! And more. This is a trans blog, so there.

The first thing I did once I'd got home from my train journey, despite its being the small hours of the morning, was paint my nails in clear varnish. I keep my nails long and feminine the way I love them. 

 

I'm now looking through the local directories for a waxing salon as, frankly, I'm not sure this "hairy for summer" idea is working this year. Full retirement is now approaching and then it may finally be time to talk to a doctor directly rather than by-the-by as previously about being trans and all these curious body events of mine. After all, breast screening doesn't seem an unreasonable request now, if nothing else, as I have sufficient breast tissue to be a routine concern. And possibly, just out of curiosity, look into any intersex, genetic, chimeric or similar issues that might be relevant here, which I guess I've not wanted to do before for reasons I'm not totally sure about. I remain very cautious about outing myself to the health authorities, though, given the current trend towards xenophobia all over the world, although things are better in European Union countries than in many other places, hence my move to Italy. (My thinking on this in 2018 is more relevant than ever in the UK, US, Russia and so on).

More developments as they happen, I guess. 

So, if I and my breasts may end this rather serious post in a more light-hearted way in Two Ronnies style, it's goodbye from me ... and it's goodbye from Pinky and Perky.

Sue x 

So how did Pride month go?

 Last Saturday was Milano Pride in Italy. Despite the heat, 350,000 people turned out. That's equivalent to more than a quarter of the population of the city.

It was also Budapest pride in Hungary. Despite being made illegal by the government, that Pride event attracted 200,000 people. That includes politicians from other countries keen to be seen to promote rights over autocracy.

I hear that in Britain, the anti-trans ruling from the Supreme Court is being watered down even by that court. As I've mentioned before, all sorts of cis political commentators who don't normally touch on LGBT matters have criticised the ruling and the government. 

And also in Britain, Thurso, a small town of just 9000 souls in the furthest north of Scotland, held its first ever Pride. 1000 people attended that, a stunning turnout for somewhere so small and remote. 

By contrast, I hear that a Straight Pride event in Boise, Idaho (population: a quarter of a million), billed as a "hetero awesomeness festival", not only had an underwhelming attendance (about 50), as seems so often to be the case, but it was crashed by a pro-LGBT singer. 

These are just some take-aways from the last few days. I give these attendance vs population figures because so far this year neither I and almost no-one I know, despite all being in the LGBT+community, have managed to get to a Pride event, so it shows how vast the LGBT community and its allies must be. 

Whilst there is a lot of very noisy and very nasty transphobia and other hate out there, I think the world turned a corner a long time ago and being queer in all its lovely forms is something most straight/cis people see as OK. Different, but OK. Current anti-LGBT legislation is now associated with violent and autocratic leaders so is not, in the end, going to benefit the few phobics. As a very simple - simplistic, if you will - summary of our present situation, not only does history show that autocracy is usually short-lived but our current autocrats, actual and aspiring, are remarkably incompetent and therefore likely to fail soon. When they're gone and condemned, as all such characters end up being, their transphobia will be part of that condemnation. So this current persecution is likely to work in our favour in the long run. I see this massive increase in support for LGBT Pride events, especially where the government is anti, as evidence of a better future, and that the public is broadly with us.

Stay colourful. 

 

Stay cool 

I love hot weather. My Optimum Operating Temperature has always been 28°C, even with a wig on. But it's currently 37°C in the shade (that's 99°F) as I'm posting this, and around 30° at night, and it's not even the height of summer yet. 

Mind you, the resultant lack of appetite plus exertion in the pool is working wonders for my (interminable) weight loss programme. 

Sue x

Hot stuff, or dresses for empresses

 It's very hot so I am taking things gently, especially in the afternoons when the sun is at its fiercest. Blogging is a gentle task so here we are!

Firstly, thanks to readers for their recent support over my sudden dysphoria. I guess the heatwave brought everyone to the seaside early and all those healthy women suddenly turning up en masse with next to nothing on really hit hard: I should be one of them, I thought; I'm missing out, I told myself. 

I've been returning to equilibrium, especially as, without boasting, I don't look too bad in a bikini myself, with a bit of curvature in the right places to fill both parts. Less around the tum would be better but we are working on that. I lose appetite in summer, which helps, as does more activity.

Thanks also for your support over family health troubles. My relative will be in hospital for quite a long time now and all we can do is await the final outcome of his treatments. He's not dying, though, and that's the main thing.

Now, I know that the weather is not conducive to heavy clothes but today I was looking at a magazine that describes an exhibition now on in Paris celebrating Charles Frederick Worth, who more or less invented haute couture as we know it. He seems to have been the first to use live models to strut his creations, put fashion house labels in his clothes and introduce seasonal collections. He dressed Europe's most elegant ladies in amazing outfits back in the nineteenth century when women's fashions were just stunning. No hoodies and leggings in sight! 

