Easter holidays

My good friend Joanne came to stay over easter and we had a great break. I’ve been really busy with work and her own work has not stopped ever since we last met, which was for the TGirl bar last autumn. It was nice to have her back to stay.

She came on Good Friday and we met an old male friend of mine for dinner at the excellent Chimes English restaurant in Pimlico and then went to the West End for coffee. The bustle of London on a Friday night is always fun just in itself. 

The next day we met up with Rachel and Irene for lunch at Bistro 1 in Frith St, a venue we haven’t been to for quite a while. Excellent value, as ever.

Covent Garden was heaving with people, even busier than ever and this time I thought we would probably do better getting out of the crowds. We jumped on an old Routemaster bus to the Tower of London just for fun but I was disappointed that they’ve changed some of the details from when I used to catch one every day to go to school – yellow has given way to cream on the interior ceilings and there’s now fluorescent lighting rather than the old bulbs, and you can’t wind the windows down using those exciting twiddly knobs. We then got on a new Routemaster just to see what they are like – quite spacious in fact. But it did break down in the Strand!

The fountains are on in Somerset House courtyard so it will be nice to go there in the summer.

Joanne and I then had a cocktail in Christopher’s American bar and dinner at Boulevard French restaurant, both in Wellington Street. These are enjoyable and popular venues.

Sadly, Joanne had to go home on Easter Sunday and I had to get on with more work and stuff but I hope to see her again soon and hope she makes it to Sparkle. It was good to have a proper weekend break, though.

Sue x

Toilet trouble

As an appendix to the last post, I thought I would add an incident that happened whilst out with the Walkeys last summer. I went to powder my nose – as the saying is – in the Chinese restaurant and when I came out of the little powder room a man was at the basin washing his hands. I didn’t think anything of it at first till he came out with “You’re the ugliest bloody woman I’ve ever seen”. “Thank you,” I said in reply to his silver-tongued charm. “Sure you’re a woman? Sure you should be in here?” I looked around and just to confirm to myself that I was in the ladies. His abuse continued so I dried my hands as best I could despite his shoving me and left. Of course, he followed me down the stairs shouting abuse. “Givsa kiss, ya bitch,” he sneered before finally clearing off into the night.

So not only was he not eating in the restaurant, he had evidently just popped in off the street to use the toilets, had selected the ladies not the gents, and decided to make an issue of that.

Not a scenario I’ve heard any other TGirl experience. This man was evidently innately antisocial and abusive (rather than specifically transphobic) and I imagine he would have been happy to abuse anyone given half a chance. I have needed to use ladies’ toilets all over the place – in shops, trains, pubs, restaurants, museums – and have never had a speck of trouble or bad comment at all. I think this was unique and although I was upset at the misfortune of happening to meet this beast at the wrong moment, it hasn’t put me off.

There is one thing guaranteed to get TGirls enraged and that is discussions of the law on the use of toilets. Nobody seems to know the exact answer on whether a venue may bar you from using the ladies (or the gents) at their discretion. The law is likely a grey area but the most intelligent interpretation I have seen from a TGirl with legal background is that matter is essentially one of convention, that there is actually nothing to debar anyone using any loo they choose, but that toilets in private establishments such as clubs may be selective on access, as they are on entry into the venue in the first place. The law on causing a nuisance is clearer, so how you use is more clear-cut than where. Nevertheless, Mr Abusive in my scenario was out of order despite now please washing his hands. Occasionally I have heard of TGirls being abused for just going for a pee, but I can say this is rare. In understand that in many other countries the public loos have no gender distinction and are free for all. Britain still has a rather antiquated view that ladies and gentlemen should be separated and our toilets still carry the quaint labels accordingly, but in some venues this is now relaxing, probably for the better.

Sue x

Looking ahead to summer

This is one of these posts where I say to girls: look, if you want to get out in public and be treated nicely as a woman, here are some ideas for places to go, things to see and do and stuff to consume!

I mentioned last year that when the weather got autumnal I’d look back to the sunny summer and describe a few days with my friend Emma Walkey and her wife. But there has been a delay and now it’s appropriate to post this reminiscence from 2013 as we look ahead to another summer.

Normally Emma joins me for a few days in July before we head up to Sparkle but work prevented her from doing that this year. But she and Mrs Emma came to London in August instead and we had a few days visiting the city.

