Off on my travels

I'm off for a proper summer holiday, taking in the Lake District, Manchester and Nottingham where I hope to catch up with loads of different friends. My suitcase - just the one - is a perfect balance of functionality and fun, with enough versatility to ensure the girl-about-town can manage outdoor adventure and party time, too.

I'm pleased to say that i have lost nearly half a stone since rejoining Slimming World. I have emailed my holiday friends to ask them to support my weight loss programme and they said they would (before listing all the things they planned to eat and would prevent me from eating - my friends are like that! I really must think of getting some new ones!)

My eczema is not in a good state and I have been in regular consultation with the doctor. I am certainly worried that it might get too bad to cope with but I have planned things during my holiday so that I get regular respite from all the treatment that my face needs to appear reasonably feminine.

I hope the sun shines both on me and on you.

I'll post again when I'm back.

Sue x

Annual pub tour

Each year my friend Joanne Frost, a pub assistant manager, does a tour of ten interesting pubs in a different quarter of London. This year she'd selected Islington and, although I wasn't able to stay for more than four of them it was still a fun afternoon with a nice bunch of boys and girls who managed not to get drunk. The Narrow Boat by the Regent's Canal with it's light, the Island Queen, the only British pub of that name, the Earl of Essex with its beer garden and the Mucky Pup with its pool table and jukebox all show how different pubs can be but equally good for time out with friends. And the silly quiz was good as well as historical information along the way.

I couldn't do the whole tour as I have friends from Germany staying. I'm pleased to say that I now have two more friends who know all about my femme side and are supportive. It's a pity they couldn't come on the pub tour, too, but they had already made other plans.

In other news, I continue to attend my Slimming World group in the hope of losing weight. My face is still not great and I will be having another checkup with the doctor this weekand. Good news, though, is that I am having a holiday the week after next in the Lake District and Manchester. The trick is to pack all I need into just one suitcase!

Sue x

Early summer holiday

Early summer holiday… Well, more like a long weekend in the sun. But I managed it despite the state of my face. And I was glad I did as I haven’t actually had time away for eight months.

Last Thursday I was pleased to be able to meet up at long last with Amanda Parnell, the doyenne of musical TGirl videos, elegant photography and comedy double acts (like this: https://www.flickr.com/photos/amandaparnell/11426185183/). I’ve linked my blog to her Flickr pages before (http://suerichmond.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-hierarchy.html).

Amanda was doing one of her mystery city video tours so I met her in the mystery city – which I cannot disclose or it would cease to be mysterious – and we had lunch in the sunshine by the cathedral. I think it’s the first time I’ve eaten outside this year. We looked around the cathedral and even went up the long flights of stairs to the gallery, and then to the roof, and then by a narrow open metal stair right to the top. Do not attempt to negotiate openwork staircases if you are wearing high heels, are overweight, slightly vertiginous and have bad eyesight. It’s too late for me now, but save yourselves! Anyway the view from the top was glorious. In the churchyard I filmed Amanda’s mysterious mystery city talk and it’s already on Flickr. Can you guess where we were?

https://www.flickr.com/photos/amandaparnell/14049171268/

I think passers-by were curious as to why this lady in a pretty dress was feeding a wire up her frock, but it’s all part of the tourist experience!

We strolled gently through the town and I met Jolene for the first time and we all enjoyed a nice Italian dinner together.

On my way home a guy stared at me a few times which disconcerted me at first. But then he said, "I think it's great that you can be who you want to be," before disappearing into the crowd. That made me smile. A kind word to a stranger goes a long way.

The next day I went to Brighton to stay with my friend Stella and her wife, Helen. A number of girls had decided to visit Brighton that weekend so we met up with them in the evening at their hotel, Legends on the sea front. This is a gay hotel – very gay in fact! – and the reception desk seems to be the bar, or the bar is the reception desk … well, who cares. Cheers! In fact, the set-up reminds me of this Mitchell and Webb sketch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpy5Lnplt84

There’s a sequel to this sketch for aficionados.

Back to the action in Brighton. We had dinner in the pretty good Italian restaurant, La Capannina. Not cheap, but I have no complaints about the food or wine.

At La Capannina in Brighton with (l-r) Lucy, Susie, Rachel, Linda, Stella, me, Helen and Stevie

Back at the Leg Ends hotel we enjoyed a drink and the music before heading off home.