I mention this because, let's face it, we all fancy ourselves in a floor-length satin dress, don't we? I mean, take this Worth ballgown in pink tulle modelled for us here by Empress Elizabeth of Austria. I really, really want this (and if becoming an empress is what it takes to get it then, hey, I'm up for that!)

 

Not to be outdone, here is Empress Eugénie of France in a ravishing white satin and lace gown. Yes, please. 

An evening dress in green. Corsetry is the answer to all waistline issues! 

Imagine going to a trans club in one of these outfits. Then if some admirer annoyed you could declare, in your finest cut-glass Victorian duchess voice, "Unhand me, you ruffian!" as Hubert, a true gentleman, steps in with a stern, "You scoundrel, Sir!" and removes the irritating admirer, who is promptly led away to a life of hard labour in the colonies. You then marry Hubert and have sixteen children, nine of whom are destined to die of consumption, cholera, scarlatina, etc. Ah, the good old days! When life was short but the frocks were long. 

Anyway, I though I'd share the gorgeousness with you. As the curators say, there's a public fascination with fashion these days, but people are forgetting the history of fashion. This aims to reawaken that consciousness with its 400+ sumptuous items.

Here's the official exhibition web page in English: Worth, Inventing Haute Couture

A review in English: A Journey to the Origins of Haute Couture at the Petit Palais in Paris 

There's a long video in French on setting up the exhibition, with a lot of views of the dresses and accessories. I didn't post this link originally but Susie has viewed it and commented below like the dedicated girl she is, so here it is after all. English subtitles are available. Worth is pronounced Vort by the French. (Disappointingly, most of the curators and restorers here are in jeans. "Standards, ladies, standards!" as my imaginary duchess would say.)

 

More generally on the subject, here's an introductory video on Worth with lovely pictures and photographs, and showing real dresses on mannequins: 

Worth on Wikipedia: Charles Frederick Worth and House of Worth. 

The exhibition is on at the Petit Palais, Avenue Winston Churchill, Paris, till early September. Oh, and my birthday's coming up; just a hint. 

Sue x

Unorthodox solutions for steamy weather

 I had hoped that the couple of thunderstorms over the last two days would have cleaned the air and cooled things down but they've just made everything steamier. I can manage to wear a swimsuit but I really don't want to wear a lot else today! 

Every summer I write some kind of post like this on how to cope with hot weather when your a TGirl, e.g. wigs & makeup in summer and swimwear for TGirls but when it's really hot and sticky like this all I can suggest is that you do the things that need physical activity at times when it's a bit cooler, i.e. morning and evening. 

Whilst staying hydrated is regularly quoted as the best advice, I'm not so convinced by cold drinks as by hot ones when it's steamy. People boggle at me when I say that but hear me out. A cold drink or ice cream cools your insides but does little for the discomfort of prickly, sticky skin. A hot drink makes you perspire properly, thereby cooling you down; and as the drink is hot, you can't gulp it so you get 'dosed' more gently and evenly; and something like tea is a pick-me-up. Tea is a favourite drink in North Africa and the Middle East, the hottest places on earth. Theirs has lots of sugar (for energy) and usually mint in it, which is an anti-inflammatory and a breath-freshener, and their tea is the best thing on a hot day. As for any perspiration that tea causes, well, that's why I wear a swimsuit.

As for alcohol, I advise avoiding wine. Instead, mix spirits with lots of mixers/juices. A little gin with lots of tonic is working for me this year. But yours may be a sangria, a spritz, a Pimms or whatever is fruity and cool.

My photo above to illustrate this post was taken on a hot afternoon (36°C / 97°F) so I was wearing a short denim skirt and tights. 

"Tights, Sue? Are you mad?" No, actually tights/pantyhose in hot weather are good for avoiding several heat-related problems. Obviously, I mean gossamer-thin items like these (they were 7 denier), not those black opaques you don with your slippers by the grate in winter! 

Wearing tights helps to wick perspiration away from your skin (just ask a professional dancer); eliminates chafing (chub rub) if your thighs rub together when walking and reduces chafing from your shoes; and makes your legs look smoother and more uniform in tone. 

Here are just a few items from my own collection to illustrate what I mean: from 5, 7 and 10 denier; various summer shades for Caucasian skin from 'nude' to 'suntan'; toeless for if you have peep-toe shoes and you like your painted toenails to show fully (of course you do); bodyshaping or bodyfree; looks that are matt, glossy, 'healthy shine', 'oiled'... There's a big choice. 

 

Open-toe seven-denier nude in action:

Another good choice is fishnets in natural or lightly coloured shades. I have them nude, white, apricot, etc.. The 'nude' ones on the right in the photo below are very light-looking whilst the 'nude' ones in the middle in the photo below look very tanned, but as they stretch you actually get a natural shade on your legs in both cases. A close friend swears by openwork lace at all seasons, even in black, like my favourite Jonathan Aston 'sweet roses' pantyhose here on the left.