They stayed at the Tower Bridge Hotel, which was where the first TGirl London lunch I ever went to was held back in the snowy winter of 2010. This time we had lunch at St Katharine’s Dock near the bridge. And it was from their room that I saw a sight I have never seen before despite having been resident in this city all my life, and that was Tower Bridge opening. What’s more, it opened twice within an hour! Like London buses, you wait a lifetime and then two come along at once!

That evening we went to see We Will Rock You, the long-running musical based on the music of Queen. Written by comedian Ben Elton, this show is brilliant – hilarious and exhilarating with remarkable stagecraft. I’ve seen it before but it was good to see it again. It’s been running for 12 years but they will be closing at the end of May 2014 so get your tickets now.

By the statue of Freddie Mercury

The following day I met them at Embankment tube station and we had morning coffee at the pleasant café in the leafy Embankment Gardens looking over to the statue of the camel, one of the very few animal statues in London. We took the tube to Warwick Avenue (made famous in a hit song by Duffy – what happened to her, incidentally?)

and had a juice at the barge café at Little Venice 

while waiting for the water bus that took us along the Regents Canal to Camden Lock. The Camden markets are a delight and go on for ever. You could easily spend all day there and we pretty much did! Lunch at the Cuban bar there restored us before we plunged into more stalls.

Emma needed reviving after all that browsing so we dropped into the Elephant’s Head pub in Camden High Road which is a decent, popular pub that often has classic rock and roll playing. We were intrigued by the complex takes on classic cocktails. Bloody Mary with Worcester, Tabasco and horseradish sauces? Is this true? Only one way to find out.

And so we went back to the centre and had dinner in the London Chinatown restaurant precisely in Chinatown. I always find it decent and good value. On the way home I introduced my visitors to De Hems, a Dutch hostelry that still stands within Chinatown when it used to be more of a Dutch and French quarter (indeed the Chinese restaurant still has Hotel de Boulogne written in mosaic on the threshold).

And on their final day I met them in Greenwich. Emma’s been going on at me for some time to go to see the newly restored Cutty Sark but we didn’t go the previous year as the area was getting ready for the Olympics and would have been chaos. A stroll through Greenwich Market, always a pleasure with its unusual craft stalls, and then on to the ship itself which is pretty much as I remember it as a child but with more interactive displays within. Harr harr, me hearties!

And back to St Katharine’s Dock where we had dinner overlooking the marina with its pleasure cruisers and sailing boats. I’m pretty sure my friends had a lot of fun, and I know I did.

Sue x

Where'd she go?

Hello little blog. I disappeared for a bit, sorry. Work was unexpectedly mad and I've just been desperate to catch up with some sleep, so I haven't been online much. A quieter weekend now and then next weekend is easter when I'm hoping a TGirlfriend will be coming to stay. I could do with a proper break.

Must tell you about my fabby new boots and shoes, and about the novel I'm reading from the pen of my pal Roz White. There's also a post from last summer that I have neglected to put up till now. I'm also going to complete a post about the religion of my younger years and how it affected growing up trans. I started that last year but I got distressed about it and abandoned it, but I do think the matter needs airing.

Sue x

Two days of what I do best!

My friend Wilhelmina from Hungary was visiting London this weekend and so I arranged lunch for her and various other friends. She is a significant person in my life because she was there on the night I first went out as a girl. But as luck would have it, Rachel Cole was organising one of her gatherings in Brick Lane as well. Only one thing for it: take two days off and go out and have fun.

Last Friday, then, I met a friend for lunch at Bistro One in Southampton Street. I never cease to be amazed how one can have a three-course lunch, drink, basket of bread and butter, olives, coffee and swift service all for fifteen pounds a head. 

I needed new shoes as my old pairs of shoes and boots are all looking tired. And I had a great time, gaining some new ballet flats, lovely soft wedge shoes, stout ankle boots and the most gorgeous versatile pair of tan boots ever. And a new handbag, too. All will be revealed in another post but Tomcat Leather in Neal Street was a discovery and a revelation. Thanks to Dina at Tomcat for being a fabulous assistant.

So then it was off to Brick Lane with my purchases to join the girls at Verge bar for a pre-dinner drink.