Now, I had been worried about the state of my face but on the Saturday I did manage to get fully ready before breakfast without too much pain and strife. Stella is a photographer and wants to do a series of photos of her visitors in this style of Princess Diana

Well, as she was something of a world fashion icon in my younger years, how could I resist? Despite my scarred face, the only photoshopping here was creating uniformity in the background. I like this image and I think it captures a twinkle that I do have in my eye and the smile that breaks out when I am fully femme. I like my hair like this, too. Thanks, Stella. And I look forward to taking my place in your rogue’s gallery in due course.

It was such beautiful weather and it was wonderful to be able to drive into Brighton to do some shopping with the hood of the car down. The Lanes with their jewellery shops, boutiques and makeup stores are always a delight. It was back to Leg Ends in the evening to meet the girls and head off to Il Bistro for dinner, a general Mediterranean restaurant. The food was OK on the whole, and another fun evening was spent by the group.

Don't blame me. These days it's the fashion to photograph your dinner and share it online.

The yellow haze on the sea’s horizon was extraordinary, and even more amazing was the huge copper-red moon that night. We tried photographing them but both phenomena are something you have to experience for real.

And Sunday? I had to give my face a rest for a bit. After three days of T-grade shaving, steroid creams, thick makeup applications and general overindulgence, I needed a few hours rest after waking. My hosts did do a double take at this stubbly character who turned up for breakfast. But I was determined to do the whole holiday as attractively as possible and by lunchtime I was ready to go. Lovely Linda joined us and we drove over the downs, passing a rally of hundreds of minis old and new on their way to Brighton (that’s mini cars, not mini skirts – though the latter would have been a delight, too!) We had lunch in a hidden-away pub on the edge of Lewes, the Snowdrop, a classic old English tavern which does fantastic Sunday lunches and has a wide variety of English and continental beers. My roast lamb was tasty and accompanied by a Yorkshire pudding and just about every vegetable you could think of! A delight.

Ignore the fat lump in the foreground. This pic is to show you the pretty decoration of the Snowdrop at Lewes.

The afternoon was beautiful and so, on our return, we just sunned ourselves in the garden before I caught the train back home.

What a great weekend, my first little holiday of the year – and a much needed one – and I managed to survive the depredations of the skin lurgy. Many thanks to Amanda and Jolene on Thursday, to Rachel, Helen, Linda, Lucy, Stevie and Susie at the weekend, and above all to Stella and Helen for their perfect hospitality, and for the professional photos.

It’s given me a lot of confidence to enjoy my proper summer holiday in June when I go to the Lake District and then Manchester, followed, I hope, by a return trip to the Nottingham Invasion: a whole week of summer touring and fresh air and girly nights out. And then Sparkle followed, I hope, by another trip to a different part of the South Coast in August. I am even hoping to go to Berlin en femme in the autumn, my first foreign trip as a woman. But let’s not get too carried away! There’s work to do and health to sort first!

Many thanks for your good wishes regarding my health. I think they have been working.

Sue

Health and happiness

I am sick of being fat. I know why it is – a sedentary job and too much good food and drink away from home. So I rejoined Slimming World a month ago and I hope that the encouragement of the group will help me shed some pounds. I have a couple of very smart skirts that I would like to be able to get back into and I’m pleased to say that I’m heading in the right direction already.

I have also been sticking religiously to my doctor’s suggested skin treatment regime for nearly two weeks. And in the last 48 hours, finally, I have noticed and improvement to my face. Fingers crossed I can get it to a manageable state. I do know that I am stuck with it for a while, though. Past experience suggests 2-3 years. However, as long as I can continue my life as a girl about town I guess I will just put up with it.

And to prove that I wasn’t going to let this stop me, I spent four days on holiday last week, meeting up with Amanda Parnell on one of her mystery city tours and then with many girls who had descended on Brighton for the weekend. More details in a later post. It wasn’t easy and my face was very sore and troublesome but I am glad I didn’t opt out. It means that a trip to Lancashire and the Lake District next month and Sparkle in July should be doable after all.

Sue x

Keep Fem and Carry On

My face is in a right state so I finally went to the doctor today. I had been reluctant to do so as in the past no amount of doctoring has ever done me any good in respect of eczema. Mild herbal remedies available from health food shops usually prove to be best. I imagined that 25 and more years after I last went to see a skin specialist there would have been amazing breakthroughs in medical science and some wondrous new cure. Instead, my prescription is exactly the same as the one I was given in my late teens … only the packaging is prettier.