 

These are those Jonathan Aston fishnets in nude when worn:

Here are my fishnets in light apricot to match my yellow-pink dress. With the stretch, these gave a light flesh tone

 

(By the way, these are the sandals that had to go recently as they were scuffed, worn and falling apart after many summers.)

Have a nice summer. 

 

Dysphoria update

It's not great. See my first photo above again, the one with me next to a bigger, curvier, bustier, more brazen (!) young woman. 

There seem to be uniquely feminine women around this year, all curves and jiggles, and none wearing very much in this heat so the curves and the jiggles are enhanced and on show. I keep telling myself that I too have curves and jiggles, and that's no lie. I'm proud of my very feminine hips, and my recently improved bust measurements are exciting. Maybe it's just regret that the women around me are even curvier and jigglier than me because they got a natural advantage when the curves and jiggles were being handed out. 

To be honest, I'm also feeling disappointment at the fact I am no longer young. Smooth curves, perky jiggles and rich hair get replaced by wrinkles, sag and greyness. Nature, you're a mean bitch!

Sue x 

Antidotes to random chaos

 I mentioned last week that I expected to have to spend some time this summer looking after a relative of mine who went into hospital for an operation. Thanks to readers for their kind words about this. As it wasn't an emergency op but a fairly routine one and he was supposed to be home after a week, things have clearly gone badly wrong as he'll be in hospital for at least two months in all. There is the possibility that he may be housebound from now on, which will involve serious lifestyle changes. Fingers crossed that doesn't happen. 

As luck would have it, his girlfriend, who would normally be his main source of support, and tries to visit him every day, is also unwell and still weak from an op she had six months ago. Her daughter died at the same time and her son is now in hospital, too. As you can imagine, she's not in a happy frame of mind. 

There's not actually a lot we can do at the moment but wait for outcomes. So I have been trying to relax, avoid the stupid, mad news as much as possible and, as it's been a hot, fine week, I've been spending time in the outdoor swimming pools and in the lovely surrounding garden with its palms, cactuses, hibiscus and oleanders. And at home, various floaty and light floral skirts and dresses have been ideal. 

Music

Not everything in the blog is about trans matters. Last week I mentioned the passing of Brian Wilson and his influence on surf rock.  This week I pay tribute to Alfred Brendel who has just died and was one of the greatest pianists. 

The moment I heard the news I played one of his recordings of what has always been my very favourite piece of music since I first heard it aged 17, Beethoven's Fourth Piano Concerto, the most lyrical. Perhaps Beethoven's early biographer, Adolf Marx, in 1859, likening the soft plaintive piano and the insistent strings in the second movement to Orpheus pleading with the gods of the Underworld to return the soul of his dead spouse to the living seemed apt. 

Here's Brendel playing the "Funeral march on the death of a hero" from Beethoven's 12th piano sonata, another apt work, music that was later orchestrated and played at Beethoven's own funeral. 

If there were more musicians around to create and fewer "leaders" around to destroy, I think the world would be a much better place. Rest in peace, maestro, and thank you for your lifetime of dedication and mastery.

 

Sue x 

Bikini envy

 Well, it's not so much envy as bad dysphoria. What do you expect? There's a heatwave on and suddenly all the women are in their bikinis ... except me. And, unusually, I'm not coping too well with that. I don't tend to suffer much dysmorphia about my body, but all of a sudden it's hit me. Maybe a friend emailing about her successful GRS, with FFS also scheduled, didn't help either. Don't get me wrong; I'm thrilled for her, but it's a bit hard to handle all of a sudden. 

It'll pass. Like the ebb and flow of the tide, it comes and goes. 

Passionflowers in bloom seems an apt photo to post here. These are in the hedgerows in the lane behind home.

 

 

Surf rock 

Bikinis, summer, tides ... A number of people have blogged, commented and paid tribute to Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys who passed away last week. If you are into surf rock and ultra-cute sixties outfits then, depending on how much gender dysphoria you are currently experiencing, you may like/hate to visit the Surfrajettes website and YouTube channel. Beehives, matching minidresses, white go-go boots and, as they put it, "eyeliner as thick as their guitar strings". 

I'd like the talent just to look that good, let alone play music! 

 

The good stuff

Times are not good for the trans community in many parts of the world. Here in Italy they are mixed but I'd just like to pay tribute again to two sources of strength. 

One is Elle Italia women's fashion magazine that resolutely supports the trans and broader queer community. Every other week there is an article on trans topics, e.g. how a parent should listen to their trans child; an interview with a trans person; life as a drag queen (see photo); and this week several articles supporting Pride. Thanks to Elle for positive allyship.