Verge Bar with Joanne in blue, Irene in red, Rachel C in purple, Pippa in red, Rachel B in black and Stella in black with floral tights, with Kay taking the pic. Pippa's photo.

This time we didn’t eat at City Spice. Each restaurant has its curry touts all fighting for business. Eleven TGirls means a lot of business and Rachel is good at playing the touts off against each other. The boys from Sheba won the contest, which was amusing to watch, and the manager of City Spice was most put out by our lack of loyalty. But one needs to try something new once in a while. Free wine for all was the price of our defection, and maybe some money off.

http://www.shebabricklane.com/

My Sulemani chicken (with mango) and coconut rice were delicate and tasty, but not quite as tangy as at City Spice. No complaints, though, and the wine was drinkable (and free!). Fantastic to meet the very smart and pretty (Just) Helen and Rachel Bull, a real natural, both for the first time, as well as regular friends Pippa, Irene, Linda, Stella, Kay, Susan, and Joanne Tran who was visiting all the way from Gloucestershire, and Rachel our hostess of course, who gets more beautiful and elegant every time I see her. We TGirls do improve with time, and I have to say that if you want smart, outgoing, fun and friendly girls, the Brick Lane set is where you'll find them. There really is nothing like having a giggle over a good dinner with other TGirls, we all agree.

Queens of Sheba with (l-r) flustered waiter, Pippa, Rachel B, Rachel C talking to Linda, Helen, Kay with hat, me and Joanne. Susan and Irene and Stella are out of shot. Kay's pic.

All this added to a very successful day’s shopping made the day perfect.

Saturday dawned bright and I had booked a table at our old favourite Salieri on the Strand. Another good turnout, with nine girls sitting down to a good leisurely lunch. Sammi and his staff are always welcoming and enthusiastic about having us. It was lovely to see Wilhelmina again. And nice to see Petra whom I hadn’t seen for about a year, since KD came to visit. Rachel Bull from last night joined us and it’s good to get to know her – she’s planted a thought in my head that all this foreign dining is not really what a proper London girls should be into but we need something more local and traditional like jellied eels, pie and mash and liquor … It’s a fair point. Maybe we’ll go to the pie and mash shop in Greenwich and there’s plenty to do there afterwards. Good also to see stalwarts Irene - the most reliable girl on the circuit - and Helena and Kimberley again, all London’s top ladies who lunch, and be joined by Linda and Pippa, too (who then went on to bring a touch of glamour to that dull institution, the Victoria and Albert Museum!)

At Salieri with Linda, Wilhemina, me, Petra, Helena, Irene (hidden), Rachel, Kimberley. Pippa joined us later.

We went our various ways after lunch, myself on a quest to Mac and Boots for makeup essentials and enjoyed browsing the boutiques off Long Acre. I must have some quality Duo boots made for me as my other knee-length boots are wearing out. I finally settled in a snug corner of the cosy Pillars of Hercules pub and enjoyed a quiet glass of wine with a book (more on the book in another post) before heading home. What a great two days. There really is nothing like shopping for beautiful shoes and eating vast meals out with your friends!

Despite that last statement. I have, in fact, lost four pounds off the tum this week. So it’s all good. And despite Sammi giving me a double-sized tiramisu afterwards as he always does. 

My pudding. To give you an idea of scale, the plate could hold a 12-inch pizza. Well, it could if it wasn't already bearing up a vast dollop of home-made tiramisu. 

Sue x

Fallen Angels

For some years, as I was getting out and about as a girl, I visited the UK Angels website virtually every day. Then, a year ago, I stopped and many people have been asking me why.

http://theangels.co.uk/

It’s simply because I was fed up with the trolling and bullying.

Now, let’s face it, all sites have trolls, and that’s just one of the consequences of an open and democratic internet. But it’s what you do about the trolls that counts. The day when I felt I had to send yet another consoling message to a long term member because, yet again, one of the regular abusers had been abusive to her, that I realised Angels was a waste of space. And the majority of my friends who have also stopped visiting the site have said that they did so for similar reasons.