Ideally, I ought to let this thing sort itself out by leaving my face strictly alone. But I cannot bear the idea of locking myself away or becoming a Conchita Wurst clone. So I have decided to carry on with a stiff upper lip (however blotchy). This week I’ve planned to meet up with Amanda Parnell who is coming to London at last, and then spend the weekend in Brighton. I need a little holiday as I have had no time away for 8 months (one night at Pink Punters doesn’t count). And in June I've booked to go to the Lake District and a night out in Manchester.

I will simply be taking great care with my face, using the mild steroid and face wash prescribed, and also using Neways 2nd chance shampoo (amazing cleansing power but no harsh chemicals) and taking an antihistamine to reduce inflammation (Sue’s top tip: I always take one of these when going out fully en femme anyway as it greatly reduces the risk of a runny nose or itches ruining my make-up). Let’s see how I go, and hoping it will be tolerable.

Here are some favourite photos from last week’s night out in Brick Lane. I hope to have plenty more from St Paul’s and Brighton. Wish me luck.

Sue x

The visitor in the blue dress wanted to be snapped with the lovely London ladies what we is. So she got to pose with Helen, Rachel B, Rachel C, Kay, Pippa, Irene, Rebecca and me (distracted by the traffic). Pippa's photo.

Kinkao Thai restaurant with Rachel B, Steph, Pippa, Rachel C, Helen, Denise, Kay, me, Susan, Rebecca, Irene. Susan's photo

Floral is in. Mick and Bob look on admiringly. Susan's photo.

Bad face

Sometimes it seems that life kicks you in the face. Pretty literally almost. I have the most appalling bout of eczema on my face.

I’ve suffered from eczema all my life, not as badly as some poor people, but it’s been rare for me to have no patches of this unsightly, painful and itchy skin condition. It will usually flare up somewhere over a period of 48 hours and then stay settled in that spot for a couple of years before vanishing as fast as it came. I then get a few days relief before it reappears elsewhere. It’s usually just a small patch, maybe an inch big, or several smaller blotches. The worst bout I ever had was in my very early 20s when it attacked my face and hands and was incredibly painful. Deep fissures appeared in the flesh of my fingers and shaving was destructive as it took my skin off. That was anguishing and no amount of time spent with skin specialists at the London Skin Hospital and St Thomas’s Hospital, trying every remedy known to medical science, had any real effect. In the end, after three years and much treatment, the specialist suggested that maybe I should stop shaving. So I grew a beard and that provided relief until the problem went away of its own accord. I was at that time trying to rid myself of this crazy trans thing anyway so I thought being a beardy bloke would help. It didn’t, of course, and beards weren’t much in fashion either, so I was glad when I could get rid of it. Since then I’ve tried just about every alternative kind of remedy too, vitamins, herbs, homeopathy, Chinese. Not much better, but a few things do help, notably chickweed.

Well, now that it’s been back on my face, red and painful and flaky and itchy, for two weeks I am beginning to despair. I know more now about possible causes and remedies and am doing everything I can to reduce and soothe it, but I am losing hope as I know how this thing operates and being settled for a fortnight already is not a good sign. You can imagine, after successfully getting out in public as a woman at long last, how I feel now about the possibility of growing a beard again for two years. I feel sick, actually.

I managed to go out as planned last week to go shopping with a friend and went out the other night with the Brick Lane gang. These were one off events and my condition was covered by thick makeup. But I daren’t shave my face every day at the moment so I am either confined indoors or have to do everything in stubbly male mode and whilst I’m now less bothered by male mode than I was a couple of years ago, it’s definitely not what I want. I was planning to spend a long weekend in Brighton next week but I’m not sure that’s viable. As for the four nights I have booked at Sparkle 2014, it looks like that’s all in jeopardy.

I don’t know what the cause is. Nobody quite does and there are many suspected, different causes. Stress, contact with certain things, an outward manifestation of inner illness (heart, bowel) … I am becoming more certain that my own eczema is largely linked to dust and things like mould or certain chemicals. I don’t use perfumed soaps, oils or chemical-filled products for cleaning myself or my laundry. I know that contact with mould can set it off as well as harsh chemicals such as white spirit, turpentine, motor oils, etc. The worst bouts I have had were when at school, college and in office jobs. In fact, when I stopped working in an office it largely cleared up after 40 years in that kind of dusty, enclosed educational/employment environment. I am keeping my face and head as clean as I can with pure shampoos and soaps and the one thing that seems to provide relief is chickweed salve. The one I got from my health food shop three days ago is already improving the itching and blotchiness. If you want to know what it feels like, try burning yourself and add itching powder to the burn. But don’t scratch. The relief from scratching is only immediate and damages your skin so you are worse off when you have finished, and you’ll still feel itchy. It can keep you awake at night. Because it looks unsightly, friends who usually kiss me goodbye have declined to do so this week. They won’t catch anything, but it’s offputting. I don’t blame them but I can’t help feeling sad at losing this sign of affection.