 

Pride itself seems to be attracting more and more support. Either people feel safer coming out or they feel the community needs more clout. Our regional Liguria Pride in the regional capital Genova at the weekend increased its attendance from 35,000 last year to 40,000 this year, despite the high temperatures. 

Liguria Pride 2025 in Via XX Settembre, Genova, the regional capital's answer to London's Oxford Street. ( ©facebook.com/CoordinamentoLiguriaRainbow )

 

An impressive turnout, one to be proud of. Sorry I couldn't be there. (But a wig in that heat? Hmm.)

Have a good week, all.

Sue x 

Smooth or not for summer?

 It's time for the annual dilemma: should I get rid of all body hair for the summer season, with the annoyance of then having to epilate every day; or just let nature do its thing, meaning no full-on fem time for the next three months? 

I mean, I don't have to go to the pool or the beach ...

Yeah, I do have to go. What's the point of living in a seaside resort if you don't do seaside things? Besides, the temperatures have rocketed to 32C this afternoon when normally they should be 25C in early June. It could be another very hot summer to come. Which doesn't help when you have to wear a wig or wear makeup.

I will also have to spend time looking after a relative who's sick. He went to hospital a month ago and should have been out after a week but because of complications he's still there. I don't know what painkillers they're giving him but when I saw him earlier this week he was lucid and exhausted one day but stronger yet raving the next. Scary. He'll be needing help with shopping and household things for a while after he's back home and I've agreed to do that alongside his girlfriend. He doesn't notice much in terms of whether I am hairy or not and hasn't spotted that my clothes are all of a feminine cut. Mind you, neither did my LGBT-hating sister when I saw her last month and even complimented me on my shoes (ladies' trainers). People see what they expect to see.

My other sister gave me a shiny new set of barbecue tools and they are already in use. Well, it's Friday night and it's 32C, and my simple white Dorothy Perkins vest top and Baby Angel black denim shorts are ideal for the occasion. Every moment of fem time is so precious.

 

I do like to be beside the seaside 

Here's a shot I took from my most recent flight, of the famous Seven Sisters cliffs and Beachy Head in Southern England. It was a bit hazy that day but it still made a spectacular sight. Click to enlarge.

 

Enjoy the summer, wherever you are and whatever you're doing. 

Sue x 

Uniforms: there's short, and then there's regulation micro!

On British Airways last week I noticed that the uniform is now, well, less than uniform. The hemlines vary enormously in length, the shoes in height and the tights seem to be any shade and thickness. It's obviously a change from the very strict dress code they and many airlines seem to have had in the past with everything coming from specific designer(s) and sources. My T-dar is constantly alert to changing styles (even though I often wear the same boring old stuff myself!) Frankly, airline hostess is not a job I'd ever want to do myself. Love the look, hate the job.

The other uniform style that was more uniform but in a way that worried me was all the schoolgirls in London seeming to have tiny microskirts as regulation school uniform. I cannot possibly criticise others for wearing impossibly short skirts in public without being a monster hypocrite as I have myself been seen in public in items that hardly suit women of my age (see below)! But I do worry about underage girls getting the wrong kind of attention given the troubles in that regard at my own school. Maybe that's just my bad experience talking. But I hope today's teenagers are safe. Yes, I firmly believe anyone should wear what they want and be left in peace to do so but, sadly, realities are what they are. 

As I waited for a bus on a typical June morning in London, where a cold thin wind blew the drizzle about, the schoolgirl on the hard slanting seat next to mine at the shelter shivered in her regulation microskirt, goosebumps at attention. Personally, I've never once worn a skirt without tights but, anyway, this bare-leg microskirt look seems to be the norm among the uniformed young in the UK whatever the weather. Good luck.

My final observation is that UK female police and nurse uniforms are pretty universally geared to trousers. Practical, no doubt, but maybe my British friends can now enlighten me, since I haven't seen British TV for years, as to what British comedy is doing now without emergency service staff in short uniforms and stockings? That was once a staple of British comedy. 

 

A dip in the archives 

I go short in public (or: nice legs, shame about the face):

 

 

Crazy hair and crazy tights

Sue x

A case full of lace

 I got back home yesterday with two very large suitcases, one of which had my everyday boring fem clothes and the other had all sorts of cute and fun stuff. 

I selected the second caseful from out of the 18 boxes of girl clothes in my deposit in London. Those boxes contain everything from winter coats to summer bikinis but unexpected things can happen when you open them. Previously a gel-filled bra exploded, but this time a bizarre pair of extra-extra frilly knickers with more lace than pant, that were made specially for me by a fan of such items, frothed and floated to the top of the lingerie box. Since the friend who made them has now transitioned and may well be embarrassed at her previous frilly knicker phase, I won't describe them further but I brought them home in case there's some cosplay project that might use them. I've no idea what!