There are various national trans sites in the UK. TVChix is probably the biggest but I didn’t really rate it early on as it is pretty sleazy, although it has grown on me since; Roses is another large national site and was often argumentative but has now become better, especially since they chucked out some of their more obnoxious members, some of whom have now become fixtures on UK Angels. There are other smaller sites and, of course, social media like Facebook or sharing sites like Flickr have all sorts of groups. So if you are looking for support and advice in your trans life I suggest you follow any one of those. Angels has had the same half dozen well-established bullies in the five years I’ve been there and it seems unlikely to change. I’ve said this before, but some in the trans community – a minute but extremely vocal number of people – appoint themselves as leaders and representatives without a by-your-leave and proceed to dictate terms and sneer at anyone not exactly like them. An exceptionally nasty lot they are, too, since in most other contexts, such as work and school, there are rules and curbs on excess; the loose, unstructured context in which we lead our very varied trans lives leaves the field open for the unconscionable and the sociopathic to operate freely. I’ve been providing workplace bullying advice in various contexts for some years and I will maintain that there’s no reason and no excuse for bullying, be it at school, in the workplace, in the family, or online.

Many of us who used to be regulars there now think Angels is unpleasant so, sadly, I can’t recommend the site any more. It’s a pity as a couple of years ago and more I would have done and Jo Angel, the boss, is certainly to be commended for selflessly running an open site for trans people (well, for male to female anyway). I generally try to be positive about trans life but, frankly, I’d now say to anyone: join Angels only if you are heading for transition, and/or have extreme left-wing views, and/or hate your doctor, and/or don’t mind being sneered at and dictated to by the fixed trolls. But if, as one friend of mine puts it, you’ve found equilibrium in your life as a trans person, then do something better with your time.

I think the point was hit home to me last summer. After a couple of years spent organising lunches in Angels’ name, where I had to take time to ensure that rivals didn’t sit near each other and come to blows, and took a lot of abuse from various charmers who would attend, I organised lunch at Sparkle 2013 in my own name only. And I had just as many people attend from among my own friends as I ever had under Angels, but without any of the aggro.

So, there you have it, a potentially great resource spoilt by the inconsistency of policy over trolls and by the nastiness of a half-dozen extremist bullies which it would be so easy to deal with. I hope Jo will change her approach and get some neutral moderators, but I always feel that anyone is free to run their own site as they wish. At present, though, the consequence is that she loses most of her support. People do vote with their feet.

So sorry, girls, but I can’t support these folks any more until the behaviour there is more humane.

Sue x

PS Weight has risen and then fallen since last time, with overall no change. C'mon, girl, get a grip! 

Blog: new and improved!

I'm not much of a techie but I have managed to add a search facility to this blog. Just the date list of posts, which are all quite random, is not that helpful on its own.

More importantly, and fairly, I have added the list of the other blogs I regularly follow. This is, after all, a network. I would have done it a while back only my skills with technology are rubbish and I had taken me ages to find the facility. (To save you asking, I can't fix a car either.) But it means readers can link more easily with stuff.

I'm hoping to start adding pages dedicated to good places in London to eat and drink, as many people have asked me.

Any comments on other aspects of this blog are welcome.

Sue x

Revival of activity

Hello little blog, I know Mummy has neglected you recently because she has been busy and she is very sorry …

OK, enough of the silly talk! I have indeed been busy but, truthfully, I could never have imagined how successful things would have turned out with work. I’m now fully self-employed but have made so much more of things that I even did as an employee. I’m stunned, really, as well as thrilled that my order book is exploding! What’s more, as the floodwaters rise in England and everything gets blown about in the gales, I am happy to be snug and warm at home and not commuting to work any more. I’m planning a whole new wardrobe to celebrate!

But you don’t want to hear dull stuff about work. I did manage to get out one evening a couple of weeks ago and join three friends in Soho. We had a very pleasant Indian meal and the chef was so taken with us (well, we are gorgeous and elegant!) that he insisted on giving us free puddings. I like that kind of place.

Out on the town one windy Wednesday. Pippa's photo.

And yesterday I managed to meet up with four more girls, again in Soho, for Sunday lunch at Cappucetto. This is a particularly good Italian restaurant and I think we were all pleased with the food and the polite service.

Well fed at Cappuccetto.

Stella and I went for a stroll in Covent Garden and there, outside the Moomin Shop was my childhood hero, Moomintroll. So dashing! I couldn’t resist a cuddle.

Me and my hero.