I cannot describe the distress I feel at the moment. After all this effort to get out, come out to friends, and generally make way in the world as a TGirl, to be thwarted like this is agonising. I’m grateful to so very many friends who have been supportive but I’m going to have to decide soon what course I’m going to have to take. I wouldn’t put this post up if I wasn’t now genuinely worried.

Please hope for the best for me.

Sue x

UPDATE 11 May 2014: Well, now that Conchita Wurst has won last night's Eurovision song contest there might very well be a surge in acceptance of bearded crossdressers, so I could be all right! (And what an incredible coincidence that she popped up on the day I wrote this page.)

When I am in need of hope I buy a little plant and nurture it. A tiny money plant that I bought when I first moved to my current home was to hope that it would be a good home for me. Well, I have lived here for 18 years now and my plant's offshoots are now propagated in pots all over the house. When I was made redundant and thought of going self-employed I got a tiny spider plant and it seems happy and my work is going very well. So yesterday I got a weird-looking thing that the stallholder said was related to lilies but I've never seen before and I intend to nurture it in the hope that my nasty face thing will go away. I'm not superstitious but I think that seeing these little planties helps focus my mind on what it is I'm needing to happen. So meet Bethany, the Weird Lily Kind of Planty Thing:

Help me get better, darling. There can't be room for more than one odd-looking thing here, and that's you.

Sue x

Easter holidays

My good friend Joanne came to stay over easter and we had a great break. I’ve been really busy with work and her own work has not stopped ever since we last met, which was for the TGirl bar last autumn. It was nice to have her back to stay.

She came on Good Friday and we met an old male friend of mine for dinner at the excellent Chimes English restaurant in Pimlico and then went to the West End for coffee. The bustle of London on a Friday night is always fun just in itself. 

The next day we met up with Rachel and Irene for lunch at Bistro 1 in Frith St, a venue we haven’t been to for quite a while. Excellent value, as ever.

Covent Garden was heaving with people, even busier than ever and this time I thought we would probably do better getting out of the crowds. We jumped on an old Routemaster bus to the Tower of London just for fun but I was disappointed that they’ve changed some of the details from when I used to catch one every day to go to school – yellow has given way to cream on the interior ceilings and there’s now fluorescent lighting rather than the old bulbs, and you can’t wind the windows down using those exciting twiddly knobs. We then got on a new Routemaster just to see what they are like – quite spacious in fact. But it did break down in the Strand!

The fountains are on in Somerset House courtyard so it will be nice to go there in the summer.

Joanne and I then had a cocktail in Christopher’s American bar and dinner at Boulevard French restaurant, both in Wellington Street. These are enjoyable and popular venues.

Sadly, Joanne had to go home on Easter Sunday and I had to get on with more work and stuff but I hope to see her again soon and hope she makes it to Sparkle. It was good to have a proper weekend break, though.

Sue x

Toilet trouble

As an appendix to the last post, I thought I would add an incident that happened whilst out with the Walkeys last summer. I went to powder my nose – as the saying is – in the Chinese restaurant and when I came out of the little powder room a man was at the basin washing his hands. I didn’t think anything of it at first till he came out with “You’re the ugliest bloody woman I’ve ever seen”. “Thank you,” I said in reply to his silver-tongued charm. “Sure you’re a woman? Sure you should be in here?” I looked around and just to confirm to myself that I was in the ladies. His abuse continued so I dried my hands as best I could despite his shoving me and left. Of course, he followed me down the stairs shouting abuse. “Givsa kiss, ya bitch,” he sneered before finally clearing off into the night.

So not only was he not eating in the restaurant, he had evidently just popped in off the street to use the toilets, had selected the ladies not the gents, and decided to make an issue of that.

Not a scenario I’ve heard any other TGirl experience. This man was evidently innately antisocial and abusive (rather than specifically transphobic) and I imagine he would have been happy to abuse anyone given half a chance. I have needed to use ladies’ toilets all over the place – in shops, trains, pubs, restaurants, museums – and have never had a speck of trouble or bad comment at all. I think this was unique and although I was upset at the misfortune of happening to meet this beast at the wrong moment, it hasn’t put me off.