But it was good to pick up some favourite skirts, and the much-loved dress I wore in Scotland last year, several pairs of very sheer tights for summer as well as some fancy hosiery, a never-worn burlesque ra-ra skirt, red with black lace, for party times (or if I fulfil my showgirl dreams) - pictured below -, comfy leggings, tops, lingerie, and fun accessories, including the elbow-length spider-web gloves and matching tights I missed for my Hallowe'en outfit last year but which went down a storm at the Magic Ballroom. 

I also found a pretty black lace bra and panty set that I had totally forgotten I bought and is so comfortable that I cannot believe I forgot all about it. 

Very pretty and really comfortable to wear

My case also contained lots of new lingerie and nightwear I bought - I do recommend Marks & Spencer for such items. Yes, I have far too many things, I know, but they do get worn, and worn out. I threw away a pair of cream-coloured high-heeled sandals that were scuffed and coming unstuck in parts. It's a pity as I have fond memories of wearing those in summer, often at the Sparkle national trans celebration, but what's broken needs to go.

Gone but not forgotten

 

You may think a whole case of pretty clothes excessive given the cost of luggage on airlines these days, but I dress every day and stuff that I know and love is precious to me so I'm happy with that.

I have something to say about airline uniforms and about very short skirts and I know those are subjects of great interest to many, but I'm still tired from the trip so I'll close here and discuss those topics another time. Have a great weekend.

Sue x 

Facing

 I've been internet-free for a week and it's actually been good not to have the endless dismal news and usual messages to deal with. I've been travelling and dealing with legal and administrative things. 

More on the interesting and trans aspects of my travels when I have more time but I'm posting briefly today because I managed to see the sculpture currently on the Fourth Plinth in London's famous Trafalgar Square. I wrote about this under the subheading "Art (1)" here last autumn. Despite all the anti-trans activities of current and past UK governments, there in London's main square is a vast tribute to trans people made from hundreds of clay masks of their faces, including one of my friend Grace whom I have seen on this trip. She thinks hers is on the side facing the National Gallery (photo 1). 

Round the corner, the National Portrait Gallery has a huge poster outside of award-winning artist Grayson Perry as his feminine alter ego, Claire. 

Trans visibility could hardly be more visible. 

Here are my photos:

Click to enlarge

My trip to the UK ends next Wednesday.

Sue x 

A place to think

 I have a special place where I go to have a think. Big thinks, like: should I change career? should I buy this house? and the like. My own thinking space happens to be Salisbury cathedral close because it's green, quiet and inspiring. Sitting on a bench by the lichen-encrusted wall looking at the cathedral spire soaring up into the blue is the place I go to to gather my thoughts far away from my normal busy environment. Although I don't even live in England any more, I found it cathartic to come here during my latest trip and sit and have a think. 

Salisbury Cathedral 2025 from my favourite bench in the close. Built very fast for a medieval cathedral, between 1220 and 1258, it benefits from having a uniform style. The exquisite spire, the tallest in the British Isles at 404 feet (123 m), is a landmark for miles. The cathedral close, full of ancient houses and green spaces behind a high wall, is still locked at night, and is quiet and peaceful by day even when full of visitors. An inspiring place.

 

Sadly, although I brought a small case of skirts and dresses, I had a lot of appointments that I had to do in male mode as that is still my official reality and so I wasn't able to get time out as Sue.

I did, however, have time for a delicious Thai dinner with one of the first trans women I ever met, Chrissie, who is looking beautiful and very feminine a decade or so after her surgery. Chrissie was one of the girls I accompanied to Charing Cross Gender Clinic when I first started going out publicly to see if formal transition was right for me. It was for her; for me the decision is still pending ...

Also sadly, I wasn't here when the local trans group had their monthly meeting but the Wig & Quill where they are said to gather is a very nice old pub with outstanding food. I also enjoyed the New Inn with its beautiful, secluded garden, and the Rose & Crown right opposite the flat I rented, with its terrace on the river. British pubs are much improved from what they once were - just places to drink warm beer - now that they serve food, allow dogs and even children, and no one smokes any more.

The lovely flower-filled, tree-lined garden at the New Inn, Salisbury

 

The garden of the Rose & Crown backing onto the River Avon

One thing that amuses locals and might also please my readers is the fact that the bishop's robing room for grand ceremonies is now in a women's boutique. We know that secretly great men can't resist slipping into something long and flowing, right?

 

I also confirmed what I have felt for a long time: that Britain is a grossly expensive place. I mean, not just house prices and travel costs as always, but now even everyday food, goods and services, especially after Brexit and Covid. As for tourist things, let me give you two examples. 

In the 1990s-2000s I used to go to Salisbury a lot and enjoyed going  up the cathedral tower. You would meet the guide under the crossing and pay him two or three pounds and climb up the 330 steps and enjoy the view from the top. Today you have to buy a ticket that costs twenty-four pounds! For the privilege of climbing stairs. 