It looks like I’m reviving my regular weekend lunches in London, maybe once a month.

As for the tum, well, strangely, it’s still there, big and wobbly. Maybe big lunches aren’t helping to reduce it? It’s a mystery!

Sue x

Dallas Buyers Club

I saw the film "Dallas Buyers Club" last night and I have to add my own positive review to those of the official critics. It is very good - not brilliant, but well above average - and very positive despite its tragic situation. The lead actors' performances are second to none. I don't want to write at length as I'd prefer merely to draw your attention to it.

My curiosity to see the film was aroused by the prominence of a transgender character, Rayon, played by Jared Leto, but the fact that Rayon is trans is really neither here nor there as far as the plot goes. The film stands on its own merits.

Set in the late '80s, a straight guy is told he is dying of AIDS and sets about getting various products which are not approved by the FDA into the USA, much to the annoyance of the authorities and the hospital trialling a drug. It's much more in-depth and subtle than that, of course, but I don't want to spoil it. There's a human warmth to it and a few giggles but what carries it is the outstanding acting by the scarily thin Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto. The handheld camera and the closeups add well to the sense of sickliness and character motivation.

Go see.

Sue x

PS Talking of scarily thin, that's not happening yet! No change in weight since last time. Boo!

It's back with a vengeance

I’ve said before that the femme force in your typical TGirl ebbs and flows. For the last couple of months I’ve just been concentrating on the stuff of everyday life and barely been out until ten days ago I suddenly decided that I was tired of feeling cooped up indoors and had to stretch my legs, especially if they had a high heel on each foot. So I took the weekend off and had a much more successful shopping trip in Oxford Street than I had had for the sales a few weeks ago. Tranny purists will be shocked that I bought leggings and jeans rather than frilly frocks, but I have always preferred a contemporary smart casual look to overly feminine stuff on the whole. I like to blend in. I was just happy browsing the shops and trying stuff on and being “Madamed”. I was out of practice on the makeup front, though – I didn’t get out of the house till nearly three in the afternoon. I dress every day but don’t usually bother with full, careful makeup and stuff as who’s going to see me? The purists will faint at this point. But so what, I live this thing my way and, let’s face it, it’s the attitude most women have when alone indoors. Since the last time I put my face on fully was in early December for Pink Punters it took a while to remember what to do!

That Sunday I met friends for lunch. The weather here in Southern England has been the wettest and windiest on record and the area round me is sodden and flooded, the rivers are swollen and angry. I wouldn’t have believed the usual “trees on the line” British railway excuse for delayed trains had I not seen it for myself!

Trouble on the branch line

Anyway, I got to London and enjoyed Sunday lunch at the Cambridge pub in the West End with my friends Ange and Irene and it was good to have a chance to natter and catch up. A bit of shopping in Charles Fox for makeup but it has got so expensive there that I am going to have to think of some alternatives now. And then I met up with Joanne, our waitress at the Cambridge, after she had finished work. We enjoyed a drink at the Pillars of Hercules pub, which I have never managed to get into before as it’s always packed with office workers during the week. And then dinner at our favourite Italian, Melanie’s.

It’s good to have a proper weekend doing something different.

Yesterday I decided to drop the needs of work and go out to Brick Lane, where I haven’t managed to get to for months. There’s a newish Thai restaurant there, Kinkao, which is lovely: our waitress was very sweet, the food was excellent and we had a great time having a chat. The brilliant Rachel Cole is our organiser lady in that part of the world and I was glad to see Kay Stevens again, whom I hadn’t seen since Sparkle, Susan Matthews of the TGirl bar, Irene of course, Linda looking amazing with her own hair done beautifully, and Helen Louise who is so pretty, and to meet Jen Paltrow who was visiting all the way from Scotland.

Thai dinner in Brick Lane: l-r: Sue (me), Jen, Kay, Susan, Irene, Linda, Rachel, Helen. Tasty!

We popped into Monty’s further up Brick Lane for a nightcap - they do good cocktails - before heading back home as best we could since the Underground was settling into a strike. It’s always good to have an evening out, especially with such good company. I’m sad I’ve missed a few of these Brick Lane jaunts recently, but you can’t be everywhere.

I’m hoping there’ll be another West End Sunday lunch towards the end of February.

Sue x