There is one thing guaranteed to get TGirls enraged and that is discussions of the law on the use of toilets. Nobody seems to know the exact answer on whether a venue may bar you from using the ladies (or the gents) at their discretion. The law is likely a grey area but the most intelligent interpretation I have seen from a TGirl with legal background is that matter is essentially one of convention, that there is actually nothing to debar anyone using any loo they choose, but that toilets in private establishments such as clubs may be selective on access, as they are on entry into the venue in the first place. The law on causing a nuisance is clearer, so how you use is more clear-cut than where. Nevertheless, Mr Abusive in my scenario was out of order despite now please washing his hands. Occasionally I have heard of TGirls being abused for just going for a pee, but I can say this is rare. In understand that in many other countries the public loos have no gender distinction and are free for all. Britain still has a rather antiquated view that ladies and gentlemen should be separated and our toilets still carry the quaint labels accordingly, but in some venues this is now relaxing, probably for the better.

Sue x

Looking ahead to summer

This is one of these posts where I say to girls: look, if you want to get out in public and be treated nicely as a woman, here are some ideas for places to go, things to see and do and stuff to consume!

I mentioned last year that when the weather got autumnal I’d look back to the sunny summer and describe a few days with my friend Emma Walkey and her wife. But there has been a delay and now it’s appropriate to post this reminiscence from 2013 as we look ahead to another summer.

Normally Emma joins me for a few days in July before we head up to Sparkle but work prevented her from doing that this year. But she and Mrs Emma came to London in August instead and we had a few days visiting the city.

They stayed at the Tower Bridge Hotel, which was where the first TGirl London lunch I ever went to was held back in the snowy winter of 2010. This time we had lunch at St Katharine’s Dock near the bridge. And it was from their room that I saw a sight I have never seen before despite having been resident in this city all my life, and that was Tower Bridge opening. What’s more, it opened twice within an hour! Like London buses, you wait a lifetime and then two come along at once!

That evening we went to see We Will Rock You, the long-running musical based on the music of Queen. Written by comedian Ben Elton, this show is brilliant – hilarious and exhilarating with remarkable stagecraft. I’ve seen it before but it was good to see it again. It’s been running for 12 years but they will be closing at the end of May 2014 so get your tickets now.

By the statue of Freddie Mercury

The following day I met them at Embankment tube station and we had morning coffee at the pleasant café in the leafy Embankment Gardens looking over to the statue of the camel, one of the very few animal statues in London. We took the tube to Warwick Avenue (made famous in a hit song by Duffy – what happened to her, incidentally?)

and had a juice at the barge café at Little Venice 

while waiting for the water bus that took us along the Regents Canal to Camden Lock. The Camden markets are a delight and go on for ever. You could easily spend all day there and we pretty much did! Lunch at the Cuban bar there restored us before we plunged into more stalls.

Emma needed reviving after all that browsing so we dropped into the Elephant’s Head pub in Camden High Road which is a decent, popular pub that often has classic rock and roll playing. We were intrigued by the complex takes on classic cocktails. Bloody Mary with Worcester, Tabasco and horseradish sauces? Is this true? Only one way to find out.

And so we went back to the centre and had dinner in the London Chinatown restaurant precisely in Chinatown. I always find it decent and good value. On the way home I introduced my visitors to De Hems, a Dutch hostelry that still stands within Chinatown when it used to be more of a Dutch and French quarter (indeed the Chinese restaurant still has Hotel de Boulogne written in mosaic on the threshold).

And on their final day I met them in Greenwich. Emma’s been going on at me for some time to go to see the newly restored Cutty Sark but we didn’t go the previous year as the area was getting ready for the Olympics and would have been chaos. A stroll through Greenwich Market, always a pleasure with its unusual craft stalls, and then on to the ship itself which is pretty much as I remember it as a child but with more interactive displays within. Harr harr, me hearties!

And back to St Katharine’s Dock where we had dinner overlooking the marina with its pleasure cruisers and sailing boats. I’m pretty sure my friends had a lot of fun, and I know I did.

Sue x

Where'd she go?

Hello little blog. I disappeared for a bit, sorry. Work was unexpectedly mad and I've just been desperate to catch up with some sleep, so I haven't been online much. A quieter weekend now and then next weekend is easter when I'm hoping a TGirlfriend will be coming to stay. I could do with a proper break.

Must tell you about my fabby new boots and shoes, and about the novel I'm reading from the pen of my pal Roz White. There's also a post from last summer that I have neglected to put up till now. I'm also going to complete a post about the religion of my younger years and how it affected growing up trans. I started that last year but I got distressed about it and abandoned it, but I do think the matter needs airing.

Sue x