A friend once went to the nearby ancient monument of Stonehenge and photographed a toy dinosaur in a way that made it look like it was eating the stones. So I thought I'd do the same. But just to get the bus to Stonehenge costs twenty pounds and the entry fee is thirty. Fifty pounds per person (!!!) to go see a ruin that you can see just as well from the road. The explanation for the high price is given by English Heritage, who manage the site, as the cost of maintaining a major monument. Look, Stonehenge has been a ruin for over 2000 years; in the 18th century the local inn rented chisels so tourists could chip a piece off the monument as a souvenir. What precisely are you maintaining now, English Heritage? I first went to Stonehenge when I was six and you could wander freely among the stones for a few pence. Now you can't get near and they charge you a fortune. This sort of cynical ripoff is one of the worst traits of British officialdom.

So here's my disappointed dinosaur terrorising Salisbury Cathedral visitors instead. Entertainment for free!

 

Anyway, the decision I made was to retire permanently abroad now, where I've been since 2018 anyway. The quality of life, the climate, the costs, the food and the less toxic politics count for a lot in that decision. I've closed a couple of UK bank accounts whilst here and will be rewriting my will under Italian law. I'll still write a trans blog for English speakers but I'll be trying to see my many friends and family in the UK before the change becomes permanent. I say this but with the world in a chaotic mess now it's hard to know if any plans can work properly, but that's the idea anyway.

Still, I was lucky with the weather, as you can see. 

Next stop, the beautiful city of Bath.

Sue x

Successful surgery, and Cleopatra's beauty regime

 Just checking in to my blog briefly to say that I flew into London on Monday and saw a friend of mine after her gender surgery. It was a total but wonderful coincidence that the trip I planned months ago was at the same time that Roz got called in for her operation.

After landing at London City Airport (and there are some spectacular photos below of Nice's Bay of Angels and London's Tower Bridge as we pivoted round the Shard skyscraper) I checked in at my hotel which happened to be just a few miles from where Roz was recovering. I arranged to see her early evening with Grace who lives in the area. 

I'm pleased to say that Roz looked well, said the op had gone to plan, her daughter Ele was with her and we had a nice catch-up as I hadn't seen her since last year in Scotland. 

Her gender clinic is on the edge of Wimbledon Common and as we are of a certain age there was a lot of reminiscing about the Wombles, too, who were a cultural phenomenon of 1970s Britain and the "Keep Britain Tidy" campaign. Small furry creatures who did meet, though, were Roz's ubiquitous Beaver and Ele's Topsy the Triceratops whom I introduced to my Lugubrious Crab from Monaco who is accompanying me on this trip. It might cheer him up! I won't post a photo of Roz in bed in her hospital gown but she looked well. Instead here she is at my home with Beaver in 2022.

 

Hospital visitors 2025

 

I brought Roz some presents from the Riviera, including characteristic soap from Nice that's made of asses' milk, just like Cleopatra used for her beauty regime! 

 

Well done, Roz, and wishing you a full, successful recovery at home.

Grace and I went on to Putney for an evening meal. At the Prince of Wales pub - and I have thought carefully before making this bold statement - I had the best plate of fish and chips I have ever had in my life. It was perfect - and proof that British food if done well can be really good. 

So that was a wonderful start to my trip to the UK.

Here is the Bay of Angels in the sunshine as we climbed out of Nice airport ...

 

... and here we pivot round the Shard in Central London towering over London Bridge Station, with museum warship HMS Belfast in the River Thames, Tower Bridge centre left, the Docklands skyscrapers and Isle of Dogs in the background, and the Thames estuary in the distance. An amazing view.

 

I'm in South West England now for the next couple of weeks. More on that next time. Skirts have been packed ...

Sue x

Broken heels

 No politics, just practical feminine dressing today.

The bottoms of my heels keep disintegrating on my floor.

It's a very hard floor indeed, made of ceramic stoneware (grès) but not much harder than a pavement, and I have pounded pavements and all that's ever happened to my heels is that they have worn down and needed re-heeling by the cobbler. One favourite pair of boots I had re-heeled four times I used them that much.

Here my heels have literally crumbled away suddenly, disintegrating in a matter of minutes into small lumps of plastic/rubber. This has happened three times now, the latest time being a pair of black pumps. Prior to that it was a pair of pink open-toed shoes and before that a hard-wearing, quite pricey and much-loved pair of ankle boots. The latter two had their original hard plastic heel tips but this latest crumble is on what I think is a rubber replacement heel and you can see its partner is just about to go, too.

 

I'm holding the pink ones on the floor and you can see that it's porcelain moulded to resemble maple boards.

I wondered if storage over the years might be the issue but it's not as though any of them have been subject to extremes of cold, heat, humidity or anything unusual and they were all bought at different times. The pumps were cheap, the others less so. I can understand that plastic, not leather or rubber, might have a certain shelf life.

So I'm puzzled as to why this issue has arisen only in my latest home. My previous homes had carpets not rock-hard floors so that's why I assume it's the floor. Though it does seem excessive.

Any ideas? Anyone else experienced the same?

 

Another delivery

News just in, about an hour after I posted. My lovely and beloved friend Roz had her GRS today and has just texted me to say she's awake and fed and waiting her all-important coffee. I'm teary now but they're happy tears for her. 

Happy re-birthday, dear Roz. 

Sue x

Trans+ History Week

 It's Trans+ History Week and trans people have had a very long history and will have a very long future, too. Trans deniers will do anything to overlook the fact that we have always existed but, try as you might to deny it, it's rather obvious that trans people have popped up everywhere, in every age, clime, culture and demographic. The trans conveyor keeps delivering. 

I have an especial interest in ancient and in early modern history and I have cited many examples of trans people, some from centuries ago, like Archduke Ludwig Viktor of Austria (1842-1919), or from millennia ago, like Roman Emperor Elagabalus (204-222), and even from legendary times. You can find many of these by clicking the History label from the list on the right.

 

Keep being fabulous.

Sue x

Worried about a trip to Britain

 I am going back to Britain the week after next, as I have done every six months since the pandemic ended, but I am very uneasy about it. The crass political situation there makes me sick and the anti-trans court ruling the other week makes me more determined than ever to remove my remaining personal belongings from there and complete settling in Italy. The same sort of sentiment regards my family whom I will be seeing but whose bigotry gets worse with time. The trouble is, any pensions I am due all come from Britain so I'll never be shot of the craziness and failure there, nor the loss in their value because of the low rate of the pound sterling they will be paid in. I was hoping to go out fully dressed when there but now I'm not feeling it. Not at present anyway. We'll see how I feel when I'm there. On the positive side, I will be seeing friends, too, including one who is having her surgery. I expect there will be some nice things to report back about my meetups.

[Add: I've just had a comment from Dee Williams, one of my very oldest trans friends whom I first met on my very first time out as Sue. Dee lives in South West England now and she's just started a blog, The Other Side of Life, which I have also added to my blogroll. She too is worried about some of the items I mentioned here.] 

You'll notice that I'm increasing my contact with other trans sisters in Europe and I've recently added Carla's blog (Pink Fog - Trans in Spain) to the list on the right. Carla is an English girl living in Spain. 

Other European TGirl blogs I recommend include Violetta's beautiful blog (Violetta Arden's World - this week she's walking in Austrian pastures) and Franzi's classy blog (Franziska Out and About) about crossdressing and culture in Germany.

I'd also like to mention a male friend in Portugal, also British originally, who's been a great trans ally and we've both supported each other in settling in Europe, but he has been struggling on and off with cancer for some years and I'm worried about him. Treatment works for a bit and he gets some respite and then it's back. I've lost so many friends to cancer these last four years that it's like the Grim Reaper has been flicking through my address book for ideas. 

And a shout out to poor trans woman Jen of travel vlog Jen on the Move who has suffered a stroke. I really hope she makes a good recovery.

I mention all these worrying things because my trans positivity resolutions at the moment include giving as much encouragement to other trans people as I can. If not in person, then online. There are so many trans people sharing their lives in one way or another on social media and with the attacks on our community at present I can't help feeling that even the smallest like or thumbs-up or share or encouraging comment can go a long way to helping each of us continue to live authentically and know that there's support out there.

The stats here on Blogger tell me quite clearly that my political posts are not as popular as posts about trans clubs, pretty clothes and girls meeting up so I will be getting back to the more popular themes of trans life. I have not been able to overlook the awful situation that the world is in this past month and its effects on our community as it makes me ill even to think about it. But something lighter hearted and more beautiful is needed and I'll be aiming to deliver that.

Pretty purple and pink chive flowers in my herb garden

 

Look after yourselves, dear sisters, and help one another.

Sue x

Lipsticks for lunch, and the 100-days interview

I was privileged to be given an exclusive interview with the president this week. 

(What do you mean, "which president?") 

The following transcript was found in a bathroom at the new official US presidential residence at Mar-a-Lunko, alongside state secrets.

HENCHMAN: Mr President, there's a Ms Richmond to see you.

47: Who?... Is she hot?

HENCHMAN: Well, if you asking if she looks like Ivanka, I guess not.

47: Oh. Well, that's sad. So sad. Richmond, huh? Is she rich? I'm rich.

HENCHMAN: I don't know, Sir. She wants to interview you. Apparently, you've just boosted their ratings or something.

47: Terrific. I do that. I'm a mutual aid kind of guy. Everybody says so. OK, send her in.

RICHMOND: Hello, Mr President. Thank you for your valuable time away from the golf course. I'm here to thank you for your genius policies.

47: I'm a very stable genius. Everybody says so.

RICHMOND: Well, simply put, and I'll keep it simple for you, Donald, just how you like it: not everyone likes your policies, and by everyone I mean everyone in the world, except your MAGA fans, of course.

47: Great guys, my MAGA fans. They're the majority. Huge majority. The polls say it. I'm a great believer in democracy and majority rule. The rest of the world are just a minority. That's logic. So people who don't like my po-li-cies are just nasty. Sad losers. So sad.

RICHMOND: Well, I'm a great believer in democracy, too. It's great when we can all agree with you.

47: Totally. All the great people agree with me. Like you do ... You're hot, by the way. Not a 10, but you can work on it.

RICHMOND: Why, thank you, Donald. Between you and me, confidentially, do you think I'd look better as a blonde? I hope you don't mind my asking but I hear you're experienced with women.

47: Totally. Women thank me for my advice. They all do. Blonde is hot. 

RICHMOND: That's great to know, from an expert like you. Your wife Melania isn't blonde, though, but she must be "hot", too, right?

47: Not as hot as Ivanka. 

RICHMOND: Well, it sounds like a pity that American law doesn't let you marry your own daughter. But I'm sure you can change that. A quick Executive Order, maybe?

47: Sure. I'm good at those. ...You'd look hotter if you were blonde. Oh, and lose the glasses. 

RICHMOND: Your advice is invaluable, Mr President. I'll bear it in mind. And another day I'll ask you about how to achieve great hair and makeup. Before I get down to the interview proper ... how can I put this? Do you, er, need a diaper change? It's kind of stuffy in here.

47: You want to change my diapers? Everybody does. 

RICHMOND: I'm sure you have many sycophants to do that for you, Mr President.

47: What's sick-o-pants? 

RICHMOND: Brown-nosers, Mr President.

47: Sure. I have those. Lots. Great guys. What did you want to tell me about my great presidency? That there's never been a greater presidency?

RICHMOND: There's certainly never been a presidency like it, Donald. I think the whole world agrees on that. You'll recall that Italy recently sent its prime minister, Ms Meloni, to see you. Did you like her? She's blonde and wears the latest fashions and her name translates into English as Miss Melons. And she said she wanted to work with you to make the West great again. What did you think of Miss Melons' call to greatness?

47: Well, she had great melons, I'll say that. Huge.

RICHMOND: *Sigh* It's the answer I predicted. 

47: I'm very predictable. Everybody says so.

RICHMOND: Sure you are. And your position hasn't changed for at least an hour, and we're all very impressed by that. But really I just wanted to come here and thank you. You see, when you and your friends, like Mr Putin and Mr Orban and Mr Kim - funny how they all seem to be guys - all punch down on vulnerable people, like - oh, I don't know - transgender people, say, then all the rest of the free world associates your transphobia with madness, incompetence, dictatorship, repression and randomness and starts to feel sympathy for and support those vulnerable people. So at the end of the day, when the psycopathy of Putin has finally exhausted Russia, as it seems to be doing, and the madness of the Kims has finally starved the people of North Korea, and the narcissism of Orban has finally ruined Hungary, and maybe you've finished wrecking US hegemony and our trust in it just to save your gigantic yet fragile ego from the penalties of due legal process, everyone else will associate state-sponsored transphobia with the all lunacy, failure, criminality and violence that emanates from you and your chums and be more inclined to protect trans people from what they know to be overarchingly wrong, from that chaos that has caused them significant economic, socio-political and military difficulties.

47: Too many big words. I don't use big words.

RICHMOND: I'm sorry, Donald. I mean, trans people may be suffering now, but we will be stronger and more protected when you and your friends are done. 

47: You are fake news!

RICHMOND: Thank you from Sue's News and Views. This is Sue Richmond reporting from the new US presidential residence at Mar-a-Lunko. ...And you really do need a diaper change now, Mr President.

 

This is Sue Richmond, your roving reporter, with the latest political news ...

 

Lipsticks for lunch, or: learn languages with Sue

There were various items to buy that I couldn't get locally so I headed to the nearest big town. By the time I'd done my shopping I was hungry and decided to stop and have lunch at a really nice restaurant which French day-trippers choose to eat at because, let's face it, the French know decent food. 

I chose rossetti. These are a tiny transparent species of goby that these days replace bianchetti, which are the fry (babies) of sardines and anchovies that it's currently illegal to catch as stocks are low. Bianchetti means "little white ones" and rossetti means "little red ones". Rossetti also means "lipsticks" in Italian, because they're also little and red, and let's just say that when you're a trans girl these things kind of buzz round your mind all the time, so how could I resist ordering them? 

Each no more than an inch long, and cooked in lemon vapour, they are very delicate and make an ideal starter. 

Or you can colour your lips with them. Hey, no judgment.

Sue x